糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E01

Part 5 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.

with your out-of-date weapon.
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游戏结束
没错地方军从没打到过一个德国人
Yes, the Home Guard never shot a German
1944年地方军解散
歼灭敌人 0人
因为德国从未入侵英国
because the Germans never actually invaded.
保卫英国行动快来加入地方军
Operation Defend Britain - join the Home Guard.
保卫英国行动
玩家必须达到17周岁不得谎报年龄
Players should be 17 or over or shouldn't lie about their age.
鼠君认证以上属实
That's 100% acc-u-rat.
事实上尽管德国并没有入侵英国
And despite the Germans never invaded Britain
许多英国地方军的志愿者仍旧受伤了
lots of Home Guard volunteers were in fact injured.
你即将看到的所有伤情都真实
All the injuries you're about to see are genuine,
取材于达勒姆地方军事故记录册
and they are taken from the Durham Home Guard accident book.
这是真的
No, really.
立正
Attention!
达勒姆地方军准备点名
Durham Home Guard prepare for roll-call.
志愿者伯特维索
Volunteer Birtwistle.
-到长官 -很好
- Preset, Sir. - Excellent.
志愿者戴维森
Volunteer Davidson.
戴维森没来吗
No Davidson?
报告长官他受伤住院了
He's in hospital sir, he's got injured.
他胳膊中弹了长官
He got shot in the arm, sir.
被敌人打的吗
By the enemy?
不是被另一位志愿者打的
No, sir, by another volunteer.
好的志愿者弗雷泽
Right. Volunteer Frazier.
受伤了腿部中弹长官
Injured, shot in the leg, sir.
被另一位志愿者打的吗
By a volunteer?
不长官被自己打的
No, sir, by himself.
他的枪走火了
His gun went off by mistake.
-詹金斯 -被狗撞下了自行车
- Jenkins? - Got knocked off a bike by a dog.
辛普森
Simpson?
健身的时候受伤了长官
Injured himself in gym practice, sir.
被垫子绊倒撞伤了脸
Tripped over a mat, smashed his face.
-斯凯伦 -脚踝骨折长官
- Skellen? - Fractured ankle, sir.
也是健身时受的伤吗
At the same gym practice?
不长官上课时桌子倒在他身上了
No, a table collapsed on him during a lecture.
如果地方军全都受伤了
How's the Home Guard supposed to defend Britain
我们怎么抗德卫国呢
from an attack from Germany if we're all injured?
这太糟了
It's extraordinary.
抱歉我迟到了
Sorry I'm late.
志愿者汤姆金斯报道长官
Volunteer Tomkins reporting for duty, sir.
天啊汤姆金斯你怎么了
Good heavens, what on earth have you done to yourself man?
我调整钢盔的带子时
I sliced the top of my finger off
把指尖切掉了长官所以...
when I was adjusting the chin strap on my helmet, sir, so...
好吧今天的任务很轻松
Right, well, it is a good job that today
我将给你们演示急救护理
I shall be giving you all a demonstration on first aid.
太好了
Yes!
我需要一位志愿者伯特维索
So, I need a volunteer. Birtwistle.
是长官
Yes, sir.
躺在地上很好
Lie on the floor, there's a good chap.
天啊你做了什么
Good heavens, man, what have you done?
没什么大碍长官
All right. It's nothing to worry about, sir.
只是根巨大的木块而已
It's just a massive splinter.
坚持住我来帮你
Right. Hang on there. I'll come and help you.
让我来看看
Now let's have a look at that.
不
Oh no!
我感觉我后背有根肌腱断了
I think I've severed a tendon in my back.
没知觉了真的
It's gone. It really has gone.
别傻站那里汤姆金斯
Don't just stand there, Tomkins,
-叫救护车啊 -马上长官
- phone an ambulance. - Right away, sir.
我觉得它把骨头都刺穿了长官
I think it's gone through to the bone, sir.
好了别慌这样就好了
All right, all right. Don't panic. OK. Here we go.
我的手指啊
Ow! Oh, me finger!
我绝对需要看医生
I definitely think I need some kind of doctor!
帮我们一把长官
Lend us a hand, sir!
汤姆金斯
Tomkins... Ah!
我的脚又卡住了
Argh! Now my foot's stuck.
汤姆金斯我后背没知觉了
Tomkins! Well, my back's gone.
凶残的维京人
前往新大♥陆♥的过程中
When we sailed to new lands
我们维京人掌握了很多航行巧术
we Vikings had some pretty cunning ways of navigating.
拜托我们肯定离陆地很近了
Come on. We must be close to land.
-你在干吗 -什么没啥
-What are you doing? -What? Nothing.
我们迷路了吗
Are we lost?
别犯傻
Don't be silly.
你是掌舵导航的
You're supposed to be navigating.
如果你又把我们带迷路了
If you've got us lost again,
船长会卸了你的胳膊拿去喂鲨鱼的
the captain'll get cut your arms off and feed to the sharks.
我们没有迷路好吗
We're not lost, all right.
那是大海和天空我们就在海天之间
That's the sea and that's the sky and we're in-between them.
于♥大♥海♥之上在天空之下
on the sea and underneath the sky,
我觉得我们就应该在这里
which is exactly where I thought we'd be.
看着我
Look at me.
我们迷路了吗
Are we lost?
是的
Yes.
我就觉得嘛
Right. Thought so.
还好我带了这个来
Good thing I brought this then, isn't it?
里面装的什么
What's in there?
一只乌鸦
A raven.
我们在海上这鸟管什么用
We're in the middle of the sea what use is a bird?
此乃最新的维京招数
It's the latest Viking trick.
这只乌鸦很饿了
This raven is very hungry.
我一把它放出箱子它就会猛冲向天空
When I let it out of the box, it will soar up into the sky,
若看到陆地它就会径直飞去寻找食物
and if it sees land, it'll fly straight for it looking for food.
我们跟着它就行了
All we have to do is follow.
乌鸦导航这招太厉害了
Sat Rav. Wow! What a good idea.
我们马上就可以找到陆地了
We'll find land in no time.
-准备好了吗 -是的
- Ready? - Yeah.
飞翔吧乌鸦飞吧
Fly, raven, fly!
我想它有点饿过头了
I think it's a bit too hungry.
我应该喂它点东西吃的
I probably should have fed it something.
没错
It's true.
维京人确实使用过乌鸦导航
Vikings really did sometimes use ravens to find land.
但在晚上他们用星星[明星]导航
But at night they navigated by the stars.
在小甜甜布兰妮处左转
Take a left to Britney Spears
然后在安吉利娜·朱莉处右转
and a right after Angelina Jolie.
那是793年的夏天*
*Was the summer of 793
我们穿越伟大的北海海面*
*When we sailed across the great North Sea
那一夜彗星划过天际*
*Comets crossed the skies that night
隐隐发觉事情不寻常*
*Must have known something wasn't right
我们到达了你们的英国海岸*
*We arrived upon your English shore
你们想要求和但我们心更贪*
*And you offered friendship. But we wanted more
我们心更贪*
*Yeah, so much more, whoa-oh-oh
我们今夜将要毁掉这个地方*
*We're tearing up this place tonight
说真的*
*Literally
我们要一把点燃这座沉睡的村庄*
*We're gonna set this sleepy town alight
说真的*
*Literally
我们会烧杀掠抢痛喝豪饮*
*We'll kill and steal and burn and drink
我们维京人才不在乎别人的心情*
*Cos us Vikings don't care what you think
让我们入侵吧行不行拜托了*
*Let me in now, won't you, please
我们要来袭击你们的修道院*
*We're here to raid your monasteries
我们已经准备就绪展开攻袭*
*We're primed and ready to attack
超爱僧侣束手就擒从不还击*
*and we love how monks just don't fight back
你们的下场是去死或者成为我的奴隶*
*You'll die or become a slave to me
虽然我们的奴隶经常会被扔到海里*
*Though our slaves often get chucked in the sea, yeah
船只超重江湖救急*
*If the boat's heavy, yeah, yeah
你会丢了脑袋我的朋友*
*You're gonna lose your head, my friend
说真的*
*Literally
我们终会拿下你们的*
*We're gonna getcha in the end