老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S03E01
Part 1
Oct. 30, 2020, 3:41 p.m.
Kids, there's more than one story of
孩子们 关于我怎么遇到你们妈妈
how I met your mother.
不是一个故事就能讲清楚的
You know the short version,
你们已经知道了精简的版本
the thing with your mom's yellow umbrella.
就是你们老妈的小黄伞
But there's a bigger story.
不过 这里还有一个更大的故事
The story of how I became
关于在遇见你们老妈之前
who I had to become before I could meet her.
我必须要做的一些改变
And that story begins, here.
故事就从这里开始
... dary!
...奇
Legendary!
传奇
Dude, I am so excited that you're single again.
兄弟 你又恢复单身了 我真是太激动了
We are going to conquer New York City.
我们准备征服纽约吧
I already have a girl from work lined up for you.
我已经为你准备好了我的一个女同事
Right boob bigger than the left boob,
她右胸比左胸大一些
which some choose to look at as bra half empty,
有些人把她看成是半边胸罩是空的
I choose to look at as bra half full.
我却把她看作半边胸罩是丰满的
I don't know.
我不知道
Robin and I broke up two weeks ago.
罗宾和我两个星期前才分手
I'm... I'm not ready.
我...我还没准备好
When will you be ready?
那你什么时候才能准备好
It was a good question.
这是一个好问题
After a big relationship ends,
一段刻骨铭心的恋情结束之后
you need some time to recuperate.
你需要些时间来恢复
Robin took a trip to Argentina,
罗宾去阿根廷旅游了
and I went through my usual routine.
而我则继续着我的日常生活
I grew my breakup beard.
我留起了我的分手胡须
Ted Mosby, suit up,
泰德•莫斯比 穿上西装
'cause here's the plan.
计划是这样的
There's a Miss Nassau County pageant.
有一个拿骚县小姐选美大赛
We'll pretend to be judges and,
我们装作评委 然后
yes, our votes are for sale.
是的 我们的投票是可以要价的
I'm not ready.
我还没准备好
I repainted the apartment.
我重新粉刷了公♥寓♥
Finish Line of a women's 10K.
女子万米跑的终点线
Salty girls on an endorphin high
一群怀着安多酚快♥感♥的浑身汗味的妹子
who just want to lie down.
只想要躺下来哦
Yeah. I'm not ready.
是的 我还没准备好
And the truth is, I was doing really good.
实际上 我过得挺好
Female acrobats from Montreal. Super flexible.
来自蒙特利尔的女杂技演员 柔韧性极佳
We are going to get Cirque de So-Laid.
我们准备好爽翻世界吧
What up?
怎么样
Barney, come on, we've covered this. I'm not...
巴尼 拜托 我们已经讨论过了 我还没...
Robin! Hey, guys.
罗宾 嘿 伙计们
I just got in last night.
我昨晚刚回来
Um, uh, this is Gael.
呃 这位是盖尔
Hola.
哈喽
Okay, I'm ready.
好了 我准备好了
I just can't believe her.
我真不敢相信她会这样
We have this totally amicable split, everything's cool.
我们完全是和平分手的 一切都很好
And she comes back from vacation with that guy?
而她居然度完假带着那个男人回来
You know what she's doing?
你知道她想做什么吗
She's trying to win the breakup.
她想要在这场分手中胜出
What do you mean "Win the breakup", old-timey inventor?
你所谓的"在分手中胜出"是指什么啊 老派发明家大人
What our 21st president, Chester A. Arthur,
我们的第21任总统 切斯特•A•亚瑟
is trying to say,
想说的是
is that in every breakup there are winners and a losers.
每一场分手都有赢家和输家
It's not a competition.
这不是比赛
Now, your 80-day balloon
你那80天热气球
race around the world, that was a competition.
环游世界的竞赛 那才是一场比赛
That's my wife.
这是我老婆
Of course it's a competition, Lil.
莉莉 这当然是一场比赛
How else do you explain... what's his name?
不然你怎么解释...他叫啥名字来着
Gael.
盖尔
I'm sorry, Gayle?
对不起 你叫基尔吗
Gael.
盖尔
Kyle?
凯尔
Gael.
盖尔
Girl?
格儿
It's pronounced "Guy-el. "
它的发音是"盖-尔"
It means "Joyful. "
意思是"欢乐的"
That is why I live my life by bringing joy,
这就是为什么我把欢乐
good energy and happiness to others.
正能量和幸福洒满人间
Especially those less fortunate that I.
特别是为那些没我幸运的人
I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?
不好意思 应该念基尔是吧
What a jerk.
真是个混♥蛋♥
I don't go to your stupid country and
我才不会到你那愚蠢的国家
try to seduce women with my sexy accent.
用我性感的口音勾引女人
That's a great point, Persian nightclub owner.
说得好 波斯夜♥总♥会♥老板
Oh, and he's a masseuse.
对了 他还是个"女"按♥摩♥师
With a massage,
通过按♥摩♥
everything is connected.
一切事物都能联♥系♥起来
I can touch your foot, cleanse your kidney.
我能通过按♥摩♥你的脚 来清洗你的肾脏
I can touch your earlobe, and slow your heartbeat.
我能够通过揉捏你的耳垂 来减慢你的心跳
One time, I used warm water to make a guy pee.
有一次 我只用温水就让一个家伙尿尿了
Of course, I didn't make a career out of it.
当然 我才没有把这个当成职业呢
Career?
职业
Such an American idea.
真是个美式的想法
My career is living.
我的职业就是生活
Windsurfing.
风帆冲浪
Making love.
做♥爱♥
Sometimes at the same time.
有时候两者同时进行
How? How would one do that exactly?
怎么做到的 怎么能同时做到这两样的
Seriously, don't giggle. Tell me.
说真的 别傻笑 告诉我
Not possible. You cannot have sex on a windsurfing board.
不可能 没人能在帆板上做♥爱♥
How do you know? Glad you asked, Lily.
你怎么知道 很高兴你问了 莉莉
I have crafted a list of every vehicle...
我拟写了一份单子 关于每一种交通工具
land-based, aquatic and airborne...
地上跑的 海里游的 天上飞的
in which/on which it's possible to have sex.
一切有可能在里面或者上面做♥爱♥的
And of those 33 vehicles, I have had sex in/on 31.
一共33种工具 我试过其中的31种
Windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible.
帆板 不在单子上面 所以不可能
Oh, P. S., in order to hit 33,
另外 为了能让这33种全部实现
all I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule.
我还需要一个雪橇和阿波罗11号♥船舱
To get that last one,
为了完成最后一个
you'd have to break into the Smithsonian.
你还得闯进史密森尼博物馆
This conversation never happened.
就当我没说过
All right, you're suited up, I'm bearded down.
好了 你穿上了你的西服 我也刮完了我的胡子
Let's get out there and win this thing. Yes!
我们出发去赢这场分手比赛吧 好的
You guys, have fun on your double date.
你们呢 好好享受你们的四人约会吧
Oh, for the hundredth time,
噢 都告诉你们几百次了
I'm sorry, there was a lull.
对不起 当时我脑子短路了
And then we fell asleep on the beach
然后数着数着星星
while counting the stars.
我们就在海滩上睡着了
Do you want to have dinner with me? Uh, us?
你愿意和我共进晚餐吗 和我们
There was no lull.
才不是呢
You just think he's incredibly hot. No, I don't!
你就是觉得他帅到不行 不 我没有
Not incredibly.
没有帅到不行
It's a little hard to believe how hot he is.
只是有点难以想象他有多帅
But, I mean, she's not serious about him.
但我的意思是 她对他不是认真的
The girl never marries the hot guy.
女孩是永远不会嫁给帅哥的
Well, you did.
你嫁给了啊
I'm one of the lucky few.
我是仅有的几个幸运儿
Lily, Ted is our best friend,
莉莉 泰德是我们最好的朋友
so let's get something straight:
所以让我们弄清楚这一点
Male Gayle is not hot.
那个叫基尔的男人一点都不帅
He's not our friend. Don't even look at him.
他不是我们的朋友 看都别看他
Just... no eye contact.
不能有眼神接触
So that night, as Lily
所以那天晚上 当莉莉和马修
and Marshall did their best to hate Gael...
尽力去讨厌盖尔的时候
Hey, Robin. Gael.
嗨 罗宾 盖尔
Robin pulled me aside to check in.
罗宾把我拉到一边问我
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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