糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E12
Part 4
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:11 p.m.
I'm going to rip your legs off.
有必要吗
Is zis really necessary?
我们不是应该庆祝
Aren't we meant to be celebrating
两国人♥民♥之间历史性的友谊的吗
ze long, historic friendship between our two peoples?
有什么比打架更能庆祝和平呢
What better way to celebrate the peace than with a fight?
现场的气氛一触即发
Well, the tension here is almost unbearable.
现在开始了 历史上最盛大 最漫长
And here we go, for the biggest, longest,
最累人的摔跤比赛
most gruelling wrestling match in history!
比赛结束
It's all over.
这是真的
好了 谁和我一起享受艺术 音乐和舞蹈
Alors! Who's for some art, music and dancing?
三局两胜
Best of three.
这是假的
这是真的 弗朗索瓦一世绊倒了亨利而获胜
It's true. Francis I beat Henry by tripping him up.
亨利可受不起失败的打击
Henry was a really bad loser.
因为他总是能为所欲为 对吧
He always liked to get his own way, did Henry.
所以想象一下当教皇告诉他不能离婚时
So, just imagine how well it went down
他有多不爽
when the Pope told him he couldn't get a divorce.
我在想象
Ooh... I'm imagining it.
我在想象
I'm imagining it.
我在想象
I'm imagining it!
英格兰王亨利八世
王后阿♥拉♥贡的凯瑟琳
访客
单击用户名开始
直棂
关闭计算机
我还是个帅小伙
Yes, I'm still a handsome devil.
您收到一封邮件
这是什么
Oh, what's this?
是我的亲亲老婆凯瑟琳生了吗
Could it be that my dear wife Catherine has given birth?
她生了 希望是男孩
Oh, she has. Please be a boy.
汝获一婴
希望是男孩 希望是男孩
Please be a boy, please be a boy...
女孩!
不 不
Oh, no! Oh, no...
为什么上帝要抛弃我 让我一直生女儿呢
Why has God forsaken me with only lady babies?
我必须有个男性继承人
No. I must have a male heir.
让女人来统治英格兰 简直是大灾难
A queen on the English throne would be disastrous.
多谢, 蒙上帝恩典, 英格兰和法国国王,
信仰的守护者,爱尔兰领主亨利.
女生太蠢了 没法治理国家
I mean, girls are too silly to rule countries.
都是我老婆的错
This is all my wife's fault.
我要和她离婚
I'm going to divorce her.
不 要更狠一点 我要把她踢出
No, worse - I'm going to drop her
我"亚博"好友的前八名
from my top eight on Yebo,
然后再和她离婚
and then I'm going to divorce her.
看她会有什么反应
Yes! See how she likes that.
在这呢 拜拜吧你
There we go. Take that, you...
删除好友
不
Oh, no.
这下搞得法国国王在我好友前八名里了
That's put the King of France in my top eight.
他是个白♥痴♥
And he's an idiot.
好吧
Right.
我现在得重新调整我的好友列表了
I'm going to have to completely rearrange my friends list now.
来电: 教皇克雷芒七世
教皇 他想干吗
The Pope. What does he want?
教皇陛下 您好吗
Ah, your Holiness. Hello to you.
我以为您在老鼠乱蹿的西班牙地牢里
I thought you were languishing
受苦受难呢
in a rat-infested Spanish dungeon?
我是在地牢 不过这里无线网络覆盖特别好
I am. But it has excellent wi-fi coverage.
亨利 这是真的吗
Henry, is it true?
你把你的王后从亚博的好友前八名里踢出去了
You dropped the Queen from your top eight on Yebo?
是真的
Yes, it's true.
她给我生错小孩儿了
She bore me the wrong kind of baby.
贵族找新娘
新娘找贵族
一切皆可的农民
我都明确说过要个男孩儿了
I specifically asked for a boy.
所以我要跟她离婚 如果你同意
So I'd like to divorce her, if that's OK with you.
什么 不行 不行 绝对不行
What? No! No. Absolutely not.
太晚了
Well, it's too late.
我正在都铎新娘网上找妹子呢
I'm looking on tudorbrides.Com as we speak.
-但是 亨利 听我说 -来看看
- Henry, now listen to me... - Here we go.
这有一个
Here's one.
安妮·博林
Anne Boleyn.
新教♥徒♥为人生幸福和男继承人
"Protestant lady Seeks rich, ennobled husband
诚心寻找多金贵族男 胡子控
for good times and lots of male heirs. Likes beards."
我得赶紧把她娶回家
Well, I must marry her right away.
大胡子国王保你终身性福.
亨利 天主教会
Henry, the Catholic Church
坚决反对你的离婚诉求
unremittingly refuses your request for a divorce.
能生男孩才行.
大胡子国王保你终身性福.
这样啊
Oh, really?
你非要这样 我只好自己建个教会了
I'll just set up my OWN church if you're going to be like that.
你不能想建就建
You cannot set up your own church!
至少要有圣典和教条才行
You need scriptures, and a dogma.
建立你的教会
来建立自己的教会吧
现在可是1529年了
That is... So 1529.
上网什么都能搞定
You can do it all online now.
开始建立教会吧
Yep. There we go.
为您的教会选择名字:
亨利
亨利教会
Church of Henry...
抱歉, 该名已被注册.
好了 不行啊
Yes, that's it. Oh, it's gone. No...
抱歉, 该名已被注册.
亨利 我恳请你
Henry. I implore you.
考虑一下后果
Please, think of the... think of the implications,
亨利八世
该名也已被注册. 建议您改为...
英国国教
以及可能的损失 亨利
the damage it will cause, Henry.
英国国教会 好主意
Church of England? Yep, that'll do.
亨利 请你听我说 我可是教皇啊
Henry, please. Listen to me. I'm the Pope!
为您的教会选择精神领袖:
你自己
下一步
亨利 亨利
Henry! Henry...!
恭喜. 您已成功建立...英国国教
抱歉 教皇陛下
Sorry, your Holiness.
我得下线了 刚收到一封电子邮件
Time to go, e-mail just popped in.
可能是安妮·博林发来的
It might be from Anne Boleyn.
再见
See you later.
这白♥痴♥想干吗
Oh, what does this idiot want?!
发件人 法兰西斯一世 主题 你是否烦恼疖子和...
法国国王真是的
King of France indeed.
病毒警告 该文件可能已被瘟疫感染
天 他给我发了个病毒
Oh, he's sent me a virus.
太狡猾了 够卑鄙的
Very clever. Well done. Yeah.
白♥痴♥
Idiot.
奇葩印加人
16世纪时 西班牙探险家
We Incas were discovered in South America
在南美洲发现了我们印加人
in the 1500s by Spanish explorers,
后来发现他们想要的并不只是友谊
and it turned out they were after more than just our friendship...
大家好 欢迎收看《粗略指南》
Hola. Welcome to Very Rough Guides.
弗朗西斯科·毕伽罗粗略指南
现在是1526年
It's 1526,
我是西班牙探险家弗朗西斯科·毕伽罗
and I am Spanish explorer Francisco Pizarro.
这是我的得力助手 佩德罗
This is my right hand man, Pedro.
大家好
Hola.
今天的节目将带领大家参观秘鲁
Today's programme is all about visiting Peru.
还有偷走他们所有的黄金
And stealing all their gold.
佩德罗 拜托
Pedro, please.
-别提偷黄金行吗 -抱歉 老大
- Don't talk about stealing the gold, OK? - Sorry, boss.
好的 行程路线很简单
OK. The journey here was very simple.
我们从西班牙航行五千英里到达巴拿马
All we had to do was sail 5,000 miles from Spain to Panama,
穿越茂密的丛林
travel overland through the dense jungle,
然后建新船 沿海岸线直下到达秘鲁
then build a whole new boat and sail down the coast to Peru.
我们才花了两年半的时间
It only took us two-and-a-half years!
就跟挤柠檬一样简单
Easy-peasy, squeeze the lemon.
是真的
现在我们就去找找当地的印加人
And now we are going to meet some local Incas,
看看他们的生活方式
see how they live
并感受他们灿烂辉煌的文化
and find out about their magnificent culture.
还要偷走他们所有的黄金
And steal all their gold.
佩德罗 别提偷黄金的事了行吗
Pedro, please! Don't mention stealing the gold, OK?
弗朗西斯科· 毕伽罗粗略指南
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Horrible Histories
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