闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S01E03

Part 1 April 6, 2021, 9:54 a.m.

《闺蜜离婚指南》前情提要
Previously on Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce...
没有签售会了
There is no book tour.
邦诺书店不能卖♥♥
Barnes & noble can't sell a book
作者自己都不相信的书
the author doesn't believe in.
我觉得我们应该选树林对面那个房♥子
I think we should take the place across from the grove.
孩子们会喜欢的
The kids will love that.
-那可要四千五一个月 -我知道
- It's $4,500 a month. - I know.
-和房♥贷比起来... -我知道
- Between that and the mortgage-- - I know.
其实我的离婚律师超级棒
My divorce attorney is actually great.
别让她去找迪莉娅
Don't tell her to call Delia.
调解员都是骗子
Mediators are jackals.
他们总宣传着"完美离婚"的理念
They prey on the idea of "A Good Divorce."
要知道现在我要是吻你的话
You know, if I finally got to kiss you now,
要内疚的只是我
I would be the only one that would have to be guilty.
内特你结婚了
Nate, you are married,
所以我才内疚
and that makes me guilty.
这卡也被停用了
This card was declined too.
你是为了伤人而且不仅伤害我
You play to hurt, and not just me,
还伤害了斯潘塞和艾瑞克
Spencer and Eric too.
-我要上诉索要抚养权 -什么
- I'm gonna sue for full custody. - What?
-那是什么 -爸爸给我的
- What's that? - Dad gave it to me.
他说我说不定某一天能见到她
He says one day I might even be able to meet her.
-那就是杰克的贝卡 -确实是贝卡
- It's Jake's Becca. - That is Becca.
我想孩子们会很喜欢住在帕拉迪索的
I think the kids are gonna love staying at the Paradiso.
杰克告诉我今天他已经签了租约
Jake told me he signed the lease today.
我正准备一到家就告诉你
I was gonna tell you as soon as I came home.
我要你现在就给我搬出去
I just want you out today,
我还建议你雇个律师因为我找好了
and I suggest you hire a lawyer, because I have.
我早有了
I already have.
操...糖
Oh, shi...ugar.
糖
Sugar.
-早啊 -爸爸
- Hey. - Dad!
妈咪刚刚说操字了
Mommy just said shit.
-真的吗 -才没有我说的是糖
- Really? - No, I did not. I said "Sugar"
都怪你说要修还没修好的窗户
because of the window that you said you would fix.
莉莉你♥爸♥来了
Lilly, Dad's here.
我们要去你的新家吗
Are we going to your new place now?
不我们去上学
No, we're going to school now,
等到晚上咱们再去那儿好好探险一番
and then tonight, that is when the adventure begins.
Xbox你装好了吗
Did you get the Xbox hooked up?
Xbox我装好了吗
Did I get the Xbox hooked up?
有不会飞的超人吗
Does superman fly?
有不会飞檐走壁的蜘蛛侠吗
Does spider-man do spider-man-y things?
超级英雄说真的那窗户
Superhero, seriously, the window.
差点把我手指弄断
It almost took my finger off.
你说你会修好的
You said you'd fix it.
我最近有点忙你知道的要搬家
I've been a little busy, you know, moving.
能叫莉莉下来吗
Can we get Lilly please?
你♥爸♥来了
Dad's here.
-告诉我为什么 -什么为什么
- Just tell me why. - Why what?
为什么你们闹离婚非要毁了我的生活
Why your divorce has to ruin my life.
赠莉莉爱你的贝卡喔
早上好亲爱的
Hey. Good morning, sunshine.
她今天想跟几个朋友去看逆转乐队的演唱会
She wanted to go to a Kickback today with some friends.
-逆什么 -我不知道
- A Kick-what? - I don't know.
她哪天晚上去都行
Okay, well, she can do that any night of the week,
但今晚她得来我这玩到尽兴
but tonight, she's gonna be having fun.
她一定会玩得相当开心
She's gonna be having so much fun
开心到你们都受不了对吧
that you guys'll wish you had less fun, right?
-没错 -好去找姐姐吧
- Right. - Okay. Go find your sister.
所以你们今晚要玩什么会那么开心
So what are you doing tonight that's so much fun?
当然是嫖♥娼♥咯还用说
Hookers and blow, obviously.
用说
Obviously.
贝卡·莱利不会过来如果你想问的是这个
Becca Riley's not coming over, if that's what you're asking.
要知道我们有约定的
I--well, you know, we just had an agreement, and--
我知道规矩
Yes, I know the rules.
不能刻意花钱讨好孩子
Don't try to buy the kids' affections.
不能严厉地批评彼此
Don't trash the other person.
不要去约所谓的重要的人
No meeting significant others
除非他们真的很重要了
till they're actually significant.
-我都懂的 -那窗户呢
- I got it. - And what about the window?
对哦你最好在它弄断你根手指之前修好它
Yeah, you should fix that before you lose a finger.
天哪我刚找到根手指
Oh, my God, I just found a finger.
真混♥蛋♥
What a dick move.
可不不就修个破窗户
Yeah. Just fix the damn window.
说到这里
Now, having said that,
就得说到电动工具的的好处了
let me speak to the advantages of power tools.
-什么也不要说 -好
- Don't say anything. - Okay.
去家得宝买♥♥把电钻自己修
Go to Home Depot. Get a drill. Use it.
不会让你变成拉拉的
It won't make you a lesbian,
-她绝对不是... -就算真让你变拉拉了
- She is definitely - and if it did,
-拉拉 -那就更好了
- not a lesbian. - so much the better.
我们可以打包票
We have covered that.
我特别高兴杰克终于
Well, I'm just glad that Jake has finally
从家里搬出去了
moved out of the house.
再也不用忍♥受他自大地斜眼看我
I don't have to deal with his snotty little side glances
也不用再听他
and listen to him chewing
像家畜那样嚼他那卡士麦片了
his little Kashi cereal like a farm animal.
大早上也闻不到男人香了
Or the sweet smell of man-gas in the morning.
-那是我的最爱 -或是呼吸的声音
- That's my favorite. - Or the sound of breathing.
就是普通的呼吸声
Just general breathing.
他已经走了
He's gone.
我自♥由♥了
I'm free.
那内特呢已婚的内特
So what about Nate? Married Nate?
他还想要跟你在一起吗
Is he still trying to get with you?
我想我彻底把他吓跑了
I think I sufficiently scared him off.
话说
Here's something.
今天下午
This afternoon,
我要去勾搭我的潜在客户巴里·加克了
I shall be dazzling potential client Barry Juck.
等等加克制片人加克吗
Wait. Juck--Producer Juck?
还可能跟他在Soho的自助拍照机里边做♥爱♥
Might have had sex with him in the photo booth at the Soho.
烂片超级烂
Terrible movies. Terrible.
天哪他的电影太烂了
God, his movies are awful.
是什么来着《土豆怪兽》吗
What is it, Monster Mash?
事实上《怪物大♥师♥6》就要出了
Actually, Master Monster Six is coming out.
-对是《怪物大♥师♥》 -真可怕
- Master Monster. - Horrible.
我的天
Oh, my God.
接着喜极而泣我要开讲了
And then, tears of joy, story time.
什么你竟然自愿去学校
What? Are you volunteering at school?
这可是头一遭啊
That's--that is a first.
丹想争取主要抚养权
Dan is going for primary custody,
所以我要多花点时间和孩子们好好在一起
so I need to put in some serious face time with the kids,
我会喜欢这样子的该死
and I'm gonna like it, damn it.
说不定你还真会喜欢
Maybe you will like it.
我认识你吗
Have we met?
在下莱拉·斯特瑞
Lyla Straley.
不我喜欢我的孩子
No, I like my kids,
但我觉得应该只是因为他们遗传了我的基因
but I think that might be a genetic trick.
其他的全是熊孩子无意冒犯
The rest are vermin. No offense.
不介意
None taken.
快看快看
So check it out.
-谢谢你 -不客气
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
这胸隆得可真高
Holy high tit job.
黛娜·布鲁克斯就长了这么一对
Danna Brooks grew a pair.
马尔博医生最棒了
Dr. Marber.
你再敢说一次那个名字
You say that name one more time,
说真的我要活动活动筋骨了
and honestly, knuckle supper.
-我知道 -我不行
- I know. - No, I can't.
-太过了 -我只是说说
- So high. - I'm just saying.
-我不可能这样 -我只是说说
- I can't have it. - I'm just saying.