糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E10
Part 2
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:11 p.m.
名字
A name?
儿子 事情是这样的...
Well, the thing is, son...
想个好名字是很麻烦的
Coming up with good names is very tricky.
想到你只有五成的几率活这么久
Given you only had a 50% chance of surviving as far as you have,
这是真的
我们就懒得想了
we just thought we wouldn't bother.
所以我们才叫你七娃 七娃
That's why we call you seventh child, seventh child.
我觉得可以给他取个名字
I suppose he could have a name.
毕竟今天是他生日
It is his birthday, after all.
那好吧
OK. Um...
叫"杰克"怎么样
What about... Jack?
就杰克了
Ah! Jack it is then!
我还有一份更好的礼物给你
Oh! I've got an even better present for you.
-什么 -一份工作
- What is it? - A job.
现在你五岁了
Now you're five years old,
可以和你老爹一起去工厂干活了
you can come and work in the factory with your old dad.
明天开始 六点整
You start tomorrow, 6 o'clock sharp.
儿童五岁时真的要去工作
最好五点半
Actually, best make it 5:30,
免得他们又调时间坑人
in case they try that clock trick again.
下次生日 我们从哪找更好的礼物啊
How will we top this for his next birthday?!
他要在工厂清理新机器的齿轮
He'll be cleaning the cogs in the new machine at the factory,
咱们应该不用担心下次生日的事了
so I don't think we need to worry about next birthday.
是真的
It's true.
在维多利亚时代
In Victorian times,
许多贫穷的儿童在五岁时
many poor children went to work
就去危险的工厂做工
in dangerous factories from the age of five!
五岁
Five!
不过有些人会在时髦奢华的房♥子里打工
Some people got to work in nice, posh houses instead.
不过 那也不怎么好玩
But then - that wasn't much fun either.
大家好 我是广♥告♥人
Hi! I'm a shouty man!
今天向大家介绍的是新维多利亚女佣
And I'm here to tell you about new Victorian Maid,
节省劳力的革命
the labour-saving revolution!
新维多利亚女佣适用于
New Victorian Maid is perfect for
清洁 扫地 清洗
all your cleaning, sweeping, washing
洗刷 除尘 整理
brushing, dusting, tidying
还有各种服务
and serving needs.
可连续工作16小时 不需休息
And what's more, it works the 16 hours without needing a break.
或不准休息
..Or at least without getting a break!
全都是真的
维多利亚女佣是不是什么活都能做
Is there no end to what Victorian Maid can do?
工作安排
只有你想不到 没有她们做不到
Not if you give it a long enough list!
还有
What's more...
如果你的维多利亚女佣
if your New Victorian Maid should become
生病 衰老 怀孕 变懒
ill, old, pregnant, lazy
或出了其它问题
or otherwise problematic.
我们将为您替换一个年轻女佣
..Then we'll replace it with a younger model,
以同样的超低价格
for the same low, low price!
现在购买♥♥
Buy now!
我们还将附送独一无二的诚信测验
..And we'll include this unique honesty test,
完全免费
free of charge!
如何使用
只需将硬币置于地毯下
Simply place the coin under a rug
若没被找到 则清洁不过关
and if it's not found, that's bad cleaning!
该换个女佣了
Time to replace Victorian Maid!
真实发生过
若被找到 却未被上交
Or if it is found, and not given back to you,
则诚信不过关
that's dishonest!
该换个女佣了
Time to replace Victorian Maid!
超低价格 即可拥有新维多利亚女佣
New Victorian Maid can be yours for the incredible low, low price...
一年仅需六英镑
of juat 6 pounds a year!
跳楼大甩卖♥♥
Now, that's a bargain!
现在就购买♥♥新维多利亚女佣吧
Try new Victorian Maid today!
分派工作 家务轻松完成
Make someone else do it... and the job is done!
警告 维多利亚女佣周日仅工作半天
Waring: Victorian maid only works a half day on Sundays.
请仔细阅读标签
Always read the label.
你们会觉得我们维多利亚人
So I think we've established we Victorians
对其他人都非常坏
were pretty vile to each other.
其实我们对其他生物也挺坏的
Well, we were pretty vile to other creatures, too.
是的 挺坏
Oh, yes, we were.
[恶搞ITV节目Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids]
恐怖故事
恐怖迷们 大家好
Greetings, terror lovers.
我是文森佐·拉佛
I am Vincenzo Laffov.
本周的恐怖故事 来自维多利亚时代
This week's sca-a-ary story is from the Victorian Times.
名叫《畸形》
It's called...The Freaks!
畸形
那是维多利亚女王统治的时期
It was in the reign of Queen Victoria,
是非常恐怖的时代
a most eerie era of fearful years,
一种黑暗的新时尚流行于世
when a dark new trend gripped the world -
畸形秀
the freakshow!
那跟我想的配乐不太一样
That could not be less like the music I had in mind.
试试第七首
Try track seven.
第八首
Track eight?
畸形秀是非常粗俗的场所
The freakshow was a most vulgar place
拥有不正常身体或独一无二特技的人
where those with unusual bodies or unique gifts
被当作畸形 并被迫演出
were made to perform, as freaks,
以娱乐看热闹的大众
for the amusement of a gasping public.
在长胡子的女人和尖头男人中
But amongst the bearded ladies and pin-headed men
潜藏着一个真正称得上畸形的生物
lurked a creature truly deserving of the name...freak.
斐济美人鱼
The Fiji Mermaid!
这个疯狂的生物的头和手臂类似人类
The crazed creature had a head and arms almost human in appearance.
但自腰部以下
But, from the waist down,
却是鱼的身体
it's body was that of a fish!
不过展出的美人鱼不是活的
But this mermaid was not alive.
想想看那种震惊 害怕和恶心的感觉
Just imagine the shock, the fear, the revulsion,
如果有人看到了真的 活生生的畸形
felt by those who witnessed a true, living, breathing freak!
猪脸女人
The pig-faced lady!
感觉到没 这个音效一点都不恐怖
You see that? That's just not scary, is it?
能不能慢点 或者
Can we try slowing it down? Or something...
会搞定的
It'll have to do.
急切的观众进入到帐篷里
As the eager public entered her tent,
她就在里面
there was the lady!
她的眼睛又黑又暗
Her eyes dark and hooded,
脸宽而灰
her face wide and grizzled.
鼻子向前伸长 潮湿 褶皱犹如猪鼻
Her nose pushed forwards into a wet, wrinkled snout.
洞穴似的嘴巴里发出的并非人声
From her cavernous mouth came not a voice,
而是咆哮和鼻息声 让帐篷为之震颤
but growls and snorts that shook the tent around her.
猪脸女人到底是什么
What was this pig-faced lady?
她就是
And the answer...
剃了毛的熊
It was...a shaved bear...
啥
what?
猪脸女人不是女人
The pig-faced lady wasn't a lady,
而是被麻醉了的熊
it was a drugged bear?
毛还被剃掉了
With its fur shaved off?
那美人鱼是只死猴子
And the mermaid was a dead monkey?!
和鱼缝在一起
Sewn onto a fish?
被纸板盖着
And covered in papier mache?
制♥作♥组能去找本词典
Can someone on this production please get a dictionary
查查"恐怖"是什么意思吗
and look up the word "Scary"?
我可是拒绝了电影首映好吧
I turned down a film premiere to do this, you know.
却来这破节目 念关于死猴子的烂故事
But I'm here, reading some rubbish about dead monkeys.
就这样了
That's it.
我要把这书烧了
I'm burning the book.
别拦我
Don't try and stop me.
不 别拦我 我要烧
No, no, get off! I'm burning it!
凶狠凯尔特
[恶搞Channel 4时尚节目Gok's Fashion Fix]
历史版
时尚变身
时尚迷们 大家好
Hiya, fashion fans,
欢迎收看《历史版时尚变身》
and welcome to Historical Fashion Fix.
本周我要改造一个臭烘烘的凯尔特农民
This week, I'll be making over a smelly Celtic farmer,
所以最好做点预防措施
so best take some precautions.
来见见德利斯坦
Let's meet Drostan.
你看起来真干净
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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