废柴联盟（2009）

Community S06E03

Part 2 Oct. 19, 2020, 1:10 p.m.

What's going on in here?
这里是什么情况
Situation room.
战情室
What's the situation?
什么战情
Brenda's got a bad thyroid.
布兰达甲状腺不好了
I'm sorry to hear that.
很遗憾听到这个消息
You can keep the pants.
裤子你留着吧
I'm going back to bed.
我回去睡了
I'm going with him.
我跟他一起走
I'm gonna watch.
我去看着
Got it.
拿到了
Downloading it now.
下载中
You work hard to earn your degree,
你努力学习以获得学位
and your school should work hard to make that degree valuable.
你的学校应该努力让这个学位变得有价值
So, why is Greendale Community College giving degrees to dogs?
那为何格林德尔社区大学将学位颁发给狗
In 2001, a Staffordshire terrier mix named Ruffles
2001年一只名为来福的斯塔福德犬
took up residence on Greendale's campus.
在格林德尔校园安营扎寨
By 2008, Ruffles had earned a Bachelor's Degree.
2008年来福已经获得了一个学士学位
Not a two year degree, a four year degree.
不是两年学位而是四年学位
Where will you get your degree?
你会在哪里取得你的学位
If the answer is Greendale,
如果答案是格林德尔
prepare to get boned.
准备好啃骨头吧[被♥操♥翻]
Paid for by City College, license 26♥4♥392.
城市学院出资许可证26♥4♥392
Did we give a degree to a dog?
我们有没有给狗学位
Oh my God! Oh my God!
天啊天啊
Okay, it's okay, it's all right.
没事没事的
So, this is Greendale, not City College?
所以这就是格林德尔不是城市学院
I'm gonna get more pants.
我去找条裤子
They've been calling me in to do more stuff lately.
他们现在常常叫我来干活
It's pretty exciting.
相当高兴
Well trust me, we'll be lucky if we get in three words before.
相信我最多我们只能得到三个字...
The first step is to pull our facts.
第一步是找到事实
The most important one being, Dean Pelton.
最重要的一环是派尔顿院长
Did Greendale Community College give a degree to a dog?
格林德尔社区大学到底有没有给过狗学位
I seem to recall, no.
我好像记得没有
No way. There's absolutely no way.
不可能绝对不可能
Not that dog.
不是那只狗
That dog? You remember the dog.
那只狗你终于想起狗的事儿了
Was it enrolled in classes?
它有没有参加过什么课程
How are these hard questions?
这问题有什么难回答的
Why, are these the questions you're asking?
你为什么问这些问题
You don't wanna know, if a dog got a degree here?
你不想知道有没有给过狗学位吗
It's not important.
这不重要
What I wanna know is, did a dog get a degree here,
我想知道的是有没有证据能证明
in any way that can be proven?
这里给过狗学位
Ooh, I like that, Jeffrey.
这种说法我喜欢杰夫瑞
I don't like that!
我不喜欢
I like the truth.
我喜欢真♥相♥
Play lawyer on your own time.
没人的时候再扮律师玩
This is my own time.
现在就是我的私人时间
You wanna be invested?
你不是想出点力吗
Well, this dump cuts my paychecks,
那个鬼广♥告♥会害我降工资
and I've got three hours to defend it.
我就剩三小时去维♥权♥了
So, how many seconds of that should I waste on truth,
我怎么能把时间浪费在什么真♥相♥上
which is an artificial construct
真♥相♥不过就是一种
that rarely holds up in court,
在法庭上基本站不住脚的虚伪概念
and has never changed the outcome of a fight.
对于争议结果也没有一丝作用
I'm sorry you have to see him like this.
抱歉让你目睹到某人这么丑恶的一面
Well, he is right about one thing,
他也有一件事说对了
if City College can't support their claim,
如果城市学院无法证明自己说的话
it's libel, we can have the station pull the ad,
那就是诽谤我们可以让电台撤下广♥告♥
but that is precisely why the truth does matter.
所以我们更要查出真♥相♥
The Brenda paradox.
布兰达悖论
I found the dog.
我找到那只狗了
I also found a lot of people's social security numbers.
还找到很多人的社保号♥
You know, this incident's gone to far.
这事已经闹大了
Yeah.
是啊
This says she's registered as a border terrier.
这上面说她是以伯德梗犬注册入学的
They said Staffordshire in the commercial.
广♥告♥里说的是斯塔福德犬
Isn't that something?
这不就是料吗
I mean we've known this animal 30 seconds
我们认识这畜生才半分钟
and she's already unreliable.
就已经知道她不靠谱了
Who is the real Ruffles?
谁才是真正的来福
I'm sorry.
打断一下
Our strategy is to go after the dog?
我们的对策就是抹黑那只狗吗
Our strategy is denial,
我们的对策就是否认
which includes discrediting the source.
其中包括降低消息源的可信度
Abed, can you make one of those attack ads?
阿布蒂你能做一段攻击广♥告♥吗
Jeff wants me to make me an attack ad.
杰夫是要把我做成攻击广♥告♥
So, why is he a pedophile?
那他为什么会有恋童癖
Just demonstrating the formula.
我在进行情节设置
You can refine your technique as you go.
你可以一边做一边琢磨
I wanna know everything about this Ruffles,
我要知道关于这个来福的一切
she thinks she went to this school, fine.
她以为自己在这里读过书行啊
But, maybe she thinks cat turds are delicious.
她说不定还觉得喵便便好吃呢
And maybe she barks just a little bit more, at black mailmen.
她说不定还会因为邮递员是黑人而多吠几声呢
And she's spayed now,
虽说她现在不能生育了
but how many puppies are out there?
但谁知道她撒过多少野种
If you do this, we're no better than City College.
你要这么做那咱和城市学院也是一路货色
We've never been better than City College.
我们本来就是一路货色
We gave a degree to a dog.
我们都给狗颁学位了
Allegedly. This conversation is privileged.
据说是这次会议内容一定要保密
I could do a Banksy style stencil of a dog,
我可以把班克斯风格的狗涂鸦
and spray paint it all over a school.
喷满整个校园
That sounds great!
真棒
But first, why don't you go get a bunch of coffee,
但不如你先找些咖啡
drink all of it, then go get some more and bring it back here.
喝光光后再弄一些带到这儿来
I actually love that idea.
我喜欢这主意
I'll go with her.
我和她一起
She's wearing my pants.
谁叫她穿着我的裤子呢
I know this is crazy,
我知道现在都疯了
but I'm gonna check the school records to see if,
我去档案处查查
you know, we gave a degree to a dog.
看看我们是不是真的给狗颁过学位
We didn't. That's good.
没有太好了
You guys go find that truth you love so much.
你们去找你们心爱的真♥相♥吧
If it's the kind. Kind we can use, bring it back.
如果我们能用得上马上带来
If not, you know, stuff gets lost.
如果不是就地销毁证据
No. No. Bad!
不要你个坏蛋
We are better than City College.
我们和城市学院不一样
We always have been.
一直如此
Which is why I know, that we did not give a degree to a dog.
所以我知道我们没有给狗颁过学位
I say we fight fire with fire.
要我说我们就该以毒攻毒
City College try to embarrass us?
城市学院想要羞辱我们
We should embarrass them, right? Right.
我们也要羞辱他们对不对对
I say I go to City College with a camera,
不如我带着摄像机潜进城市学院
shoot a really gross porno movie
拍一段不堪入目的小♥电♥影♥
on their campus and put it online.
然后放到网上去
Fine. Cool.
好啊妥了
Wait, what?
等等什么
It's very inspiring to watch you work.
看你工作的样子真有劲儿
You are inspiring, too.
你也激励着我
In what way?
怎么激励的
I need olives, can you bring me olives?
我想要橄榄能给我拿一些来吗
Not again.
又来啊
You did this a month ago.
一个月之前你就这么干过
Then I brought them to you, and you acted like you hated them.
可我给你的时候你却很不喜欢的样子
It's only my style to be secret,
这是我们之间的秘密
please bring me five can of olive.
请给我拿五罐橄榄来
Five cans?
五罐
But don't believe me if I say I don't like.
如果我说不喜欢别信我的
I'm just pretending I hate olives.
我只是假装不喜欢橄榄