糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E03
Part 2
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.
the film that puts the roman in romantic comedy.
你以后不会把我的头砍下来放到篮子里吧
Baby, you would never sever my head and put it in a basket, would you?
宝贝 当然不会
Baby of course not!
-只是会把你踢死而已 -什么
- I'll have you kicked to death. - What?
没什么
Nothing.
《爱你至死》
Love You To Death.
根据真实故事改编
Based on a true story.
电影评级 不切实际级
Rated unreasonable.
真可怕 但却是事实
It's horrible, but it's true.
尼禄皇帝确实砍下了妻子的头颅
Emperor Nero really did have his wife's head cut off
并将其送给了新女友
and sent to his new girlfriend.
下一个情人节
The next Valentine's Day,
你还是照例送花吧
you may want to stick to flowers.
不过 尼禄并不是对所有人都这么恶劣
Nero wasn't nasty to everyone, though.
他对最钟爱的角斗士斯皮库鲁斯就很好
He was really nice to his favourite gladiator, Spiculus.
《AVE!杂♥志♥》
本期《AVE!杂♥志♥》
In this week's AVE! Magazine,
将带来对罗马最著名的角斗士
an exclusive interview with the most famous sportsman in Rome,
斯皮库鲁斯的独家专访
Spiculus the Gladiator!
我叫提比略·克劳狄乌斯·斯皮库鲁斯
My name's Tiberius Claudius Spiculus.
叫我斯皮斯就好
You can just call me Spics.
我曾经是个奴隶
I used to be a slave.
但是我在角斗场战绩辉煌 获得了自♥由♥
I fought so well in the arena, I won my freedom.
尼禄皇帝非常喜欢我
And Emperor Nero likes me so much,
他甚至送我了一座宫殿
he's given me my own palace.
了解尼禄如何让自己最喜欢的角斗士
Read how Nero made his favourite gladiator
成为了禁卫军长官
head of his personal-protection force.
斯皮库鲁斯升为禁卫军长官
唯一的问题是 我这个大名人走到哪里
Only problem is, I'm now so famous,
都有人要我停下让他们拍照
I can't go anywhere without being stopped for pictures.
看这里斯皮库鲁斯 很好
Over here, Spiculus! Nice!
我们还有多位著名角斗士照片
And we've got the pictures
记录了他们不愿示之于众的丑态
the celebrity gladiators didn't want you to see.
你们没听说过罗马浴场吗
Have you never heard of a roman bath?
还有我们的占卜师
Our soothsayer predicts the future
揭晓下周获胜者
通过观察鸡肠预测未来
by reading the entrails of a chicken.
我敢保证 这只鸡下周将很惨
I can safely say it's going to be a bad week... for this chicken.
是的 各种八卦 图片 罗马流言
Yes, all the goss, all the pics, all the roman rumours,
尽在本周的《AVE!杂♥志♥》
only in this week's AVE! Magazine.
《AVE!杂♥志♥》
我敢说 你一定会买♥♥一本回家
I can safely predict you're going to buy it.
只需99迪纳厄斯
Only xcix denarii.
[古罗马小银币]
卑微的中世纪
我们中世纪的一些医疗方法
Some of our middle ages medical cures
现在看来都非常古怪
would seem pretty strange nowadays.
保罗 保罗 听得到吗
Paul? Paul, can you hear me?
别担心亲爱的 救护车马上就到
Don't worry, darling, the ambulance is on its way.
让开 让开 让开
Make way! Make way! Make way!
中世纪医疗人员
Historical paramedics.
是医院派来的吗
Are you from the hospital?
-不 中世纪穿越来的 -他怎么了
- No, from the middle ages. - What's happened here?
我丈夫觉得头晕 然后就昏倒了
It's my husband. He went all dizzy and passed out.
-他叫什么名字 -保罗
- What be his name? - Paul.
保罗 听得到吗 听得到吗 保罗
Paul, hear ye! Hear ye, Paul!
听得到我吗 保罗
Can you hear me, Paul?
看来他是真晕过去了
He looks like he's fainted.
奈杰尔 给我只死鸡
Nigel, I need a dead chicken.
死鸡 要它做什么啊
A dead chicken? What on earth is that going to do?
啥也做不了 它死了
Nothing. It's dead.
我们不是要用这只鸡 是要鸡毛
It's not the chicken we need, it's the feathers.
我们只要这样把鸡毛烧了
We just burn the ends of them.
就应该能立刻让他醒过来
This should bring him round almost immediately.
不 不起作用
It's not working.
他在之前有没有什么别的症状
Had he shown any other symptoms before this day?
好像他一直睡眠不太好
I suppose he hasn't been sleeping too well.
失眠是吗 奈杰尔 糖浆[亲爱的]
Sleeplessness? Nigel, treacle.
怎么了亲爱的
Yes, honey?
不是喊你 是让你拿糖浆
No, get the treacle, the treacle.
别急女士 蜜糖是俺们中世纪最潮的
Don't worry madam, treacle is the latest Middle Ages cure
千万别在家里模仿哟
失眠治疗药方
for sleeplessness.
等等 这些淤痕是怎么回事
Hang on. What are those markings?
可能是摔倒时的擦伤
Could be bruising from the fall.
我这有面粉和腌肉油
I'll cut the flour and bacon fat.
-什么 -等等 看起来像某种疤痕
- What? - No, hang on, they're kind of blotchy.
皮肤病 别呀 我狼皮用完了
Skin disease. No! I'm all out of wolf skin.
哪里有狼 哪里有狼
Where be a wolf? Where be a wolf?!
它也许能凑合下
This might work.
要说 这看起来又像是皮癣
Actually, it looks like ringworm.
英雄所见略同
I concur with thee.
那就只有一种方法了
There's one thing for it.
小兄弟 你想不想当一个勇敢的英雄
Man-child, do you want to be a gallant hero?
那就朝他的脑袋撒尿
Then you must wee on his head!
用童子尿洗头对皮癣有奇效
Nothing cures ringworm like a hair-wash in boy's-wee.
他不能朝我老公♥头♥上撒尿
He's not weeing on my husband's head!
你不准朝我老公♥头♥上撒尿
You're not weeing on my husband's head!
别担心
Don't worry.
个人常备新鲜童子尿 以备不时之需
I always carry a fresh jar of boy's urine just in case.
千万别在家里模仿哟
-保罗 -我没事
- Paul! - I'm ok.
但我确实需要洗个澡了
I do need a shower, though.
我们完工了
Our work here is done.
你介意在我们走前把这个尿满吗
Do you mind filling this while we're here?
-住手 别 -难道不
- Stop it. Don't...! - Is that not...?
听 好像是救护车来了
Hark, it sounds like a proper ambulance.
火速撤退
We must flee this place!
麻溜的
Make haste!
伊恩 拿清洁工具过来
Ian? Bring the clean-up kit.
那帮中世纪的人又来了
Those historical ones have been here.
以上均为地道的中世纪疗法
Those were all real treatments.
但中世纪是如何治疗痛风
But what was the middle ages cure for 'gout'-
这种关节发炎肿痛的病症的呢
a painful inflammation of the joints?
要敷上用迷迭香 蜂蜜跟什么的混合物
Was it a plaster of rosemary and honey mixed with...?
A 山羊毛
A: Goats' hair
B 山羊粪
B: Goats' poo
C 山羊尿
or C: Goats' wee
答案就是 B 山羊粪
The answer is B: Goats' poo.
中世纪人真心以为这药会管用
They actually believed it would work.
不过当年他们确实信了不少奇怪的事
But back then, they believed some very weird things.
恐怖故事
恐怖迷们 你们好
Greetings, horror hounds.
我是文森佐·拉佛
I am Vincenzo Larfoff.
本期的《恐怖故事》将带你进入中世纪
And this week's Scary Story is from the middle ages.
故事的名字叫作 伍尔皮特的孩子们
It's called, The Children of Woolpit.
《伍尔皮特的孩子们》
故事发生在诡异的1173年
It was 1173, an especially eerie yearie,
那一年 萨福克郡的小村庄伍尔皮特
when the small village of Woolpit in the county of Suffolk
被奇异生物入侵了
was invaded by creatures from another world.
确实很诡异
Indeed.
有一天 村子里来了两个外星人
One day, two aliens appeared in the village.
是两个孩子的身形
These aliens had taken the form of two children,
一男一女
a boy and a girl.
但他们的皮肤是亮绿色的
But their skin was bright green,
还说着一口诡异的外星语
and they spoke in a strange alien language.
诸如此类
Or something.
伍尔皮特的村民们都吓坏了
Yes, the villagers of Woolpit were terrified.
这些冒着绿光的外星人向他们索要食物
These green-skinned aliens demanded to be fed.
但他们的食谱却很惊悚
But what they ate was truly chilling,
那些食物是普通的孩子们
something no real human child would eat
绝不会自愿吃下的
without being forced.
没错 就是蔬菜
Yes! Vegetables!
之后 毫无预兆地
And then, quite without warning,
那个男孩就倒地身亡了
the boy alien dropped down dead.
而那个女孩呢 这就是最诡异的部分了
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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