好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E24
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:01 p.m.
You can go home,make yourself comfortable,
你能拿回家 怎么舒服怎么来
Dim the lights,put on a little sweet soul music...
调暗灯 来点悦耳的音乐
I know the procedure.
我知道怎样
Then just bring it back here while the little fellas are still swimming,
然后 趁那些小东西还在游动 送回这儿
And we'll turn them into popsicles.
我们会把他们冻成冰棒的
Popsicles?
冰棒?
You know,in case someday you want to be a pop.
你知道 万一哪天你想做爸爸了
Yeah. very clever.
对啊 太有才了
You deal with prostates and penises all day,
整天对着前列腺和鸡♥巴♥
you better have a sense of humor.
得有点幽默感才行
And warm hands.
还有热情的手
That's good,I'll use that.
对 我会用上的
Warm hands. that's good. yeah.
热手 对 非常好
I'm done. can I go play in my room?
我吃饱了 我可以回房♥间玩吗
Jake,grandma came all the way over here to spend some time with you.
杰克 奶奶老远赶来 就是为了和你待会儿
Alan,don't use guilt as a control mechanism.
艾伦 别把内疚当成杀手锏
He should only spend time with me if he wants to.
他应该想什么时候和我待一块就什么时候
So I can go,right?
所以我能走了 对吗
Run.
快走快走
Good morning.
早上好
good morning,darling. morning,Charlie.
早上好 亲爱的 早 查理
Charlie,what's wrong with your pee-pee?
查理 你的弟弟怎样啦
What?
什么
A little birdie told me you were in a urologist's office yesterday.
有只小鸟告诉我你昨天看泌尿科医生去了
Thanks a lot,tweety.
真是感激不尽啊 鸡婆
I didn't say anything.
我可什么都没说
Coincidentally,your doctor has a suite in the same building as dr.
巧的是 你医生和沙克曼医生
shankman.
在同一栋楼办公
The man responsible for one out of three tight tushies in beverly hills.
贝弗利山负责三合一缩臀术的那个
So,dr. Shankman saw me and told you?
沙克曼医生看见了我 然后告诉了你
No,you left your appointment card on the table here.
不 你把你的会晤卡落在了这桌上
I just brought up dr. Shankman because no one has noticed my new tushie.
说沙克曼医生是因为没人注意我的新翘臀
Very nice,mom.
非常漂亮 妈妈
Of course. it's a Shankman.
那当然 沙克曼的大作
So,charles,back to your pee-pee.
呃 查尔斯 还是说说你弟弟的事吧
I'm done. can I go play in my room?
我饱了 我能回房♥间玩吗
There's nothing wrong with it. I'm just getting a vasectomy.
没什么不正常的 我只是想做输精管切除术
You must really hate me.
你是不是想气死我啊
Are we changing the subject?
我们换话题了吗?
How can you have a vasectomy without consulting me?
你怎么做手术前也不问问我的意见呢
You're selfishly robbing me of grandchildren.
你自私地夺走了我的孙子
you've got grandchildren. oh,big whoop,one.
你不是有一个嘛 真了不得啊 有一个呢
If it makes you feel any better,I'm going to do the freezing thing.
为了让你舒服点 我会冷藏一些精♥子♥
Really?
真的
I suppose that's better than nothing.
有总比没有好
You know,I'm doing a freezing thing,too.
知道吗 我也打算冷藏些东西
what? excuse me?
啥 什么
At death,I plan to have my head removed and frozen until such time
我死后 打算砍下我的头冷冻起来
As it can be revived and put on a monkey body.
直到有天能再把它安到猴子身上
What? everybody's doing it.
这没什么 人人都这么做
Charlie,you got somebody in there?
查理 屋里有人吗
No.
没
I need to get your towels.
我要取一下你的毛巾
I really wish you wouldn't.
你别来 真的
Come on,I'm doing laundry. I want to finish a load before I go.
别呀 我去洗衣服 我还想装满了再去呢
Yeah. well,me,too.
对 我也是
what? never mind,just go away.
什么 没什么 你走吧
All right. if it helps,you can think of me.
好吧 需要帮助的话 记得想着我啊
Charlie,wait a second.
查理 等一下
I don't have to pick up Jake till after dinner.
我吃完饭不用去接杰克
You want to catch an early movie?
你想去看个早场的电影吗
Maybe. but I gotta make one stop first. come on.
行呀 不过我得先去下另一个地方 走
So,what's in the bag?
这袋子里装的什么啊
sperm. no,really.
精♥子♥ 开什么玩笑?
Sperm.
是精♥子♥
whose sperm?
谁的?
seabiscuit's. who do you think? mine.
海洋饼干(电影"奔腾年代"里的赛马)的 除了我的还有谁的
I thought we were going to a movie.
我们不是去看电影吗
Yeah,but first I'm having my sperm frozen and getting a vasectomy.
是 但我先要冷藏精♥子♥ 然后去切掉输精管
I could've met you at the theater,you know.
早知道我就直接去剧院等你了
Just hold the bag.
你就拿着袋子吧
There is another container inside this bag,right?
袋子里还有另一个容器 对吧
Of course. you just gotta keep it out of the sunlight.
那是当然 你别让它给太阳晒着呀
Why? is it vampire sperm?
为什么 难道是吸血鬼的精♥子♥
Jeez. he's gonna want to look in the bag.
天啊 他肯定要看袋子里是什么
God.
天啊
No!
喂 不
what the hell did you do that for? i don't know,I panicked.
你干嘛要那样 我不知道 我慌了神了
hey,Charlie! what?
嘿嘿 查理 什么事
Are you nuts? you can't put that in the freezer.
你疯啦 那东西怎么能放冰箱里
It's ice cream.
是冰激凌
Store-bought,not hand-cranked.
店里买♥♥的 不是自♥制♥的
Yeah,you're hilarious.
天啊 你可真会逗人
You're lucky I'm still talking to you
你就谢天谢地吧 你在高速上扔了
After tossing my swimmers on the coast highway.
我的小蝌蚪 我居然还跟你讲话
what? it's nothing.
什么 没什么
Thanks to you,I got to reschedule the whole deal for this afternoon.
多亏了你啊 我今儿一下午都得重新安排了
what whole deal? it's not important,Jake.
到底怎么啦 没什么 杰克
Why shouldn't he know?
他为什么不能知道
Okay,go ahead. explain it to him.
行 行 你向他解释
Well,Jake,
呃 杰克
Your uncle Charlie is getting a vasectomy.
你查理叔叔要来个输精管切除术
What's wrong with the car you have now?
你现在的车出什么问题了吗
Well done.
真不错
All right,let me try again.
不算 我再试一次
A vasectomy is a very simple operation.
切除输精管是很简单的手术
are you sick? no. I'm perfectly healthy.
你病了? 不 我健康得很
It's a procedure so that I don't have babies by accident.
做了这个手术我就不会不小心生孩子了
Yeah,like we had to do with Scout.
啊 就像司考特一样
Scout?
什么司考特
The dog we had. couldn't keep it in his fur.
我们的狗 老是动个不停
Keep going,you're doing great.
接下去讲啊 不赖
Jake,it's not exactly the same with people as with dogs.
杰克 人和狗不是完全一样的
I know.
我知道
Why don't you just use a condom?
那你干嘛不用套子呢
I guess he knows more than he lets on.
我猜他比他看起来知道得多
you do,don't you? i hear things.
是吗 对不对 我又不是没耳朵
Thanks for babysitting,Rose.
真是太感谢你了 帮我看小孩 罗斯
My pleasure. is Charlie gonna be okay?
乐意之至 查理好吗
Yeah. he's just having a little procedure done,
好 他正在搞点小名堂
And I need to be there to drive him home.
我要开车去小孩了
what kind of procedure? it's personal.
什么名堂 太隐私了
I understand. where is he?
我能理解 他人呢
Upstairs,getting ready. throwing a few things in a bag.
在楼上 准备往袋子里装点小东西
i'll tell Jake you're here. okay.
我会告诉杰克你在 好的
Charlie? Rose,for god's sake!
查理 罗斯 看在上帝的份上
you need a hand? no,get out.
要搭把手吗 不要 出去
Charlie? what?
查理 什么事
what's the little cup for? go away,Rose.
那个小杯子干嘛用的 走远点 罗斯
Don't be embarrassed.
别不好意思呀
That's a perfectly natural way to relieve stress.
那是一种很好的舒缓压力的办法
You know what I do? jumping jacks.
你知道我会做什么吗 跳爆竹
Rose,please.
罗斯 求求你了
The only downside is,when I exercise,I get all hot and sweaty,
唯一不好的是 做完运动 一身汗
And my clothes start clinging to my body.
衣服都贴在身上
So then I have to go and take a nice,hot,soapy shower.
所以我得用肥皂洗个舒服的热水澡
Then what?
然后呢
Rose?
罗斯?
Oh,damn.
啊 要死
Look,I'm sorry I walked in on you.
呃 很抱歉闯了进来
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
剧集 | 好汉两个半（2003） | 导航列表