老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）

How I Met Your Mother S09E11

Part 3 Oct. 22, 2020, 1:54 p.m.

I think I need to get out of this chair before I break it.
我得迅速站起身免得等会椅子坏
Nonsense! Hogwash! Balderdash!
你这只超级蠢猪说的哪门子疯话
Said mommy, with great fervor.
你妈心怀好意把话说
You can't stop now, for don't you see?
革命尚未成功同志必须再战
To the uninformed observer, you're not some sad cliche,
对于不知情的旁人这并不算是放不下
some loser from a chick-lit story.
更不是鸡仔文学中的悲惨剩女
You're Robin, and you're half a wedding cake away from glory!
只要吃完这半个恢复荣光分分钟
If you quit now, then Simon wins,
如果此刻就放弃西蒙赢得了胜利
The tale comes to a stop
传奇只能终於此
at how you saw an ex, freaked out,
因为偶遇前男友你的脑子不利索
and robbed a pastry shop.
抢走蛋糕回家吃
If you have the guts, my dear,
但是我的好闺蜜如果你还有勇气
it's time to get empowered
此时不战待何时
and be remembered for this
竭尽全力战蛋糕
sweet behemoth you devoured.
传奇便流芳百世
And years from now,
多年以后的今天
the troubadour will raise his voice and sing
行吟诗人高声唱
of the time that Robin took the cake.
战蛋糕记美名扬
And ate the whole...
美
Damned...
名
Thing.
扬
Once more into the breach she surged,
罗宾再次冲上战场
as Ted and mommy cheered
泰德和你妈加油打气
and bite by bite the towering confection disappeared.
蛋糕高如山慢慢消灭完
Some friends were called to come and watch.
朋友得消息纷纷来围观
And no one had to beg.
人人都爱看
It soon became a party.
围观变派对
Barney even got a keg.
巴尼还带酒
Forkful after forkful, Robin guzzled french vanilla,
一勺接一勺罗宾战香草
making noises not unlike those made by a gorilla.
吃声惊天地比猩猩还吵
Come on, Robin, finish it.
加把劲罗宾吃完它
Mom's exhortations rang
你妈在一旁鼓励
like Apollo coaching Rocky
此景就像阿波罗
'gainst a frosted clubber lang.
教洛基打大棒槌
Oh, Rocky IV, my favorite.
《洛基四》我的最爱
No, no, IV is with the Russians.
不对《洛基四》是对阵俄♥国♥人
No, IV's the one where he talks weird
不对《洛基四》是他因脑震荡
because of his concussions.
说话怪腔怪调
I think that's all of them. Hey now,
洛基说话一直这样好了
no need to be discordant. It's Rocky IV.
不要吵架好吧就是《洛基四》
No, III. No, II.
是《三》是《二》
It's really not important.
真没必要为这个吵
At last young Robin raised the final bite up to her lips
决胜时刻终于到来罗宾还剩最后一口
The crowd grew still.
人群纷纷静默无言
The only sound was Barney eating chips.
只闻巴尼大嚼薯片
Just one bite left.
只剩下最后一口
Hey, this is like that scene from Cool Hand Luke. You know,
这场景简直就是《铁窗喋血》
"My boy can eat 50 eggs." Right?
“这孩子能吃下五十个鸡蛋” 对不对
She's gonna puke.
她马上要吐了
But Robin did not puke.
但罗宾没有吐
She ate that bite and stood up, proud.
她咽下了蛋糕骄傲地站起来
Wait. I'm not done yet.
等等还没有结束
She shouted, to the startled crowd.
她对震惊观众说
I've bested this here wedding cake.
我虽消灭了蛋糕
I'll gladly wear that crown.
我既骄傲又自豪
But now that I have done that task
但我要有始有终
it's time to wash it down.
让蛋糕冲下食道
For it's been such an awesome night,
今夜已如此美妙
there's just one way to cap it.
让我来锦上添花
I'm going to drink this entire keg.
喝下这整桶啤酒
Okay, Barney, tap it.
巴尼开闸
And now that night's remembered not for Robin getting dumped
如今没人会记得罗宾那晚被人甩
But as the night we took her in to get her stomach pumped.
人们记得的只是最后送她去洗胃
And look at that,
快看
The little angel's sleeping soundly, Gus.
这小天使终于睡着了
Looks like our problems...
令人头痛的问题终于
Pick a lane!
你到底要开哪条道
I hate this stupid bus.
我恨这台蠢巴士
Marvin, I'm afraid this night is not much of a winner.
马文啊今夜漫漫苦煎熬
Stuck in traffic, now we've missed
交通堵塞不流畅
the whole rehearsal dinner.
彩排晚餐赶不上
I pray that I was right and that you'll have no memory
希望你不要记得
of this godforsaken ride down the congested LIE.
这趟旅途超傻♥逼♥
At least we know one thing for sure:
不过我可以保证
Things can't get worse, I swear.
事情不会更糟了
Adios, truck stop burrito. Ooh!
永别了休息站的煎饼包
Do not go in there.
后面厕所一团糟
Okay, one more story,
算了再讲一个故事
and I'll try to tell it pretty.
我尽量把它讲好
The tale of Barney Stinson,
巴尼·斯丁森
Player king of New York City.
纽约泡妞王传奇
Once upon a time, we all went out to get our drink on.
某日麦氏酒吧里众友齐聚于一堂
When who should walk in but a girl
恰逢一女走进来
with sweater tight and pink on.
身着粉色毛衣装
She ordered up a beer.
佳人坐下喝啤酒
I think you see where this is going.
故事发展不难猜
As Barney put it, oh so eloquently:
巴尼表达最直白
Boy-oy-oy-oing.
奶妹胸前抖啊抖
He rose to go approach this girl commanding such intrigue
他对此妞感兴趣起身就要往前走
When mommy interrupted:
可你老妈叫住他
Dude, she's way out of your league.
老兄你肯定泡不到她
She's not in daisy dukes, nor squeezed into a hooters tee.
她一没穿超短裙二没穿爆♥乳♥服装
And I don't see a Curves membership
三无塑体会员卡
dangling from her key.
挂在钥匙上咣当
She has no glaring spray tan,
四没做喷雾晒黑
no unicorn tattoos.
五没独角兽纹身
She's sipping chardonnay,
她在浅尝霞多丽
not pounding cherry-flavored booze.
而非豪饮樱桃酒
Her makeup isn't running,
脸上妆没有哭花
she's not playing with her hair.
更没有搔首弄姿
There's very little chance she'll let you put it anywhere.
"进"身机会实在小
Your challenge is accepted, Lil.
我接受你的挑战莉莉
There is no girl too pretty,
对巴尼·斯丁森来说
for I am Barney Stinson,
这世上哪有无尘女神
Player king of New York city.
我可是纽约泡妞之王
You can't anoint yourself the king,
你不能给自己扣上王的高帽子
just like that jerk, Lebron.
就像那个混♥蛋♥勒布朗一样
He left the Cavs three years ago.
他三年前就离开骑士队了
Bro, give it up, move on.
兄弟别想了往前看吧
So why am I king? Glad you asked.
我为什么是泡妞之王很高兴你们问了
We didn't. Never do.
我们没问从未问过
It's origin story time.
原创故事时间到
And trust me, every word is true.
相信我字字千真万确
One morning long ago, I woke up next to a conquest.
很久以前的某个早上我在臣服者身边醒来
So many great things 'bout this girl: Her boobs,
这女孩妙处着实不少她的咪♥咪♥
her rack, her chest.
她的乳♥房♥♥ 她的胸部
She had a thirst for action,
她乃久旱渴甘霖
and young Barney was a-quenchin' it.
巴尼奋身扑欲♥火♥
Is this important to the story?
这是故事的重要部分吗
No, just thought I'd mention it.
不只是觉得应该提一下
As I departed, having bid this busty babe buh-bye,
接着我离开房♥间与丰满女说拜拜
I stopped and looked around, and wondered:
我停下来四处看忍♥不住停下发呆
Where the hell am I?
我究竟身在何处
The sign read 22nd street, and my concern decreased
路标上写着22街我的担心渐退
until a cold wind blew a branch aside,
直到冷风吹树枝
revealing: "East."
赫然露出"东"这字
The east side. No.
东区不
Wh-what have I done?
我做了什么啊
I stammered with chagrin.
我懊恼支吾着
Just then a black sedan pulled up...
一辆黑色轿车停在面前