副总统（2012）
Veep S02E01
Part 1
Oct. 12, 2020, 8:16 p.m.
北达科塔
North Dakota.
我们可以一起做到
We can do this together.
自♥由♥这个词里可没有我
There is no I in freedom.
自♥由♥不是私域
Freedom is not medom.
而是群域
It's wedom.
我去了康涅狄格州Hartford的一家舞蹈工作室
I visited a dance studio in Hartford, Connecticut.
我在那碰到了一个坐在轮椅上的勇敢的消防员
When I was there, I met a brave firefighter in a wheelchair.
那个年头我们可不知道HIV阳性是什么意思
Back then, we didn't know what HIV positive was.
也就是说他失去了他的肾脏
Which meant he had to lose his kidney.
他握着我的手说
He shook my hand and he said,
你不记得我
You don't remember me,
但我是你的祖父
but I am your grandpa.
俄亥俄的下一任州长
The next governor of Ohio,
Roger Furlong.
我铺好了 你上吧 去你的吧
- I fluffed 'em, now go fuck 'em. - Shove it.
所有在场女士请说自 自
- All the ladies in the house say free. - Free!
所有在场男士请说由 由!
- All the men in the house say dom. - Dom!
谢谢!谢谢!
Thank you! Thank you!
喔 这可真令人惊讶 对吧?
- Wow, this is amazing. - Right?
像欢乐的纽伦堡 (二战纳粹审判地) 我知道
- It's like a happy Nuremberg. - I know.
红海到哪儿去了? 那位女士刚把它给分开了 (圣经故事 摩西事迹)
Where'd the Red Sea go? That lady just parted it.
嘿 总统得知道这个 因为Meyer现在可火了
Hey, POTUS needs to know about this 'cause Meyer's on fire.
我们刚失去佛罗里达的第三 第五和第六选区
We just lost the Florida third, fifth, and sixth.
很好 退休歹徒的选票是没戏了
Great, so much for the retired mobster vote.
佛罗里达...就应该把它在Jacksonville分开
Florida... ought to break it off
南边全分出去给古巴
at Jacksonville and row it to Cuba.
先生 西海岸投票后的民♥意♥调查看起来不太好
Sir, the West Coast exit polls are looking bad.
新英格兰呢
What about New England?
比政♥治♥行动委员会预测的最差结果还要糟糕 先生
Worse than the JPAC's worst projection, sir.
你正准备把一桶猪血浇我头上?
Are you getting ready to dump a bucket of pig's blood on my head?
唔 不 不 先生
Uh, no. No, sir.
谢谢 谢谢 先生 是的
- Thank you. Thank you, sir. - Yeah.
Dale 我很抱歉
Dale, I'm so sorry.
你不在参议院我们该怎么办?
What are we gonna do without you in the Senate?
哦 他们...
Oh, they...
是的
Yeah.
是的 你败选了 Dale
Yeah, you lost, Dale.
哦 天啊
Oh, my God.
事实上 我被告知你已经知道了
And, actually, I was told that you'd been told.
对的 听起来你现在在公共场所 Dale
Right. Sounds like you're in a public place there, Dale,
所以你要去...你该深呼吸
so you got to... you got to breathe deep.
撑住 伙计
Hang in there, buddy.
我得挂了
I got to go.
我们刚丢了新罕布♥什♥尔的第一区
We just lost the New Hampshire first.
好吧 不错 每个人都讨厌我们
Okay, great. Everybody hates us.
你知道吗?我都打算开始讨厌我们了
You know what? I'm beginning to hate us.
我是说 这是总统的责任
I mean, this is POTUS's fault
因为 伙计们 我每次访问都出色地完成了任务 不是吗
because, guys, I killed it at every campaign visit, right?
没错 是那样 我女朋友说你超棒
Yeah, you did. My girlfriend said you are a rock star.
竞选活动里你的呼声很高
There was a lot of love for you on the campaign trail.
没错 很多支持者 不 不是说你 Marjorie
- Yeah, a lot of love. - No, not for you, Marjorie.
实际上 那可能是你失去新泽西第五选区的原因
In fact, that's probably why you lost the New Jersey fifth.
再见 你知道吗?
good-Bye. - you know What?
是时候让总统兑现他给我的选票承诺了
This is time for POTUS to start honoring his ticket promises to me.
我要我定期的一对一会面 喂?
- I want my regular one-on-one meetings. - Hello?
我要有更多权力
I want more responsibilities
在基础设施和教育改革上
in infrastructure and education reform.
在减少赤字的对话里我需要更多的话语权
I want an expanded role in deficit reduction talks.
我要一只卡地亚的人造阳♥具♥
I want a Cartier fucking dildo.
哦 嘿 Ame 你在听吗?
- Oh. - Hey, Ame, are you listening?
啊 是的 我妈妈刚打电♥话♥过来
Uh, yes. My mom just called.
我爸可能中风了
My dad may have had a stroke.
哦 天哪 Amy 我很抱歉
Oh, my God. Amy, I'm so sorry.
他还能说话吗?
Is he speaking?
哦 他告诉我妈 他吃完那个
Well, he told my mom he felt worse that time
日本基佬的破生鱼后感觉更糟了
he ate gay Jap raw fish shit.
哦 Amy 那可是个好征兆
Oh, Amy, that's a great sign,
因为那是个很复杂的句子
because that's a very complex sentence.
唔嗯 除非他只是随口吐词
- Mm-hmm. - Unless he's slurring his words.
哦 这...
Well, it...
那么 你要去守着他吗?
so, do you need to go and be with him?
我妈说他在找我 但我姐妹在那
My mom said he was asking for me, but my sister's there.
哦 好的 说真的 如果你走进去
Oh, good. Seriously, if you walked in,
你能想象他压力得有多大吗?
can you imagine how stressed out he might be
然后质问你在这里干什么?
with like, What are you doing here?
这时候你不是该和副总统在一起吗?
Isn't it time that you'd be with the veep?
这该死的中期选举 不是该她扩大
It's the freakin' midterms and isn't she gonna take this opportunity
在白宫影响的时刻吗? 或者什么之类的
to expand her role in the White House? Or whatever he might say.
但如果你得离开 Amy 那么就去吧
But if you need to go, Amy, you should go.
不 我很好 我留在这 很好 很好
- No. I'm good. I'm here. - All right, good.
那么你听到我刚说什么了? 是的 卡地亚人造阳♥具♥
- So you got what I said before? - Yes, Cartier dildo.
我刚刚在想我爸 但现在没有
I was thinking about my dad, but I am not now.
你知道吗? Dana的爸爸做了膝盖手术然后...
You know what? Dana's dad had a knee operation and it was...
哦 天哪 Gary 别再说你的女朋友了
Oh, my God, Gary, stop going on about your girlfriend.
真的吗? 我说了很多次?
Really? Am I that bad?
是的 这就是你 Gary... Dana Dana Dana Dana
Yeah, this is you, Gary... Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana.
好吧 好吧 好吧 Sue 谢谢
Okay. Okay. Okay, Sue. Thank you.
好吧 第一件事 分工
- All right, item number - job share.
我们要一起面对危机 没错吧?
We are going co-POTAL, right?
很明显 总统的办公厅主任正让所有人写遗书
Apparently POTUS Chief of Staff's telling everyone to write their will.
那儿的气氛将会变得很残酷
The mood over there is gonna be pretty grim.
就像斯敦镇惨案,(集♥体♥自♥杀♥题材电影） 哦 你知道我要什么吗?
- Like Jonestown. - Oh, you know what I want?
我想要那只我造型师推荐的口红
I want that lipstick that my stylist recommended.
哦 迈阿密森伯斯特 没错
- Ooh, Miami Sunburst. - Yeah.
那么午夜两点时
So when it hits 2:00 A.M.,
我的双眼会是大屠♥杀♥ 而嘴唇则是狂欢节
my eyes will say Holocaust, my mouth will say Carnival.
俄亥俄那里有谁有消息吗
Does anyone have anything on Ohio?
他妈的这网络
Or why this fucking Internet
为什么比我们的经济预测更不靠谱
is sketchier than our economic forecasts?
哦 那是因为你的笔记本用的还是垃圾视窗2000
Oh, that's 'cause your laptop is still running on Windows 2000 and shit.
好吧 这是刚从政♥治♥行动委员会中心来的
Okay, this just in from J-stat central.
我们拿到了犹他州的第七和第九区
We've got the seventh and ninth in Utah down.
Jonah之队会继续关注统计数据 好吗?
Team Jonah's gonna have that stat watch, okay?
你们来找我 吃点墨西哥烤玉米片看下数字 嗯?
You come to me. Have some nachos and numbers, huh?
今晚会有一架飞机将火车
Tonight there's gonna be a plane crash
撞向拥挤的高速路
shunting a train wreck onto a crowded highway.
那会冲击道琼斯指数么? 或许我该买♥♥点股票
Is this gonna hit the Dow? Maybe I should have bought stock.
为什么 你遇到金钱方面的问题了?
Why, you got money problems?
不是钱的问题
Not money problems,
而是来自金钱的挑战
money challenges.
那是Furlong吗?
Is that Furlong?
明尼苏达州 Danny Chung刚增加了他的赢面
Minnesota. Danny Chung just increased his margin.
要赌赌Chung花多久谈论他的战功吗?
Want to bet how long it takes Chung to mention his war record?
不
No.
来吧 100块赌他会在五秒钟以内开始
100 bucks says he drops it in the first five seconds.
之前我是如何为需要我的海外美国人服务
And I intend to serve you the way I served
我就会如何来为你们服务
the American people overseas when they needed me.
哦 无聊Chung 无聊的华裔
Oh, ker-chung, ker-ching.
全清 吔
Pay up. Yeah.
我需要一些正面的消息 好吗? 一些能提高士气的
I need something positive, okay? Something to boost morale.
在印第安纳州的Lake郡我们的投票人数领先
We're ahead on voter turnout in Lake County, Indiana.
什么?就这样?
What? That's it?
这个 还有这次大地震没波及旧金山
That and the big quake hasn't yet hit San Francisco.
好吧
Okay.
大家好
Hello, everyone.
副总统女士
Madam Vice President.
哦 我有些好消息
Well, I have some good news.
看起来... 嘿 我们的票数领先
- It seems... - Hey, we are ahead on voter turnout
在印第安纳州的Lake郡
in Lake County, Indiana.
J哥报告完毕
J-dog out.
副总统（2012）
Veep
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