老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S09E14
Part 3
Oct. 22, 2020, 1:55 p.m.
you need to harvest the anger
你需要收集别人的愤怒
of others into your own slap.
再转化到你自己的巴掌里
Now, dig deep.
现在 仔细想想
Can you think of anyone,anyone at all
有没有什么人 任何人
who hates Barney Stinson?
讨厌巴尼·斯丁森
I know, I know, I almost couldn't get through it
我懂 我懂 我差点没办法板着脸
with a straight face!
说完这句话
There are just so many people
世界上讨厌巴尼的人
who hate Barney's guts!
实在是太多了
Moving on.
说下去
The point is, you need to go get slapped in the face
所以 你需要让被巴尼骗上♥床♥姑娘们
by a bunch of gullible chicks Barney banged.
在脸上狠狠扇几个巴掌
I'm a friend of Barney Stinson.
我是巴尼·斯丁森的朋友
I'm a friend of Barney Stins...
我是巴尼·斯丁森的朋友
I-I'm-I'm a friend of Barney Stinson. Aah!
我 我是巴尼·斯丁森的朋友
I'm so sorry.
抱歉
I thought you said you were
我以为你说你是
a friend of Barney Stinson.
巴尼·斯丁森的朋友
I did. Ooh!
我的确是
Could you... also...
能不能...请你...
slap me in the face?
也在我脸上扇一巴掌
God, you're just as perverted as Barney.
天啊 你真是和巴尼一样变♥态♥
And after a while...
在几轮巴掌之后
Look at this thing-- it's all hot and glowy!
看看我的手 又热又亮
I'll never have cold pizza again!
我再也不用担心会吃到冷比萨了
I'll never have cold pizza again.
我再也吃不到冷披萨了
Silence!
安静点
Sorry, White Flower.
抱歉 白花大♥师♥
I've just got a slappetite for destruction.
我只是被掌欲分心了一下
Thanks for everything!
谢谢你的教导
I'm gonna go slap Barney Stinson
我这就去给巴尼·斯丁森
right in his stupid face!
那张傻♥逼♥脸上甩一巴掌
Wait, first you must go learn accuracy
等等 你还需要进行准度的修行
from the one who is called The Calligrapher
去找那位被称为书法大♥师♥的人
in the far-off, mystical land of...Cleveland?
他就住在遥远又神秘的...克利夫兰
Cleveland.
克利夫兰
Why Cleveland?
为什么是克利夫兰
It's the city equivalent of being slapped in the face.
那里算是城市界里的被人扇巴掌代名词
Bro.
兄弟 不厚道
Man, is this place a chain or something?
老天 这馆子是连锁还是怎样
One for dinner?
一人来吃晚餐吗
No, I'm here to meet her.
不 我是来见她的
Bro.
兄弟 不厚道
Can you teach me accuracy?
教准度能不
I can.
我可以
The proper question is: will I?
但正确的问法是 能教准度吗
Grammar is the first step
在追求精确度的
on the thousand-mile journey to accuracy.
漫漫长路上 语法是第一步
I'm, uh, assuming there's no Mrs. The Calligrapher?
我想应该没有书法家太太吧
The path I've chosen is lonesome.
我选择的是寂寞的道路
But it's no big deal.
没什么大不了的
I prefer being alone, I really do.
我宁愿一个人 真的
Unless you know any single ladies
除非你认识什么单身女士
you-you-you could set me up with.
可以帮我介绍
Nope. Good, because I prefer being alone.
没有 很好 因为我宁愿一个人
Also I'm sorry,
同时很抱歉
but I retired from teaching long ago.
我很久前就隐退不教书了
Retired? You're like, 35.
隐退 你看起来才35岁
I'm 34.
人家才34岁
Oh, sorry.
对不起
I use moisturizer every night.
我每晚都用润肤霜
I thought my skin still looked vibrant.
我以为我的皮肤依然水嫩嫩的
It does, it does.
很嫩 很嫩
Look, uh, I'm just...
听着 我只是
I'm really just here to finish my training,
我来只是为了完成修行
um, so, the, uh, look, the truth is,
听着 事实上
I have a divorced cousin just outside of Akron.
我在亚克朗市附近有个离婚的表妹
Now, I wouldn't call Janice easy on the eyes--
我不能说珍妮斯是个美女
or the springs of a bathroom scale--
或是苗条
but if you want, I could set you up.
但如果你愿意 我会为你安排见面
Sold! Now, the most important lesson
成交 学习准度
in learning accuracy...
最重要的一课...
He was dying right before my eyes.
他在我面前就快死了
So I did the only thing that I could think to do.
我做了唯一想到的能做的事
Please!
快帮忙
I slapped his back.
我扇了他的背
And that's when I found out why
那时我才发现为什么
"No slapping until your training is complete"
"修行完成前不能扇人"
is the most important rule.
是最重要的规矩
Because my slap...
因为我扇的耳光
was too powerful.
力量太大了
I hadn't learned accuracy
我还没有学会准度
and so I couldn't control it.
所以我没办法控制
And, well...
然后
No!
不要
Stop it! Just stop!
慢着 停下
You did not slap the heart out of a man's body!
你没有把心从一男人的身体里扇出来
If only that were true.
如果真是这样就好了
You're saying that you committed a murder?
你这是说你杀了人
I was trying to save him!
我只是想救他
Shh, baby, it's okay, you didn't mean to.
宝贝 没事 你不是有心的
He doesn't sleep.
他夜晚睡不着啊
You got to move on. You were only trying to help.
你得放下 你只是想帮忙
You're making this whole story up.
这都是你瞎编的
I wish that I were.
真是编的就好了
Because of the tragedy,
因为这次的悲剧
I never got to finish my training.
我的修行没有完成
I never learned accuracy.
我没有学会准度
Because of that, I shall remain...
因为这点 我依然只是
forever...
永远
a mere slapprentice.
只是一个扇界小徒
What does that mean, baby?
这是什么意思 宝贝
Here's what it meant.
就是这个意思
Damn it!
见鬼
Please! Somebody!
救命啊 来人啊
Help me!
救我啊
There's a crazy guy trying to slap me and he's...
有个疯子想扇我耳光 他...
Oh, my God.
老天
Four women.
四个女人
And a willow tree.
一棵柳树
At least there's no tiger.
还好没老虎
Oh, my God.
老天
Is that... half a tiger?
这是 半只老虎吗
You got here early.
你来早了
It's time.
是时候了
But you never completed your training.
但你的修行没有完成
Actually...
事实上
Listen to me. I must speak fast.
听我说 我得快点说
Once you've had your heart slapped out of your body,
一旦心脏被扇出身体
you've only got ten, 15 minutes to live, max.
最多只能活十到十五分钟了
Sure. The trick to accuracy
当然 准度的窍门就是
is to, like, try to be really accurate.
要尽力保持很准确
Okay? Don't just slap.
明白吗 别只是扇耳光
Like, like, really try to aim.
要认真瞄准了
Look where you're slapping, that's important.
看准你要扇的地方 非常重要
And then try to slap that spot
尽力扇到这个点
instead of some other spot.
而不是其它点
Well, I guess that's pretty much it.
我想差不多就是这些了
You can slap people now.
你现在可以扇人耳光了
He's gone. One other thing.
他走了 还有件事
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
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