副总统（2012）
Veep S03E01
Part 3
Oct. 12, 2020, 8:07 p.m.
What the hell are you doing here? You weren't invited.
除非请了伴猪
Unless you're the "worst man."
我跟Pam Kendall住一条街
No, I live down the street from Pam Kendall.
她的车坏了 我送她来
Her car broke down, so I gave her a lift.
五角大楼的Pam
"Pentagon Pam"?
有没有给你点Maddox发言的消息
She give you any hint on the Maddox announcement?
没 什么都没说
Nah, she didn't give me anything.
除了暧昧地瞟我
Except for flirty glances.
这个粗短的东西是啥
What's that stubby thing you got there?
西翼男士 从没听说过
"WestWingMan.net"? Never heard of this.
拜托 别给自己出丑了
Come on, man. You're embarrassing yourself.
这是首都最热的八卦网站
That's the hottest gossip site in DC.
是吗
Yeah?
揭开跨部门垒球赛的神秘面纱
"Lifting the lid on the Interagency Softball League"?
与美国气象界大亨面对面
"Face To Face with America's Wind Tycoons."
哇 这些东西犀利得像黄油刀一样 （钝）
Wow. This is some seriously butter knife-dull shit, man.
不不不 好货在下面
No, no, no. Underneath, that's grit legit.
西翼男有什么Maddox的消息
So what's "WestWingMan" got on the Maddox thing?
还没有 但会有的
Nothing yet. But he will.
如果西翼男上没有 就不是事
If it ain't on "WestWingMan," it ain't nothing, man.
西翼男就是你 对吧
It's you, isn't it?
- 谁告诉你的 - 你刚才告诉我的 白♥痴♥
- Who told you that? - You just did, you dummy.
艹 天啊 别瞎说
Fuck! God! Keep that under your hat.
- 当然 - 只能你知我知
- Yeah. Sure. - That's just between you and me.
现在 不好意思 这是个婚礼
Now if you will excuse me, I am at a wedding,
婚礼上的女人都是熟透的水果 摇摇欲坠
and women at a wedding are like ripe fruit ready to drop.
而我是摘果能手
And I am a sex wasp.
洗手吗 小伙子
Gonna wash those paws, huh, big guy?
你开玩笑 留着我的费洛蒙勾女呢
Are you kidding? My pheromones make bitches moan.
把她们一路引到我家
I'm gonna leave a trail right back to my apartment.
看看我们 你假装是我
Look at us. You're pretending to be me
给这本别人写的书签名
signing a book I didn't even write.
- 这话精屁概括了政♥治♥ - 对
- That's politics in a nutsack. - Yeah.
若干新起点：美国旅程下一站
"New Beginnings: Our Next American Journey."
你觉得题目怎么样
What do you think of that title?
就是一坨屎
It's so full of shit,
正中间放了个冒号♥
there's a colon right smack-dab in the middle.
神啊 他们写烂题目文思泉涌
Oh, God. They kept coming up with all of these awful titles.
你不会相信的
You wouldn't even have believed it...
像“走向未来的脚步”
like, "Footsteps to the Future" was one.
还有“红，白，你” 真事
"Red, White and You" was actually another one.
是啊 “我们孩子的手”
Yes. "Hands of Our Children."
- 什么 - 大屠♥杀♥之类的吧
- What? - Like a massacre or something.
- 真♥他♥妈♥变♥态♥ - 就是
- Fuckin' sick. - I know.
我听这些蠢货听到忙不过来
I was so busy listening to these stupid fucks,
我都听不到我的内心在说
I didn't listen to this voice in my own head saying,
“这是坨狗屎 Selina 完全是狗屎
"This is dog shit. Selina, this is complete dog shit.
别踩上去 小心 啊 踩个正着
Don't step in it, don't... ah, you just stepped in it."
现在印出来了 算是完事了
Now look, it's printed in a book, so that's good.
喂 那就别听华盛顿那些傻♥逼♥
Look, don't listen to those DC assholes, then.
你现在跟实在人在一起
You're out amongst the real people now.
你爱的人
These are the people that you love.
- 你最擅长这个 - 没错 是这样
- This is your thing. - You're right. It's true.
那么 你想当总统吗
So, do you want to be the President of the United States?
我想当总统
I want to be president.
但是这滩狗屎
It's just that I'm staring down the barrel
我还要承受18个月 你懂吗
of 18 months of this shit, you know?
- 18个月转眼就过去了 - 18个月才不会转眼就过去
- 18 months, it's nothing. - 18 months is not nothing.
18个月足够生个孩子
18 months is an entire pregnancy
末尾还能再怀一个
with another entire pregnancy tacked onto the end of it.
好吧 我很擅长策略
Well, I'm a pretty good strategy guy.
我可以做你的接生婆
- Mm. - I could be your midwife.
干脏活累活 你懂
You know, get my hands dirty?
呃 你能不能坐到那张椅子上
Um... could you go sit in that chair over there?
行
Oh, yeah.
好吧 听着 帮我接生这个
All right, listen. Midwife me this, then.
竞选主管
Campaign manager...
Dan还是Amy
Dan or Amy?
别想Amy和Dan了
Look, forget about Amy, forget about Dan.
两个字 Bill Ericsson
Two words... Bill Ericsson.
没门 他有主了
No way. He's not available.
有机会的
He is available, all right?
他会去Cowgill的葬礼
And he's going to be at Cowgill's funeral.
那去跟他谈谈
So, let's go talk to him.
天哪 他有Midas方案
Oh, my God, he's got the Midas playbook.
- 他帮Briggs赢得竞选 - 两次
- He got Briggs elected... - Twice.
就是 两次
Twice. That's what I'm saying.
你会更成功
So it should be easier for you.
- 你有气场 - 是 我有
- You actually have a personality. - That's right, I do.
- 而且从来不调戏服务员 - 对
- And you never grope waitresses. - Right.
出发 去挖角顺便悼念
All right, let's go! Let's go meet and grieve.
挖Ericsson 悼念小Ricky
We'll meet Ericsson, and we'll grieve little Ricky.
- 上帝保佑他的小灵魂安息 - 我懂
- Yeah, God rest his tiny soul. - I know.
我听说那条狗把他叼起来
You know, I heard that dog picked him up
狠狠甩了一通
and shook him really bad.
女士们先生们 很遗憾
Ladies and gentlemen, sadly,
副总统不会回来继续签名
the vice president will not be back to finish the signing.
什么
What?
我之前说的参议员
The senator who I mentioned earlier...
他的麻烦大了
His problems have become even bigger.
大家伙儿 EEOB干活的 都过来 （其所在某办公楼）
Come on, let's go. EEOB peeps, let's go.
这是我最后一次结婚 快点
This is my last wedding. Come on.
Johah 仅限Eisenhower的人 走开
Whoa, Jonah, Eisenhower people only. Go.
那Wendy在这干嘛 Mike
Well, then, what is Wendy doing in the photo, Mike?
- 她不在那工作吧 - 滚
- She doesn't work there, does she? - Go.
何必呢 Jonah
Jonah, what's the point?
你反正也拍不出来 （吸血鬼拍照不显示）
You don't show up in photographs.
快点开始 快点结束
The sooner we do this, the sooner we get it done.
就是 快点开始 快点结束
Right? The sooner we do this, the sooner we get it done.
- 好吗 - 嗯嗯
- Okay? - Yeah, yeah.
5D吗 我有台1D
5D? I've got a 1D.
你把另一个手♥机♥藏那儿
You keep a second phone there?
虚伪 而且色♥色♥的
Hypocritical. And horny.
- 一 二 - 卧♥槽♥尼玛
- Okay, one, two... - Shit on my tits.
- Maddox刚刚辞职了 - 什么 国防部长下台了
- Maddox just resigned. - What, the Sec Def's gone?
好吧好吧 让你们看手♥机♥五分钟
Okay, okay, you can have your phones for five minutes, guys.
无线密♥码♥是Starboard135A
The Wi-Fi password is "Starboard135A."
手♥机♥碗在哪
Where's the phone bowl?
我不知道
I don't know where the phone bowl is.
- 我需要第一部手♥机♥ - 闭嘴 大家都闭嘴
- I need my primary phone. - Shut up! Shut up, everybody!
在那
It's right here.
Maddox要竞选总统吗
Is Maddox running for president? Is that what this is?
我拿到了
I already have mine.
国防部长Maddox劲爆新闻
"'Team Veep' goes into meltdown
副总统团队乱成一团
as Sec Def Maddox news breaks."
上传精彩图片
And upload the money shot.
语文从毛♥片♥里学的 烦死了 （money shot=射♥精♥镜头）
I hate how he learned English from pornography.
你发出去了
Did you just post that?
我开的是八卦娱乐网站
I run a "gossip-tainment" site
这个非常八卦娱乐
and this is very gossip-taining.
抱歉大家伙儿 现在不接受采访
Sorry, guys. Not gonna take any questions now.
Maddox部长今天晚些会发表声明
Secretary Maddox will be making a statement later today.
这不是什么危机
This is not a crisis.
别乱挥狗腿了
Stop flapping your vestigial limbs around.
Maddox只是年纪大了
The line on Maddox is one more old man
回家上公园下象棋去了
has gone off to play chess in the park.
给我找出西翼男是谁
And somebody find out who "WestWingMan" is.
告诉你们哦 这不一定是真名
FYI, it may not be his real name.
Maddox要有大动静
Looks like Maddox is making a move.
我们现在需要Ericsson 对吗
We're going to need Ericsson now, am I right?
前所未有地需要 说真的
副总统（2012）
Veep
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