糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E02

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.

本周我们将制♥作♥
This week, we're going to be
盟军坦克模型
making models of allied tanks,
佩里格林在二战中
The kind that peregrine here
实际使用过的那种
actually used during the second world war.
-其实这有我之前做好的 -天啊
- In fact, here's one I made earlier. - Gosh.
实物跟这个一样只是大点
Ours were just like this, except bigger.
而且肯定不是纸板做的
And not made of cardboard, obviously!
-不不实物就是纸板做的 -什么
- No, no, ours were made of cardboard. - Sorry?
真的
没错纸板啦橡胶和木片什么的
Yes, yes. Cardboard, rubber, bits of wood, all sorts of things.
你们怎么用硬纸板橡胶这些东西造坦克呢
Why on earth would you make tanks out of cardboard and rubber and things?
就知道你会这么问
I thought you might ask me that.
下面有请我的头号♥军事顾问
Allow me to introduce my top military advisor,
神奇的贾斯珀·马斯基林
the amazing Jasper Maskelyne!
幻觉大♥师♥贾斯珀·马斯基林为您效劳
Jasper Maskelyne, master of illusion, at your service.
马斯基林先生是军队的官方魔术师
Mister maskelyne was the army's official magician.
为什么军队需要魔术师呢
Why on earth did the army need a magician?
要说愚弄德军谁能比幻觉大♥师♥更胜一筹呢
Who better to fool the germans than a master of illusion?
留着吧
Keep it.
是的德军驾驶飞机在空中监视我们
Yes, you see, the Germans were spying on us from their planes.
他们能看到我们的枪和坦克
They could see where our guns and tanks where
并分♥析♥出我们的下一步动作
and from that, work out our next move.
但是要是他们看到的坦克和枪
But! what if the tanks and guns they saw
根本就不是坦克和枪会怎样呢
weren't tanks and guns at all?
如果只是幻觉会怎样呢
What if it was just...an illusion?
飞吧科尼利厄斯你自♥由♥了
Fly, Cornelius, be free!
我明白了所以你们造了纸板坦克
Oh, I see. So, you built cardboard tanks
欺骗德国飞机
to fool the german planes.
这是真的
没错我们甚至把坦克
Precisely! we even put tanks
放到吉普车上到处开
on top of jeeps and drove them around
弄得看上去像是坦克在动一样
to make it look like the tanks were moving.
-所以全都只是 -幻觉
- So it was all just... - An illusion.
这是你的牌吗
Is this your card?
-我还没 -拿着这牌
- Well, I didn't actually... - Take the card.
好吧
Ok.
这些手段帮我们赢得了战争
Yes, these sort of tactics helped us win the war.
诺曼底登陆那天
On D-Day, when we wanted Hitler to think
为了让希♥特♥勒♥以为我们从多佛进攻法国
we were invading France from Dover,
我们建了一整支假军队
we built an entire fake army.
我们甚至做了假的木制飞机
We even had fake, wooden planes.
-就像这个 -好吧
- Like this one. - Oh, right.
可是从这边看上去不太像飞机啊
Doesn't look much like a plane from here.
在地面上可能不像但从天上看就像了
Not from the ground, maybe. But from the air...
我懂了真聪明
Oh, I see. Very clever.
美国人还带来了整支充气军队
And the Americans brought an entire inflatable army.
你可以说我是第一个
You could say I was the first general
炸掉[充气]自己整支部队的将军
to blow up his own army!
其实我不知道有什么好笑的
I don't really get the joke.
就是这样
Well, there we have it.
原来纸板坦克和木飞机
It turns out that cardboard tanks and wooden planes
真的可以帮助打赢战争
could really be used to help win a war.
本期节目到此结束
That's all we have time for this week.
感谢来宾
So a big thanks to my guests,
佩里格林·索罗古德将军
General Peregrine Thorogood
-和 -和我贾斯珀·马斯基林
- and... - And me, Jasper Maskelyne,
幻觉大♥师♥
Master of illusion!
天呐他去哪儿了
Good heavens! Where has he gone?!
明显他只是蹲在下面而已
Well, he's clearly just down there, isn't he?
你为什么要这么做
Why would you do that?
-你为什么要 -这不是魔术
- Why would you...? - It's not magic,
你明显只是躲到桌子下面了
You've just gone below the desk.
你把事情全搞砸了真是的
You've just ruined it for everyone.
这是真的纸板和浆糊帮我们打赢二战
That's true. Cardboard and glue helped us win the war.
而纸和线也大有用处呢
And paper and string was pretty useful too.
战时的穷困家庭
Poor wartime families used to
常常把孩子裹在牛皮纸里
wrap their children up in brown paper
为他们保暖
to keep them snug and warm.
这怎么可能会出事呢
Now, what could possibly go wrong with that?
亲爱的我回来了
Hello, darling, I'm home.
亲爱的你记得去寄包裹了吗
Hello, love. Did you remember to send that parcel?
当然了亲爱的
Yes, of course I did, darling.
你看到提米了吗我不知道他去哪了
And have you seen Timmy? I've no idea where he's gone.
他之前还在这玩泰迪熊来着
He was here earlier, playing with his teddy.
我想我知道他去哪了
Yes, I think I know what's happened.
亲爱的我得赶回邮局一趟
Darling, I'm just popping back to the post office. Yes.
幸好我标注了"轻拿轻放"
At least I marked him "fragile".
绝妙古希腊
赫拉克利特
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time it's not you!
下一位臭死人了
Next! Phoo-wee!
来者何人恶臭国的恶臭帝吗
Who are you, Captain Stinky of the stinky people?
我是赫拉克利特古希腊哲学家
Heraclitus, ancient greek philosopher.
那么你推崇的肯定是"我臭故我在"了
Oh, what, "I stink, therefore I am"?
你是怎么死的恶臭利特
So, how did you die, stinkitus?
是赫拉克利特
Heraclitus!
无所谓啦
Whatever.
我在晚年患上了水肿
In my old age, I developed an illness called dropsy,
体内多余的水分造成了肿胀
which is where your body swells up with excess water.
不过我独创了一套疗法
But I did invent an original cure.
这下有好戏看了
I can tell this is going to be good.
大家都知道水会在加热时蒸发掉
Everybody knows water evaporates when heated.
所以我想只要待在热的地方
So I figured if I just stayed somewhere hot,
多余的水分就会蒸发掉了
then the excess water would evaporate away.
而现成的热量从哪来呢
And what's a ready source of heat?
火太阳炉子
Fire! The sun! An oven?
牛粪
Cow dung.
越来越有意思了
Even better!
继续
Go on.
所以我就跳进了一大堆牛粪里
So, I jumped into a big pile of cow dung
让牛粪没过脖子
and I buried myself up to my neck in it.
怪不得这么臭
Hence the "phoo-wee".
但很不幸我忘了带水
But, unfortunately, I forgot to bring any water,
所以只能越来越热之后
so I just got hotter and hotter and...
-怎么了 -之后我就死于中暑了
- Yes? - And eventually died from heat exhaustion.
你这根本就是被牛粪堆给活活烤熟了啊
You were baked alive in a giant cowpat!
你那疗法跟你一样臭恶臭利特
Your cure stinks and so do you, stinkitus!
是赫拉克利特
Heraclitus!
无所谓啦
Whatever!
赶紧去投胎吧麻溜的
You're through to the afterlife, off you go.
-真的吗 -趁我还没改变主意
- Am I? - Get out before I change my mind.
抱歉
Sorry.
臭死人了
Phoo-wee!
有时候我真是爱死这份工作了真的
Sometimes I love this job. I do, I do!
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time it's not you.
古希腊人认为
The ancient Greeks believed that
人在死后会魂归地府
the dead went to the underworld.
而地府的大门
The gate of underworld were guarded
是由一条名叫刻耳柏洛斯大狗的把守
by a massive dog called Cerberus
刻耳柏洛斯有什么不同寻常之处呢
But what was unusual about Cerberus?
它长了
Did he have...?
A 三个脑袋
A:Three heads
B 三条尾巴
B:Three tails
C 十六条腿
or C:Sixteen legs
答案是 A
The answer is A.
刻耳柏洛斯长了三个脑袋
Cerberus had three heads.
希腊人确实有些怪念头
Yes, the Greeks had some very strange beliefs.
恶灵来噩梦到