老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S09E14
Part 1
Oct. 22, 2020, 1:55 p.m.
Oh, sorry, kids.
抱歉 孩子们
I forgot to mention there's a bit of a backstory
我忘了补充这个耳光的
to this particular slap.
来龙去脉
Oh, man.
我去
At least it landed on the mustard stain.
不过还好掉在了旧的芥末印上
Don't bother. That suit is a stain.
别弄了 那套西服就是个污点
A stain on the very institution of suits.
玷污了整个西服界
You know what tie goes with that suit?
你知道哪种领带配那套西服吗
The tie at the top of a Hefty bag.
绑麻袋的那种绳子最配
A suit like that
那种西服
only needs one button... self-destruct.
只需要一个纽扣[按钮] 自我毁灭钮
Hey, I bought him that suit.
这套西服是我买♥♥的
Where? Barfs Brothers?
在哪买♥♥的 "不可"兄弟吗
Men's Outhouse?
男人的"茅厕"吗
Giorgio Arms... Are-Not-the-Same-Lengthy?
乔治·"艾玛袖子不一样长"吗
That suit is a slap in the face to all suits everywhere.
那套西装简直就是打了所有西装的脸
A slap in the face.
打脸是吗
Uh, yes, Barney.
是啊 巴尼
There's something I need to tell you about the next slap
我来跟你讲讲 你下次被扇耳光
that you're going to receive.
会是怎样的情形
You see,
是这样
I want this slap to be
此次耳光呢
as painful as humanly possible.
会是人类史上最痛的一个
Sure. Sure. Okay, okay.
很好 好吧
Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.
我来打断一下
Yes, you won a slap bet with me seven years ago.
没错 七年前打的赌 我欠了你耳光
And, yes, over the years,
确实 这么多年来
you got in some great slaps.
你也打过不少不错的耳光了
Some great slaps.
是超赞的耳光
But here's the problem.
但是问题在于
You've tormented me so much
你折磨了我这么久
that I am now immune to it.
我已经免疫了
Hmm. It's as if my face, my psyche, my soul
就像是我的脸 以及精神和灵魂
were covered in that numbing cream
已经全部涂上了麻♥醉♥药♥膏
we all put on our deals so that we can go all night.
就像是涂在鸡鸡上保持一夜不倒的药一样
Am I right, fellas?
我说得对吧 兄弟们
Okay, we'll all just pretend like we've never done that.
好的 就假装我们从没有这样干过吧
Just like we've never sat on our left hand until it fell asleep
我们也没有拿屁♥股♥压着左手 压到麻痹
and then used it for an away gamer.
好当成是别人的手给自己打飞机
Okay. We'll all pretend
再次假装
like we've never done that.
我们也没这样做过
Just like we've all never taken
我们也没有拿两根
two live jumper cables...
带电的跨接电缆
Please stop.
够了
Barney, I'm well-aware that you've developed
巴尼 我很清楚
a resistance to all of my old tricks,
你已经对我的旧伎俩免疫
which is why I sought out special training.
因此我进行了一些特殊修行
Hi, hey, I'm sure you get this question all the time.
您好 肯定有很多人这样问你吧
But is there a special class where I just learn slapping?
请问有没有专门教人扇耳光的课程呢
We teach kung fu here.
我们教的是功夫
Right, see, the thing is, I don't need
好的 是这样
to learn anything about kicking.
我不想学腿上的功夫
You know? 'Cause, uh...
因为...
So, yeah. I'm good there.
没错 这部分我很擅长
Um, what I really need to learn is slapping.
我想学的是扇耳光的技巧
I need someone to teach me how to slap my friend
我需要有人教我 怎样能一巴掌扇过去
just like really hard right in his stupid face.
把我朋友的傻♥逼♥脸扇得鼻青脸肿
Can you teach me that?
你能不能教我
Kung fu is an ancient and honorable martial art.
功夫是一种古老而高尚的武术
It must be learned with great devotion and respect.
学习时要抱有虔诚的心和崇高的敬意
So, where are we on this whole slapping thing?
所以扇耳光课程是怎么样
Yes, no, maybe...? Get out.
行还是不行 出去
I know what you seek.
我知道你要找什么
You seek to learn the Slap of a Thousand Exploding Suns.
你想学"爆裂千阳掌"
Yes, that's totally a thing I've heard of.
是的 我完全早有耳闻
Can you teach me?
你可以教我吗
No, but I know who can.
我不能 但我知道谁可以
Can you take me to this great master?
你可以带我去见这位大♥师♥吗
I have much gold.
我有很多金子
It is not one great master you seek but three.
你要找的不只是一位大♥师♥ 是三位
They will teach you
他们会教你
the three mighty virtues of slapistry.
耳光术的三种无上要素
Speed.
速度
Strength.
力度
And accuracy.
和准度
Put these three virtues together,
融合这三种要素
and only then will you have mastered
你才能真正掌握
the Slap of a Million Exploding Suns.
"爆裂百万阳掌"
I'm sorry to interrupt, but a second ago,
很抱歉打断一下 一秒之前
wasn't it the Slap of a Thousand Exploding Suns?
绝世神功名字是"爆裂千阳掌"啊
Pretty sure I said a million, guys? I heard a million.
我说的是"爆裂百万阳"吧 没错
He said a million. One million.
他说了百万 是百万没错
So I went to Shanghai...
所以我去了上海
You didn't go to Shanghai.
你根本没去过上海
I went to Shanghai.
我去了
When did you go to Shanghai?
你什么时候去的上海
Last year I went to Shanghai.
去年我去了上海
You didn't go to Shanghai.
你没去上海
He went to Shanghai.
他去了上海
He didn't go to Shanghai. Totally went to Shanghai.
他没去过上海 他绝对去了上海
You didn't go to Shanghai.
你没去过上海
So I went to Shanghai.
我去了上海
In search of the first master.
寻找第一位大♥师♥
Are you Red Bird?
你是红雀大♥师♥吗
Okay, enough.
行了
I know you're trying to freak me out.
我知道你想吓我
But like I said, it's not working.
我说过了 没用的
So I will give you much gold
我可以给你很多金子
to stop wasting my time.
别浪费我的时间了
Hold that thought, I just want to see if can fix this.
失陪一下 我把这个点唱机修理一下
The Slap of...
这是
Ten Million Exploding Suns! 500 Exploding Suns!
"爆裂千万阳掌" "爆裂五百阳掌"
Three Billion Exploding Stars!
"爆裂三十亿星掌"
Relax, I'm not gonna slap you right now.
放轻松 我现在不会打你的
When I slap you, it shall be beneath a willow tree
我扇你的时候 会是在柳树下
next to four women and a tiger.
在四个女人和一只老虎旁
A willow tree, four women and a tiger?
柳树 四个女人 一只老虎
What are you talking about?
你在说什么
Who said anything about a willow tree, four women and a tiger?
没人说柳树 四个女人和一只老虎啊
Guys? Nobody.
谁说的 没人说
A tiger? You were totally silent just now.
老虎 你刚刚完全没说话啊
But Marshall just said that!
可是马修刚刚说了啊
What is going on?
到底怎么回事
How did you do that to the jukebox?
那个点唱机怎么会那样
Wait, it's fake.
等等 那是假的
That's a prop jukebox,
应该是个道具
designed just to mess with me.
专门为了整我设计的
Marshall, that jukebox cost eight grand.
马修 那个点唱机要八千美元的
I have much gold.
我有很多金子
Huh, that is much.
确实不少
You got lucky, Eriksen.
算你好运 埃里克森
I don't like this!
我不喜欢这个情况
I thought that nothing I said or did
你不是说 不论我说什么做什么
could intimidate you anymore.
你都不会受影响了吗
That's right.
是啊
It can't.
不会受影响
Itch.
我抓痒而已
Look.
听我说
If you're really nervous,
如果你很紧张
don't think of it as a slap.
就别把它看作耳光
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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