糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E02

Part 1 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.

恐怖都铎华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京冷血罪行*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
远古的惩罚*
*Punishment from ancient times
罗马人堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
第二季第二集
糟糕历史
讨厌的海盗
我们海盗抢掠一切值钱的东西
Us pirates stole anything thought valuable.
金币珠宝丝绸
Gold coins, jewellery, silk cloth,
药物地图还有糖
medicines, maps, sugar.
你没听错糖
That's right, sugar!
但1713年一个海盗偷的东西
But in 1713, one pirate stole something
绝对让人意想不到
even more unusual that that.
擦拭甲板
Swab the deck!
这次我超越了自己的极限费歇尔
This time I've excelled myself, Fisher.
其他海盗都搞错了
I mean, other pirates have got it all wrong.
干吗非要冒生命危险跑去远海攻击船只
Why risk life and limb attacking ships on the high seas...
还不如轻轻松松地
When you can just steal a herd of cows
从大♥陆♥偷走一群牛
from a field on dry land?
巴瑟·胡德真的这么干了
巴瑟·胡德船长神一般的海盗
Captain Basil Hood, pirate extraordinaire!
去检查下那些牛好吗
Go and check on the cows, will you?
遵命船长
Aye-aye, captain.
我们可以卖♥♥个好价钱
We'll sell these cows for huge profit.
简单赚大钱我想出的最棒的主意了
This is, quite simply, my best plan ever.
这些牛好像有点晕船长官
The cows seem to be a bit seasick, sir.
晕船
Seasick?!
真的是这样
是的它们一直在吐
Yep, there's a lot of spewing going on down there.
呕吐物溅满了墙溅满了天花板
I've got vomit on the walls, vomit on the ceiling...
也溅了我一身
Got some vomit on me.
恶臭难闻不行了
And the stench is... oh, no!
快去把下面打扫干净伙计
Well, go clean it up, man!
遵命船长
Aye-aye, captain!
好吧或许这不是最棒的主意
Ok, maybe this wasn't my best plan ever.
洗不掉长官实在太多了
It's no good, sir, there's just too much of it.
下面的呕吐物像是火山爆发一般源源不绝
It's like an erupting volcano of vomit down there.
我受不了了
I can't take this much...longer.
我们怎么办
What are we gonna do?
看那儿船长地平线那儿海军
Over there, sir! on the horizon - the Navy!
他们看到我们的话会把我们抓起来的
If they see us, they'll arrest us!
看这我们在这儿
Over here! we're over here!
海盗巴瑟·胡德
Pirate Basil Hood,
我现在以海盗的罪名拘捕你
I'm arresting you for being a pirate.
你是否要向英国海军投降
Do you surrender to the English Navy?
我投降投降非常感谢
I do, I do, thank you very much.
现在能请你把我们带到干净整洁的船上吗
Now, please can you take us on your nice, clean ship?
-什么声音 -没什么
-What was that? - Nothing!
别管它我们现在就登船吧
Just ignore it. We'll board your ship now
马上投降走吧
and surrender at once, come on.
住口我肯定听到声音了
Stop! I definitely heard something.
不那是费歇尔的肚子在叫
That was Fisher's stomach.
快叫两声费歇尔
Come on, Fisher.
有臭味什么东西恶臭难忍♥
That smell! What's that terrible, awful smell?
那是
It's...
天呐下面有群牛
My word! There's cattle down here!
还呕吐不止吐得没完没了啊
And they're puking and spewing and spewing and puking!
这船太恶心了我们走
This ship is disgusting! We're leaving.
至于你胡德你自♥由♥了
And you, Hood, you're free to go.
带着你恶心的船有多远滚多远
Take your vomit ship with you.
真的是这样
不别留下我求你了
No! no, please don't leave. Please!
弃船
Abandon ship!
下一次我们还是只偷财宝吧
Next time, let's just stick to stealing treasure.
那些晕船的牛让我也犯恶心了
Oh! All those puking cows are making me feel quite sick.
可不管怎么难受
But it doesn't matter how sick I feel,
我也不愿去看海盗医生
I'm still not going to go and see a pirate doctor.
历史医院
可怜的家伙看起来伤得很严重啊
Ooh, you poor thing. That looks nasty.
不过没什么好担心的
I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
我去看看有没有医生有空
I'll see if there's a doctor.
早上好护士小妞
Morning, nurse!
早上好请问你是
Morning. And you are?
独眼狼内德杰出海盗是也
One-eyed Ned, pirate extraordinaire!
这箱子里装满了最好的海盗药物
I've got my chest here, full of the finest pirate medicines.
有海水
Sea water.
还有毒芹
Hemlock!
这东西不是有毒吗
That's poisonous, isn't it?
要是我不按说明书使用才会有毒
Only if I don't read the instructions,
我可能还真不按说明书来
which I probably won't,
因为全是拉丁文写的我还不识字
'cause they're in Latin, and I can't read anyway.
好了让我看看年轻的水手
Right, let's have a look at you, me young swabbie.
得了坏血病吧
Touch of scurvy, eh?
放点儿血啥病都能好
Well, there's not much a bit of blood-letting won't cure!
毒素清干净就好了
Removes all the toxins, so it does.
真正海盗疗法
不过我没得坏血病
But I haven't got scurvy.
只是腿割了道口子
I've just got a cut on my leg.
怎么不早说
Why didn't you say so?
-我们得马上把它锯掉 -锯掉
- We'll have it off in no time. - Off?!
你不想拖着条烂腿上船吧
You don't want a rotten leg aboard a ship, do ya?
只是条小口子
But it's only a little cut!
有备无患嘛
Well, better safe than sorry.
相信我我是木匠
Trust me, I'm a carpenter.
木匠你刚才不是说你是医生
A carpenter? I thought you said you were a doctor.
我们曾经有船医不过他死了
We had a doctor, but he died!
反正他也就会给别人截肢
He mostly just sawed off limbs anyway.
我碰巧是船上的木匠
And I'm the ship's carpenter,
我知道怎么用锯子
so I know me ways about a saw.
说"啊"
Say "Arr".
海盗真会这么干
你还真是很健谈是不是
You're a chatty one, ain't ya?
有没有可以让他减轻痛苦的东西
Isn't there anything to ease the pain,
比如麻醉剂
any anaesthetic?
-我从来没听说过 -朗姆酒怎么样
-I never heard of 'em. - Rum, maybe?
这主意不错
Don't mind if I do!
别着急小伙子
Not so fast, laddie!
最好先看看他是不是能活下来
Better see if he survives first.
可别把这么好的朗姆酒浪费在死人身上
No good wasting good rum on the dead.
护士腿
Nurse, the leg.
我们快完成了
Almost finished.
就剩把伤口封起来了
All we've got to do now is seal the wound.
用针线缝合用纱布包扎吗
With stitches and a clean dressing?
不用这罐滚烫的沥青
No! With a load of hot tar.
他们真的用沥青封伤口
好主意啊护士
Good thinking, nurse!
这就是你的新腿
Here's your new leg.
可悲的二战
二战艺术秀
大家好欢迎收看《二战艺术秀》
Hello and welcome to World War II Art Show.
今天的嘉宾是佩里格林·索罗古德将军
Today, we're joined by General Peregrine Thorogood
他来自英国陆军
from the British Army.
继续
Carry on.
好的我正打算说呢
Right. I was going to, so...