掩耳盗邻（2025）

Your Friends and Neighbors S01E01

Part 6 May 27, 2025, 10:42 p.m.

大概一个月？
精确来说。
maybe a month?
Exactly.
或者，一年半载也行。
Or, like, a year.
库珀，每个谈话都有个临界点
Coop, there comes a time
in every conversation
是男人就该停止废话直奔主题
when a man has to cut the shit
and get to the fucking point.
我失业了。
I lost my job.
你睡了谁？
喂
Who'd you fuck?
.
你怎么张口就来...
不不不
Why would you automatically jump to--
No, no, no, no.
你既不酗酒也不是种族主义者业绩又好
You're not a drunk or a racist
and your numbers were good,
那就只剩裤裆那点事了
so that leaves fuckery.
天啊巴尼别这样
Jesus, Barney, come on.
我就是不明白杰克为什么出♥卖♥♥♥我
I just don't understand
why Jack would hang me out like that.
那事明明最多算擦边球
I mean, it was borderline at best.
杰克找到借口踢你出局还能吞掉你的客户真的只是擦边球？
Jack saw a way to cut you loose
and keep your book. Was it really?
什么真的？
擦边球啊
Was what really?
Borderline at best.
她在完全不同的楼层办公
Well, she worked on
a completely different floor.
我跟她不熟
你就不能找别人？
I didn't know her.
You couldn't find someone else?
谁都行啊？
是她勾引我的
Anyone else?
She hit on me.
这不算理由
妈的这当然算
That doesn't matter.
Well, it fucking should.
就该算天经地义
It should. It should matter.
贝利会和解的
Bailey will settle.
什么？
What?
苏·贝利·罗素事务所他们会和解的
Sue Bailey Russell. They'll settle.
凭什么？
Why would they do that?
因为你既不酗酒也不是种族主义者业绩又好
'Cause you're not a drunk or a racist
and your numbers were good.
他们不想闹上法庭起诉他们
They don't want this
to go to a judge. Sue them.
你是我的财务经理不是律师
You're my business manager, not my lawyer.
正因我是你的财务经理
And as your business manager,
我强烈建议你请个律师
I'm strongly encouraging you
to hire a lawyer.
我只想知道存款能撑多久
I just need to know
how long I can float on what I got.
日常开销？
Your nut?
六个月最多七个月
Six months. Seven tops.
不可能
That can't be true.
赡养费子女抚养费两套房♥子车子私立学校
Alimony, child support, two houses,
cars, private schools,
还有你妹妹这些还只是冰山一角
not to mention your sister,
and that's just off the top of my head.
杰克会和解的
Jack will settle.
杰克会碾碎我我请不起律师和他们斗
Jack will crush me. I can't afford
to go up against those guys.
但更输不起的是不请律师
You can't afford not to.
我以为自己还有更多积蓄
I just thought I had so much more.
曾经有去年科技股让你血本无归
You did. Then you got hammered last year
on tech stocks.
去年科技股谁不赔钱
Everybody got hammered last year on tech.
但别人可没离婚也没睡同事
Everyone didn't get divorced
or fuck their coworker.
你该去找蒙蒂
找了兰斯也找了
You should go see Monty.
I did. Lance too.
没戏？
竞业协议两年
No dice?
I have a two-year non-solicit.
我知道
I know.
库珀喝点什么？
Coop, what are you drinking?
少来这套
Forget that.
我有瓶15年陈日本威士忌必须尝尝
I got a 15-year-old Japanese whiskey
you gotta try.
两杯
Two.
干杯
Lehayim.
够顺滑吧？
How smooth is that, right?
是啊
Yeah.
所以...
So…
单身生活如何？
how's the single life?
偶尔也有精彩时刻
Well, has its moments.
得了吧外面肯定有大把艳遇等着你
Bullshit. It's gotta be a goddamn
smorgasbord of ass out there.
快透露点前线战报
Come on, give me something.
Some news from the front.
今年我又主持抗癌慈善晚宴
Hey, I'm chairing that
cancer benefit again this year,
给你预留了两桌和去年一样
and I penciled you in for two tables,
same as last year.
一桌多少钱来着？
How much are the tables again?
三万一桌两桌六万
Thirty grand. Sixty for the pair.
去年你都买♥♥了两桌
Come on, you bought two tables last year.
去年我可没离婚彼得
Yeah, well,
I wasn't divorced last year, Peter.
你说得对抱歉
Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
是我考虑不周
I wasn't thinking.
让你难堪
I shouldn't have
put you on the spot like that.
我自己消化这两桌把你名字划掉
I'll eat the tables
and take your name off the list.
留着吧
Leave it on.
确定？
没事小意思
You sure?
Yeah, it's fine. It's fine.
我不是故意当混♥蛋♥的
Wasn't trying to be an asshole.
有些人天生就是混♥蛋♥坯子
I guess to some people
it just comes naturally.
滚蛋
Fuck off.
喂...
Hey…
这样没问题吧？
That's okay, right?
咱们都是成年人了
We're all adults here.
当然皆大欢喜
那就好
Sure. It's all good.
Good stuff.
这是在玩火啊
Out there living dangerously.
25年的谢谢
马上来
25, please.
You got it.
多谢
Thank you.
三届NBA全明星能怎么办？
Three-time-star.
What are you gonna do?
是啊
Yeah.
给我来杯和他一样的加倍
I'll have what he's having,
just more of it.
好的
You got it.
库珀战队？
Team Coop?
再来一杯
And one more.
我跟彼得说
So, I said to Peter,
得趁孩子们还愿意搭理我们时去度假
we have to get away
with the kids, you know,
等他们嫌弃我们了
while we still can
before they want nothing to do with us
还能干嘛？大眼瞪小眼？
because then what are we gonna do?
Talk to each other?
结婚太久早没话聊了
We've been married way too long for that.
所以我们周六去伯利兹
So, on Saturday, we leave for Belize.
订了栋无敌海景别♥墅♥
I found us this villa,
stunning view of the coast.
孩子们住隔壁别♥墅♥
The kids have their own villa next door
互不干扰
失陪下
so we're not on top of each other.
I'll be right back.
反正他们饿了一定会来
But we know we'll see them
because we're the ones with the chef
我们这边有厨师和餐厅
and the dining room,
so when they get hungry…
海龟旅馆根本不知道即将迎来什么客人
I mean, the Turtle Inn
does not know what is about to hit it.
还好吗库珀？
How you doing, Coop? You okay?
挺好的梅尔你呢？
I'm okay, Mel. How are you?
还行
Yeah.
我说你们俩
Hey, you two, can I just say,
离婚还能这么友好真让人羡慕