糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E07

Part 5 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:10 p.m.

So I've ordered the entire Cavalier army to down weapons
享用晚餐一起吃吧吃野鸡吗
and have supper. Sit down, join us. Pheasant?
不我是公爵
No, I'm a Duke.
[野鸡和农民同音]
-野鸡农民明白吗 -好好
- Pheasant, peasant, get it? - Yes, very good.
问题是圆颅党人的千人部队
The problem is, there are thousands of enemy Roundheads
就驻守在荒原的另一边
just over there on the other side of the moor.
你就不担心吗
Aren't you a little bit worried?
是的我很担心我就要死...
Well, yes, I am rather worried. I'm going to die...
于口渴了把酒递给我老兄
of thirst! Pass me the wine, old man!
-敬国王 -敬国王
- To the King. - The King!
要是敌军搞突然袭击怎么办
What happens if the Roundheads launch a surprise attack?
等等好像有动静
Hold on! I think I hear something.
不会的呆子
No, you big ninny.
没人会在这么晚发动战争的
No-one's going to start a long battle this late in the day,
这不是斯图亚特人的作风
it's just not how we do things in the Stewart era.
如果他们现在进攻我们会...
If they would attack now, we would...
糟糕历史电视台最新消息
保皇党军晚饭时遭遇突袭
你听着我有一把黄油刀
Right. Right. Now you listen.I have a butter knife
我会用它保护自己的
and I'm not afraid to use it,
退后我是迈克·皮博迪
so get back. This is Mike Peabody,
糟糕历史电视台新闻记者
HHTV News
在马斯顿荒原圆颅军队突袭现场
at the surprise Roundhead attack at Marston Moor,
真希望我不在这个现场
really wishing he was somewhere else.
退后不然把你当黄油抹了
You, get back or I will spread you,
没开玩笑
I am not joking!
凶狠凯尔特
不靠谱战争发明79号♥
Dodgy War Inventions No.79
罗马人入侵英国时
When the Romans invaded Britain,
在东安格利亚出了点小问题
they had a bit of a problem in East Anglia.
他们发现当地的道路多为湿软的沼泽地
The land they found there was wet and marshy.
非常非常湿非常非常软的沼泽地
Very, very wet and very, very marshy.
后来有个罗马将军想了个妙计
But then one Roman general had a bright idea -
为何不试试高跷呢
Why don't we use stilts?
他的方法非常有效
His plan worked brilliantly.
高跷让罗马士兵远离湿滑
The stilts stopped the Romans getting wet.
但有一个小小的问题
But there was on small problem -
凯尔特人发现可以轻而易举地
the Celts worked out that the Romans on stilts...
将踩着高跷的罗马士兵砍到在地
were very easy to knock over.
罗马士兵像多米诺骨牌般倒下
The Romans fell like dominos
被凯尔特人迅速地解决了
and the Celts swiftly finished them off.
好吧又得重头开始了
Ah, well. I guess it's back to the drawing tablet.
而且得抓紧点
And quickly.
滚了就别回来
And don't come back!
抱歉失态了
Sorry about that.
不幸的是还是有很多罗马人
Unfortunately lots of Romans
在英国定居了
did end up settling in Britain
而且他们和我们凯尔特人完全不同
and they were very different from us Celts.
欢迎收看本期《历史版交换女主人》
Welcome to this special Celtic episode
历史版
交换女主人
凯尔特特辑
of Historical Wife Swap.
这是凯尔特夫妇
This is Mr and Mrs Celt.
他们的家族已在英国生活了好几个世纪
Their family have lived in Britain for centuries
他们要与新来的
and they're doing a wife swap
罗马邻居进行交换女主人的活动
with their new neighbours - the Romans.
他们来自意大利
Originally from Italy,
最近刚刚征服了英国
they've recently conquered Britain.
迥然不同的两种文化是如何交流的呢
How will these two very different cultures get on?
凯尔特夫妇
罗马夫妇
你好我是罗马太太你是凯尔特先生吧
Hello. I'm Mrs Roman. You must be Mr Celt.
你好罗马太太
Hello, Mrs Roman.
好漂亮的马棚
Oh, what a lovely stable.
马棚不这是我们的家
Stable? No, no, this is our home.
我只是还没来得及装扮它罢了
I just haven't had the chance to make it look nice, you know.
我正要挂上这些装饰品呢
I was just about to put up these decorations.
敌人的脑袋胜利的奖杯
Enemy head battle trophies.
凯尔特人真的这样做
我想把它挂在这里
I was thinking of putting this one up here.
你觉得怎么样
What do you think?
人呢她去哪儿了
Er, oh... Hello? Where's she gone?
我们罗马人用石头和灰泥建筑房♥屋
We Romans build our villas with stones and plaster
当我问那个毛茸茸的家伙
and I asked that fur ball
凯尔特人用什么建造房♥屋时
what Celts make their walls out of.
只有木头棍和听好了
and it is only sticks and - get this -
动物粪便
animal poo.
真的
凯尔特太太在罗马家过得怎么样呢
But how is Mrs Celt faring at the Roman villa?
你好
Hello...oh!
抱歉
Sorry, sorry!
留一头美丽的凯尔特长发是有代价的
It's the price you pay for having such long, beautiful Celtic hair.
-我叫盖尔迪尔 -你迟到了吧
- I'm Geldir. - You're a bit late, aren't you?
我还以为你一大早就会来呢
I was expecting you first thing.
是一大早啊
But it is first thing!
已经傍晚时分了
But it's nightfall.
但对我们凯尔特人来说
But to us Celts,
傍晚就是一天的开始
nightfall is the start of the new day.
真的
原来如此
I see!
我想你错过晚餐了
Well, I'm afraid you've missed supper.
太可惜了我准备了炸孔雀肉丸
It's a shame,I've laid on peacock rissoles.
不过请吃个苹果吧
But do have an apple!
这是什么玩意
What on Earth is that?!
这是水果用来吃的
It's fruit! You eat it.
非常美味我们从意大利带来的
It's delicious, we brought them over from Italy.
真的
好吃极了
That's not half bad!
我们有个不错的开始
We're off to a good start!
凯尔特小屋中的晚餐能否顺利进行呢
So, will dinner time in the Celtic hut go smoothly?
你不饿吗
Are you no' hungry?
不我没什么食欲
No, I think I've lost my appetite.
我想去睡觉了
I'd like to go to bed now.
能带我去我的卧房♥吗
Can you show me where my bedroom is, please?
卧房♥ 真会说笑啊
Bedroom? That's a good one!
我们在地上铺了狼皮来保暖
We have a wolf skin on the floor over there to keep you warm.
真的
我的脚被扎了
Ow! I cut my foot!
这是什么
What...? Ewww!
是他的牙齿
It...it's his teeth and...
扎得不轻啊别担心
Ooh, that's a nasty cut. Don't worry.
我会用凯尔特最好的药给你疗伤的
We'll soon sort that out with top-of-the-range Celtic medicine!
过来孩子
Here, boy!
狗舌舔一舔伤痛去无踪
A lick of the dog's tongue'll heal that up!
真实的凯尔特疗法
来孩子它在哪儿呢
Here, boy! Where is he?
过来孩子
Here, boy!
这家伙在...
Where is the...
豪华的罗马别♥墅♥中又是怎样安排住宿的呢
How are the sleeping arrangements in the luxurious Roman villa?
今晚你可以在客房♥睡觉
You'll be staying in the guest bedroom this evening.
在地上吧
On the floor.
-在床上 -床
- On the bed! - A bed!
你会觉得很暖和的
You should be warm enough,
我已经让奴隶生好炉火了
I've got the slaves stoking the central heating.
明早你还可以洗个舒服的热水澡
And in the morning, you can just have a nice, hot bath.
热水澡
A hot bath?!
或者去孔雀花♥园♥的马赛克砖池泡一泡
Or a dip in the mosaic pool in the peacock garden,
如果你喜欢的话
if you prefer.
会有奴隶伺候你更衣的
Then the slaves will get you dressed.
我想我会爱死这里的
I think I'm going to like it here after all!
这些罗马水果太好吃了
This new Roman fruit is delicious!
苹果梨李子
Apples, pears, plums...
美味
Yummy!
他们甚至还带了动物来英国
And they've even brought new animals over to Britain, too.
真的
可爱极了
And they're so cute!
看这里就有一只
Oh, look! Here's one now!