糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E04

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.

卑微的中世纪
历史医院
天呐腿又疼得难受吗
Oh, dear. Leg still causing you pain?
不是我开心时喜欢喊一喊
No. I make these noises when I'm happy.
没必要这样医生就要来了
No need to be like that, the doctors are on their way,
今天的医生是来自...
and today they're from the, uh...
中世纪
Middle Ages.
太好了
Oh, terrific!
我是乌斯梅尔医生
I am Dr Usmal.
是的他是来自十二世纪阿♥拉♥伯的医师
Yes, and he's an Arabian healer from the 1100s.
这脓疮真恶心啊
Oh, that is a nasty looking abscess.
没事的坦白讲我现在感觉好多了
No, no, it's fine, honestly. I'm feeling a lot better.
不疼吗
It doesn't hurt?
只是有点疼而已
Yeah, well just a tiny bit.
这块从治愈药草中浸透来的绷带
This dressing prepared from healing herbs
能够很快消肿
will soon reduce that swelling.
药草省省吧我不...
Herbs? Leave it out, I don't...
还别说敷上后真的不疼了
Actually, that feels rather soothing.
谢谢你医师
Thank you, Doctor.
乐意之极
My pleasure.
请带我去医治下一位病人护士小姐
Next patient please, nurse.
好的请走这边
Yes, just this way.
真的有效哎
Wow! It really worked.
抱歉我来迟了我是啄坚果医生
Sorry I'm late. Doctor Nutpeck here.
来自中世纪的十字军军医
Crusader Doctor from the Middle Ages.
哪里不舒服
What appears to be the problem?
没事了阿♥拉♥伯医师已经看过了
It's all right. I've just been seen by the Arabian healer.
那个远古的傻瓜医生鄙视他
That primitive fool? Ugh!
你需要的是正规的欧洲十字军医药
What you need is some proper European Crusader medicine.
实际上我感觉好很多了
Actually, it feels a lot better.
胡扯这条腿必须锯了
Nonsense! We must cut off this leg.
-什么 -咬住
- What? - Bite down on this.
-救命啊 -截肢才是
- Help! - Yes, amputation
我们包治欧洲十字军战士百病的方法
is a cure-all procedure for us European Crusaders.
他们真的这么做
你在干什么快停下
What are you doing? Stop it!
好了是不是已经感觉好多啦
There, doesn't that feel better already?
下一位病人在哪
Where's the next patient?
你有点头昏眼花吗
So, you are feeling a little lightheaded?
谢了但我已经尝遍各种治疗了
Thanks, but I've tried every treatment going.
我觉得某个中世纪的阿♥拉♥伯医治术
I hardly think some Arabian cure
也无法起效了
from the Middle Ages is likely to help.
这点稍后再说你能嚼一下这个吗
Well, we will see. Could you please chew on this?
这是啥某种神奇的叶子吗
What's this? Some sort of magic leaf?
不是只是很好很健康的食物
No, it is just good, healthy food.
长♥期♥以来阿♥拉♥伯医师都知道
Arabian healers have known for a long time
健康均衡的饮食
that a healthy, balanced diet
对于治疗像你这种疾病非常有效
can be very beneficial in cases such as yours.
天呐我已经觉得好一些了
Mmm, my goodness, I feel better already.
坚持好饮食不久你就会痊愈的
Well, stay on the diet and soon you will be well.
可怜的女士你怎么啦
So, poor female lady woman, what seems to be the problem?
不用担心坚果牛肉饼医生
Don't worry, Dr Nutburger,
我已经让她按规定饮食了
I have put her on a diet
她不久就会痊愈的
and she will be very well in no time at all.
规律饮食你个阿♥拉♥伯嬉皮疯子
A diet? You crazy Arabian hippie.
俺们欧洲医生知道
Us European doctors know
只有一种方法可以治疗这种疾病
there is only one way to cure this condition.
咬住
Bite down on this.
我们必须截掉病人的头顶
We must remove the top of the patient's head
他们真的这么做
然后再用盐水洗洗♥脑♥
and wash out the brain with salt.
离她远点
Get off her!
不我撞到头了
No! I banged my head.
我有点头昏眼花
I feel a little lightheaded.
你现在感到头昏眼花啦
So, you feel a little lightheaded.
也许该用你们十字军军医的治疗手段
Well, then perhaps we should apply one of your Crusader cures
把你的头切下来
and cut your head off!
不了没那必要
No, that won't be necessary.
或许可以试试你们阿♥拉♥伯的药草
Perhaps we can try one of your nice Arabian herbal remedies.
不行咬住
No! Bite down on this.
是的
Yes.
中世纪的欧洲医生
European doctors
认为他们远胜过阿♥拉♥伯医生
thought they were better than Arab doctors in the Middle Ages,
但他们大错特错了
but they were wrong.
提醒亲就算是阿♥拉♥伯医药
Mind you, even Arabian medicine
也没法救治接下来的这位兄弟
couldn't have done much to save this fella.
愚蠢的死法之
汉弗莱·德·博亨
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
下一位
Next!
来者何人
And you are?
汉弗莱·德·博亨叛军领袖
Humphrey de Bohun, leader of the rebel army.
你是怎么死的但愿死得极其愚蠢
And how did you die? With great stupidity, I hope.
我领导群众反对国王爱德华二世
I was leading a rebellion against King Edward II.
在巴勒布里奇战役中大干了一场
My army was fighting his at the Battle of Boroughbridge.
不够愚蠢啊
Not stupid enough.
我带领我的军队过一座木头桥
I was leading my troops across the wooden bridge.
敌人顽强抵抗
The enemy was defending it fiercely.
很说得通
Almost sensible.
我决定迎头发起冲锋
I decided to charge them head on
神挡杀神佛挡杀佛
I was killing everything in my path,
从左杀到右又从右杀到左
battling them to the right, fighting them to the left to me.
真是太无聊了伙计
You're losing me, pal.
但是突然我感觉到...
Then suddenly, I... felt a terrible agony in my...
菊花一阵剧痛
in my bottom.
有意思
Oh, joy!
一个敌方士兵躲在桥下
Yes, an enemy soldier had hidden himself under the bridge
然后把长矛捅进了我的菊花
and he'd shoved a pike right in my bottom.
哎呦瞧瞧啊
Look, there it is!
那还真是脖子一疼啊
Ooh! Hey, that must have been a real pain in the neck!
不应该是屁♥股♥一疼吗
Don't you mean pain in the backside?
我就是这么说的
That's what I said, wasn't it?
你说的脖子疼
No, you said pain in the neck.
不是我说的屁♥股♥疼
No, I said "Pain in the backside".
你要是说屁♥股♥一疼会更有趣的
It would have been funnier if you'd said pain in the backside...
是很有趣因为... 我就是屁♥股♥疼啊
Well, it was funny because... I did!
-随便啦伙计 -好吧
- Whatever, pal! - Right.
赶紧去投胎吧你麻溜的
You're through to the afterlife. Off you trot.
谢谢
Thank you.
他真是糟透了[屁♥股♥交易]
Ooh, hey, he got a real bum deal.
我该趁他走之前说的
Ooh, I should've said that when he was in the room.
那啥你你有个屁♥股♥... 他走了
Hey, you, you got a bum... Oh, he's gone.
为啥你老是慢一拍算了
Why do you always think of things too late? Never mind.
下一位
Next!
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
奇葩印加人
在古秘鲁每年四月
Every April in Ancient Peru,
印加人都会举办盛典
Incas held a ceremony
纪念白色美洲羊驼纳帕
in honour of Napa - the white Llama.
那纳帕得做些什么呢
But what did the Napa Llama have to do...?
A 戴耳环
A Wear earrings
B 喝啤酒
B Drink beer
C 踢翻酒瓶
C Kick over a pot
答案是以上三项
The answer is all three.
穿上红装戴上耳环喝醉的白羊驼
Dressed in a red shirt and earrings, a drunk white llama
被牵到寺庙去踢翻吉开酒瓶
would be sent into a temple to kick over pots of chicha beer.
这还不是唯一古怪的印加习俗
And that's not the only bizarre Incan custom.
历史版
hhhh购物
hhhh频道
之
印加时刻