好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E16
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 11:59 a.m.
Previously on two and a half men.
好汉两个半上集概要
That is a very sexy woman.
那是一个非常性感的女人
so whose car is it? psychiatrist.
这是谁的车 心理医生的
Let's get out of here,charlie.
我们快走吧 查理
You are not just going to leave me here,are you?
你们不会就这样把我丢下吧
Here we are. chez charlie.
我们到了 查理的家
she's taking her clothes off. ls this a great country or what?
她把衣服脱掉了 这真是一个伟大的国家 不是吗
You guys are so cute.
你们太可爱了
Right back at you.
你也是
Good,charlie. keep hitting on the deranged woman.
好啊 查理 继续和疯女人调情吧
Hey,charlie,you're a really cool guy.
查理 你是个很酷的人
But I'm not going to have sex with you.
不过我不会和你做♥爱♥的
Ever?
永远?
Deep tissue massage,pancakes.
深度按♥摩♥ 煎饼
If you had a tv on your forehead
如果你脑门上有个电视
and could breathe through the ears you'd be perfect.
而且还能用耳朵呼吸的话你就完美了
You just assume that if we are both interested in the same woman
你觉得如果我们对同一个女人有兴趣的话
you would come out on top? of course I would.
肯定是你得手了 当然是
What are you afraid of?
你怕什么
I'm afraid I'm going to hit you so hard I'll be an only child.
我怕我下手太狠 我要变成家里的独子了
are you sure? it's settled. you are staying with us.
你确定吗 就这样决定了 你和我们住
Of course,we still don't know a damn thing about her.
当然 我们对她还一无所知
I'm joanie.
我叫琼尼
We are going to go to charlie and alan's house,hon.
我们要去查理和艾伦的家 宝贝
It's a wonderful place where those awful people will never find us.
那是一个坏人们永远找不到的好地方
So,frankie,
弗兰基
Why didn't you tell us you had a daughter?
你为什么没告诉我们你有个女儿
Okay,guys,here's the deal.
老兄们 是这样的
I didn't want you to know.
我不想让你们知道
Okay. I feel better.
我感觉好些了
I'm sorry,it's a long story.
对不起 说来话长
We got time. I'm not doing anything. alan,you doing anything?
我们有时间 我没事做 艾伦 你呢
No,I'm free.
我也很空
I was staying with my grandma and grandpa,who are really rich,
我和我超级有钱的爷爷奶奶住在一起
And they don't want my mom to have me,so they said she's crazy.
他们不想让妈妈把我带走 所以他们说她是疯子
That wasn't so long.
这故事一点也不长
can we please talk about this later? okay. what shall we talk about?
我们等会儿再说这个行吗 行 那我们说什么呢
Are you guys gay?
你们是同性恋吗
Isn't she something?
她有两下子吧
Okay,here we are.
我们到了
This is it,right? one kid,no pets?
就这样 是吗 一个孩子 没有宠物
As far as I know.
据我所知是这样
can I go look at the ocean? sure,just stay on the deck.
我能去看海吗 行 就在露台上看
Okay,who has the first question?
谁问第一个问题
alan. thank you.
艾伦 谢谢
what the hell is going on? good one.
这到底他妈的是怎么回事 问得好
Here it is. I married a really rich guy,and his parents always hated me.
是这样的 我和一个很有钱的结婚了 他的父母一直很讨厌我
I don't know. maybe it was because when we met,
我不知道 也许是因为我碰到他的时候
He was on the road to becoming a u.s. congressman
他正在走在努力成为国会议员的路上
And I was just,you know,on the road.
而我呢 就是走在路上
Joanie,get off the railing.
琼尼 别爬在栏杆上
Anyway,they were not happy when we got married,
总之 他们对我们的成婚很不高兴
And they were even less happy when we used part of his trust fund
而且他把他一部分的信托基金拿出来
To finance my recording career.
支持我的歌♥唱事业后 他们更不高兴了
you're a singer? well,as it turns out,no. but...
那你是歌♥手了? 根据后来的结果来看 不是的
Then two years ago,brad died.
两年前 布拉德去世了
And ever since,his parents have been trying to take joanie away from me.
自从那时候开始 他的父母就不想让琼尼跟着我
so,the psychiatrist... court ordered.
那么 这个心理医生 是法♥院♥指令的
They're suing me for custody,saying I'm an unfit parent.
他们告我非法监禁 说我不适合做家长
unfit,how? you know...
为什么不适合 你知道的...
I'm not a lawyer,
我不是律师
But taking a baseball bat to the shrink's beamer
但是用棒球棍砸你心理医生的靓车
Might not have helped your case.
对你这个案子是没有帮助的
Yeah,they'll probably spin that one in their favor.
是啊 他们肯定会拿这个来说事的
But I was screwed anyway
不过我本来就没戏
Because they were paying him to make me look bad.
他们付他钱 叫他把我说得一无是处
that's horrible. so what are your plans now?
这太糟糕了 你现在有什么计划
I don't know. I didn't think past just getting her out of there.
我不知道 想着过去没用 我只想把她带出来
You don't have to know.
你不需要知道
You can stay here for a while and figure it out. right?
你可以在这儿住一段时间 想想办法 对吗查理
absolutely. thank you.
当然 谢谢
That'd be great. I'll go tell joanie.
太好了 我去告诉琼尼
Terrific. we're happy to have you.
好 我们很高兴你住这儿
Okay,we've got to get her out of here.
我们得把她赶出去
charlie,she needs us. she doesn't need us.
查理 她需要我们 她不需要
She needs a lawyer and probably a new shrink.
她需要一个律师 也许还需要一个新的心理医生
Well,then we'll get her those.
我们去帮她找
At this point,I think I'd like to stop using the word "we."
在这点上 还是不要说"我们"吧
You're going to bail on her?
你要抛弃她吗
Two days ago,you couldn't wait to get her in bed.
两天前你还说等不及要和她上♥床♥呢
That's because two days ago,she was just a crazy stranger.
那是因为两天前她只是一个我们不认识的疯女人
If I remember correctly,you couldn't wait to get rid of her.
如果我没记错的话 你根本就不想理她
Yes,because she was a crazy stranger.
是的 因为那时候她是一个我们不认识的疯女人
Now I've gotten to know her and I want her to stay.
现在我了解她了 我想让她住下
All right,alan,but I'm warning you. this girl's got a lot of baggage.
艾伦 我可警告你 这个女孩有很多"拖油瓶"的
I don't know if you have enough sky cabs to get her to the curb.
我不知道你是否载得动她
What?
什么
So,joanie,what grade are you in?
琼尼 你读几年级
second. really?
二年级 真的吗
i have a little boy who's in fourth. so?
我有一个读四年级的儿子 那又怎么了
I don't know. I thought it'd be germane to the conversation.
不知道 我觉得这很符合我们谈话的主题
Wow. doesn't matter how old they are,you still strike out.
哇 不管多大的女人 你都一样没戏
You know,joanie,you are just as pretty as your mom.
琼尼 你知道吗 你和你妈妈一样漂亮
So?
那又怎么了
I bow to the master.
向大♥师♥致敬
Hold on,let me finish.
别挂 让我是说完
All right,I'm going to say this one more time
好吧 这次我会说得很慢
Real slow so there's no confusion.
这样你就不会听错了
You can take your damn money
你把你那该死的钱拿去
And stick it up your "white bread,country club,
然后插到你这个无聊的 去乡村俱乐部的
"tournament of roses,liposuctioned" ass.
参加玫瑰花车大游♥行♥ 做吸脂手术的屁♥股♥里去
really? I'm garbage. ls alan here?
是吗 我是垃圾 艾伦在这儿吗
Really? is that right?
是吗 是这样的吗
Well,I got news for you,lady. the term is white trash.
告诉你个消息 正确的说法叫垃圾白人
do you know her? nope,that's a new one.
你认识她吗 不认识 是新来的
hi,dad. jake,judith. what are you doing here?
老爸 杰克 朱蒂丝 你们怎么来这儿了
Alan,I told you yesterday I was going to visit my parents.
艾伦 我昨天告诉过你的 我要去看我父母
Dad's having another colonoscopy.
我爸爸要去做结肠镜检查
If I'm not there,I'll have to watch the video.
如果我不去的话 我就得看录像
Yeah,right. I'm sorry. there's just been a lot of stuff going on.
哦对 不好意思 最近我事情太多了
Yeah. I just met your brother's latest stuff.
是啊 我刚碰到了你哥哥最近的"事情"
why do you assume it's his stuff? what? is it yours?
为什么你那么肯定是他的 是你的吗
No,but it's not his,either.
不是 但也不是他的
but it could be. says who?
可能是的 谁说的
Says your ex-wife.
你前妻说的
Okay,I really don't need to hear this. jake,honey,have a good time.
我真是不想听这些 杰克 玩得高兴点
Charlie,behave yourself.
查理 你做事规矩点
What about me?
那我呢
I am completely capable of having my own stuff.
我自己完全能处理自己的事情
hi,I'm joanie. hey. I'm going to go play in my room.
我叫琼尼 我要去自己的房♥间里玩了
can I come with you? whatever.
我能一起去吗 随你便
If he can just keep that attitude for another 30 years,he's gold.
如果他这种态度再能保持30年的话 那他就是万人迷了
I'm not afraid of your lawyers or your shrinks.
我不怕你那些律师和心理医生
Fine,bring them on,because you know what?
好啊 放马过来吧 告诉你
We're going to run away and hide.
我们会逃走 然后躲起来
Now they're really unhappy with me.
现在他们真的看我不爽了
ls there anything we can do? thanks,you've already done so much.
有什么需要我们帮忙的吗 谢谢 你们已经帮了我很多了
i just hate to put you out like this. lt is not a problem.
让你们这么麻烦我很不好意思 没问题
We have plenty of space. you and joanie can stay in my room
我们腾得出很多空地方 你和琼尼住我房♥间
And I'll bunk with charlie.
我和查理挤一挤
好汉两个半（2003）
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