闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S01E01

Part 6 April 6, 2021, 9:54 a.m.

我的天哪
Jesus Christ.
-对不起 -你身上是不是精♥液♥
- I'm sorry. - Is your skin crawling?
-现在就是这样了吗 -这不是你的错
- Is that what it's like now? - It's not your fault.
你身上有精♥液♥吗
That your skin is crawling?
我们去跟婚姻咨♥询♥师预约吧
Let's just make an appointment with the shrink.
没有医生我们就没法交谈了吗
We can't talk without a doctor?
不我只是不想
No, I just don't want...
说些没法反悔的话
to say anything that we can't take back.
为什么不
Why not?
你不想做是因为就是不想
Are you fighting for this because it's what you want
还是因为你就是不愿承认你输了
or because you just can't admit that you failed?
-这不公平 -不你是知心妈妈
- That is not fair. - No, you're the answer lady.
卖♥♥着那一本本答案卖♥♥着你的美满家庭
You sell answers. Great family.
我没有
I do not sell.
-谁又想要你的答案 -我写的是
- And who's gonna want your answers? - I write
我爱过的人我爱过我们一家人
about things I loved. I loved us.
去你的还有你用的过去时态
Screw you and your past tense.
我们结束了彻底没戏了
We're done. We're over.
然后呢分居
And then what? Two houses?
孩子们来来回♥回♥轮着住离婚律师各种烦
Kids shuttling back and forth? Lawyers?
我不想过那样的生活
I don't want that life.
太糟了你睡你的床
Well, too bad. You made your bed.
别这样我现在就在这儿
No, don't put this on me because I'm right here.
你身上还有干了的精♥液♥ 艾比
With your skin crawling, Abby.
杰克你身上没有吗
Well, Jake, and yours not?
你就算有借口
You could not have gotten out of here
也不会立马拍屁♥股♥走人
fast enough once you had an excuse,
为了什么你想要什么那些昂贵的裤子
and for what? What did you want? Those stupid jeans?
-那该死的车还有... -去你的
- That stupid car and all the... - Screw you.
男士美容
Manscaping?
还是那些嫩♥逼♥让你欲罢不能
Or is it just all the new pussy making you crazy?
是这老逼要逼疯我了
Oh, it's the old pussy.
-艾比 -不
- Hey, Abby. - No.
-别 -你不准那样说我
- Come on. - You don't get to say that.
-好 -不
- Yeah. - No.
艾比求你了艾比
Abby, please. Abby.
你们在干什么
What are you doing?
妈咪
Mommy.
回你们房♥间去
Go back to your room.
我知道你们在闹离婚
I know you guys are getting a divorce.
我们没有在闹离婚
We're not getting a divorce.
艾比我们是在闹
Abby, yes, we are.
我们不会再骗你们了
We're not lying to you anymore.
离婚是什么
What's a divorce?
妈妈我不是傻瓜
Mom, I'm not an idiot.
爸爸都不住家里了
Dad doesn't even live here anymore.
莉莉你为什么都不说出来
Lilly. Why didn't you say anything?
我不知道妈妈
I don't know, mom.
我觉得也许该你来说
I thought maybe that'd be your job.
你是戴着我的耳环吗
And are you wearing my earrings?
我的天
Oh, my God.
莉莉
Lilly.
莉莉
Lilly.
是你的小♥弟♥弟♥
It's your penis.
这不是小♥弟♥弟♥ 宝贝
It's not a penis, honey.
小♥弟♥弟♥ 小♥弟♥弟♥ 小♥弟♥弟♥
Penis, penis, penis.
-妈妈 -怎么了宝贝
- Mom? - Yeah, baby.
明年到我做展示的时候
Next year when I'm a special person,
你和爸爸都会来吗
will you and Daddy both come,
还是我得做两次
or will I have to do it twice?
不一次就行了
No, just once, and
我和爸爸还会陪你一起做很多事的我保证
daddy and I will still do lots of stuff with you. Okay? Promise.
好拜拜妈妈放学见爱你
Okay, bye, Mom. I'll see you after school. I love you.
我也爱你开心上学去吧
I love you too. Have a good day.
跟我谈谈好吗
Come to talk to me, please?
我以为我们可以这样维持现状但是
I thought we were keeping it together, but,
现在结束了杰克说他今天要找律师了
it's over. Jake said he's calling a lawyer today.
-该死 -是啊
- Shit. - Yeah.
-艾比 -怎么
- Abby. - Yeah.
他说找律师并不意味着真会去找
That doesn't mean he really will.
你想让我去跟他谈谈吗
You want me to go talk to him?
不麦克斯事已至此我们没戏了
No. Max, it's done. He's gone.
他正在跟什么演员搞在一起
He's banging some actress.
CW台的贝卡·莱利
Becca Riley from the CW.
他搞上了贝卡·莱利
He's banging Becca Riley?
抱歉抱歉
Sorry. Sorry.
天哪今天我在邦诺书店还有签售会呢
Oh, my God. I got my book signing at Barnes & Noble today.
我要怎么把书卖♥♥出去啊
How am I gonna sell?
我就是个骗子糟糕的谎话精
I'm a liar, awful, pants on fire.
你要放弃了才是真正的骗子
You're only a liar if you give up.
糟心事常有但是我们要坚持
Shit happens, but you don't leave.
这是我们的责任
That's what we all signed up for.
-这就是婚姻 -但是事情没有那么简单
- That's marriage. - But it's not always that simple.
应该是我不明白吧
I guess I don't understand.
又不是说有人被车撞了
It's not like anybody was getting hit or
或者是酗酒什么的
was an alcoholic or anything.
很遗憾我没有被车撞我知道你很难理解
I'm so sorry I didn't get hit. I realize that's hard for you.
什么艾比不要这样
What? Abby, no, don't. Don't.
艾比我不是那个意思
Abby, I didn't mean it that way.
我真不是那个意思
I didn't mean it that way.
她回来了
《闺蜜指南》系列新作
-找到你了 -我收到你的短♥信♥了
- There you are. - I got your text.
-你没事吧 -就是妆花了
- Are you okay? - Just my makeup
-我还得出去卖♥♥书 -来抱抱
- and having to sell books. - Oh, no. Come here.
-孩子们知道了莉莉知道了 -来抱抱
- Kids know. Lilly knew. - Come here.
杰克想提出离婚
Jake wants to file,
我跟一个帅哥上♥床♥了
and I had sex with some hot guy.
你个小荡♥妇♥
You little dog.
上♥床♥的时候我喊了杰克的名字
And then I yell out Jake's name.
我当时闭着眼睛
You know, I closed my eyes,
就好像听到杰克的鬼魂在喊
and it was like the ghost of Jake yelling,
"摸我的蛋蛋摸我的蛋蛋"
"Touch my balls. Touch my balls."
见到新蛋蛋会让人怀旧嘛
Yeah, but, you know, new balls make us nostalgic, you know.
-你也是凡人嘛 -然后那孩子就跟我说
- You're only human. - And then the kid was like,
我们在一起吧我们一起做饭
let's hang, and let's cook.
不错啊
That's nice.
-糟透了 -两个家
- That's awful. - Two houses.
-一切都是两份 -先不要想那么多
- Two of everything. - Don't get ahead of yourself.
-冷静你需要什么 -我无法呼吸了
- Take it easy. What do you need? - I can't breathe.
-我有安定氯硝西泮 -天哪
- I have Ativan, Klonopin. - Oh, my God,
-我无法呼吸了 -双氧吗♥啡♥ 维克都多
- I can't breathe. - Dilaudid. I have Vico-doodles.
-你说了算 -好
- You pick. - Okay.
天哪
God.
好很好很好有水吗
Good, good, good, good. Do you have water?
-张嘴 -好
- You ready? - Okay.
-喝口水 -好了
- Here you go. - You're okay.
今天我们很荣幸能请到她
And so it's such a treat to have her here.
有请
Please welcome the author
《闺蜜指南》作者帮你重回最佳状态
of The Girlfriends' Guide to getting your groove back.
让你学会怎样
How to love your husband
既保持清醒又深爱自己的丈夫和家人
and your family without losing your mind,
艾比·麦卡锡
Abby McCarthy.
谢谢
Thank you.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
我...我想...
I just... I want to...
其实我真的想感谢我伟大的朋友们
I want to actually really thank my incredible friends.
她们太棒了
So gorgeous.
我们很亲密还有...
We are very close, and, you know...
菲比给我们看了她的咪♥咪♥
Phoebe showed us her boobs.
所以我们才变亲了
That makes us close.