糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E01
Part 4
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.
这便是实际计划
好吧 只想确认我没听错
OK. Just checking I had that down right.
这计划注定会出错
It was the plot that would surely go wrong.
我劝说了12个伙计加入我们
So I've persuaded 12 guys altogether.
人手应该够了 你们觉得如何
That ought to do it, don't you think?
你们觉得我们该不该再加一个
Do you think we need one more?
-无妨 -让我再找一个来
- Couldn't hurt. - I'll get one more.
打扰了
Excuse me.
要不要和我们一起炸毁议会大厦
Would you like to be in a plot to blow up Parliament?
当然 何乐而不为 让我先查查日程
Oh, yes, why not? I'll just check my diary.
你们计划哪天开工
When were you thinking?
11月5日
November 5th.
可以 我有空
Yeah, I'm free.
妙极了 加在一起共13人
Fabulous, that's 13 then.
13这数字貌似有点不吉利吧
Isn't 13 an unlucky number?
别担心 事情必将顺利无误
Don't worry I'm sure it'll go off without a hitch.
弗朗西斯·特瑞山姆就是那个白♥痴♥
Francis Tresham is the idiot.
等等
Hang on,
我小舅子11月5日要去议会大厦
my brother-in-law is due in Parliament on November 5th.
我这就飞鸽传书
I'll just send him a quick letter
让他那天请个假
telling him to take the day off.
他肯定不会告诉别人的
I'm sure he won't tell anyone.
这次密谋...
It was the plot
三 二 一
Three, two, one...
以失败告终
That went wrong.
非常 非常严重的惨败
Horribly, horribly wrong.
《福克斯之十三罗汉》
Fawkes' Thirteen.
什么信 哪个白♥痴♥送了封信
What letter? What idiot sends a letter?
苍天啊
Oh, no!
1605年11月5日 引爆任务失败
Failing to explod on November 5, 1605.
你将被绞死 掏腹 分尸
You're going to be hung, drawn and quartered.
-内脏掏光 -当然
- Gutted! - You will be.
蒙默思公爵没能将
The Duke of Monmouth led another failed attempt
詹姆士二世赶下王座
to remove James II from power,
他的属下被处决后
but what happened to the bodies of his fellowers
尸体怎么处理的
after they'd been executed...?
A 脑袋被♥插♥在木桩上
A, their heads were put on spikes
B 被篝火焚烧
B, they were burned on a bonfire
C 被保存在柏油里
Or C, they were preserved in tar
答案是...
The answer is...
C 尸体被保存在柏油中
C, the bodies were preserved in tar
送往英格兰西部
and sent to the West of England
来警示其他潜在的反叛者
as a warning to other would-be rebels.
斯图亚特时代的惩罚真的很可怕
Stuart punishments could be really gruesome.
威尔 威尔·普林
Will? Will Prynne?
你怎么了
What happened to you?
抱歉 我听不见你说什么
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
查理一世国王因为我说了剧院的坏话
King Charles I had my ears cut off
而把我的耳朵给割了
for being rude about the theatre.
-请再说一遍 -什么
- Pardon? - What?
我听不见 我耳朵被割了
I can't hear you, I had my ears cut off
因为我写了一本冒犯政♥府♥的书
for writing a book that upset the government.
-对不起 你说什么 -什么
- I'm sorry, what? - I'm sorry?
我说 国王在几年前
I said the king had my ears cut off
因为我说剧院的坏话而把我的耳朵给割了
a few years ago for being rude about the theatre.
我有天又对某个主教指指点点
And when I was rude about some bishops the other day,
于是他又在我脸颊上打了烙印
he had me branded on the cheek, too.
看上去好恶心 是怎么弄上去
Ooh, that looks nasty! How did you get that?
什么
Pardon?
-抱歉 -什么
-I'm sorry? - What?
听着 我听不见你说什么
Listen, I can't hear you.
我的耳朵被钉在一根木头上
I had my ears nailed to a piece of wood,
然后被割下来了 还留在那儿呢
then cut off and left there.
-说啥 -啥
- Pardon? - Pardon?
再说一遍
Come again?
因为我写了一本让政♥府♥不满的书
For writing a book the government didn't like.
如果你想的话 我能给你看看
I'll show you if you like.
-还有一只耳朵留在那儿呢 -快看
- You can still see one over there. - Look!
那根木杆上还钉着一只耳朵
There is an ear nailed to a post.
-啥 -它是怎么上去的
- Pardon? - I wonder how it got there?
-抱歉 -一只耳朵
- I'm sorry? - An ear.
-什么 -等等 我有办法了
- What? - Hold on, I've got an idea.
你现在听得到吗
Can you hear me now?
和它说话可没什么用
It's no good talking to him,
它就跟木杆一样是聋的
he's as deaf as a post!
什么
Sorry?
-我在开玩笑 -什么
- I made a joke. - Pardon?
-说什么 -啥
- I'm sorry? - What?
再说一遍
Come again?
奇怪的家伙
Strange man.
怪人一个
What a weirdo.
可悲的二战
当正规军远赴欧洲迎战希♥特♥勒♥
While the regular Army was away in Europe fighting Hitler
英国将所有一心报国
Britain had a Home Guard
却不得不待在后方的男人
made up of all the men who had to stay at home
组建成了地方军
but still wanted to do their bit.
尽管整件事只是权宜之计
Although the whole thing was a bit makeshift.
将军
So, General.
温斯顿·丘吉尔首相办公室
要保护英国不受德国侵略
If we are to defend Britain against a German invasion,
地方军的所有人都必须武装起来
then every man in the Home Guard must be armed.
但是长官 正规军需要所有枪♥支♥
But sir, the regular Army need all our guns.
地方军的所有人依然
All the same, every man in the Home Guard
必须拿起武器武装自己
must be armed was some kind of weapon.
即使是古老的武器 比如说矛
Even if it be an ancient one, like a pike.
遵命 长官 好主意 长官
Yes, sir. Very good, sir.
好了 长官
There we are, sir.
我让他们做了二十五万支矛
I've had 250,000 pikes made.
真的是这样
你做了什么
You've done what?
将军 我只是打个比方
General, I said a weapon like a pike,
并不是说要矛 矛只是个例子
I didn't literally mean a pike, pike was just an example.
说真的 要是我叫你
Honestly, if I told you to go
从悬崖上跳下去 你会吗
and jump off a cliff, would you?
他真去跳悬崖了
He's gone to jump off a cliff.
保卫英国行动
来参加英国地方军
Your chance to protect Britain
就有机会保卫英国不受德国侵略
from a German invasion by joining the British Home Guard.
地方军总部
选择玩家
选择不能加入正规军的男人
Choose from men who can't join the regular armed forces.
七十高龄的老人
70-year-old man.
后方需要的负责烤面包的面包师
Baker needed at home to bake bread.
脚趾没了的人
Man who's lost some toes.
已选择面包师
Baker selected.
选择武器
所有合适的武器
All the proper weapons
都被正规军拿走了
have been taken by the regular armed forces.
所以你只能从剩下的东西里选
So you choose from what's left.
弯刀 高尔夫球杆 老式大口径短枪
Cutlass, golf club, blunderbuss,
捆在杆子上的菜刀
a kitchen knife taped to a pole.
已选择老式大口径短枪
Blunderbuss selected.
战争开始
小心来侵略的敌军
Watch out for enemy troops trying to invade.
你个傻蛋 我不是敌人 我是英国人
You nincompoop! I'm not the enemy, I'm British.
目标错误
地方军曾射伤了一个英国飞行员
目标错误
目标错误
小心间谍
Watch out for spies.
别相信任何人
Trust no one.
你究竟在干吗
What on earth are you doing?
目标错误
我是真的修女
I am a real nun.
目标错误
目标错误
目标错误
要小心 别用过时的武器
And do be careful you don't shoot yourself
伤着你自己
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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