糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E06
Part 3
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:10 p.m.
- Hello, darling. - Hello.
我们再也不用担心鬼魂了
Well, we don't have to worry about ghosts any more
我不担心鬼魂
I wasn't worried about ghosts.
你做了什么
What have you done?
烧掉所有庄稼 每一分田
Burnt all our crops, every last field.
这是最新的驱赶鬼魂方法
Apparently it's the new Saxon way to keep ghosts at bay.
不会再闹鬼了
So, no more ghosts for us.
也不会再有食物了
And no more food.
是啊
Oh, yeah.
我之前真是没考虑清楚啊
I haven't really thought this through, have I?
至少我饿死的时候
At least when I die of starvation,
我不会缠着谁
I won't haunt anyone.
你不会饿死的 亲爱的
You won't die of starvation, my love.
因为我会先杀了你 蠢货
Because I'm going to kill you first, you idiot!
好疼啊
That hurts!
-忍♥着 -好吧 我错了
- Take that! - Alright, I'm sorry!
盎格鲁-撒克逊饥荒应对方案
吃 树
第一种 吃树
Number one: Eat a tree.
是的 断粮时
Yes, when crops failed,
撒克逊人在面粉里掺上树皮
Saxons filled out their flour with tree bark,
野草 甚至扎人的荨麻
wild grass and even stinging nettles.
真的
吃 死 尸
第二种 吃死尸
Number two: Eat the dead.
饥饿的撒克逊人真的这样做
炖的什么呢
What's in the stew?
是家族配方
Erm... It's a family recipe.
奶奶去哪里了
Where's Granny gone?
卖♥♥ 孩 子
第三种
Number three.
为了少喂几个人
For fewer mouths to feed,
卖♥♥掉不到七岁的孩子
sell any children under the age of seven.
饥饿的撒克逊人也这样做
-卖♥♥掉他 -卖♥♥她
- Sell him! - Sell her!
不 卖♥♥他
No, sell him!
两个都带走好吗
Can you take them both?
跳 崖
第四种 跳崖
Number Four: Jump off a cliff.
你说真的吗
Are you serious?
苏塞克斯的40个村民就是这么干的
That's what 40 villagers did in Sussex.
真的
有点极端啊 有别的建议吗
That's a bit drastic. Any other suggestions?
你说的对 这是个馊主意
You're right, it's a terrible idea.
当 奴 隶
第五种怎么样
How about number five?
去当庄园主的奴隶
Become the lord of the manor's slave,
那样他就得养你
so he has to feed you.
这听起来好多了
Oh, that sounds better.
老爷 我发誓
Oh, lord, I have pledged
要做您的奴隶 按您的要求行事
to be your slave and will do anything you ask.
棒极了 第一项工作
Brilliant! First job then,
清理我的脚趾囊肿 我们就可以吃饭了
clean up my bunions and we'll eat.
说实话 我没什么食欲了
Actually, I think I've lost my appetite.
卓越美♥利♥坚♥
你好啊 伙计
Howdy, partner!
美国历史也很糟糕
American history is pretty horrible too.
我们也有不少战争
We had our fair share of fights and battles,
和不少愚蠢的死法
and our fair share of stupid deaths.
克莱门特·瓦兰丁汉姆
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
我们可以去吃个饭 他不会介意的
We could have dinner. He won't mind.
下一位 你是
Next! And you are?
我叫克莱门特·瓦兰丁汉姆
My name's Clement Vallandingham,
死神大人 我是个刑事诉讼律师
your honour, I'm a criminal lawyer.
好吧 那就用你的死法娱乐一下我们
Come on, then, entertain us with your death.
越蠢越好
The stupider, the better.
先生 我精于刑法
Well, sir, I was an expert in criminal law
一天我正在
and one day I was defending a man
为一个谋杀案的嫌疑人做辩护
who was accused of shooting someone dead.
是啊 很有趣 才怪
Yes, very interesting. Not.
我想证明
I wanted to prove that
死者是意外开枪打死自己的
the dead man had accidentally shot himself.
我正在向我的法律团队论证这点
I was demonstrating this to my legal team.
我拔出手♥枪♥
I drew out my pistol...
跪下来
...fell to my knees.
死神大人 我没意识到我的手♥枪♥上膛了
Your Honour, I did not realise my pistol was loaded.
继续
Go on.
求你 别让我说出来了
Please, don't make me say this.
我们都洗耳恭听呢
Oh, we're all ears now.
我意外地打死了自己 可以了吗
I accidentally shot myself, OK!
抱歉 抱歉
Sorry, sorry!
抱歉 这不好笑 非常严肃
Sorry, that's not funny, it's very serious.
才怪 这太好笑了
Yes, it is funny!
傻蛋
Nincompoop!
我要跟各位评审讨论一下
I shall just, um, consult with the judges on that.
我知道 就是
I know, I know!
拜托 路易 幽默点
Oh, come on, Louis. Get a sense of humour!
两票通过 你可以去来世了
Two yeses. You're through to the afterlife.
干得不错
Well done.
非常感谢 死神大人 女士
Thank you very much, Your Honour. Ma'am.
发射吧
Off you shoot.
发射吧 听到了吗
Off you shoot! Did you hear?
我很坏 我真的很坏
I know, I'm wicked. I really am!
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
克莱门特·瓦兰丁汉姆的意外
Clement Vallandingham's accident there
确实证明了他的当事人是无辜的
did prove his client to be innocent
也证明了克莱门特非常蠢
and Clement to be very, very stupid.
这确实是个悲剧
It was a pretty tragic thing to happen,
但远不及下面的这个悲剧
but not half as tragic as this.
不靠谱战略:第23号♥
美国内战期间的一场战争中
During one battle of the American Civil War
北部士兵没办法
the Yankee soldiers were having a real problem
越过反抗的南部联盟部队
getting past the rebel Confederate troops.
但一位将军想出了个好主意
But then, one general had a brilliant idea.
为什么不从他们下面过去呢
Why not go under them?
北部军队有上百名
The Yankees had hundreds of
矿工为他们卖♥♥命
coalminers fighting for them.
于是他们就在南军下面挖了条隧♥道♥
So they just dug a tunnel right under the rebels.
在隧♥道♥里装满了火♥药♥
They packed it full of gunpowder,
点燃导火索 炸掉了敌人
lit the fuse and blew up their enemy.
计划进行得非常完美
The plan had worked perfectly.
北部军队冲向前去
The Yankee troops rushed forward to
占领了弹坑
capture the bomb crater.
但有个小小的问题
But there was one small problem.
他们爬不出来了
They couldn't get out again.
南部联盟军幸存者把他们全打死了
The Confederate survivors shot them all,
就像打死桶里的鱼
like fish in a barrel.
敌人损失了1500人
The enemy lost 1500 men,
但北部军队死亡人数是他们的两倍
but the Yankees lost twice as many.
讨厌的海盗
史上最著名也最可怕海盗之一
One of the most famous and frightening pirates of all time
江湖人称黑胡子
was known as Blackbeard.
不 他来了
Oh, no! Here he comes now!
当我还是个小孩 我上了一艘帆船*
*When I was a nipper I boarded a clipper
作为进口商到处航海*
*Sailed the seas as a goods porter Oh
名叫爱德华·蒂奇 却又得了个别名*
*Edward Teach is my name. But I earnt my fame
那就是水域神盗黑胡子*
*As Blackbeard the pirate of the water, oh
我曾是戴高帽的好小伙*
*What a jolly chap With a jaunty cap
总给船员大大分上一杯羹*
*Always gave my crew good quarter Oh
但我最出名的还是血腥勇气和残暴*
*But I'm best known for blood and guts and gore
还有被杀戮充斥的暴♥政♥*
*And a vicious reign of murdering and slaughter,oh
最出名的还是血腥勇气和残暴*
*But I'm best known for blood and guts and gore
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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