副总统（2012）

Veep S03E10

Part 3 Oct. 12, 2020, 8:11 p.m.

What have I done to help?
你数都数不来你是在逗我玩吗
Oh, you... a million things. Are you kidding me?
就就是陪我到那里做你自己
You know, just being there, and... and being you...
那里总之很多事
there... and all...
- 女士准备好了吗 - 好了
- Ma'am, are we ready? - Er, yes.
你能把左手放在圣经上然后举起你的右手吗
Would you place your left hand on the Bible and raise your right hand?
我 Selina Catherine Meyer 谨庄严宣示
"I, Selina Catherine Meyer, do solemnly swear..."
我 Selina Catherine Meyer 谨庄严宣示
I, Selina Catherine Meyer, do solemnly swear...
我将忠实执行
"...that I will faithfully execute..."
我将忠实执行
that I will faithfully execute...
美♥利♥坚♥合众国总统职务
"...the office of President of the United States..."
美♥利♥坚♥合众国总统职务
the office of President of the United States...
也会竭尽全力
"...and will to the best of my ability..."
也会竭尽全力
and will to the best of my ability...
恪守维护保障和遵守
"...preserve, protect and defend the Constitution
美♥利♥坚♥合众国之宪法
of the United States..."
恪
- ...preser...
维护保障和遵守
protect and defend the Constitution
美
of the...
- 利坚合众国之宪法 - 以得上帝助佑
- ...United States... - "So help me, God."
以得上帝助佑
So help me, God.
恭喜您总统女士
Congratulations, Madam President.
非常感谢您首席法官大人
Thank you very much, Mr. Chief Justice.
谢谢
Thank you.
女士
Ma'am...?
Dan 你♥他♥妈♥搞什么鬼
Dan! What the fuck is this?
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
你把我安排到离西翼这么远的地方
You've got me buried so far into the West Wing,
我都以为自己是在平壤了
I'm practically in Pyongyang.
Jonah 你在白宫有工作了
Jonah, you have a job in the White House,
行不我们说好了
all right? That was the deal.
Dan 我公开谴责了互联网的存在
I publically denounced the Internet, Dan.
明白吗那都是支持我的人
Okay? Those are my people!
我现在都成网络攻击对象了
I'm getting so much online hate.
甚至都有人留言说要把我活活烧死
There are memes of me being burned alive.
- 哦哇 - 还有人弄了张我穿成本拉♥登♥的样子
- Ooh, wow. - There's one of me fuckin' a chicken
操小鸡的照片
while dressed as bin Laden.
被打扮成本拉♥登♥的到底是鸡还是你
The chicken is dressed as bin Laden or you're dressed as bin Laden?
是我穿成他的样子 Dan
No, I'm dressed as bin Laden, Dan!
而且做得相当的逼真
And it's really well done.
所以看起来真的像是我一边侮辱着911事件遇难家属
So it legitimately looks like I am engaging in bestiality
还一边操着小鸡
while insulting 9/11 victims.
这这真的是难为你了
Oh, wow. That is... that is tough.
我要新的交易条件
I want a new deal.
我要更接近你们的团队核心
I wanna get closer to the action.
我现在就像是个在A片现场做收音的那个人
I'm like a boom op on a porn shoot right now.
我很抱歉伙计但是你要明白
I'm sorry, man. But, you know...
我可不能让一个操小鸡的恐♥怖♥分♥子♥站在总统旁边
I can't have a terrorist chicken-fucker next to the president.
有安全隐患
Security risk.
- 女士 - 怎么了
- Hey, ma'am? - Yes?
你还记得那次在纽约你说过
Do you remember that time in New York when you said
如果真有一天当上总统的话你想穿上双特别的鞋
that if this day ever came, you'd wear those special shoes?
从那天开始我就准备好了
Well, I've had them ever since.
- 你还记得不 - 嗯
- Do you remember? - Uh...
呃当然我当然记得
Oh, uh... of course. Yes.
- 我太感动了 - 这真是太完美了
- That's so touching. - Isn't that cool?
你就像是我的白马王子
Oh, you're like Prince Charming.
最完美的女子在最美好的人生中
Perfect shoe for the perfect moment
最精彩的时刻穿上这双最亮眼的鞋
in the perfect life of a perfect woman.
就跟“危情十日”里的变♥态♥杀人狂似的
This is like Kathy Bates in "Misery."
绝世美鞋配绝世美
Beautiful shoe for a beautiful...
- 行了够了 - 好的
- Okay, that's enough, though. - Okay.
- 别紧张享受这次演讲 - 我会的
- Take it in. Enjoy the speech. - I will.
您一定会表现完美的
You're gonna be great.
太刺♥激♥了好像是场婚礼之类的
This is so exciting. It's like a wedding or something.
是啊只不过这次没有伴娘给我♥操♥
Yeah, except there's no bridesmaids to fuck.
- 我的天啊 - 听着就像她踩着用老鼠铺成的地毯走过去似的
- Oh, my God. - It's like she's walking on a carpet of mice.
我的天啊 Gary 那真♥他♥妈♥是鞋吗
Jesus Christ, Gary. Are those real shoes
还是是他妈用来给狗玩的玩具
or are those fucking dog toys?
这声听起来像是“惊魂记”的主题曲
Sounds like the theme from "Psycho."
我亲爱的美国同胞们
My fellow Americans.
- 今天我所做下的宣誓是神圣不可侵犯的 - 借过一下
- The oath I have taken today is a solemn one. - Excuse me, excuse me.
我站在你们和上帝面前
I stand before you, and before God...
呃
Ahem...
天啊你不该犯这种错的
Oh, my God, you know better than that.
不该犯这种错的
You know better than that.
呃
Ahem.
虽然我不是你们所推选出来的总统
You have not elected me as your president by your votes,
但我在这里请求你们
- but I ask that you accept me...
- 你有在刷推吗 - 真心的接纳我
- Are you seeing this on Twitter? - ...as your president...
- 在看了总统吱吱吱地走向全国人♥民♥ - 成为你们的总统
- Yup. "President squeaks to the nation." - ...in your hearts.
谢谢你们天佑美♥利♥坚♥合众国
Thank you, and God bless America.
女士实在是太棒了
Ma'am? That was amazing.
- 演讲太棒了 - 真的
- Amazing speech. - Yes, it was.
- 拿着这对天杀的烂鞋 - 好的
- Take these fucking shoes... - Yup.
- 拿去枪毙爆头直到死无全尸为止 - 知道了真的很抱歉
- ...and shoot 'em in the fucking head. - Yeah, I'm so sorry.
听到没有我现在是这个世界上最有权力的人
Okay? Now... I am the most powerful person in the world.
- 我说的对不 - 没错
- Is that correct? - Yes, ma'am.
从现在起搞砸任何一件事都不能算是小事了
Any fuckup from now on is not just a fuckup.
这些全都会被记入史册
It's my legacy.
懂了吗不要再搞糟了
Got it? No fuckups.
女士把Leslie Kerr从国会调走
Ma'am? Uh, taking Leslie Kerr away from State
让那些伊朗人很担心他们很信任他的
has freaked the Iranians out. They trust him.
什么等一下等一下我没我没从国会调走任何人啊
No, wait a minute. Hold on. I didn't... I didn't let anyone go from State.
总统女士你亲自叫我
Madam President. You asked me to swap out
让Leslie Kerr滚蛋的
Leslie Kerr.
不是Leslie Carr
No! Leslie Carr!
Carr! C-A-R-R.
Carr! C-A-R-R.
那个能源部的贱♥人♥ 还记得我开过的那个玩笑不
That bitch from Energy. Remember I made that joke
说她一点活力都没有
about she didn't have energy?
我记得但她叫Leanne Carr女士
Yeah, but her name is Leanne Carr, ma'am.
我♥操♥ 还真是
Oh, fuck, it is.
天啊我♥操♥了
Oh, my God. Oh, shit!
天啊 Kent 你对我做了什么
Oh, my God. What have you done to me, Kent?
- 什么 - 你应该继续追问下去的
- I'm sorry? - You should have questioned the name.
我是应该的抱歉总统女士
I... should have. Yes. I apologize, Madam President.
我我们可以说这是一个失误不
Can... can we say that it was just an error?
不行女士这样的话整个世界都会知道的
No, ma'am. The entire world would notice that.
绝对是公♥关♥危机您他妈还不如开辆自杀式小丑车
Yeah, it's terrible PR. You might as well drive a suicide clown car
直接撞到林肯纪念堂算了
into the fucking Lincoln Memorial.
我还在
Yes, I am still here.
天啊这会对我们的支持率有影响吗
Oh, my God. Is this gonna hurt us in the polls?
我觉得没影响才有问题
I can't see how it won't.
什么意思这是指有影响吗
What does that mean? Is that a yes?
如果你是说有的话直说就是了说话别他妈拐弯了
If you mean to say yes, then say yes. You're the fucking yes-man.
- 有 - 好的你接下来要这样做
- Yes. - Okay, here's what you're gonna do.
你要去新罕不什尔帮我把我竞选办公室
You go to New Hampshire and you attach some electrodes
那堆废柴给看好了我要继续留在这里
to the corpse of my campaign, okay? I'm gonna stay here
- 处理好Leslie Carr的破事 - 是 Leanne Carr
- and I'm gonna deal with this Leslie Carr bullshit. - Leanne Carr.
谁他妈的在意啊天底下哪有男人会管自己叫Leslie操他个妈的
Okay, whatever the fuck. What man is named "Leslie," for fuck's sakes?
Leslie Nielsen. Leslie Moonves.
Leslie Nielsen. Leslie Moonves.
- Leslie Frazier 维京队的教练 - 再说多一句
- Leslie Frazier, the coach for the Vikings... - Huh?
无所谓了您刚才的演讲很棒
Doesn't matter. You're... good speech.
女士 Maddox秘♥书♥长♥
Ma'am? Secretary Maddox
- 想现在就和你开一个会 - 马上跟他说没空
- would like a meeting, stat. - No. Stat.
- 他就是和废人鸡♥巴♥才两厘米长 - 懂了
- He's useless. He's a one-inch cock. - Got it.
那就好
All right.
欢迎来到白宫
Welcome to the White House.
史上最“吱吱吱响个不停”的演讲
into the history books with a "squeaky-clean" speech.
和伊朗的关系现在变得更加紧张了
relationship with Iran grows considerably more tense...
是因为幕僚听错