老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）

How I Met Your Mother S09E04

Part 2 Oct. 22, 2020, 1:53 p.m.

Hey, buddy, listen,
兄弟是这样
My great-aunt Ida has corns on her feet
我的祖阿姨艾达脚上长了鸡眼
and needs a first-floor room.
所以想住一楼
Uh, would you mind switching rooms?
你愿不愿意跟她换一下
Say no more. The best man is on it.
不必多说包在伴郎的身上
Thanks, Ted.
谢谢你泰德
Hey, buddy, listen,
兄弟是这样
the wedding doves got here early,
婚礼用的鸽子提前送到了
and I don't know where to put 'em...
我不知道该放在哪里...
Say no more. The best man is on it!
不必多说包在伴郎的身上
Thanks, Ted.
谢谢你泰德
Poor guys.
鸽兄们
All cooped up.
都被关起来了
I guess there's no harm in letting you out for a bit, huh?
放你们出来透透气应该没关系吧
They carpet-bombed my entire room.
它们地毯式屎轰炸了我的房♥间
Wish I'd closed my suitcase.
真后悔行李箱忘关了
And my mouth.
嘴也吓得没闭上
Hey, buddy, listen,
兄弟是这样
I see you wrote "N-o-period" instead of the number sign.
我看到你在桌卡上写的是NO. 没写数字符号♥
I'm worried that might confuse the guests...
我怕有些客人弄不清
Say no more. The best man is on it.
不必多说包在伴郎的身上
Thanks, Ted.
谢谢你泰德
Here they are.
都改好了
Freshly penned table cards in a pretty decent chancery
刚出炉的桌卡用的可是挺赞的古字体
considering I only had my travel quills.
而且我用的只是我的旅游随身鹅毛笔呢
Wait. Why's the poker game started?
等等你们已经开始玩牌了吗
Oh, um, the best man moved the time.
是这样伴郎改了时间
Mm, no, he didn't.
我没有啊
Yes, he did.
他确实调整了
Heya, Ted.
泰德好啊
Thanks for the sweet lid, bro.
这帽子不错哦谢了
Billy Zabka's your new best man?
你居然让比利·泽布卡当你的伴郎
He's the best... around.
我别无选择唯有选他了
Sorry, Ted. Maybe next wedding. W...
抱歉了泰德下次结婚你再来吧
So you're playing the best man poker game without me?
所以你们伴郎玩牌不叫我吗
Tim Gunn's here and I'm not?
连蒂姆·古恩都能玩我却不行
I'm Barney's personal tailor, of course I'm here.
我是巴尼的私人裁缝我当然能来
Plus, I've never played poker before.
再说我以前根本没玩过牌
It looks like a hoot.
感觉蛮有趣的
I moved into a dungeon.
我搬去地牢里住
I wrote hundreds of cards.
写了那么数百张桌卡
I even gave your batty great-aunt Ida a foot massage
我还给你那个疯子祖阿姨做了足疗
so vigorous it put her to sleep right there in the lobby.
效果显著她当场就睡在了大厅里
Yeah, I don't really have a great-aunt Ida.
其实艾达不是我祖阿姨
So you are mad about me and Robin holding hands.
所以是因为你不爽我跟罗宾拉手了吗
Of course I'm mad, Ted.
这不是废话吗泰德
Holding hands is, like,
拉手的程度相当于
the fourth-grade equivalent of banging.
小学四年级的做♥爱♥ 好吗
Well, in your case, 12th grade.
对你而言应该是初三
Self-five.
吐得一手好槽
You broke the Bro Code. No, I did not.
你违反了《兄弟法则》我没有
I only went to help Robin as a friend
我之所以去帮罗宾这个朋友
because you didn't show up.
是因为你当时没出现
I did not break the Bro Code.
我没有违反《兄弟法则》
It's in the text.
法则里明文规定了
A bro shall not have a weird moment
兄弟之妻或未婚妻
with another bro's fiance.
坚决不可欺
Well, Too bad we're in Farhampton and can't actually check.
我们目前在法汉普顿没办法确认真伪
I am pleased to announce that the Bro Code has replaced
我很荣幸地宣布在全国各地特定酒店中
the Gideons Bible at select hotels throughout the country.
《兄弟法则》取代了《圣经》各房♥间皆有备
I'm sorry I said you hate women.
我不该说你讨厌女人的
Yeah, don't be.
没什么
For whatever reason, I just...
不知道为什么
I can't seem to connect with them. Down!
我就是跟她们亲近不起来趴下
Can you help me? I've got
帮帮我好吗
a bunch more wedding gifts in the van.
我厢型车里还有很多婚庆礼物
Yay! I love Robin so much!
太好了我好爱罗宾啊
Oh, god, I'm gonna strangle that bitch.
妈的我要掐死那贱♥人♥
Robin, what is it with you and women?
罗宾你到底为什么跟女人过不去呢
They're so annoying.
她们太烦人了
I'm glad that you're my only female friend.
我很开心你是我唯一的女性朋友
Girls are always whining and crying
女孩子总是小事动不动就
over every little thing.
哭哭啼啼的
Yes. That's exactly...
对就这样
Thank you. "Oh, oh, boo-hoo.
演技真不错 "嘤嘤嘤呜呜呜
Look at me. I'm a sensitive little girl..."
瞧我我是多愁善感的软妹子"
Oh. God, I'm sorry. You're actually crying.
不是吧你是真的在哭啊
It's just so sad.
我只是觉得很可怜
I can't be your only girlfriend.
你居然只有我一个女性朋友
Well, I... I don't need anybody else. I got... I got you.
我不需要别人啊有你就够了
For another six days
六天后
and then I'm off to Rome for a year.
我就要去罗马了去一年呢
What are you gonna do without our Saturday morning brunch
没有我们每周六的早午餐聚会你要怎么办
with a side of sassy gossip?
没人跟你一起发泄聊八卦
A one-shot power play?!
集中攻势就来一发是吗
Hey! Hey, Boston!
波士顿队的各位
Why not drop your hockey pants
不如下次直接脱了队服
and actually take a dump on the ice next time?!
直接在冰球场上拉一发屎算了
I love it!
太爽了
See? It is just too horrible to even think about.
是吧我连想都不敢想
Yeah. You...
是啊你
need another female friend.
你得再找一位女性朋友
Whenever I try to talk to women,
我每次跟女人说话
They look like they want to punch me.
她们就一副想要揍我的样子
Well, maybe you're accidentally giving off the wrong vibe.
也许是因为你不小心说错话了
Like, what do you say to other women at the gym?
比如你该对健身房♥的女人说什么
Oh, well, I haven't been to the gym in forever.
我都好久没去过健身房♥了
My metabolism is all messed up.
我的新陈代谢已经完全紊乱了
See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple for a midnight snack
我有天半夜起来吃了差不多半升冰淇淋
and wake up having lost weight.
结果起来发现体重变轻了
well, everywhere except for my boobs.
不过胸部倒是没怎么变小
So annoying.
太烦了
You're gonna need a lot of work.
你的确得好好改进一下
It's in here. Somewhere.
里面肯定有我保证
I... It has to be.
绝对有
Damn it, I know I should've done these in alphabrotical order.
我当时真应该成按字母兄序排版
Who cares about the bro code?
我才不在乎什么《兄弟法则》
It's just some stupid book you made up.
不过是你自己编的白♥痴♥书
How dare you?
你怎敢胡说
The Bro Code has been around for centuries.
《兄弟法则》已存世无数世纪
Nay...
不对
Whatever's more than centuries.
反正比世纪更久以前
Please don't launch into a fake history lesson.
拜托别变成历史大篡改
The Bro Code can trace its lineage all the way back
《兄弟法则》的历史可以追溯到
to Broses himself.
兄西[摩西]本人
Article one:
第1章
Bros before ho's.
兄弟比女人重要
Okay. I see what you're doing.
我明白你的意思了
You can't prove that I broke the Bro Code,
你不能证明我违反了《兄弟法则》
so you're just making up stories about...
所以就编故事
This sacred text was eventually brought
这本神圣之书最终被人
to the new world in 1776 by none other
在1776年带到了新世界
than Christopher Brolumbus.
那人正是克里斯托弗·兄伦布
Article 62:
第62章
A bro who calls dibs first has dibs.
先见者先得
Oh? Dibs!
归我了
And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas.
所以他必须上了宝嘉康蒂
Pocahontas was with John Smith.
宝嘉康蒂和约翰·史密斯在一起
Maybe according to the hotel register.
或许那是根据酒店住宿登记
Whatever Mrs. Brolumbus didn't know
反正兄伦布夫人不知道