糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E11

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:11 p.m.

for there is no plague in Scotland.
趁他们无力抵御
With their defences down,
我们大举进发的时机到来了
now is the time for us to invade.
让自大的英格兰人尝尝苏格兰的钢刀吧
Let the arrogant English taste some Scottish steel.
弄死他们兄弟们
Go get 'em, laddies.
-你们准备好了吗 -准备好了
- So are you all ready? - Aye!
-粥都喝过了吗 -喝过了
- Have you all had your porridge? - Aye!
-武器都擦亮了吗 -擦亮了
- Have you all sharpened your weapons? - Aye!
干净的内衣裤也都上身了吗
And have you all put on some nice warm underwear?
当然没有开玩笑吧你
Of course not, you big Jessie.
出发去宰英格兰人
Now let's go and slaughter some English.
英格兰
苏格兰
杀了他们都杀光光
Kill them, kill them all,
杀到一个不留
butcher the lot of them and don't stop
让英格兰的土地浸满鲜血
till the soil of England is stained red with their blood.
英格兰
苏格兰
这么快就回来啦麦克唐纳
You're back already, MacDonald?
你脸色不好啊
You dinnae look so well.
我貌似染了点英格兰的瘟疫
Think I may have caught a wee dose of that English plague, no?
事实就是这样
也许我对整个入侵计划
It's possible I didn't really think
没有考虑周详吧
this whole invasion thing through, did I?
是没有
No.
快撤回来
Quick, lads, back over the border.
各回各村吧
Retreat, run home to your villages.
英格兰
苏格兰
这么一来瘟疫不会被带回家吗
But won't that bring the Plague back?
-苏格兰就危险了 -也是
- You'll infect the whole of Scotland. - Aye.
也许是我又欠考虑了吧
I didn't really think that bit through too well either, did I?
的确
Erm, no.
为了自♥由♥
Freedom!
整件事就是这样
That is exactly what happened.
苏格兰军队入侵英格兰
The Scottish army invaded England,
没曾想把瘟疫带回了苏格兰
caught the Plague and took it back to their families in Scotland.
我老公去打英格兰了耶
Ooh, my husband went to England
除了糟心的瘟疫啥也没带回来
and all he brought me back was this lousy plague.
在中世纪的苏格兰
And Scottish families in the Middle Ages
有些风俗简直耸人听闻
had some pretty unusual customs.
我盛大的中世纪苏格兰
婚礼
[恶搞美国影片《我盛大的希腊婚礼》]
艾伦是个中世纪的英格兰人
Alan is a Middle Ages man from England.
他邂逅了苏格兰美女朵儿丽
He's met Scottish beauty Doileag
意欲娶她为妻
and wants to marry her.
于是两人来到苏格兰
So they've travelled back to Scotland
拜见朵儿丽的父亲母亲
to meet Doileag's devoted mother and father.
苏格兰人是怎么看女婿的呢
But what will they think of him?
-这是艾伦 -你们好
- This is Alan. - Hello.
-你好 -你好
- Hello. - Hello.
他们是不是不喜欢我
I don't think they like me.
不是我们把鲱鱼的油脂扔墙上
No, no, we're just throwing herring fat at a wall
是为了看你是不是个诚实的人
to see if you're an honest man or not.
这个风俗是真的
我们中世纪的苏格兰人就喜欢这么干
That's how we like to do things in Medieval Scotland.
流得很直呀父亲
Aye, the herring fat runs straight, father.
-流得直是好事吗 -是啊
- Is that a good thing? - Aye.
-假如弯了就说明你不诚实 -是吗
- If it were crooked that would mean you were dishonest. - Oh.
现在让我用油煤烟和煤渣
Now allow me to wash your feet
来洗你的脚
in a mixture of oil, soot and cinders.
这会给你们的婚姻带来好运
This will bring you luck for your marriage.
这个风俗是真的
我们中世纪的苏格兰人就喜欢这么干
It's how we like to do things in Medieval Scotland!
我盛大的中世纪苏格兰
婚礼
婚礼这天早上
It's the morning of the wedding
-艾伦开始犹豫 -我说朵儿丽
- and Alan's beginning to have some doubts. - Listen, Doileag.
早知苏格兰传统这么怪我想吧
Look, all these weird Scottish customs have got me thinking.
我们也不是很急着要结婚你觉得呢
You don't think we're rushing into things, do you?
-来背好鱼篮 -要干吗
- Aye, ready for a creeling. - Ooh, what's a creeling?
这是用来测试你够不够格当我丈夫的
It's just a test to see if you're man enough to be my husband.
你只要
All you have to do
背着这个装满石头的篮子绕村跑就行了
is carry this basket of stones around the village.
-去吧 -放心没问题的
- Off you go. - Argh, it'll be all right.
这个风俗也是真的
我们中世纪的苏格兰人就喜欢这么干
Aye, it's how we like to do things in Medieval Scotland!
我盛大的中世纪苏格兰
婚礼
-整个村子你都绕到了吗 -是的
- Did you go all around the village? - Yes.
是直的他说的是实话
Aye, he's still an honest man. He's telling the truth.
我们去教堂结婚吧
Let's get to the church.
即将上演
《我盛大的中世纪苏格兰婚礼》
Coming up in the next series of
下季预告
My Big Fat Medieval Scottish Wedding,
我盛大的中世纪苏格兰
婚礼
朵儿丽与艾伦之子受洗礼
Doileag and Alan's baby is christened.
又一个真实的风俗
我们中世纪的苏格兰人就喜欢这么干
Aye, it's how we like to do things in Medieval Scotland!
请勿在家中尝试
牛气的撒克逊人
撒克逊僧侣纪律严*
*Saxon monks had very strict rules
可违纪违规是常有*
*But we didn't always obey them
修道院欢迎您来坐*
*Welcome to our monastery Please have a chair
瞧你们虔诚祷告我真欣慰*
*Good to see you monks so deep in prayer
可祷告也莫要忘了干活哟*
*Once the praying's finished, your chores must be done
好僧侣就当耐寂寞*
*The main rule of a good monk's life is no fun
一周七天一天八次我们祷告着*
*We have to pray eight times a day, seven days a week
绝版经书错综字形我们抄诵着*
*And copy all these manuscripts in writing so antique
犁完地挤完奶喂完猪来择完菜*
*I'll finish off this letter A once I've ploughed our field
我就来把A写完*
*Milked the cows, mucked the sows, vegetables peeled
祷告干活两不误*
*I'll be doing that and praying too
极好极好回见诸位*
*Very well, gents I'll bid you, adieu
愿你的国降临*
*Adveniat regnum tuum
[出自主祷文]
好了教友们斯人已去*
*OK, brothers, I think he's gone...
主教不在呀长袍脱掉呀*
*Now the bishop's not around. Throw off these religious gowns
呦呦切克闹*
*Hunky... Chunky... Funky Monk-y... Get down!
唱诗祷告非所有只干不玩不可能*
*It's not all hymns and praying. It's not all work and no playing
规矩神马说再见*
*So let's start misbehaving
音乐响起身形动*
*And get with the funk
派对狂欢我之爱美味佳肴心向往*
*We love to have a party. Eat food that is hearty
开怀畅饮吧酒肉只是穿肠过*
*Let's get the boozing started. Drunk like a monk
谁说僧侣无音乐*
*Play that monk-y music, funk boy
[恶搞Wild Cherry的名曲Play That Funky Music]
进餐时间要禁言*
*Just wanted to check that during my absence
你们可都发过誓*
*You're honouring your meal time vow of silence...
打猎屠♥杀♥我的爱明知故犯我的罪*
*Although we didn't oughtta, we like to hunt and slaughter
粗茶淡饭算啥哟*
*Don't need no bread and water
只要高兴就好*
*Just fun, fun, fun
修道院里闹翻天派对节拍不停奏*
*Monastery is jumping. Party beat is thumping
还少了什么呢*
*Just lacks a certain something
能扭的修女呀*
*A funky nun!
派对女友上上选...*
*Get in the party habit Girlfriend...
此处生活虽艰辛*
*It's true that life is tough here
遵规守矩不可少*
*But you obey the rules. That is clear
故此美名传天下*
*That's why we're a place of great repute
这是何人新成员吗*
*What's this? I see we have a new recruit
欢迎欢迎你姓甚名谁*
*Welcome to our monastery What's your name?
她他叫韦恩说话不能
She... He can't talk And his name is...Wayne
阿门*
*Amen
啊男人们
Ah, men!
中世纪的修道士们是如何
How did monks in the Middle-Ages
在头顶正中保留一块光头皮的
keep the bald patch in the middle of their heads?
A 他们用石头打磨头皮
A, they polished it with a stone.
B 他们一缕缕地拔掉自己的头发
B, they pulled their hair out one strand at a time.
C 他们靠迷你山羊来吃掉自己的头发
Or C, they had it grazed by a miniature goat.
答案是
The answer is
C 他们靠迷你...
C - they had it grazed by a min...
不抱歉我的错
Oh, no, sorry, my mistake.
答案是A 他们用石头打磨自己的头发
It's A, they polished it with a stone called a pumice stone,