糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E03
Part 3
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.
And the girl alien? That's the strangest part of all.
她成了兼♥职♥女仆
She became a part-time domestic servant.
原来这些孩子
It turned out that these children
并不是来自火星或者金星
were not from Mars or Venus.
他们来自比利时
They were from... Belgium!
他们是孤儿 是比利时织布工的孩子
They were orphans, the children of Belgian cloth makers.
他们绿色的皮肤
Their skin was green
是因为粘上了父母染布的颜料
because of the dye the parents used on the cloth.
他们在森林中住得太久了
They'd lived in the woods so long,
只认识蔬菜
the only food they recognised was vegetation.
男孩死于营养不良 女孩长大了
The boy died of malnutrition, the girl grew up
为当地一位骑士工作
and went to work for a local knight.
这不是恐怖故事吧
This is not a scary story, is it?
就是个有着奇怪开头的无聊故事
It's a boring story with a weird beginning.
可不是一♥码♥事 为什么叫我来这里
That isn't the same thing. Why am I here?
我还为此留了山羊胡 难以至信
I grew a goatee for this. It's unbelievable.
我要去化妆室
I'm going to my dressing room.
那里最好有甜甜圈
There had better be doughnuts.
绝妙古希腊
古希腊分成多个城邦
Ancient greece was divided into different city states.
雅典人认为
The people of Athens thought
我们斯巴达人非常野蛮
us spartans were pretty brutal.
但他们做的一些事情也同样恶劣
But some of the things they did were just as bad.
快点 阿道弗斯
Come on, Adelphus,
你上学又要迟到了
You're gonna be late for school again!
-东西都拿好了吗 -是的
- Now, have you got everything? - Yes.
-铁笔准备好了吗 -是的
- Have you got your stylus? - A-huh.
-蜡板呢 -是的
- Your wax tablet? - Yep.
-午饭吃的皮塔饼呢 -带了
- Your pitta bread for lunch? - Yeah.
-你忘了什么吗 -没有吧
- Haven't you forgotten something? - Um,... no.
你的奴隶 奴隶
Your slave! slave!
爸爸 我一定要带着他吗
Oh, dad, do I have to take him?
是的 你得带着他
Yes, you have to take him.
买♥♥他就是为了上课不守规矩的时候打你的
I bought him especially to beat you when you misbehave in class.
雅典人真的这样做
其他孩子都有奴隶的
All the other kids have got one.
你闭嘴
Shut it, you!
他只是恪尽职守
He's only doing his job.
雅典娜 你准备好上学要用的东西了吗
Now, Athena, have you got everything you need for school?
抱歉 我就是开个玩笑
Sorry. I'm only joking.
我怎么会送女孩去上学 那没意义
Like I'm gonna send a girl to school. It's pointless!
雅典只有男孩上学
你干得很好嘛
Oh, you are good!
对了 他今天下午有数学课
Actually, he's got maths this afternoon.
你可能需要根大棍子
You might need the big stick.
你知道他是什么德性
You know what he's like.
去吧 去上学吧
Go on, then, get off to school!
孩子 可不能打呀
Kids! You can't beat 'em.
话是这么说
So to speak.
这是真的 在古希腊的雅典城
It's true. In the ancient Greek city of Athens,
男孩们带着奴隶一起上学
boys took a slave to school with them
好保证他们上课守规矩
to make sure they were behaving in class.
真不知道
I have no idea
他们是怎么把奴隶塞进书包里的
how they fitted the slave in their satchel, though.
好了 我听话
Ow! alright, I'll behave!
如果雅典人已经让你觉得可怕了
Mind you, if you think Athens sounds bad,
那你更不会想上斯巴达的学校的
you wouldn't have wanted to go to school in sparta.
大伙 希洛人们 吉拉德人
Hey! all you helots, you zealots,
[前者为斯巴达国有奴隶 后者为犹太教派]
伯罗奔尼撒人 斯巴达人
you Peloponnesians, you Lacedaemons,
[前者是斯巴达盟军 后为古代斯巴达的别称]
所有莱奥尼达斯的军队
all of Leonidas' army,
[斯巴达的国王]
大家为《歌♥舞斯巴达》而疯狂吧
let's get barmy for the spartan school musical!
斯巴达嗨起来
Go, spartan!
音乐走起
Come on!
今日吾步入高中 由稚嫩走向成熟*
*Today I'm starting high school, where boys are turned to men
带上剑与盾 我们不用纸张和钢笔*
*I've packed my sword and shield, we don't use paper and pen
我们热衷体育 从没有书呆子*
*Everyone's a jock here. We don't have Spartan nerds
瘦骨如柴将成鸟儿盘中餐*
*The weedy kids were left to die as breakfast for the birds
我们热爱打斗 我们生性刚烈*
*We're taught to love a fight, we're taught not to be meek
表现好每周都有肉吃*
*And if we're good they feed us three square meals every week
让我们来决斗吧 感觉可棒了*
*Let's go fightin' now Fightin' is excitin' now
一起歌♥舞斯巴达*
*Rockin' at the Spartan School
走起
Come on!
众所周知 斯巴达幼儿园我就是老大*
*At Spartan kindergarten I'm the boss, that's understood
淘气就会挨拍*
*I smack 'em if they're naughty
表现好就会被打*
*And I thwack 'em if they're good
肚子饿 想偷点吃的*
*I'm feeling rather peckish I'm gonna steal some food
被抓包了就得惩罚你 斯巴达小屁孩*
*Caught! I'll have to punish you, ungrateful Spartan brood
我们不偷东西 我们不毛手毛脚*
*We promise not to steal, we're not the thieving sort
偷东西是好 被抓到就不算了*
*Stealing is considered good, what's wrong is getting caught
被教训之后学到撒谎和作弊*
*Let's get beaten now. Learn lies and cheatin' now
斯巴达学校好快活*
*Rollin' at the Spartan School
有一系列比赛证明谁最棒*
*We have a bunch of contests to see who is the best
最惨烈最犀利最艰难最难搞的斯巴达比赛*
*The meanest leanest toughest roughest Spartan contest
我最爱的游戏 抽抽更欢乐*
*This one is my favourite game, lashings of good fun
一点都不疼 我好想妈妈*
*Didn't feel a thing! I want my mum
毕业考通过 我们毕业了*
*We pass our last exam and it's Spartan graduation
随即投入工作 没时间庆祝*
*Straight away we go to work, no time for celebration
军队服役十年 没有特例*
*Ten years active service in the army, no diversions
斯巴达人只有一种活 就是杀死波斯人*
*There's only one job for a Spartan - killing loads of Persians
想尝爱的禁果 你得等到30岁*
*Wondering about love? It's banned until you're 30
高中不教你怎么爱 只教不择手段地战斗*
*High school doesn't teach romance, it teaches fighting dirty
让我们来决斗吧 感觉可棒了*
*Let's go fightin' now. Fightin' is excitin' now
一起歌♥舞斯巴达 被教训后*
*Rockin' at the Spartan School. Let's get beaten now
学到撒谎和作弊 斯巴达学校最快活*
*Learn lies and cheatin' now. Rollin' at the Spartan School
恐怖的都铎王朝
为我们都铎人都很怕亨利八世
We tudors were all terrified of Henry VIII.
没人愿意告诉他坏消息
No-one wanted to give him bad news.
事实上 天下只有一个人
In fact, there was only one person
可以告诉他坏消息 而又不受惩罚
who could get away with it.
-尼古拉斯爵士 -什么消息
- Sir Nicholas? - What news?
恐怕谣言是真的
The rumours are true, I'm afraid.
好像王后确实
It would seem the queen
背着国王偷汉子了
is seeing other men behind the king's back.
担心的事还是发生了 应该禀告陛下
Then it is as we feared. We should inform his majesty.
当然得禀告 可你也知道他的脾气
Yes, of course. But you know how his moods are.
知道 他通常会将禀告者斩首
Yes. He does tend to behead the messenger.
-是啊 -那就只有一个人能行了
- Indeed. - Then there is only one man for the job.
只有一个人可以把这种坏消息
Only one man who could break such terrible news
告诉陛下 亨利八世
to his majesty, King Henry VIII.
-你该不会是指... -对
- You don't mean...? - Yes.
-威尔·萨默斯 -有人叫我吗
- Will Somers. - You called?
有什么麻烦吗 先生们
So, what seems to be the problem, gentlemen?
-凯瑟琳·霍华德 -还有个男人
- Catherine Howard. - Another man?
-不止一个 -天啊 那就难办了
- Several. - Oh, dear. That is a pickle.
是啊 我们得禀告陛下
Yes. We need to tell the king
这样他才能离婚或者下旨斩首什么的
so he can arrange a divorce or a beheading or something.
而你是陛下眼前的红人
And you are his favourite jester.
所以是宣布这个坏消息的最佳人选
Who better to break the bad news?
确实是 但是要怎么说呢
This is true. But how?
亨利的小丑透露消息
这件事事关重大 我们要怎么办
This is obviously hugely important, so what do we think?
我是以笑话的形式说呢还是唱歌♥的形式
Shall I do it as a joke? Or a song?
还是在耍戏法的时候假装说漏嘴
Or shall I blurt it out while I'm doing the juggling?
-这该问你啊 -对 是该问我
- You're the expert. - Yes, I am very good at this.
我要运用我的机智和手段
I shall use tact, diplomacy
还有这个...
and one of these...
靠边站 先生们
Stand aside, gentlemen.
今天算了吧 威尔 现在我没心情
No, not today, Will. I'm not in the right mood.
我看未必 您现在心情正好适合看表演
I don't know, you seem to be in a right mood to me!
别闹了 我现在正想上厕所
Stop it. Seriously, I need a wee.
您是说"朕"想上厕所吗
Would that be the Royal We?
别逗了 我说真的 我快尿裤子了
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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