糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E10
Part 3
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:11 p.m.
You look perfectly clean!
闻起来也挺香
You smell good too!
我们凯尔特人也用肥皂
Celts do use soap.
真的
对不起 德利斯坦 那重新来
My apologies, Drostan, let's start over.
介绍下你自己吧
Tell us a bit about yourself.
-我讨厌罗马人 -好吧
- I hate Romans. - OK.
-兴趣爱好呢 -讨厌罗马人
- And any hobbies? - Hating Romans.
你真幸运
Well, you're in luck,
因为我会将你改造成凯尔特终极勇士
because this week I'll be making you over as the ultimate Celtic warrior,
最爱屠♥杀♥罗马人
a Roman-killing psycho.
首先 我们来处理一下这搞笑的小胡子
First things first. Let's do something about that ridiculous moustache.
这还不够搞笑
It isn't nearly ridiculous enough!
历史版
时尚变身
看 短发配上长胡子
There! Shorter hair and a longer moustache,
这简直就是凯尔特勇士
that really says Celtic warrior.
我们用捣碎的石灰石给头发染色 塑型
The hair is spiked and bleached using crushed up limestone.
集染发剂与发胶于一体
This natures all-in-one bleach and hair gel.
这是真的
好极了
Nice.
如何 德利斯坦
You go, Drostan.
-我现在能去杀罗马人了吗 -快了
- So, can I go and kill some Romans now? - Soon.
-我们得先让你脱了那些衣服 -好的
- First, we have to get you out of those clothes. - All right.
历史版
时尚变身
-我要穿些什么 -裸着
- So, what am I going to wear? - Nothing.
什...什么
W-what?
你只需要戴上这个
Well, you do get to wear this.
看
There.
就这样完了
What, is that it?
你现在戴着的项圈上刻有
Well, your neck band is carved with
能在战斗中给你带来好运的符号♥
signs to bring you good luck in battle.
那确实是很必要啊
I'm gonna need it, aren't I, mate?
我要一♥丝♥不♥挂♥地去跟罗马人战斗
I'm gonna fight a Roman in my birthday suit.
我现在是裸体 看 一♥丝♥不♥挂♥
I'm in a nude! Look at me, I'm naked. I'm in a nude.
知道了 好像这人有点麻烦
All right. Now seems trouble with this one.
这里有一些大青叶
We've got some woad leaves here.
我把种子研磨成了这漂亮的蓝色染剂
And I've squished up the seeds into a lovely blue dye.
你准备干吗
Whoa, what are you doing with that?
历史版
时尚变身
看 百分百凯尔特勇士
There, every inch the Celtic warrior.
我看上去可笑极了
I look ridiculous.
这些花是我的创意
The flowers were my idea.
什么花
What flowers? Oh!
他在干嘛
What's he doing?
你在干什么
What are you doing?!
热身进入凯尔特勇士战斗狂热状态
Working my way up into a Celtic warrior battle frenzy.
我要发狂 见谁杀谁
I go absolutely bananas and then kill everything in my path.
凯尔特人真的这么做
在我的节目上可不行 妞儿
Not on my show, sister.
本期节目到此结束
That's it for this week.
欢迎下次收看
Join us next time,
下期我将教一名撒克逊修道士如何穿僧衣
when I'll be teaching a Saxon monk how to jazz up his cassock
脑袋上还插着把维京人的斧子
with a Vking's axe in his head.
下期再见
See you then.
-非常抱歉... -没事
- I'm really sorry about... - It's OK.
没错
It's true,
一些凯尔特勇士是全♥裸♥战斗的
Some Celtic warriors fought naked.
他们认为
Yeah, they believed
如果神决定让他们今天死
that if the gods decided today was their day to die,
那么任何盔甲都不能保护他们
then all the armour in the world wasn't going to protect them.
你知道吗
And did you know,
最著名的凯尔特勇士里有一个是女人
one of the most famous Celtic warriors was actually a woman?
[歌♥曲灵感来自The Ting Tings的That's Not My Name]
不战而降不要想 手起刀落不犹豫*
*Gonna cause a stink. Won't be the first to blink
别想当然 莫耍花招 老娘名叫布迪卡*
*I'm not who you think. Don't mess with me, I'm Boudicca
老公普拉苏塔古斯 死前凯尔特国王*
*My husband Prasutagus died. He was a Celtic king
王后就是我 什么都有我半份*
*I was his queen so due to me was half of everything
罗马法律说 国土我们对半分*
*Roman law gave half to me so half was what they got
结果他们派兵来要夺我的地*
*Till their nasty soldiers came and took the blessed lot
听着 先生 你可惹错人了*
*Hey, Mister, I say you got the wrong end of the stick
罗马人的回答让小妞变身泼妇*
*His answer turned this sister into one angry chick
罗马来的爷们 休想摆布这娘们*
*No, man, Roman. Don't push around this woman
布迪卡不是你好惹的*
*You won't get far with Boudicca
弓箭手军士们 一起打败罗马人*
*Bowman, yeoman. Smash the Roman foe, man
跟我说 唷 唷*
*All say, "Yah," Yah
布迪卡*
*Boudicca!
召集强大军力 直奔城市杀去*
*I built a massive army headed straight for the city
轻而易举得胜利 场面可不如我秀丽*
*Beat them all with ease unlike me it wasn't pretty
左劈右砍令他们 一腔热血都冷却*
*Chopped 'em and hacked but what made their red blood curl
打了败仗就够糟 还败在娘们手下*
*It's bad enough being beaten but beaten by a girl?
横冲直撞把他们 打得屁滚又尿流*
*Whacked 'em, smacked 'em. Boy, how we attacked 'em
四面八方来围攻*
*Near and far, ha ha ha
鞭笞示众再残杀 虐得颜面都尽失*
*Flay them, slay them, up-and-down parade 'em
布迪卡最难搞*
*Boudicca, toughest by far
科切斯特到伦敦 还有圣奥尔本斯*
*Colchester, London, St Albans
一路消息都在说 罗马人都死翘翘*
*Everybody talk about dead Romans
那天我们正走在 沃特灵罗马大道上*
*We marched on up the Roman road that's known as Watling Street
我们被困树林中 终于被打败*
*They trapped us in the forest then thrashed us to our defeat
大概你也猜得到*
*By now you've guessed
我不会坐以待毙 更不会哭哭啼啼*
*I'm not the kind of girl who'll sit and cry
卖♥♥去罗马做奴隶 还不如一死了之*
*Be sold a slave to Romans? You know I'd rather die
罗马士兵想抓我 我就假装配合*
*They tried to take me prisoner so I led the Roman boys on
其实我却偷偷地 吞了一瓶毒药*
*Instead of giving in to them I swallowed special poison
聪明逃脱 殉道而死 绝不要被捕*
*Martyr, smarter capture a non-starter
这就是我们 最后的胜利*
*This was our last hurrah
尽管生灵涂炭 部落永存史册*
*Slaughtered, dismembered, our tribe always remembered
布迪卡 大明星*
*Boudicca, superstar
布迪卡 大明星*
*Boudicca. Superstar
别想糊弄这小妞
Don't diss this miss.
卑劣的斯图亚特王朝
众所周知婚礼会有点无聊
Everyone knows that weddings can be a bit boring.
但查理一世却能保证
But King Charles I certainly made sure that
他的新娘会对婚礼永生难忘
his bride would never forget their wedding day.
巴黎圣母院
你真漂亮
You look beautiful.
谢谢
Thank you.
你是谁
Who are you?
抱歉 在下是谢夫勒斯公爵
Oh, sorry, I am the Duc de Chevreuse.
准备今天跟你结婚 幸会
I am going to marry you today. Enchante.
什么情况 查理一世去哪儿了
What? Where's King Charles I?
我应该跟他结婚的 不是跟你
I'm supposed to marry him. Not you.
和我结婚也不错 我可是公爵
You could do worse. I'm a duke.
-他是国王 -说的也是
- He's a king! - Oh, yeah. Yes, I suppose he is.
不管怎样 他说他很抱歉 有点忙
Anyway, he said to say he's very sorry but he's a bit busy,
你介不介意我代表他跟你完成婚礼
so would you mind if I stood in for him for the whole wedding thing?
代表
Stood in?
真有这回事
你懂的 他不大方便过来
Yeah, well, you know, it's a bit difficult for him.
你们在宗教上有点问题
This is all tricky business with religion.
你是天主教♥徒♥ 他不是
You're Catholic, he's not.
还有你在法国 他不在
Plus of course you're in France, he's not.
所以 我认为还是
So in the end, I just thought it might be easier to
由我代表他跟你结婚更方便些
pop down and thought of get married for him.
他是不是不想跟我结婚
Seems that does he not want to marry me, then?
不 不
Oh, no, no, no, no.
当您下个月到英格兰的时候
He's got this whole second wedding planned
他精心策划了第二场婚礼
when you get to England next month.
在坎特伯雷的一座大教堂
A big church in Canterbury,
举♥行♥一个美妙的新教仪式
a nice Protestant ceremony,
还有愚蠢的大蛋糕
big silly cake!
-好吧 -很壮观的
- OK, then. - Magnifique.
开始吧
Ready when you are.
亨丽埃塔·玛丽亚 你愿意
Do you, Henrietta Maria,
让不在场 但我们都懂的那个男人
take a man who is not here but somehow knows this man,
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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