掩耳盗邻（2025）

Your Friends and Neighbors S01E01

Part 2 May 27, 2025, 10:42 p.m.

Twenty-eight,
so you're 20 years younger than me.
眼下很美好对吧？
And at this moment in time,
it works, right?
我有钱你有自♥由♥
I have money, you have freedom,
我们可以环游世界
互相学习
we could travel the world together,
we could learn things from each other.
聊天和上♥床♥
对
In conversation and in bed.
Yeah. Right.
你会觉得我很有趣
You'll find me very interesting
因为我多活20年故事比你多
'cause I have two decades more
worth of stories than you,
而我觉得你有趣
是因为你活在当下
and I find you very interesting
'cause you live your life in the moment
带着我早丢掉的
那种不计后果的冲劲
with the kind of reckless immediacy
that I lost a billion years ago.
所以我们能互相取悦
So we'll have no trouble
keeping each other entertained.
这样能维持一阵子对吧？
And that'll work for a while, right?
快进十年你38岁我58岁
Then skip ahead ten years,
you'll be 38. I'll be 58.
那时就开始摇摇欲坠了
That's when things can
start to get a little shaky.
你可能想要孩子我已有儿女
You might want kids, I already have them.
你可能会想
You might start thinking,
"我是不是错过了人生重要体验？"
"Have I missed out
on one of life's great experiences?"
而你依然美艳动人...
你觉得我美？
And you'll still be stunning--
You think I'm stunning?
我会日渐衰老
I'll be aging.
我看得出你会优雅地老去
Well, I can tell
you're gonna age very well.
你能看出来是因为
衰老已经开始
You can tell that because
it's already started to happen.
重点是我们做♥爱♥变少喝酒更多
The point is that
we'll have less sex and more wine,
或许还能凑合一阵子
and maybe that'll still work for a time.
没人说过你话很多吗？
Has anyone ever told you
that you talk a lot?
我老婆和内心独白
差不多同时消失了
Well, I misplaced my inner monologue
and my wife right around the same time.
总之
再快进十年
Anyway,
let's skip ahead another ten years.
必须吗？
我68岁
Must we?
I'll be 68 years old.
就算保养再好
No matter how well I take care of myself,
前列腺会罢♥工♥ 头发会掉光
my prostate's gonna do what it does
and so will my hair,
你会整天琢磨
and you'll start spending your days
我死后你的生活
thinking about what your life looks like
after I kick it.
同时你每次出门
Meanwhile, every time you leave the house
我都会猜你在跟哪个
小鲜肉上♥床♥
I'll wonder what young stud
you'll be fucking.
真的？你就这么没安全感？
Really? Are you that insecure?
现在没有但以后会
Well, not yet, but I will be.
人品呢？
你的还是我的？
Yeah, what about character?
Yours or mine?
你认定我会出轨？
不我只是认定我会担心
You're so sure I'll cheat?
No, I'm just sure I'll worry about it.
你这种自信混合自卑的状态
很诡异
You have this very strange mix
of confidence and low self-esteem.
最后我变成善妒的老怪物
So, I'll be the jealous, old troll
你是性♥欲♥旺盛的饥渴少♥妇♥
and you'll be a restless woman
in her sexual prime,
我们都被恐惧吞噬
and we'll both be consumed
by this nagging fear
害怕人生最后岁月
最艰难的时光
that the last years of our life,
the toughest ones,
会在彻底孤独中度过
will be spent completely
and utterly alone.
哇哦
Wow.
真是哇哦
你什么时候想到这些的？
Just wow.
When did you come up with all of that?
从你离开那个凳子
走到这里的十秒钟里
In the ten seconds it took you
to walk from that stool to this one.
我本可以逐条反驳
Well, I could sit here
and offer a full-throated rebuttal,
但老实说老兄
我只是想约炮
but honestly, man,
I was just looking to get laid.
这个理由你能接受吗？
How many problems do you have with that?
一时想不出
None come to mind.
来吧！
Let's do it!
这就是发生在...
This is what happens…
大学一毕业就进了大公♥司♥
You land a job right out of college
at a major firm.
不过是庞大机器里的小齿轮
You're just another cog
in a very large wheel,
但好歹迈进了门槛
but you've got your foot in the door.
在城里租个破公♥寓♥
差点付不起房♥租
You get a shitty apartment in the city
that you can barely afford
因为你知道钱会来的
because you know the money will come.
结婚是因为...你懂的...
You get married because, you know…
然后她搬进那个破公♥寓♥
And she moves into that shitty apartment.
穷得叮当响
You're dead broke,
但现在是两个人共患难了
but there's two of you now.
（画外音）在那破公♥寓♥里的体验
以后再也找不回来了
Sidenote, no one will ever fuck you
the way she did in that shitty apartment.
包括她本人
Including her.
于是你们拼命工作
So you work your asses off
终于脱贫致富
and you dig yourselves out.
这钱赚得辛苦又轻松
Hardest, easiest money you'll ever make.
嘿 - 嗯
Hey. - Yeah.
等到日子渐入佳境
And then, when you're feeling good about things,
当一切顺风顺水时
when things are, you know, copacetic,
第一个孩子降生了
you have the first kid.
贷款买♥♥套房♥ 首♥付♥三成
You buy a house, 30% down,
三十年房♥贷利率4.5%
30-year jumbo at four and a half percent.
嗯哼 - 于是更卖♥♥命工作
Uh-huh. - So you work harder, longer hours.
开始赚大钱... - 太棒了
You start earning some big bucks… - Great.
...结果发现山外有山
…which only serves to make you aware
能赚的远不止这些
of the even bigger bucks you could be earning.
二胎报到
Kid number two.
再买♥♥套房♥
House number two.
再次破产
Broke again.
但这次穷得不一样了
But it's a different kind of broke.
你有了杠杆资产
You're leveraged,
说人话就是奋斗有了回报
which is a fancy way of saying
you've got something to show for your efforts.
房♥子车子应有尽有
The house, the cars, the stuff.
此时你早已忘记
And by now, you've lost sight
当年那些天真梦想
of whatever naive plans you may have once had,
或是起步时珍视的一切
or the things that mattered to you when you were starting out.
忙得根本没空思考灵魂拷问
You're moving too fast to ask yourself those hard questions like,
"何时才够？"
"When is it enough?"
"折腾这些到底图啥？"
and, "Really, what's the point of all this shit?"
第三套豪♥宅♥入手
House number three.
买♥♥♥房♥♥五年后的某天
Then one day, about five years after you bought the place,
你突然发现已抵达
you look up and realize that you've gotten there,
人生巅峰的圣殿
to that hallowed plateau where, for the first time,
终于能负担自己的生活
you can actually afford your own life.
在这看似掌控人生的神奇时刻
And in that mystical nexus where you seem
当所有复杂挑战都被征服时
to have wrangled life and all of its infinitely complex challenges into submission,
通常会发现结婚18年的老婆
that's generally where you will find your wife of 18 years in your bed…
卧♥槽♥
Oh, shit.
...和你铁哥们偷♥情♥
…with one of your closest friends.
第四套房♥
House number four.
租的
A rental.
虽小但别担心保证让你抑郁
It's small, but don't worry, it's also depressing.
为什么还死扛Pac-Pro的仓位？
Why are we still holding in Pac-Pro?