闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S01E02

Part 1 April 6, 2021, 9:54 a.m.

《闺蜜离婚指南》前情提要
Previously on girlfriends' guide to divorce...
签售会杰克得到场
Jake needs to be at the book signing.
他去了统一战线卖♥♥书养家
He does. United front sells books.
你跟杰克是怎么了
What's going on with you and Jake?
-我们都在冷静 -这味儿是哪个婊♥子♥的
- We are taking a break. - You smell like sex.
贝卡·莱利
他跟贝卡·莱利搞上了
He's banging Becca Riley?
是可以但你没有走
Happens, but you don't leave.
并非都那么简单
It's not always that simple.
我想我不明白
I guess I don't understand.
他发现了我跟别人发的这些邮件
He found these emails between me and someone else.
是他吗
Was it him?
告诉你不是那样的了
I told you it wasn't like that.
我知道你们在闹离婚
I know you guys are getting a divorce.
我们没有在闹离婚
We're not getting a divorce.
艾比是的我们是在闹
Abby, yes, we are.
我要做的就是证明他不合适
All I need to do is prove him unfit,
孩子就会判给我
then I get the kids,
他就没法靠孩子的赡养费过活
and he can't live off the child support.
我记得你把我的钱全都给了女调♥教♥师
I remember you hemorrhaging my money to a dominatrix.
我没有放弃是你放弃了
I didn't give up. You did.
我想举报一起酒驾
I would like to report a drunk driver.
你需要些感动艾比
You need to be touched, Abby.
这才是朋友的意义
That's what friends are for.
有请艾比·麦卡锡
Please welcome Abby McCarthy.
我写的时候是相信的
I believed it all when I wrote it,
但现在我觉得真♥他♥妈♥扯淡
but now I think, what a pile of horse.
我并非想要卖♥♥给你们这么一本谎言
And I wasn't trying to sell you a lie.
有时候我看着我熟睡的丈夫
There were times when I would watch my husband sleeping,
就会想...
and I would think...
你要是死了就好了
If you would just die, it'd be so much easier.
今日话题直到死亡将你我分离
艾比·麦卡锡希望他丈夫死掉
-胡达 -我知道
- Wow, Hoda. - I know.
-艾比·麦卡锡是或曾经是... -没错
- Abby McCarthy is, or was... - Yeah.
女性读物市场不可撼动的
one of the two untouchable authors
-两位畅销作者之一对吧 -当然是
- in the mommy book biz, right? - She sure was.
什么最值得期待当然是《闺蜜指南》
What to expect and, of course, the Girlfriends' Guide.
-但现在呢 -我的天哪
- But now? - Oh, my God.
-想要丈夫赶紧死了 -真的吗
- Wanting your husband dead? - Really.
我们时不时都会这么想
Well, we all think it at times.
-什么 -是的我们当然会
- What? - Yes, of course we do.
-你会这么想 -我们当然会
- You do? - Of course we do.
要是你结婚够久了就会
If you're married long enough.
但重点在于你不应该说出来
But the point is, you're not supposed to say it.
现在她说出来了
Now she's said it.
我说
Hey, you.
但愿你没有被困在自我怨恨的泥沼中
I hope you're not wallowing and steeping in self-loathing.
我刚在《今日秀》上见证了我职业生涯的葬礼
I just watched my career funeral on the Today Show.
早跟你说了不要那样了别看了
I told you not to do that. Don't do that.
它就在那儿在电视上瞪着我
It was just there, glaring at me on the TV.
别看了把电视关掉好吗
Stop. Just turn it off, okay?
也不要去看评论我去...
And don't read the comments. Mother--
什么评论在哪
What comments? Where?
没什么什么都没有
None. There's none.
没有什么评论什么都没有
There's no comments. There's no comm--there is none.
-我的天哪 -拜托别看了
- Oh, my God. - Please stop.
说真的杰克呢你一个人吗
Honestly, where's Jake? Are you by yourself?
他还在楼下沙发上吗
Is he downstairs on the couch, still?
我跟你说了他出去过夜了
I told you that he ran out of places to crash,
现在孩子们都知道了没关系
and now the kids know, it doesn't matter.
那我们打给他的女朋友
How about we call his girlfriend
还有其他能让你战斗力飞速提升的人
and anybody else that's gonna raise your stress level
把她们都弄过来决斗一番
and have them on the couch too?
我们正试着支持彼此
We are trying to be supportive of each other.
不会把你的孩子们变成连环杀手的离婚
The only divorce that doesn't turn your kids
就只有好的离...我去
into serial killers is a good div--whoa.
怎么了
What, what?
凯莉·蕾帕[脱口秀主持人]刚发推说
Kelly Ripa just tweeted, "Stunned.
"太震惊了艾比·麦卡锡还上过我们节目
We had Abby Mccarthy on our show,
她看上去适应得挺好的"
and she seemed pretty well-adjusted."
艾比盖尔·苏珊娜·麦卡锡
Abigail Shoshana McCarthy,
把手♥机♥放下
Put the phone down.
马上放下
Put it down. Now.
放下了放下了
It is down. It is down.
好现在我要去跟我孩子们闹去了
Okay, now I'm gonna wrangle my boys,
开始这一天
start the day.
你也要开始你的一天了去冲个凉
You are gonna do the same. You're gonna take a shower.
穿好衣服让胡达和公♥司♥看看
You're gonna get dressed, and you're gonna show
你有多棒
Hoda and company how awesome you are.
因为你是最棒的他们可没法打败你
'Cause you're number one, and they can't keep you down.
你可是铁打的
You're Teflon.
特氟龙杜邦公♥司♥高♥强♥度涂料
好
Okay.
好的我爱你
All right, I love you.
今天早上
You were gonna take the kids
你得送孩子们去上学还记得吗
to school this morning, remember?
-我要去见我的编辑 -好
- I have that meeting with my editor. - Okay.
-我们得... -我这就起来
- And we're gonna.. - I'm up.
-帮你去看♥房♥♥ 好 -我起来了
- check out that place for you today. Okay. - I'm up.
莉莉查理早餐五分钟后好
Lilly, Charlie? Breakfast in five.
卡特今天出去了
Cat's out today,
但她想要你见见这位厉害的新编辑
but there's a fabulous new editor she wants you to meet.
卡特出去了
Cat's out?
卡特做我编辑有十五年了
Cat has been my editor for 15 years.
我知道但梅利莎很棒而且...
I know, but Melissa's fantastic and--
艾比
Abby.
-你好 -见到你真是太高兴了
- Hi. - I am so excited to meet you.
谢谢
Thank you.
我是来见卡特的凯瑟琳
Uh, I just--I was supposed to meet Cat. Catherine.
她给你发了XOXO
And she sends you hugs and kisses,
不过被叫去参加一个重要会议了
but she got called away for some big meeting.
你懂的
You know how it is.
-当然 -请进
- Sure. - Come on in.
显然我们有麻烦了
So, obviously, we have a situation.
是啊我知道昨天糟糕透了
Yeah, I know, and I was having a really bad day.
我的天我太能理解你了
Oh, my God, I so understand.
-没错 -就是会有这种事
- Right. - It happens.
事实是大家对你期望很高
The thing is, people have a perception of you,
还有这个品牌
of the brand.
没错我想着我们可以利用签售会
Yes, right, and I was thinking that we'd use the book tour
来解释我要说的不是那个意思
to explain that I didn't actually mean what I said,
我只是太过情绪化
that I was just very emotional,
我想许多女人都会遇到这样的情况
which I think a lot of women can relate to.
非常赞同
Agreed, agreed, agreed.
除了没有签售会了
Except, um, there is no book tour.
有的还有十一个城市没去呢
Yes, there is. I have 11 more cities.
那是之前
Had.
邦诺书店取消了剩下的日程
Barnes & Noble canceled the rest of the dates.
他们不能卖♥♥作者自己都不相信的书
They can't sell a book the author doesn't believe in.
但我是相信我自己写的书的
But I do believe in my book.
只是因为我自己的婚姻...
Just because my own marriage--
你说你想杀了你丈夫
You said you wanted to kill your husband.
我可没那么说
I did not say that.
也差不多了
Well, close enough.
该死
Shit.
去康复中心怎么样可以考虑吗
How about rehab? Would you consider rehab?
康复中心
Rehab?
我又不喝酒又不吸毒的
I don't have that kind of a problem.
你当然没有但那地方谁都能去
Of course not, but those places will take anybody.
我们发篇新闻稿说你在接受治疗
We send out a press release, you're getting treatment.
你就得到原谅了