闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S01E01

Part 3 April 6, 2021, 9:54 a.m.

我的天
Oh, my God.
真是... 谢谢啦
Wow, that is... Thank you.
四只一样的胸真是壮观
Four matching boobs. They are gorgeous.
我的毛孔呢看起来像半机器人一样
Where are my pores? I look like a cyborg.
这不好吗
I know, isn't it great?
这只是为了签售会做的
Look, it's just for the book tour stuff, you know.
好吧就这样吧机器人
Fine, just go with it. Android.
现在我们接到媒体要求你们全家出席
Oh, now, we're getting media requests for the whole family
-菲尔博士 -不行
- together, you know, Dr. Phil. - No.
-奥兹博士 -不行
- Dr. Oz. - No.
-随便什么博士 -不不行
- Any of the doctors? - No, no.
-我不想让孩子们上镜 -为什么不想
- I don't want the kids on television. - Why not?
你写了他们的故事
I mean, you wrote about them.
你的读者们觉得他们很了解你
Your readers feel like they know you,
觉得他们是看着你的孩子们长大的
like they've watched your kids growing up.
那只是在他们的想象中
In their imaginations.
现实中你见过我女儿吗
Reality, have you seen my daughter?
她是个轻盈又美妙的女孩子
She's all lithe and gorgeous.
她就是那种就差
She's, like, a minute away from
汤姆·克鲁斯的人没请她
Cruise's guy asking her
去做汤姆的下一个童养媳了
to be Tom's next child bride.
那就你和杰克吧
Just you and Jake then.
他没有孩子们那么讨喜但也只能这样了
He's not as cute as the kids, but I'll take what I can get.
我们推销的不是你一个人
You know, it's not just you that we're selling.
-而是整个家庭 -他很忙
- It's the whole family. - He's very busy.
忙什么
Doing what?
他在为导演一首独♥立♥音乐作品做准备
He is prepping an indie that he is going to direct.
这儿的服务员也是呢
So is our waiter.
让他到场别找借口
Look, tell him he's coming, no excuses.
好吧
Sure.
-你们还好吧 -我没事
- Everything okay? - I'm fine.
我会转告他的我会转告他的
I'll tell him. I'll tell him.
我不是不在乎只是现在没工夫在乎
It's not that I don't care. I just don't care right now.
-明白吗我得走了 -好的
- All right? I got to go. - Okay.
-你也走吧 -好
- You're going. - All right.
-好的宝贝 -再见
- All right, baby. - Bye.
邦诺书店见你和杰克一起来
See you and Jake, Barnes & Noble,
我会让媒体到场
I'll have the press there,
做些采访拍些秀恩爱的合照
do a couple of interviews, a couple of happy snaps.
-小菜一碟 -是啊
- Easy peasy. - Yeah.
你看起来很棒
You look great.
再见卡特谢谢你
Bye, Cat. Thank you.
亲爱的再见
Bye, darling.
容易个头
Easy peasy.
卡特说签售会杰克得到场
Cat said that Jake needs to be at the book signing.
的确你俩一起出席能促进销量
He does. United front sells books,
要是他不在场会有损你的品牌
you know. If he's not there, it hurts the brand.
杰克才不在乎我的品牌
Jake doesn't care about the brand
再说我都说他猥亵儿童了
and besides I basically called him a child molester.
那又怎么样你知道吗那些人
So what? You know what? These guys,
根本不会着眼于大局
they don't see the big picture.
这是为你财政上的未来做打算
This is about your financial future.
为了你莉莉和查理这很重要
You, Lilly, Charlie. This is important.
应该是丹来了
Oh, there's Dan.
来谈钱的事
He's gonna want to talk about money,
我跟你保证那些人都这样
I can guarantee you, these guys.
-回头打给我 -再见
- Call me after. - Bye.
珀皮是门铃我知道甜心
Yes, Poppy. Yes, it's a doorbell. I know, sweet pea.
我知道我知道
I know, I know, I know.
我想死你们了
Hi. I missed you.
快过来我想死你们了
Get over here. I missed you so much.
我知道
I know ouch.
你们的房♥间里有惊喜噢
There are surprises in your rooms if you go into your rooms.
谢谢你胡妮塔
Thank you, Juanita.
别这样不需要每次回个家就送他们礼物
Don't do that. They don't need surprises just for coming home.
他们很需要你给艾瑞克吃了什么
Yes, they do. What are you feeding Eric?
-他的胸部都变大了 -他才没有
- He's getting breasts. - No, he's not.
所以后来他们说要找一窝瓢虫
So they said get a bunch of ladybugs
因为他们要处理的是花♥园♥里的...
'cause it's supposed to take care of something in the gar...
还是蚜虫什么的...
aphids or something like that, like...
我想在你听到风言风语前先亲口告诉你
I wanted to tell you before you heard around,
我遇到了一个人
I met somebody.
我希望你们俩能在你的地牢里过上幸福的生活
Well, I hope you two will be very happy together in your dungeon.
她知道你的那些冒险吗
Does she know about your adventures?
那都结束了这段新感情我想认真对待
That's over. I just this new thing is getting serious.
等等你是说你要开始新的生活方式吗
Hang on. You told me you committed to a new lifestyle.
我想是的
I thought I did.
我想我只是
I think I just
跟你一起时太渴望被羞辱的感觉了
craved being humiliated when you and I were together.
你知道吗宝贝我一个人做了很多事
You know, I've done a lot of work on myself, babe,
如果你记得的话
and if you remember,
那些都是我觉得要和你一起做的事
it was work that I thought you and I should do together.
我只记得你把我的钱都给了个调♥教♥师
I remember you hemorrhaging my money to a dominatrix.
-是你给的 -不
- You did. - No.
你舔靴子的那一刻就放弃了一切宝贝
You gave up when you licked the boot, babe.
胡妮塔菜做太多了
Juanita has made too much food.
你想留下来跟我和孩子们一起吃吗
Would you like to eat with me and the boys?
好啊
Yeah.
你太有激♥情♥了
You are so competitive.
这是我们俩之间的秘密
Okay, that stays between us.
我觉得咱俩临别前是该好好爽一爽
I think we deserve one for the road.
好的
Good.
别再给艾瑞克吃鸡块了
No more chicken nuggets for Eric.
好的明天打给你
Right. Call you tomorrow.
好的
Okay.
你好我想举报一起酒驾
Hi. Yes, I would like to report a drunk driver.
不是吧
Oh, no.
搞定他了
麦克斯叔叔
Hi, uncle Max.
-福特 -洛根洛根
- Hi, Ford. - Logan, Logan.
我们又迟到了
We're late again.
这是查理的展示日我们得快进去
It's Charlie's special day, so we have to get into school.
爸爸把这个朝里拿别让别人看见
Dad, carry this inward, so nobody can see it.
好的去吧到里面去吧
All right, go ahead. All right, come on inside.
-麦克斯 -去吧去吧
- Max. - Go ahead. Go ahead.
-爸爸要朝里拿 -我知道
- Dad, inward. - I got it.
我去把孩子们送进去你看上去美极了
I'll take the boys in. You look spectacular...
-谢谢 -一如既往的美
- Thank you. - As always.
你能不能跟我老公说一下
Will you please tell my husband
不该穿个睡裤就来送孩子
pajama pants are not acceptable drop-off wear?
你是想让我在车里等着
Oh, do you want me to wait in the car,
这样就不会丢你的脸吗
so you won't be embarrassed or...
-别这样 -好吧
- Please. - Okay.
走吧
Come on.
走吧伙计别迟到了
Let's go, buddy, we don't want to be late.
你跟杰克怎么了我听到一些谣言
What's going on with you and Jake? I'm hearing rumors.
你知道我们一直在进行婚姻咨♥询♥
You know that we've been in therapy.
我们现在暂时分开了
Well, we are taking a break.
天哪艾比
Jesus, Abby.
我就知道你俩出了问题
Well, I knew you guys were having problems.
你为什么都不告诉我
Why didn't you tell me?
因为我们想保守这个秘密
Because we're trying to keep it a secret.
跟你的新闺蜜们混在一起可没什么帮助
Well, hanging out with your new girlfriends isn't helping.
菲比和莱拉吗她们怎么了
Phoebe and Lyla. What about it?
艾比她们简直是离婚的海报女郎
Oh, come on, Abby, they're the poster models for divorce.
你记不记得我们还嘲笑过她们的整形手术啊
We used to mock them, remember, with their surgeries
身材啊还有她们的凯格尔健肌法
and their outfits and their Kegels.
女性轮番紧缩放松阴♥部♥肌肉的练习
当时是我对她们有偏见
Well, I was wrong about them,
她们一直都在支持着我
and they've really been there for me.
那是因为她们都离婚了
That's because they got divorced.