糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E04

Part 3 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.

记住
And remember,
这些印加鼓都是纯人皮所制
these authentic Incan drums are made from genuine human skin.
可以借此整天殴打敌人
So you can go on beating your enemy all day long.
也可以整晚吵你的邻居
And annoying your neighbour all night.
你分文不用掏
And it won't cost you any money.
因为我们印加人以物换物
That's because we Incans swap goods,
供: 敌方人皮制成的鼓求: 爆米花(没开玩笑说真的)
以我们不需之物换所需之物
swapping what we don't need for what we do need.
现在到了这一小时特殊物品换购的时间了
And now, time for this hour's special item.
它就是印加人的最新技术
It's the very latest in Inca technology.
它来了
And here it is.
它是集多功能为一体的毛料生产器首饰制♥作♥器
An all-in-one wool grower, jewellery maker,
命理师和烤肉店
fortune teller and barbecue.
供: 多功能毛料生产器-首饰制♥作♥器-命理师-烤肉店
我还以为它只是头普通的羊驼而已
And there was me thinking it was just an ordinary llama.
它就是头普通的羊驼傻小子
It is an ordinary llama, silly.
不过当你知道它多么有用时会为之震惊的
But you'll be amazed at the things you can do with it.
我倒是知道它能吃
Well, I know you can eat it
也能在特殊场合里做祭祀用品
and I know you can sacrifice it for special occasions,
一场婚礼就得用几百头羊驼呢
our priests get through hundreds of these at weddings, don't they?
做祭祀品只是羊驼的一小部分功能
Well, sacrifices really are just the tip of the llama.
首先你可以用它的毛来做衣服
For a start, you could use its wool to make clothes.
供: 羊驼睡衣装备(自行组装不配说明) 求: 爆米花(拜托了)
这就是我们说的羊驼睡衣了
I suppose that's what you call a llama pyjama.
还可以用我们正宗的印加手链
Or why not wear a llama on your arm-a,
把羊驼戴在手上哦
with these authentic Incan bracelets,
手链是用羊驼的脚趾甲做成的
made from llama toenail clippings.
-一股奶香扑面而来 -谢谢
- Mmm, your arm smells really cheesy. - Thank you.
还能用羊驼来干吗呢
And what else can you use a llama for?
信不信由你可以用羊驼占卜未来
Well, believe it or not, llamas can help you tell the future.
-不会吧 -你有什么想问的问题吗
- No! - Is there anything you'd like to know?
有啊有啊
Well, yes, there is, actually.
直接问羊驼就可以了吗
Do I just ask the llama?
当然不是你得宰了它
No, silly, you have to kill the llama,
摘下它的肺再往里充满气
remove its lungs and then blow them up.
供: 充气命理羊驼肺(本品未在动物身上做过试验包括羊驼本身) 求: 羊驼脚趾(爆米花亦可)
这是我之前充了气的样品
And here's some I inflated earlier.
这些血管会告诉你问题的答案
The veins will help you reveal the answer to your question.
太棒了血管上说"是"
Yes! It says yes!
等等你还没说你的问题是什么呢
Hang on, hang on. You didn't tell me what the question was.
我问你会嫁给我吗
Will you marry me?
说什么呢拿来我看看
What? Give me those lungs.
怎么可能写的是"是"吗
That can't be right. Is that a yes?
绝对是
Definitely.
咱们得多牺牲几头羊驼了
I guess we'll have to sacrifice a few more llamas.
给我闭嘴
Shut up!
我们印加人真的都用羊驼做了以上的事
We Incans really did use llamas for all those things,
所以我们对羊驼的需求量非常大
so we needed loads of them.
各位好我是印加牧师
Hi, I'm a Incan priest.
我穿得好工作勤
I dress well, I work hard
还需要用一大堆的羊驼
and I get through a lot of llamas.
每月初我都牺牲一百头羊驼
I sacrifice a hundred llamas at the beginning of every month.
不用担心不用怕
要是想把羊驼杀
致电驼农就行啦
我是印加皇帝
I'm an Incan emperor
明天我要同丛林的部落作战
and tomorrow I go into battle with one of the jungle tribes.
你能不能帮我祭个天呢
So I wondered if you would do a sacrifice for me?
天啊看来又要花掉一千头羊驼了
Oh, boy! There goes another thousand llamas.
不用担心不用怕
要是想把羊驼杀
致电驼农就行啦
所以你能想象得到
As you can imagine,
如此大量地消耗我的羊驼一下就用完了
getting through llamas this fast means I soon run out.
所以我会从羊驼农手中买♥♥羊驼
That's why I buy my llamas from a llama farmer.
不用担心不用怕
要是想把羊驼杀
致电驼农就行啦
媳妇儿我们该成亲了
Honey, I think it's time we got married.
不是吧皇帝要成婚了
Oh, no! An emperor's wedding?
这又得宰掉两千头羊驼了
There goes another couple of thousand llamas.
不用担心不用怕
要是想把羊驼杀
别唱啦
Shut up!
邪恶的维多利亚时代
恐怖故事
各位好我的粉丝们
Greetings, my groupies of gore.
我是文森佐·拉佛
I am Vincenzo Larfoff
本周的恐怖故事发生在维多利亚时代
and this week's scary story is from the Victorian times.
《神秘的棺材》
The Cabinet of Mystery.
《神秘的棺材》
The Cabinet of Mystery
那是1871年里极其恐怖的一天
The year was 1871, a date that crackles with creepiness,
一个同你一样大的小姑娘弗洛伦斯·库克
when Florence Cook, a girl of exactly your age,
就当你是15岁好了
providing you are 15,
能与另一个世界的人通话
began to communicate with people from another world,
那正是死亡的世界
the world of the dead!
不久她这
Soon her unique...
这个雷声太晚了应该打在刚刚我说
Right, the thunderclap needs to come when I say
"死亡的世界"的时候要不就别打懂吗
"World of the dead" or not all, okay?
不久她这独特的天赋就让她名噪一时
Soon her unique gift made Florence the toast of Victorian society
她会主持一种恐怖的集♥会♥
and she would host creepy meetings,
在会议中召唤鬼魂与亡灵
in which she would summon up ghosts and spirits.
对非常阴森恐怖
Oh, yes, very much "Ooh".
这种集♥会♥ 我们称之为"通灵会"
In these meetings, known as seances,
弗洛伦斯穿着阴郁的黑长裙
Florence, dressed in a sombre black dress,
她要走进一个神秘的棺材里就像这个
would step inside a mysterious cabinet, just like this one.
不过要比这大得多也不是这形状
But much, much bigger and a different shape.
但她要走到这棺材的里面去
But she would step inside this cabinet
还要被绑在里面的椅子里
and be tied to a chair within.
门是关着的灯是昏暗的
The door would be shut, the lights would be dimmed
通灵会就要开始啦
and the seance would begin!
这次好多了
Much better.
当弗洛伦斯坐在棺中与亡灵世♥界♥通♥灵时
As Florence sat inside the cabinet making contact with the spirit world,
一个白色的鬼影就会突然出现在房♥间里
a white, ghostly figure would suddenly appear in the room.
有一天通灵会进行时
And then one day, in the middle of a seance,
一位有名的贵族政客乔治·西维尔爵士
Sir George Sitwell, a noted aristocrat and politician,
做了一件过分的事
did the unthinkable.
他不顾亡灵世界的规则
Ignoring the rules of the spirit world
也不顾自己的生命安全
and with no regard for his own safety,
当鬼影飘过他身边的时候
he reached out to grab the ghostly figure
他伸手就要去抓那鬼影
as she floated past him.
他会被那女鬼拉到亡灵的世界里去吗
Would he find himself drawn back into the spirit world with her?
或者那女鬼会阴魂不散地把他
Or would the angry ghost turn on her tormentor,
折磨到死吗
haunting him until his dying day?
都不会他发现手里抓着的东西
Neither! What he found in the grasp of his hand
比这两样都更让他不安
was even more disturbing!
他抓的是一个...穿着内衣裤的愤怒女子
An angry woman in her underwear...
这写的什么
What?
这鬼就是个穿着睡衣
The ghost was just a woman in her nightie
头披床单的的女人而已
with a sheet on her head.
当他们打开棺材弗洛伦斯不见了
When they opened the cabinet, Florence was missing,
于是他们开灯发现那内衣妹
so they turned the lights on, found that the woman in her nightie
正是脱了黑长裙的弗洛伦斯
was just Florence without her dress on,
所以什么招魂啊鬼的其实就是个大骗局
so the whole ghost thing was a massive con.
看这写的是什么
Right, what does this say?
恐怖故事要够恐怖
Scary Stories. Scary.
懂吗不是无聊故事不是讨厌的故事
Okay? Not Pointless Stories. Not Annoying Stories.
我才不想做什么无聊故事的节目好吗
I don't want to do a show called Boring Stories.
去年我在别的台做过
I did that last year for the other channel
石沉大海一般真心无聊到爆
and frankly, it sunk like a stone.
听到没有希望我回来的时候
Okay? So when I come back,
能给我一个真正的鬼故事
I want another ghost story and this time,
鬼故事里要有鬼好吗现在我要去食堂了
I want a ghost in it! I'm going to the canteen.
最好还有蛋糕
And there'd better be cake.
像这样的江湖术士和骗子
There were plenty of charlatans and con artists
在维多利亚时代有很多
like that in Victorian times.
甚至在医药领域也有日安
Even in the field of medicine. Good day.
走一走看一看包治肚子痛
Roll up! Roll up! Do you have tummy trouble?
维多利亚时代灵药