天才阿公（2013）

Uncle Grandpa S01E38

Part 1 May 3, 2023, 9:02 p.m.

早安
Good morning!
早安
Good morning.
早安
Good morning.
早安
Good morning.
早安
Good morning!
天才叔公
不好笑
这才叫做头倒立
Now, this is what I call a headstand!
站在头上
天才叔公风格
Uncle Grandpa style!
喘不过气了喘不过气了
I can't breathe, I can't breathe.
现在来吹泡泡糖动物
And now for some bubblegum balloon animals.
长颈鹿
A giraffe!
又肥又臭的犀牛
A fat, smelly rhino!
牛奶
暴躁恐龙
A grumpy dinosaur!
不得不承认还挺好笑
Got to admit that's pretty funny.
巨型写实风飞行老虎
A giant, realistic, flying tiger!
行了
Well, guys
我是很想继续在这搞笑
I'd like to stay here and keep the laughs going
可是现在得停了
but I have to cut things short.
否则我就不能及时去帮小杰基的忙了
Otherwise, I'm gonna be late
for my appointment with little Jackie.
我帮助孩子们从不迟到
And I'm never late when it comes to helping kids!
算是我的原则吧
It's kind of my policy.
我本来现在应该是在开车的
I'm supposed to be driving the R.V. right now
然而我也并不把那原则当一回事
but you don't see me making a big deal about that policy.
看样子这玻璃救了我一
Looks like this glass saved my --
天才叔公
Uncle Grandpa?
早安杰基
Good morning, Jackie!
有什么问题我可以帮你解决的吗
What seems to be the problem
that I can provide a solution to?
别叫我杰基
I don't go by Jackie.
叫我杰奎琳
I prefer Jacqueline.
好杰奎琳
Okay, Jacqueline.
很高兴能帮你
Glad to be of service.
这么快就帮完了
That was a quick fix.
还有时间可以帮我的硬币收藏打蜡
And with enough time to wax my coin collection.
其实吧有帮傻子
Actually, some bozo decided to
在我放学回家的时候
throw bubble gum all over my book bag
往我书包扔泡泡糖
while I was walking home from school.
现在我书包打不开
Now I can't open it up
做不了代数作业了
to do my honors algebra homework.
让我给你瞧一眼
Well, let me take a look-see
帮你把书取出来
so you can get to your booksies!
给你吧
Here you go.
谢谢
Thanks.
还有你的泡泡糖
And your bubble gum.
恶心
Yuck!
我帮你摆脱了难办的问题对吧
Guess I got you out of that sticky situation?
黏人
这有什么好笑的
Is that supposed to be funny?
可好笑了有什么问题
Sure. What's wrong?
你没有幽默感吗
You don't have a sense of humor?
幽默是不成熟的表现
Humor is a sign of immaturity
我太大了没心情玩幼稚把戏
and I'm too old for that kid stuff.
先失陪了
Now, if you'll excuse me
我还有数学题要去做
I have some math problems to work on.
等一下
Wait a second.
明明大家都爱笑
But I thought everyone loves to laugh.
我不爱
Not me.
所以说你爱笑得等到你
So you don't like laughing
脸颊不疼了肚子不痛了
until your cheeks hurt or your belly's sore
眼睛没水了才行吗
or your eyes water?
错我压根不爱笑
No. Laughing's not my thing.
算是我的原则
Kind of my policy.
那是因为你没有碰到过
Well that's because you haven't had
任何超级好笑的东西可以笑
anything really super-duper funny to laugh at.
所以我就过来了
And that's where I come in.
现在这里交给我天才叔公
I'll take it from here, Uncle Grandpa.
谢谢天才叔公
Thanks, Uncle Grandpa.
随时效劳兄弟
Anytime, bud.
准备好笑起来吧
Now prepare to laugh!
真有这必要吗
Is this really necessary?
当然了
Of course.
笑可是生命中重要的一部分
Laughing is an important part of life!
人人都喜欢单口喜剧
Everybody likes stand-up comedy
特别是我这种单口喜剧演员演的喜剧
especially from a stand-up guy like me.
站立
天才叔公你这是坐着演的
Uncle Grandpa, you're sitting down.
很好笑吧
Pretty ironic, huh?
我哪笑了
Do you see me laughing?
要不要来点传统腹语术
How about some good, old-fashioned ventriloquism?
早安
Good morning!
还能看到你的嘴在动
I can totally see your mouth moving.
真的吗
Aw, really?
好好
Okay, okay.
那有了
Well, uh, I got it.
滑稽模仿
Impressions!
人人都爱滑稽模仿
Everyone loves impressions.
好的好的
Okay, okay.
来模仿一下看好了
Here's an impression of -- get this --
杰克·迪克尔森对话美国总统
Jack "Dickleson" having a conversation
with the president of the United States.
[ Jack "Dickleson"：改自演员Jack Nicholson ]
早安
Good morning!
看来模仿不是我的强项
I guess impressions aren't one of my strong suits.
衣服
但这是
But this is.
失误
Pratfalls?
烂
Heck.
耳朵放屁
Ear farts?
垃圾
Bush league.
香蕉皮
Banana splits?
土
Lame.
绕口令
Tongue twister?
幼稚
Kid stuff.
训练蜜蜂
Bee training?
不行
Nope.
用假声唱节奏布鲁斯
Falsetto R&B singing?
不行
No.
爵士乐
Jazz music?
不行
No.
那这个呢
How about this?
不行
No!
乌龟冲浪
Turtle surfing?
不行
No.
观鸟
Bird-watching?
不行
No!
不行
No.
这个呢
This thing?
不行
No.
不行
No.
不行
No!
不行
No!
一次都不笑
Not one laugh?!
真不敢相信
I can't believe it.
刚刚可是我的拿手好戏
That was my best material!
他可能只是身体状况不好
Maybe she just isn't feeling well.
你说的有道理肚包
You've got a point, Belly Bag.
笑不出来可是一样非常严重的疾病
Not being able to laugh
can be a really serious medical issue.
我得看一下你体内的状况
I'm gonna have to take a look inside
就用这个坏家伙
with one of these bad boys!
便携式X光机
A portable X-ray machine?
这玩意安全吗
Is that even safe?