糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E03

Part 4 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.

No, seriously. I will wet my breeches.
那可千万别尿到宝座上
Don't get any on the seat,
否则您要王位"不保"了
or you'll have to be throne out!
不我已经给尿上好几滴了
Oh no! There's a couple of drips right there.
大可不必担心
I wouldn't worry about it.
这么多年上面肯定有过几滴[无聊鬼]的
There's been a few drips on that throne through the years!
是啊无聊鬼可不是嘛
Yes! Drips! Hasn't there just?
我觉得应该不止是几个
More than a few, I should think.
对差不多和您妻子的男朋友一样多了
Yes, almost as many as your wife has boyfriends!
她是有几个男朋友是吧
She's had a few then, has she?
是啊很多呢告退了陛下
Yeah, loads of them! Good day, Sire!
好
Very good.
你看看自己那傻样
Look at you, you silly man!
陛下有什么反应
Well, well, how did he take it?
现在还为时过早
It's too early to say.
应该快反应过来了
Should sink in about
三二一
three...two...one...
-什么 -反应过来了
- Wha-a-at?!! - There it is.
尼古拉斯把我的刽子手叫来
Nicholas! Fetch me my executioner!
马上陛下
At once, Sire!
再拿条干净的内♥裤♥
And a clean pair of pants, please.
做亨利国王的小丑可是份危险的差事
Being Henry's jester was a dangerous job,
不过都铎王朝这位表演者活得更加危险
but not as dangerous as being this Tudor entertainer.
都铎王朝表演者
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
她不该穿那条裙子的
She shouldn't have worn that dress.
她一点机会都没有下一位
She had no chance. Next!
来者何人
And you are...?
都铎王朝表演者
A Tudor performer and entertainer.
那就让我们娱乐一下吧
Well, why not entertain us, eh?
你是怎么死的
How did you die?
我因神奇的表演而著名
Well, I was famous for my amazing act,
伟大的刀枪不入者
the great stab-proof man!
我站在现场观众面前
I would stand before a live audience
把匕♥首♥捅进自己的胸膛
and plunge a dagger into my own chest
还不会死
And yet, not die.
怎么回事
Hm. Well, how come?
我很聪明偷偷穿了防刺背心
I wore a cleverly-hidden stab-proof vest,
所以匕♥首♥碰都没碰到我
so the knife never even touched me.
不过刺到了藏起来的动物血袋
But it did puncture a concealed bag of animal blood,
让人看起来我好像流血了
giving the impression that I was bleeding.
很聪明嘛那你最后是怎么死的
Very clever! so, how did you die for real?
一切都很顺利
Well, it was all going perfectly.
观众们欢呼雀跃财富滚滚而来
The crowd were cheering, the money was pouring in
我高举匕♥首♥ 捅进胸膛
and I raised my dagger aloft and plunged it into my chest.
好然后呢然后呢
Yes. And, and...?
我忘记穿防刺背心了
I'd forgotten to put on my stab-proof vest.
匕♥首♥刺入心脏我就死了
I stabbed myself in the heart and I died.
真可惜这不是防傻背心
Shame the vest wasn't idiot-proof!
等我和评审们交换一下意见
I'll just confer with the judges.
闭嘴路易
Oh, shut up, Louis!
好的两票通过
Yes. That's two yeses.
去过来世吧干得好
You're through to the afterlife. Well done.
谢谢太感谢了
Thank you. Thank you so.
很不错啊是不是他太棒了
He was very good, wasn't he? He was good.
有时候我真喜欢这份工作
Sometimes I love this job.
真的路易真的
I... I do, Louis. I do.
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
野蛮的石器时代
杀啊
Kill!
是时候开始你们的第一次狩猎之旅了
The time has come for your first hunting trip.
-太好了 -要开始了
- Yes! - Get in!
我们都会受到这位神圣老太婆的庇佑
We have all been blessed by the sacred hag.
说什么老太婆我是你妈
Oi! Less of the hag. It's mummy to you.
我们都会受到妈妈的庇佑抱歉妈
We've all been blessed by mum. Sorry, mum.
这就好多了
That's better.
-狩猎现在开始 -好极了
- And now we hunt. - Yeah!
希望我的长矛强壮到
May my spear be strong enough
能打倒捕食的巨熊
to bring down a marauding megabear.
巨熊
Megabear?
希望咕噜的箭精准到
May Ugg's arrows fly straight enough
能射中逃跑的猛犸象
to fell a stampeding mammoth.
-猛犸象 -猛犸象
- Mammoth? - Mammoth?
希望咕哝的匕♥首♥锋利到
And may Grunt's dagger be sharp enough
能直刺剑齿虎的胸膛
to tear out the heart of a sabre-toothed tiger!
都是真的石器时代动物
-他是不是说了老虎 -说了说了
- Did he say tiger? - He said tiger, he said tiger.
让我们今晚共享盛宴
We feast this night.
兄弟们狩猎开始
Men, let's hunt!
不不不
No, no, no, no, no.
那只巨熊也太大了吧
That megabear looks pretty big, actually.
看看它熊掌的大小
Look at the size of its hand!
一条腿飞了另外一条腿也飞了
That's a leg. Oh, there's the other leg.
老实说或许我们该去帮个忙去吧
Actually, maybe we should go and help. Go on.
-或或或者... -啥
- Or, or, or... - Yeah?
我们可以去抓那边的巨型乌龟
We could hunt that giant tortoise over there.
比起什么熊
You know, I actually
-我更喜欢乌龟 -我也是
- prefer tortoise to bear. - Me, too.
那我们去抓它吧
So let's go and get him.
我觉得用它炖汤可好喝了
They're pretty good in soups, I think.
-当心它会咬人 -它要逃了
- Watch out, he's a biter! - He's getting away!
没错穴居人真的狩猎巨型乌龟
Yes. Cavemen really hunt giant tortoise.
其实我们把北美的巨型乌龟都杀光了
In fact, we kill all giant tortoise in North America.
穴居人坏坏
Bad caveman. Ow!
狩猎很辛苦所以石器时代健身很重要
Hunting very tiring, so fitness important in Stone Age.
是否梦想拥有这样的体格
Do you want a body like this,
却顶着这样的大肚腩
But actually have a body like this?
那你需要试试穴居人健身
Then you need the caveman workout.
史前最完美的狩猎训练
It's perfect training for a prehistoric hunt.
你想练就这么一身肌肉吗你肯定想
You want guns like these? Sure you do.
让我们从手臂开始
Let's start with those arms.
我打我打我打接着做
And club, and club, and club. Keep it going!
我打我打再做十次我打
And club, and club. 10 more. And club.
好的接下来训练用长矛
Ok. Let's start working out with those spears.
别担心我们用它们狩猎野牛
Don't worry, we use them to hunt bison.
首先我们追逐野牛让它掉下悬崖
First of all, we chase a bison off a cliff.
跑起来跑起来把脚抬高
And run, and run. Get your feet up!
跑起来跑起来那有一只冲啊
And run, and run. There's one there! Let's go!
一旦找到了野牛你得把它弄死
Once you have your bison, you need to finish him off.
我刺我刺
And spear, and spear.
我刺接着做我刺
And spear. Keep it going! And spear.
然后把沉重的野牛拖上山
It's time to drag the heavy bison up the hill,
带回山洞
back to your cave.
我拖我拖我拖
And drag, and drag, and drag.
同时还要抵抗捕食者
While fighting off predators.
我拖我打我拖我打
And drag, and club, and drag, and club.
我拖我打太棒了
And drag, and club. That's really great.
就是这样穴居人健身
So that's it - the caveman workout.
保持健美的体型
Stay in shape
你也可以延年益寿活过三十岁
and you, too, could live to the ripe old age of 30.
穴居人健身穴居人灭绝前有效
The caveman workout - available while cavemen last.
我想应该举够了
That's enough of that, I think.
你知道吗科学家们说多亏了狩猎
Did you know scientists say humans look the way they do
人类才能变成今天这个样子
thanks to hunting.
没错你们进化出了灵活的腿脚肌肉
Yeah. You lot evolved springy leg and feet muscles
才能长途追击动物
so you could chase animals for miles and miles.
还有能让你们坐着一直看电视的屁♥股♥
And a bottom so you can sit watching telly for hours and hours.
这是真的