糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E11

Part 4 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:11 p.m.

-你们是 -琳达和奈杰尔
- And you must be? - Linda and Nigel.
我们是阿基劳斯的家长
We're Archelaus' parents.
阿基劳斯了解了
Archelaus? I see.
-怎么了 -我很早就想和你们说说
- What's wrong? - Well, I've been meaning to speak to you
-你们儿子的行为了 -很糟吗
- about your son's behaviour for some time. - Is he in trouble?
我手上这张单子
Well, I have a list here
是他上个星期的表现
of what he's been up to in the last week alone.
大吵大闹
Screaming, shouting,
-打架攻击老师 -真的吗
- fighting with other pupils, attacking the teachers. - Really?
携武器上学
Bringing weapons into school,
作弊撒谎偷窃欺辱
cheating, lying, stealing, bullying.
后面还有一长串
I mean, the list goes on and on.
阿基劳斯夫妇你们的儿子
Mr and Mrs Archelaus, your son...
如何
Yes.
是完美的斯巴达少年
..Is the perfect Spartan child.
他会成为出色的斯巴达勇士
He is going to make a fantastic Spartan warrior.
-你们一定非常骄傲 -的确
- You must be very proud. - I'm very proud.
他真的很骄傲
Yeah, he's very proud.
这里是斯巴达学校所以请不要流泪
All right, it is a Spartan school so don't cry.
真假辨析
True or false?
为了证明自己意志坚强
To prove who was the toughest,
斯巴达少年会在阿耳忒弥斯的圣坛前接受鞭笞
Spartan boys would be whipped at the altar of the God Artemis.
[阿耳忒弥斯为古希腊神话中的狩猎女神和月神]
答案是
It's,
真的
true
能承受最多次鞭打的就是最坚强的
Whoever could take the most lashes was the toughest.
有时打得太重太频繁
Although sometimes they were whipped so hard
他们就被打死了
and so often that they died.
要是你觉得这种死法很傻
And if you think that's a stupid way to die,
不妨听听雅典统治者德拉古的故事
check out what happened to the Athenian ruler Draco.
德拉古
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻真人真事乐哈哈*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻下次不要到你家*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you.
下一位来者何人
Next. So whom might you be?
德拉古希腊立法者雅典统治者
Draco, Greek lawmaker and ruler of Athens.
希腊立法者
Ooh. Greek lawmaker.
不会就是那个连偷苹果
Not THE Draco, the one who made pretty much
都要处以死刑的德拉古吧
any criminal offence punishable by death, even stealing an apple?
-正是在下 -太好了
- The very same. - Oh, brilliant.
可以给我签名吗拜托
Can I have an autograph, please?
-当然 -签在这里谢谢
- Yes, of course. - Just here, thank you.
能不能给个么么哒
Oh, any chance of a kissy?
两个么么哒太好了
Oh, two kissies! Lovely.
那么说说你的蠢死法吧
Right, now tell me about your stupid death, come on.
这个嘛虽然我为人残酷不过仍然很受欢迎
Well, you see I was a very cruel ruler, but also a popular one.
残酷却受欢迎好巧我也是
Cruel but popular. Me too.
因此在雅典竞技场有场为我举办的盛会
So a special show was put on in the Athenian arena in my honour,
我走出包厢接受民众的欢迎
and I stepped out to soak up the praise of the crowd.
人们为了向我表示敬仰
Anyway, the crowd, to show their admiration,
-开始朝我扔帽子和斗笠 -然后呢
- began to shower me with their hats and cloaks. - Yes.
更多帽子和斗笠
And then more hats and cloaks.
-更多斗笠帽子斗笠 -然后呢
- And then more cloaks... and more hats...and more cloaks. - Yes.
还是帽子斗笠
And more hats and cloaks,
帽子斗笠越来越多直到最后
and more hats and cloaks, until eventually,
我身上堆满了斗笠和帽子
I had so many hats and cloaks piled up on top of me,
我被闷死了
I suffocated.
太好玩了
That's hilarious!
我笑得喘不过气了
That's so funny, I'm gasping for air.
像你一样
Like you were!
被帽子和斗笠闷得喘不过气
Oh, because of the hats and cloaks thing, yes.
好消息德拉古你可以去投胎了
Oh, good news, Draco, you're through to the afterlife.
非常非常感谢
Thank you, thank you so much.
我真是爱死这份工作了
Oh, dear. I love my job sometimes,
真的
I really do.
死得傻呀死得傻下次不要到你家*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you.
恐怖的都铎王朝
糟糕历史电视台
新闻联播
大家好欢迎收看《那时新闻》
Hello and welcome to the News At When.
那时就是都铎时代
When? Tudor times,
英格兰脱离罗马成立自己的教会
when England broke with Rome and got its own church,
亨利八世得偿所愿教皇恼羞成怒
which really pleased Henry VIII and really upset the Pope.
请看本台记者鲍勃·黑尔
Here with more details is Bob Hale
带来的天主教详细报道鲍勃
with the Catholic report. Bob.
谢谢萨姆
Thank you, Sam.
这里是都铎时代的英格兰
Well, there it is - Tudor England,
这位是亨利八世
that's Henry VIII right there,
你想必也知道 900年来
and as you can tell, it's wall-to-wall Catholics
目光所及之处
as far as the eye can see, much as it has been for,
都是彻头彻尾的天主教区
ooh, let's say 900 years.
然后亨利遇到了点小麻烦他想离婚
But Henry's got a bit of a problem because he wants a divorce,
亨利的麻烦
这恰好是天主教会最讨厌的词
which is exactly the sort of thing the Catholic Church doesn't like.
阿♥拉♥贡的凯瑟琳
王后一号♥
他向教皇申请离婚
So he asks the Pope if he can have a divorce
教皇
教皇说门都没有荷西
and he says "No way, Jose",
[No way, Jose 60年代美国俚语意为门都没有]
好奇怪他名字明明是亨利
which is weird because his name's Henry.
没门亨利
所以亨利接下去怎么办
So what does Henry do?
他和教皇决裂了
He breaks away from the Pope, there he goes,
在英格兰成立了自己的教会
and he starts up his own church here in England
名字叫英国国教毫无新意
called, unsurprisingly, the Church of England.
英国国教
他既然当了头头就自己准了自己离婚
And since he's in charge of it, he grants himself a divorce
接着娶了安妮·博林一个新教♥徒♥
and marries Anne Boleyn, who's a Protestant -
她信仰圣经不信仰教皇
she believes in the Bible but not in the Pope.
现在英国成了新教国家
Now. Since the country's turning Protestant,
亨利开始严惩天主教
Henry starts being a bit mean to the Catholics.
我的意思是他开始处死天主教♥徒♥
By that, I mean he executes them,
推倒教堂洗劫金银
closes their monasteries and takes all their money.
他又结了四次婚直到咽气
Then he gets married another four times and he dies.
娶六个老婆可不得死么
That's what six wives will do to you.
信不信由你这还没到复杂的地方呢
Believe it or not, that was the easy bit.
第一部分结束
(简单部分...)
请看这个宗教天平
As we can see if we look at the Religionometer.
接替亨利王位的是
So, the next king after Henry is
你的某个同学
someone from your school!
瞎说是爱德华六世当时只有九岁
No, not really, it's Edward VI, who's only nine years old.
他是个新教♥徒♥ 没错
And he's a Protestant, that's right.
他当了很久很久的国王
And he's the King for ages and ages,
直到他于十五岁高龄时去世
until he finally dies at the ripe old age of 15.
没错十五岁当时他刚把权力移交给
Yep, 15, when he hands over to
简·格雷夫人另一个新教♥徒♥
Lady Jane Grey, another Protestant,
9天
她享受了长达九天的女皇待遇
who enjoys ruling the country for a whopping nine days,
然后就被玛丽女王推♥翻♥了
before she's overthrown by Queen Mary,
这次是个天主教♥徒♥
a Catholic this time.
她过于忠实于天主教
So Catholic, in fact,
以至于下令烧死了300名新教♥徒♥
that she burns 300 Protestants at the stake.
严格来说那并非出于天主教义
Although strictly speaking that's not being Catholic,
只是出于残酷本性
that's just being horrid.
于是英格兰又恢复信仰天主教
So, England is Catholic again
每个人都乖乖地努力适应了
and everyone sits down and gets used to it.
但世事无常伊莉莎白女王驾临了
But not for long! Here comes Queen Elizabeth and,
你猜得没错她信的是新教
you've guessed it, she's a Protestant.
她击败了天主教入侵者
She fights off a Catholic invasion,
西班牙无敌舰队
the Spanish Armada.
伊莉莎白之后是詹姆斯一世
Then Elizabeth is followed by James I.
他是个苏格兰新教♥徒♥
He's a Scottish Protestant...
还是新格兰苏教♥徒♥
or is it a Prottish Scotestant?
总之他是新教♥徒♥ 但喜欢天主教
Either way, he's a Protestant, but he likes Catholics.
至少在某人试图推♥翻♥他之前是这样的
At least he does until one tries to blow him up.
某人即小淘气盖伊·福克斯
Naughty, naughty Guy Fawkes!