糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E07
Part 4
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:10 p.m.
谢谢 萨姆
Thank you, Sam. Well,
现在是1625年 希望你穿得得体点
it's 1625 and I hope you're dressed smartly,
因为国王来了 他就是查理一世
because here comes the King. Yes, it's King Charles I,
登基那天起 他就不停地惹麻烦
and right from day one, he is stirring up trouble.
麻烦
主要是因为他本该顺应英国国教
Mainly because he's supposed to be a Protestant,
成为新教♥徒♥
like the Church of England,
英国国教
但他仍不断做些天主教的事情
but he keeps doing some very Catholicy things,
例如娶了个天主教♥徒♥ 天主教式祈祷
like marrying a Catholic, praying like a Catholic.
新祈祷书
还穿着"我爱天主教"的T恤 最后那个不算
and wearing a I-Love-Catholics t-shirt. Except not the last one.
我爱天主教
查理的行为惹恼了很多人
And Charlie's behaviour annoys an awful lot of people,
议会
尤其是位于伦敦的议会
especially in Parliament down here in London.
所以查理就说 你们放假吧
So Charlie tells them to take some time off,
这一放就是十年
about ten years, in fact,
国王统治妥妥的
把国家完全掌握在自己手中 很欢乐
leaving him in charge of the entire country, which is jolly good fun.
不是吧
但好景不长 苏格兰人首先受够了这个
But not for long. First, the Scots, sick of this bossy,
我们讨厌查理
专横的热爱天主教国王 发动了战争
Catholic-loving King, start a war against him.
然后爱尔兰人也受够了英格兰人的侵略
Then the Irish, sick of English people stealing all their land,
我们也讨厌查理
也发动了战争 但打仗是很烧钱的
start another war against him, and wars are very expensive.
所以查理重新召集了议会
So Charlie brings back Parliament,
这样就可以找他们要钱了
so he can ask them for some money.
但他们说"才不要咧
And they say,
才不要咧
你忘了你想要摆脱我们了吗"
"No, because you tried to get rid of us, remember?"
然后把他的恶行
And instead, They just give him a big long list
你解散了
议会
你喜欢
天主教
你臭死了
列了一张清单
of everything they don't like about him.
说到麻烦 在接下来两年里
Well, talk about trouble. Over the next two years,
国家分成了两拨儿
the country divides in two,
一部分拥护查理
with some people siding with Charlie,
也就是保皇党
that's the Cavaliers,
而其他人 圆颅党 选择拥护议会
and others siding with Parliament - that's the Roundheads.
直到16♥4♥2年 内战在诺丁汉爆发了
Until in 16♥4♥2, here in Nottingham, Civil War is declared.
我们宣战
那叫个战火纷飞啊
and what a war it is!
让我们来看看战时局势表
In fact, if we look at the fight-o-meter,
我们看到第一场主要战役
we can see the first major battle,
发生在边山 胜利者是 谁都不是
Edgehill, victory goes to no-one at all.
很无趣啊 双方不分上下
Very dull, it's a dead heat.
不过第二回合 伦敦之战 获胜的是
But in round two, here in London, the winner is...
圆颅党大获全胜 紧跟着
Oh, a great result for the Roundheads there, followed by...
保皇党在西南部大获全胜
a real killing for the Cavaliers done in the West Country.
保皇军北上又取得了各种胜利
And then another win for the King up North,
一举拿下博尔顿 普勒斯顿
taking Bolton, Preston,
威根和利物浦
Wigan and Liverpool,
我表哥泰德正好
where my cousin Ted runs
在那儿的商业大街开了个干洗店
a dry-cleaner's just off the High Street,
泰德·黑尔干洗店 周三衬衫半价优♥惠♥
周三衬衫半价优♥惠♥ 值得一试
half-price shirts on Wednesdays - worth remembering.
但是国王的好运很快到头了
But the King's luck can't last.
保皇党的鲜血溅满了马斯顿荒原
It's complete murder at Marston Moor,
接连着在纽伯里和纳斯比也惨遭歼灭
followed by a knockout at Newbury and annihilation at Naseby.
这仗打得真太烂了 把咱的表都弄坏了
In fact, he's doing so badly, he's broken our thingy!
不过查理王想了个法子
But Charlie has an idea.
他和苏格兰军协商休战
He'll make a truce with the Scots
条件是他们答应帮他对抗圆颅党
if they'll help him fight the Roundheads,
聪明绝顶啊
which is absolutely brilliant.
只不过没起作用
Except it doesn't work at all,
他们把国王绑了 送给了国会
and they just hand him over to Parliament. Whoops!
所以说圆颅党胜 保皇党败
So the Roundheads win, the Cavaliers lose,
内战到此为止
and that is the end of that.
和平没持续多久 人们很快发现
But not for long. It soon becomes clear
圆颅党的首领奥利弗·克伦威尔
that the Roundhead leader, Oliver Cromwell,
像臭荨麻内♥裤♥一样没意思
is about as much fun as stinging nettle underpants,
于是苏格兰军最终和查理建立了联盟
so the Scots finally form an alliance with Charlie
要推♥翻♥克伦威尔
to overthrow Cromwell.
没错 这就是第二场内战
Yes, it's Civil War Part Two.
第二场内战
苏格兰人和保皇党同仇敌忾
With the Scots and the Cavaliers fighting on the same side,
理应战无不胜
there's no way they can lose.
这只是我们的一厢情愿
Or so we thought.
没错 克伦威尔完全粉碎了两军的进攻
Yes, Cromwell completely crushes both of them
永别了 内战
and it's goodbye civil war,
永别了 内战
永别了 查理的人头
goodbye Charlie's head,
永别了 王公贵族们
and goodbye kings and queens altogether.
没错 克伦威尔现在掌控了整个国家
Yes, Cromwell is now in charge of the country.
随着战事告捷
And with all the warring over,
老大
奥利不再挤兑保皇党了
Olly can stop being mean to the Cavaliers
而是开始挤兑全国所有人
and start being mean to the rest of us.
他把英国变成了清教♥徒♥的天下
He turns Britain into a puritan state,
清教♥徒♥天下
毫无娱乐
禁止了几乎所有的娱乐
which means banning pretty much anything fun,
包括体育运动 剧院表演和圣诞节
including sport, theatre and Christmas.
直到最后没东西可以取缔了
And then he runs out of stuff to ban,
他闲得发慌 病死了
gets bored and dies.
于是他的儿子理查德即位了
So his son Richard takes over,
但是他就像果冻锄头那样外强中干
but he's about as much use as a jelly pickaxe.
覆盆子酸橙混合口味
没过多久 英国人♥民♥
Before long, the people of Britain
就想赶走清教♥徒♥们 疯狂的国王回归了
just want the petty puritans out and the crazy kings back.
没错 人们热烈欢迎查尔斯王子回来
Yes, Prince Charles is welcomed home with open arms.
他成了查理二世 君主制复辟了
He becomes King Charles II and the monarchy is restored!
王政复辟
这就是王政复辟
It's the Restoration,
所有的乐子也跟着回来了 包括
which gives us all sorts of fun things - including
复辟喜剧 时装 和家具
Restoration comedies, Restoration fashion, Restoration furniture.
也包括这件赏心悦目的红木衣柜
Including this delightful mahogany bureau.
出价七百五十镑
Now, do I hear 750, 750 for the bureau?
后排出价七百五十英镑
750 once at the back, 750.
有人出价八百英镑 八百镑一次
I've got 800 for the bureau. 800, going once at 800.
九百镑 后排出价九百英镑 九百五
900 for the bureau, 900 at the back. 950 at the back.
有人出价一千英镑
There, I've got 1,000 pounds.
一千英镑一次 两次
1,000, going once at 1,000, twice at 1,000,
一千英镑成交
Sold for 1000 pounds to the
衣柜归这位美丽的波波头小姐了
beautiful lady with a beautiful bob haircut.
画面交还给你 萨姆
Back to you, Sam.
马斯顿荒原战役是英国内战中
One of the decisive battles of the English Civil War
具有决定性的一战
was at Marston Moor,
但那里发生的一切十分不同寻常
but what happened there was unusual to say the least.
现在请把画面交给迈克·皮博迪
Let's go over live to Mike Peabody
看看当时到底发生了什么 迈克
to find out what actually happened. Mike.
我身处约克郡西部的马斯顿荒原
I'm here at Marston Moor just west of York -
16♥4♥4年 马斯顿荒原直播
这里即将爆发
The site that promises to become
整个英国内战中最残忍♥最血腥的战争
one of the most bruta land bloodiest battles of the whole Civil War.
我希望能采访到
I'm hoping to catch up with
保皇党领袖鲁伯特亲王
Prince Rupert, leader of the Royalist forces,
他正在组织自己的军队...吃晚饭
who's currently preparing his Cavalier army for...dinner.
干啥呀 老兄
What ho, old bean.
你好 我是迈克·皮博迪
Hello. Mike Peabody,
糟糕历史新闻记者
HHTV News.
你好 鲁伯特亲王
Prince Rupert, hello.
我发现你好像没在积极备战啊
I couldn't help but notice you're not actually preparing for battle.
那当然 都七点多了
Of course not. It's gone 7 o'clock,
还有一小时就天黑了
only an hour of daylight left.
哪儿还有时间打仗
Not enough time for a battle,
饱餐一顿倒是够了
but plenty of time for a slap up feed!
所以我让所有士兵放下武器
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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