好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E21
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, noon
Can you prove you acquired the books in question prior to the marriage?
你能证明你是在婚前买♥♥的这些书吗
charlie? coming!
查理 来了
why are you shushing me? hang on. what?
你干吗叫我"嘘" 什么
i'm on the phone with laura. say hi for me.
我在和劳拉通话 代我说声好
give it up,charlie. she doesn't like you. true.
别想了 查理 她不喜欢你 没错
You'll testify that I bought all my first edition books before I got
你来证明我那些初版的书都是在婚前买♥♥的
married,right?
好吗
did you? no.
是这样的吗 不是
then I'm your man. i can prove it. charlie's my witness.
那我就来帮你 我能证明 查理作证
what happened to the tv? there's nothing dirty on.
怎么不看电视了 没啥成人内容
i'm going to go play my gameboy. no.
我要去玩游戏机了 别
Wait right here. I'll get it for you.
就在这儿等这 我去帮你拿
Of course he's credible.
他当然可信了
I don't know,alan.
我不知道 艾伦
If the right lawyer gets their hands on him,
如果律师要着手调查他的话
they could really make him sweat.
他可要出很多汗了
Yeah,very funny.
很有意思
Have you seen a gameboy anywhere around here?
你看到这里有一个游戏机吗
Okay,we'll just have to do the best we can.
我们会尽力的
I'll tell him exactly what to do and who knows,
我会告诉他怎么做的
Maybe he'll get the job done.
也许他能做得好的
I got the job done twice.
我做了2次了
Why don't you let me talk to him?
你叫他听电♥话♥吧
Charlie?
查理
Why?
干吗
where's my gameboy? i'll buy you a new one.
我的游戏机呢 我去帮你买♥♥个新的
She wants to talk to you. keep it short.
她要和你说话 尽量短点
Alan,if I could keep it short,my life would be so much simpler.
艾伦 如果能"尽量短点"话 我的生活就简单多了
hello? now.
喂 现在
What?
什么
I want you now.
我现在就要你
You've gotta be kidding.
不是吧
Charlie,I'm paying her by the hour.
查理 我是付她小时工资的
just listen to her and do what she says.
她要你做什么就做什么
You're the boss. I'll get right on it.
你说了算 我马上就去做
What did she say?
她要你干吗
She wants me to write a statement.
她要我写份声明
And she wants you to take jake out and buy him a new gameboy.
她还要你带杰克出去 给他买♥♥个游戏机
Why would she want that?
为什么
For god's sake,alan,you're paying this woman a lot of money.
老天 你要付她很多钱的
I suggest you take her advice.
我想你还是接受她的建议吧
Jake,we're going out.
杰克 我们出去
I just want to make it clear that I would never behave in a way
我想说明的是 我绝对不会做出
That would negatively influence my nephew.
对我外甥有不良影响的事情的
What was that? is she allowed to do that?
这算什么 她可以这样吗
Mr. harper,how many women would you say
哈勃先生 你一年之内会和
You have sexual relations with in any given year?
多少女人发生性关系
Excuse me.
稍等
I do okay.
还可以
Ten,twenty,one hundred?
十个 二十个 一百个
come on,I don't keep count. so we'll say,10.
我又不会去数的 那么就10个吧
I don't see the relevance of this.
我看不出这有什么关系
We are trying to establish mr. harper's lifestyle
我们要确定一下哈勃先生的生活方式
As a way of determining whether his home is a suitable environment for a young boy.
以此来决定他的家里是否适合一个小男孩居住
Okay,let me just say here that I love jake
首先 我要说的是我爱杰克
And I make it my business to see that nothing goes on in front of him
而且我会保证在他面前绝对不会
that is in any way inappropriate.
有任何不适当的情况发生
you tell him,charlie.
说得好 查理
And it's significantly north of 10.
而且绝对不止10个的
I think we can move on. do you have any more questions?
我觉得我们可以继续下一个问题了 你们还有疑问吗
you are doing very well. thanks.
你做得很好 谢谢
Mr. harper,is it true that jake saw a woman in the shower with you?
哈勃先生 杰克看见你和一个女人一起在浴室里 是吗
Okay,yes.
好吧 是的
Now in that instance,the door was closed,
不过 那时候门是关着的
He didn't knock,
他没有敲门
And the door was closed and...
而门是关着的...
And I'm sorry,what was the question?
对不起 刚才是什么问题
woman in the shower? don't help them.
浴室里的女人 别帮他们啊
And most important,he didn't see anything inappropriate.
重要的是 他没有看见什么不恰当的
Then,what can you tell us about this picture that jake drew?
那么你能解释下杰克画的这张画是什么
Okay,now that's a totally different... whoa,man!
那是一个完全不同的 哇...天
Whoa-man. woman.
女人
She was in my kitchen wearing a t-shirt
她穿着T恤 在我的厨房♥里
And she reached up for some...
她手往上伸去拿点...
Spaghettios.
意大利面
That's what she was reaching for.
就是这样
I'd like a moment to confer with my witness.
我要和我的证人商量一下
You are making me so hot.
你让我欲♥火♥焚身
I see.
我明白了
Look,stuart,we both know you're on a fishing expedition here,right?
斯图瓦特 你我都很明白你是在套我们的话对吧
maybe. maybe?
可能 可能?
You have no case. this man is a wonderful uncle.
你找不到什么借口 他是一个很好的叔叔
He provides a beautiful home,
他有一个漂亮的房♥子
And the last time I looked,
上次我查的时候
It wasn't against the law to be single in the united states of america.
单身在美国是不违法的
Oh,god!
哦 上帝
Bless america!
保佑美♥利♥坚♥!
Amen.
阿门
The good news is your wife has given up on the custody issue,
好消息是 你的老婆放弃了那个监护权的要求
But we still need to finalize the property settlement.
但我们还是要解决财产分割问题
All right.
好的
Now,aside from your books,she's requested a few other specific items.
除了书之外 她还要求了其他一些东西
like what? a massage chair?
什么 按♥摩♥椅
Oh,no. forget it. I love that chair.
不可能 我喜欢那张椅子
That was the only thing in my bedroom that moved when I touched it.
那张椅子是在我卧室里唯一我碰了会动的东西
Don't worry,alan. I will get you your chair.
别担心 艾伦 我会帮你弄到那张椅子的
I will get you your books. I will fight for you. I will win for you.
我也会帮你赢回你的书 我会为你战斗 为你取胜
And I won't stop until your wife is squished like a bug on a windshield.
直到你老婆像一只在挡风玻璃上被压扁的虫子
Okay,
好的
let's not lose sight of the fact that this bug is the mother of my child.
我们也别忘了那只虫子是我孩子的母亲
So let's just keep the squishing to a minimum.
稍微压一下就行了
Don't worry,you don't need a bathing suit.
别担心 你不需要带泳衣
Once you're drunk,the ocean's not cold at all.
你喝醉之后 海水一点都不冷
charlie. hey,alan.
查理 艾伦
And laura.
还有劳拉
Hello,laura.
你好 劳拉
I didn't know you were here.
我不知道你在这儿
hi,charlie,crystal.
嗨 查理 克丽斯托
Yeah,I guess you guys know each other.
我猜你们已经认识了
How's that flu?
感冒怎么样了
It's better.
好点了
This calls for a drink. a very large drink.
我们去喝酒吧 很多酒
I'm not getting billed for her time now,am l?
我应该不用为她的时间付账 对吗
Charlie?
查理
Okay,I know this is awkward,
我知道这很尴尬
But let's keep in mind we agreed
但是我们都同意了
That you and I were just a casual deal,two consenting adults,no strings,
我们只是成年人随便玩玩而已 没有任何关系
no drama.
不要用感情
I'm willing to admit that trying to boink your assistant might...
我承认 和你助手上♥床♥可能
charlie! yeah?
查理 怎么
Now.
现在
What?
什么
I want you now.
我现在就要你
But see,now's really not a good time. I mean,
现在真的不是好时候
you're working with my brother
你和我哥哥在谈工作
And crystal took a sick day.
克丽斯托生病请假了
Okay,that's a good point.
这倒是条理由
Let me think this through.
让我想想
All right,there's just one way to make this work.
只有一个办法了
I don't do threesomes,charlie.
我不玩3P的 查理
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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