金色年代
The Goldbergs
第八季
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金色年代
The Goldbergs S08E04
Part 2
April 19, 2021, 5:45 p.m.
Well, that's impossible because I am.
无论在美国其他地区
And the rest of the U.S.
波多黎各还是关岛
and Puerto Rico and Guam.
有次我给自己办了宝宝送礼会
I once threw myself a baby shower
还是边生边办
while I was giving birth.
我为50岁白人老头办过成年礼
I threw a quinceanera for a 50-year-old white guy.
超级诡异 但他尽兴而归
It was super weird, but it was his day.
我办过一次五月五日节派对
I once threw a Cinco de Mayo party
而那天是八月十日
on Ocho de Octubre.
我给自己办过一次惊喜派对
I threw a surprise party for myself,
我自己都没想到
and I had no idea.
多谢 不必了 我能搞定
Thanks, but no, thanks. I have it covered.
真的吗 目前你都做了些什么
Really? What have you done so far?
这个而已
Just this.
已经过了三分钟
Well, it's been three minutes.
我怎么什么成果都没看到
Why don't I see results?
因为你让我们做的太多了
Because you ask too much of us?
回答错误 尼亚
Wrong answer, Ginzy!
快撅着你们皱巴巴的屁♥股♥滚出去
Now move your puckered poopers outta here
带着婚礼滚回来
and come back with a wedding!
至少你在写你的伴郎致辞
Well, at least you're working on your best-man speech.
没有 我在写骂人的信
No, I'm writing a very angry letter
写给差点把车停在咱家车道前的白♥痴♥
to the moron who almost parked in front of our driveway.
见鬼 默里 你只有两个责任而已
Dammit, Murray! You only have two responsibilities!
-咱家孩子吗 -我们有三个孩子
- Our kids? - We have three kids.
我是指婚礼
I'm talking about the wedding.
你必须写好伴郎致辞
You have to write your best-man speech
搞定椅子
and get chairs.
-记住了 炸鸡柳 -默里
- Got it. Chicken fingers. - Murray!
让我给你点建议
Let me give you a little piece of advice --
假如你想把事情办好
If you want something done right,
自己去办
you do it yourself.
正当我爸躲过婚礼职责时
While my dad dodged his wedding duties,
我们则背上了长长的杂务清单
we got hit with a long list of chores.
不敢相信老妈居然叫我们来做体力劳动
I can't believe Mom would actually ask us to do manual labor.
这究竟是什么东西
What even is this thing?
我的天 你什么都不懂 那叫院叉子
My God, you know nothing. It's called a yard fork.
现在是空手道刺杀长矛
Now it's a Kenpo thrusting lance!
喧嚣的孩子们 你们好
Hello, rambunctious children.
我是来参加婚礼的
I am here for the wedding.
我没找错地方吧
Am I in the right place?
《东区女巫》来了 是凯伦·英
Sweet "Witches of Eastwick"! It's Karen English,
费城广播受欢迎的神秘学者之一
one of Philadelphia's more popular radio occultists.
你或许认出了我这半张脸
You might recognize this side of my face
我印在长凳上的广♥告♥都被破坏了
from various vandalized bench ads.
告诉我们 女巫
Tell us, enchantress,
我有怎样的远大前程
what greatness is in store for me?
灵体们告诉我
The spirits are telling me --
但我连接到了
Ooh, but I am registering
负面的情感难题
a negative romantic complication.
这里有对情侣坚持不过今晚
There is a couple here who will not last the night.
有人会被谋杀吗
Someone's getting murdered?
没有
No.
但有段恋情岌岌可危
But there is a romantic relationship in peril.
反正不是我的
Well, it's not mine.
我男友坚定不移地爱我
My boyfriend is so loving and devoted,
尽管他最近决定不再同居
even though he just recently chose to move out.
我懂了
I see.
而布瑞亚和我坚如磐石
And Brea and I are solid as a rock --
假如磐石的一半特别美丽
if half the rock was super attractive
另一半超级没有安全感的话
and the other half was wildly insecure.
凯伦·英觉得你的爱是垃圾
Karen English thinks your love is garbage.
那你呢
Well, what about you
你跟小伦的恋情毫无道理
and your unlikely partnership with Ren?
我同意 小伦是十分美女
I agree. Ren is a ten.
但正如你们所见 我是十一分俊男
But, as you all can see, I'm an eleven.
我们在一起就是二十一点
Together, we are blackjack.
我只知道今晚有人完蛋了
All I know is that someone is doomed here tonight.
业力即将显现
A reckoning is coming.
我从不出错
I am never wrong.
这是什么机关
Is there a trick with this?
晃晃那玩意就行
Yeah, just jiggle the thingy.
-我在晃 -使劲点晃
- I am jiggling it. - Jiggle it harder.
对 你得使劲晃晃那玩意
Yeah, you gotta give the thing a good jiggle.
我在晃这玩意
I'm jiggling the thingy!
再使点劲
Yeah, just a little --
打开了
I got it.
我从不出错
I'm never wrong.
我从不出错
I'm never wrong.
正当凯伦·英让我们担心起分手
As Karen English had us worried about a break-up,
我妈正试图让婚礼顺利进行
my mom was trying to keep the wedding from falling apart.
这是什么鬼
What the hell is this?
优雅的郁金香和秋海棠装饰
An elegant centerpiece of tulips and begonias.
你指望人们看到这玩意
You expect someone to look at this
会有恶心以外的感受吗
and feel anything but sick?
不会觉得奇思妙想吗
Maybe whimsy?
贝弗莉 我觉得你把我们逼得太紧了
Beverly, I do think you're pushing us a little hard here.
我已经做了350个黄瓜三明治
I already made 350 cucumber sandwiches.
我觉得够了
I think that's enough.
是啊 我同意熨餐巾
Yeah, and I agreed to iron napkins,
这又是什么东西
not whatever these are.
那是默里的正装内♥裤♥
Those are Murray's formal intimates,
我叫你熨什么你就熨什么
and you will put that iron wherever I tell you to.
把这些都扔了
Now, getting rid of all this.
我们从头开始
We're gonna start over.
我受够了
I am done.
很好 因为你再怎么付出平庸的努力
Good! 'Cause despite your mediocre efforts,
也只会让我失望
you've really set me back.
我跟你一起走 琳达
I'm right behind you, Linda.
不敢相信我浪费了一上午
I can't believe I wasted my morning
给你丈夫的遮羞布熨出褶线
creasing your husband's butt rags.
我在卫生间对自己说了许多伤人的话
And I said some hateful words in the bathroom to myself,
我得回家跟孩子们道歉
so I need to go apologize to my children.
走得好
Well, good riddance!
我在面粉袋上画个皱眉就能代替你
I'll just draw a frown on a sack of flour to replace you!
真糟糕 你朋友们都走了
Too bad your friends are gone
因为我已经完成了一项挑战
'cause I got one for the win column.
我弄到了椅子
I got us chairs.
我就知道你会帮忙的
I knew you'd come through.
老爸又成功了
Daddy does it again.
既然我已经完成了我的任务
So now that I've done my part,
我就像平时一样回屋歇着了
I'm gonna go to my natural surroundings of the den.
等等 默里
Uh, wait, Murray.
-怎么 -我眼前这是什么
- Yeah? - What am I looking at?
一百张高级婚礼座椅中的一张
That's one of one hundred premium wedding chairs.
这是儿童椅
This chair is for a child.
不是 这多完美
Nah. It's perfect.
假如那么完美 你怎么不坐下
Well, if it's so perfect, why don't you sit down.
因为我更愿意站着
Because I prefer to stand.
我喜欢踮起脚尖
I like being on the balls of my feet,
准备飞跃
ready to pounce.
坐下
Sit!
好了 坐下了
Alright. There you go.
这 这挺舒服的
Well, that's, uh -- that's quite comfortable.
我喜欢身子靠近膝盖
I like being so close to my knees.
你能整场婚礼都这么坐着吗
You can sit that way through the whole ceremony?
我现在身上疼死了
I'm in a great deal of pain.
该死的 默里
Dammit, Murray,
你像所有人一样让我失望
you failed me, like everyone else!
现在我该怎么办
What am I supposed to do now?!
让我告诉你我对孩子们说过的话
金色年代
The Goldbergs
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