副总统（2012）
Veep S05E01
Part 1
Oct. 12, 2020, 7:52 p.m.
My fellow Americans,
我亲爱的美国同胞们
I stand before you this morning in barefaced awe
今晨我以对我们至上的民♥主♥政体
of the majesty of our democratic system.
无比敬畏之心站在你们面前
What a night.
多么神奇的夜晚
In a democracy such as ours,
在我们这样的民♥主♥国家
it falls to the people to choose their president,
靠其公民选出其总统
and that is what you attempted to do last night.
这也是你们昨晚所经历的
As it turned out, there's a virtually unprecedented tie
而结果却是 在总统选举团中
in the electoral college,
存在前所未有的平局
a somewhat arcane institution
许多学者都认为选举平局
that many scholars believe we should do away with.
这样罕见晦涩的情况早该被废除
I wish to say on a personal note
而我个人想要表达的是
that although there is a tie,
尽管当下存在平局
I am most privileged to have won the popular vote.
我也十分荣幸能取得众多票数
And though this tie may be frustrating,
尽管这僵局令人沮丧泄气
I want to assure the American people
我向美国人♥民♥保证
our country is not leaderless.
我们国家绝不会群龙无首
No matter who you voted for, I am your president.
不管你支持谁 我现在仍是你们的总统
Thank you all. God bless you.
谢谢你们 上帝保佑你们
And may God bless the United States of America.
也惟愿上帝保佑美♥利♥坚♥合众国
We're clear.
结束
Can we have the room? Fantastic speech, ma'am.
下面我们谈吧? 演讲真棒
The three Ss-- strength, stability and bullshit.
三个重点 坚定 稳定 还有镇定地胡说
Yeah, I forgot to thank the voters for
我忘记感谢选民让我们国家
making our country look like a high school Spanish club.
看上去像高中里的西班牙社团
Didn't those founding fuckers ever hear of an odd number?
那些操蛋的国父们不知道什么叫奇数吗?
Two great Greek contributions to society...
希腊社会给我们的两大贡献...
democracy and getting fucked up the ass.
民♥主♥还有花式操蛋
I've tried both and they're way overrated, like jazz.
这俩我还都试过 言过其实 就像爵士
My bowling coach used to say a tie was like kissing your sister.
我保龄球教练曾说打平局就像亲了你妹一样
Well, this feels like my sister took a shit on my chest.
这感觉就像我妹在我胸上拉了坨屎
God, I'll tell you something, too, okay?
我天 我也告诉你啊
There is no world in which I am going to be vice president
打死我也不要给那个骄傲自大 迪克·凡·戴克
to that smug, Dick Van Dyke-looking motherfucker Tom James.
一样的操蛋汤姆·詹姆斯做副总统
Who in the hell does he think...
见鬼了他妈的他以为是谁...
Catherine, what are you doing with that thing?
凯瑟琳你拿着那东西在干吗啊?
Is that on? Remember when we got back last night?
开着吗? 还记得我们做完回去的时候吗?
My thesis film about the tie.
这是我的论文电影 关于这个平局
She majored in film at Vassar College.
她是瓦萨大学电影专业的
Oh, believe me, I know what she majored in.
相信我 我知道她学什么
65 grand a year to watch movies.
每年花六万五千刀看电影
Mom, this is such a historic event.
妈 这绝对是历史性事件
Can you please just get off of me?
你能行行好离我远点吗?
And I never came up with a thesis my advisor liked
那我永远不会弄出我导师喜欢的课题了
because I had that thing
因为我上半学年有过
last semester where I was tired all the time...
全程把我累的不要不要的...
Okay, we don't have time to hear the story of your syndrome.
好的 我们没时间听你叨叨你的症状
What about your minor, dance?
你的辅修呢 舞蹈?
Why don't you make up a
你怎么不为我这选举
little kind of a dance about the election?
编一支舞呢?
You know, you can't decide
也是课题啊 比如说你在
should you dance or should you not dance?
你该不该跳舞中挣扎
I want you to take this seriously. You promised me.
你得严肃看待这事儿 你保证过我的
Please, Catherine, stop with the whining, all right?
行行好 凯瑟琳 别发牢骚了 好嘛?
You're gonna shatter the bulletproof glass in here.
你都快把这儿的防弹玻璃震碎了
How is it that we did not win Delaware?
我们没拿下特拉华州是什么鬼?
Okay, is that a yes to my question?
所以你的回答是 是?
Okay, she can have full access, okay?
好的吧 她享有完全通行权 可以吗?
Starting right after we address the situation in Yemen.
在我们讨论完也门问题之后
Honey, it's Yemen.
亲爱的 也门
Life gives you Yemen, you got to make Yemenade.
当生活给你也门 你得榨成也门汁
Okay, well, I'll come back later.
好吧 我等会再来
You always do.
反正你也会回来的
Ma'am.
女士
No, there's not gonna be a film.
不 电影没戏
The only thing Catherine ever finished
凯瑟琳做成的唯一一件事
was an entire ice cream cake.
就是消灭一整块冰淇淋蛋糕
Quick thinking about Yemen, by the way.
也门这个借口想得快准狠 不错
Actually, four Christian missionaries burned to death.
事实上 四名基♥督♥教传教士被烧至死
Oh, even better.
更好了
Amy! Jesus.
艾米! 上帝啊
This thing on the side of my face feels like a dog nipple.
我这边脸上的这东西感觉像是狗的乳♥头♥
It's hardly noticeable, ma'am,
很难发现的 女士
like our Hispanic voter turnout.
就像我们我们西班牙选民投票结果
Maybe you just might want to see a doctor just in case.
我估计你得去看看医生了
No, she doesn't need a doctor. I got it under control.
不 她不需要医生 一切尽在掌握
Amy! Yeah?
艾米! 哈?
So, what? Nothing.
所以怎样? 没啥
I've been on the phone all night with these clueless
我整晚都在
constitutional law experts of ours.
和我们这些无能的宪法律师专家通话
I don't know what's getting their dicks harder,
我都不知道怎么让他们"硬"一点
an electoral college tie or talking to a girl.
选举平局还是和一个女孩谈话
Are you back? No, I'm not back. I'm just helping out.
你回来了吗? 不 我就是来帮个忙
Ma'am. What?
女士 又咋了?
Do you want to see a doctor about the...
你想就你那个看看医生吗...
It's a stress pimple. No, it's
是个压力痘痘 不 它是
I get them on my ass all the time. It's not a stress pimple.
我屁♥股♥上老长 不是压力痘痘
It's a pimple that erupted during a very stressful time.
只是一个普通痘痘长在了压力比较大的时候
Gary's on it, okay? Exactly, yes.
盖瑞已经在处理了 好嘛? 绝对 好
I don't have a spoon. Oh.
我没有勺子 啊
Have you tried cider vinegar?
你试过苹果醋吗?
No, we're using hot compresses. That's all we need.
没 我们用热敷就够了
For the stress pimple? Ben
治压力疙瘩? 本屁♥股♥上也有
gets those on his butt. She should see a doctor.
她得看医生了
Amy's back. No, I'm not back.
艾米回来了 不 我还没回
Ma'am, rave reviews on the speech. Good.
演讲的反响棒呆了 好
Oh, and big news. Oh, God, O'Brien made a statement?
还有个大新闻 上帝啊 奥布莱恩陈词了?
I'm sorry, I should have said big personal news.
对不起 我应该说这是私人♥大♥新闻的
Wendy and I are adopting a baby from China.
温蒂和我要从中国领养一个宝宝啦
We were keeping it a secret till after the election.
我们原本准备在选举之后再公布的
Actually, Wendy was keeping it a secret from me until today
好吧说实话 温蒂也才是今天刚刚告诉我
because I'm so bad with keeping secrets.
因为我藏不住秘密
But I'm gonna be a dad. You're a nincompoop.
但我要晋升为人父啦 你就一傻♥逼♥
We are in the middle of a tied election.
我们处在选举平局的中艰阶段
There is no time for some Chinese baby.
可没啥时间给什么中国宝宝
Cancel it and see if you can get your money back.
宝宝退了吧 看你能不能把钱要回来
Fortune cookie say you fuck up big-time, round eye.
幸运的曲奇说你搞砸了 小圆眼
It's not a big deal. I don't even know when to expect her.
没啥大不了 我都不知道宝宝什么时候回来
And, starting today, I'm getting in dad shape.
今天开始 我得练就一身父亲的体形了
Counting my steps. Too bad you're not counting your missteps.
数我的步伐 真可惜你没细数你失足的步伐
You'd be done by breakfast, right?
你早餐时就可以解决了 是吧?
I prefer to count my steps in my head.
我还是喜欢在脑海中数
4,383.
4383步
Get out of my sight, Kent, okay?
滚出我视野 肯特 好嘛?
I have not forgiven you for this tie.
就这破平局我还没原谅你呢
Ma'am, I have the final House results.
女士 我这有众议院最终的结果
Lafontaine won? Mmhmm.
拉封丹赢了? 嗯
How many abortions does a pro-lifer
一个反对堕胎的人得让他的
have to pressure his mistress into before the people turn on him?
情妇堕胎几次才能让人们都去痛恨他?
Three. And how did Craig lose?
3次 克雷格是怎么输的?
Didn't she go to Indiana, like, five times?
她不是去过印第安纳州五次吗?
That may have been the problem.
那估计就是问题所在了
All right, listen. From this moment forward,
好的吧 听着 从现在开始
people, I am all about the House vote.
众议院拉票是关键
We are recommending direct
我们建议单独约
engagement with individual congressmen.
国会议员见面
That's got to happen. That's right.
就这么说定了 就这样
And every day you have to do the one thing O'Brien can't do.
而且每天你们都得做奥布莱恩做不了的事
Yeah, drive sober. Take a shit without getting a hernia.
对 像是不喝酒开车 还有拉屎时没有疝气
Be the president. It is imperative
是做个总统 当务之急是
副总统（2012）
Veep
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