糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E07
Part 2
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:10 p.m.
我要把他的心挖出来
I'm going to cut out his heart.
还有这个法国人
Then I'm going to takes this Frenchman
我要把他活活烧死
and burn 'im alive.
最后 我要把这个水兵的耳朵切掉
Finally, I'm going to cut the ears off this here swabby,
撒一点盐
sprinkle them with a little bit of salt
让他自己吃掉
and then makes him eat them.
内德·洛真的做过这些
希望你不吃素
I hope you're not vegetarian.
我还以为是你自己要吃他们呢
Well, I thought you were going to eat them.
-我不吃他们啊 -不吃吗
- I don't eats them. - No.
实在太过分了 你把我当什么了
Frankly I'm quite offended, what do you think I am?
我只是为了好玩而已
I just does all that for the fun!
上菜了
Grubs up!
现在你知道为什么没人愿意
You can see why no one wanted to
被我们海盗抓住了吧
be captured by us pirates.
所以当我们出海时
So when we was at sea,
就只有耍花招了
we had to use some pretty clever tricks.
抓紧了 伙计
Hold fast, lads.
看来船上有位美女
Looks like there's a lady on board!
-你好 小美人 -是我先看到她的
- Hello, gorgeous! - I saw her first.
我还是把眼罩
I'm going to put my patch
戴到好眼睛上吧
over my good eye, like that.
整个就一恐龙
That be horrible.
是我呀 你们的船长
It's me, your captain!
还真是
So it is!
吓死老子了
Shiver me timbers!
船长 这到底是咋回事
Captain, seriously, what is going on?
这是我为了吸引那些大商船
It's my brilliant new tactic
而制定的完美新战术
for capturing rich merchant ships.
只要他们以为我们都是女的
If they think we're all women,
就不会怀疑我们是海盗了
they'll never guess we're actually pirates.
海盗确实玩过这把戏
我们可以慢慢靠近他们的船
We can sail nice and close to their ship,
跳上甲板
leap aboard,
大开杀戒
slaughter the lot of them,
再把他们洗劫一空
and steal all their treasure!
这些是给你们准备的
Here be your disguises.
-不 -算了吧
- Ooh, no, no. - No...
好吧 有什么问题吗
Right, what's the problem?
-看上去有点儿...娘 -好啊
- Won't we look a bit... girly? - OK.
谁还有更好的点子 举手
Hands up who's got a better idea?
我说举"手" 杰克
I said hands up, Jack.
杰克有个点子
Oh, Jack's got a suggestion.
要是我们降下海盗旗
OK, what if we was to lower the Jolly Roger
升起遇险信♥号♥♥旗怎么样
and put up the distress flag instead.
过往船只肯定会对
A ship always has to come
遇险船只施以援手
to the help of another ship in distress.
的确如此
要是他们用望远镜
When they look through their telescopes
发现我们是海盗 一准颠儿了
and see that we are pirates, they'll be long gone.
要是我们装作一副
What if we was to make it look like
刚被残杀过的样子呢
we've all been massacred?
我们就躺在甲板上 身上涂满红色颜料
We lays on deck, covers ourselves in red paint,
装作一副被残杀过的可怜相
pretend that we've been slaughtered.
海盗也用过这招
只等他们一上船 我们就鲤鱼打挺
Then the crew come aboard, we spring to life,
抓起短刀 说时迟那时快...
grab our cutlasses and suddenly it's...
杀他们个干干净净
They be the dead ones!
好主意 杰克 击个掌
Nice one, Jack, high five.
-你觉得哥这手有掌吗 -抱歉
- Seriously, why would you do that? - Sorry.
快把红色颜料发给大家吧 杰克
Hand out the red paint then, Jack.
我没带红色颜料
I didn't bring any red paint.
你说啥
What did you say?
我说我没带红色颜料
I said I didn't bring any red paint.
他压根没带颜料
He didn't bring any paint.
继续执行方案A 都穿戴起来姑娘们
Back to plan A. Get these blouses on, ladies.
我要粉色那件
Fancy the pink one!
那件是我的 粉色是人家的诞生色
I want the pink one, that's my birth colour.
-你俩别这样 -真
- Please don't do... - It's...
邪恶的维多利亚时代
你知道我们维多利亚时代的人
Did you know we Victorians
都极富创造力吗
were a very inventive bunch?
不过有些时候还是老办法最管用
But sometimes the old methods are the best methods.
日安
Good day.
维多利亚版龙穴
[恶搞创业投资节目Dragons' Den]
欢迎收看《维多利亚版龙穴》
This is Victorian Dragon's Den.
时处维多利亚时代
This is Victorian Britain,
工业蓬勃发展
an age of enterprise and industry
许多伟大的发明都在此时
when many great inventions were, well,
被发明家们发明出来
invented by inventors.
那么今晚的参赛者
So can any of tonight's candidates
能否说服龙头们资助他们的发明呢
convince the dragons to put money behind their ideas?
首先上场的是纳撒尼尔·吐温克[傻瓜]先生
First up, it's Mr. Nathaniel Twonk.
先生们和女士
Gentlemen and lady,
请允许我介绍一下
allow me to explain
我发明的这件有效的设备
a most efficacious device that I have invented.
我称之为自动洗瓶机
I call it the automatic bottle washer.
这台设备可以自动洗瓶子连续数小时
This device will automatically wash bottles for hours on end,
完全用不着人力管理或调节
without the need for attention or adjustment.
棒极了 我要投资
Marvellous, yes, I'm in.
-投资 -投资
- I'm in. - I'm in.
下面有请埃德温娜·克鲁巴克特[饭桶]太太
Our next hopeful inventor is Mrs. Edwina Gruelbucket.
女士和先生们
Gentlemen and madam,
我希望能给大家提供一个绝佳的机会
I wish to present you with a golden opportunity
投资我这项伟大的发明
to invest in my most marvellous invention.
马铃薯自动采集机
The automatic potato harvester.
-很棒 -投资
- Wonderful! - I'm in.
投资
I'm in.
到目前为止 大发明家们的运气均不错
Well it's been a good day for our hopefuls so far.
不知切斯特顿·王德贝利[啤酒肚]先生
Let's see if Sir Chesterton Widebelly
是否也能俘获龙头们的心呢
can make it a clean sweep.
女士和先生们
Lady and Gentlemen.
我相信 我的发明
I have invented something
可以真正改变世界
which I believe will truly change the world.
我称之为
I call it
真空吸尘器
the vacuum cleaner.
真空吸尘器发明于1876年
这是用来干什么的呢
But what does it do?
它能吸东西[糟透了]
It sucks...
-天呐 -确实挺糟的
- Oh, dear. - It sucks all right.
龙头们并不为之所动
The dragons aren't impressed.
没关系
Never mind.
切斯特顿能扭转乾坤吗
Can Chesterton win them round?
还可以用这个代替
You could use this instead.
这还差不多 那我就投资
Ah, now, you see, that's more like it, yes, I'm in.
我投资
I'm in.
我也投资
I'm in, yes.
维多利亚时期 孩子们被迫从事
The Victorians made children do
各种艰难的工作
all sorts of terrible jobs.
但他们却创造出了许多新技术
But they also invented lots of technology.
比如说电 铁路
Electricity, the railway,
钢船 汽车 无线电...
steel ships, the car, the radio...
天啊 听听这首歌♥吧
Oh for goodness sake, just listen to this.
此乃维多利亚时代*
*T'was the age of Queen Victoria's
声名狼藉的年代*
*A period notorious
新奇造不停*
*So many brand new goods we did create
列表长又长*
*Our list is long and glorious
不愿烦众郎*
*Though I don't intend to bore yous
只是个个皆珍品*
*Was a time of great invention
是真是假 我们到底发明了啥*
*Was it really what did we invent then?
待我一一告诉你*
*Well I'm just about to mention
来点气氛加注意*
*Drum roll please let's raise the tension
我们发明了*
*We invented...
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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