糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S02E08

Part 4 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:10 p.m.

所以我在他的胳膊上放了水蛭
so I've stuck some leeches on his arm.
乔治人真的用过水蛭
但他还是没有像乔治贵族那样白
But he's still not pale enough for a Georgian aristocrat,
所以为了让他更白可以用粉笔灰
so to make Daniel even whiter, you could use chalk dust,
不过我更偏向于用剧毒的铅涂料
but I prefer to use highly toxic lead paint.
也真的用过铅涂料
再来点口红和腮红
Just add some lipstick and blusher,
让我们看看改变吧
and let's see the difference.
历史版
时尚变身
看呐更有男人味了
There, much more manly.
你喜欢吗丹尼尔
Do you like it, Daniel?
必须的他爱死这装扮了
Course he does, he loves it.
现在来改造这身丑到爆的衣服
Now, let's do something about those awful clothes.
好吧至少不会比现在更蠢了
Well, at least I can't look any more ridiculous.
历史版
时尚变身
我说错了现在更蠢
I stand corrected.
原汁原味的乔治时代绅士
Every bit the Georgian gent,
这衬垫凸显出丹尼尔性感的小腿肚
and that padding really accentuates Daniel's lovely calves.
乔治时期的时尚装扮
你在干吗
What you doing?
最后的点睛之笔假发
Just time for the finishing touches, the wig.
为了固定假发要先在头上涂抹由面粉
The wig is held in place using powder made from flour,
淀粉肉豆蔻以及金粉混合而成的粉末
starch, nutmeg, and, of course, gold dust.
这是真的
就这样很好看不过还差了一点
There. Looking good, but there's one thing missing.
假发里没有虱子
No Georgian gent is complete
就不能称为乔治时代的绅士
without some lice in his wig.
假发里的虱子还真是个问题
喜欢你的新造型吗丹尼尔
How do you like your look, Daniel?
我现在像只坐在垫子上的贵宾犬
I look like a poodle on a cushion.
有些人就是天生穿不来好衣服
Some people just can't wear good clothes.
你对这期节目毫无贡献
You have given me nothing for this programme,
什么都没有
absolutely nothing.
本期《时尚变身》到此结束
That's it this week from Fashion Fix,
下期节目我将告诉一名石器时代洞穴人
join me next time, when I'll be teaching a stone age caveman
还是穿点衣服比较好再见
that it's better to wear some clothes for once. See you.
乔治时代像那样穿着的贵族男人
Posh Georgian men who dressed up like that
通常被称为"纨绔子弟"
were known as Macaronis.
[义同"通心粉
原因未知
Not sure why,
也许因为他们裹上奶酪更好看
presumably because they looked better covered in cheese.
偷偷告诉你
Mind you,
我觉得任何东西裹上奶酪都更好看
I think everything looks better covered in cheese.
卑劣的斯图亚特王朝
亚瑟·阿斯顿篇
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
下一位
Oh! Next!
来者何人
And you are?
亚瑟·阿斯顿爵士英国♥军♥官
Sir Arthur Aston, English army officer.
管你是谁
Yeah, yeah, course you are, whatever.
来吧说个好笑的听听
Come on, entertain me.
为了赢得芳心我正在马上
Well, I was showing off on my horse
冲着几位年轻的美女搔首弄姿
for the benefit of some lovely young ladies.
然后呢
Hmm, and?
我跌落马背摔断了腿
Well, I fell off the horse, I broke my leg,
伤腿坏死不得不截肢
it turned septic, so I had to have it amputated.
然后你流血过多而亡
And you bled to death?
不不不我没事
Oh, no, no, no, I was fine.
真可惜
Oh, shame.
医生给我配了这个很好的木头假肢
You see, I was given this rather wonderful wooden leg,
然后我就能重返部队
and I was able to return to the army,
很快我就参加了
and soon I found myself in a battle,
与奥利弗·克伦威尔军队的战斗
against Oliver Cromwell's army.
真好结果如何
Oh, good. How did it go?
不咋地我被敌军俘获然后
Not brilliantly, I was captured and, well,
我被打死了
I was beaten to death.
被我自己的假肢打死的
With my own wooden leg.
被你自己的...
With your own wood...
太好笑了
Oh, that's hilarious!
我打赌你肯定气得跳脚
I bet you were hopping mad!
跳脚
Hopping!
你真的很没同情心知道吗
You're very insensitive, you know that?
我给你通过票亚瑟
It's a yes from me, Arthur,
你可以去转生了
you're through to the afterlife.
谢谢非常感谢
Oh, thank you, thank you.
蹦蹦跳跳跳过去
Hop along now. Hop along!
太没同情心了
Very insensitive.
天啊我有时真爱这工作
Oh, dear. You know, I love my job sometimes,
真的真爱
I do, I really do.
下一位
Next!
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
我们斯图亚特人相信
We Stuarts believed that
16♥4♥2年边山战役之后
after the Battle of Edgehill in 16♥4♥2,
牺牲士兵们的鬼魂
the ghosts of the soldiers who died
在战场不停地重演战斗久久不散
could be seen acting out the battle again and again.
接下来是另一个恐怖故事
And here's another scary story.
恐怖故事
晚上好恐怖粉丝们
Greetings, fright fans.
我是文森佐·拉佛
I am Vincenzo Laughoff,
本周的恐怖故事
and this week's scary story
是一个斯图亚特时代的鬼故事
is a ghostly tale from Stuart times,
《泰德沃斯鬼影幢幢》
The Terror Of Tedworth.
泰德沃斯鬼影幢幢
故事发生在1662年
It was the year 1662.
一位名为约翰·莫派申的地方官
A magistrate named John Mompesson
探访威尔特郡的泰德沃斯镇
was visiting the town of Tedworth in Wiltshire,
他觉得一名当地街头艺人
where he was disturbed
不停的敲鼓声很烦
by a local busker repeatedly banging on a drum.
肃静正在录像呢
Quiet, we're recording.
地方官大人检查了那人的卖♥♥艺许可证
The magistrate checked the man's license to busk,
发现是伪造的就把他逮捕入狱
and, finding it to be a forgery, threw him in jail,
并且没收了他的鼓
and confiscated his drum,
这个决定会让他后悔终生
a decision he would come to regret.
他要倒大霉了
Dong indeed.
艺人获释出狱
After the busker was freed from jail,
便人间蒸发
he simply disappeared,
很快人们就肯定他死了
and it soon became clear that he must have perished,
因为他的鬼魂缠上了这个刻薄的地方官
because his ghost started to haunt the mean magistrate.
不并不仅仅是呜呜的鬼叫声
Oh, no, it was much more than a mere "Whoo, whoo."
艺人的亡魂萦绕在地方官的房♥屋附近
The spirit of the dead busker plagued the magistrate's house.
一开始他的鼓自动响起
At first, his drum began to bang itself.
门打开又自行关上
Then doors would open and shut on their own,
看不见的生物啃咬着墙壁
unseen creatures would gnaw at the walls.
口袋里的钱币变黑
Coins would turn black inside pockets,
黑暗中显现一双血红的双眼
and red, staring eyes would appear in the darkness.
艺人的亡魂是否重返人间
Had the busker's soul come back from the dead
向多管闲事的地方官索命报复
to wreak his revenge on the meddling magistrate?
他的亡魂是否将在这凶宅中久久不散
Was his ghost destined to forever haunt the horror-filled house?
不卖♥♥艺人活得好好的
No, he was alive and well,
就住在格洛斯特
and living in Gloucester.
什么
What?
我以为他死了
I thought he was dead!
鼓手并没死
Ah! You see, the drummer wasn't dead at all,
他就在格洛斯特
he was found in Gloucester,
因为偷一头猪而再次被捕
where he was arrested for stealing a pig?
根本没鬼吗
There was no ghost at all?
这是啥玩意史酷比吗
What is this, Scooby-Doo?
没鬼的故事根本就不是鬼故事啊
You can't have a ghost story where there's no ghost, right?
还说那鼓会自动响起
All that stuff about a drum banging itself,
这是编的吧
was that just made up?
这全是编的我是有多蠢