好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E03
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 11:57 a.m.
Okay,new plan.
这样 新安排
We'll get you on the antibiotics,we'll watch a little tv,
先带你去打抗生素 然后看会儿电视
Play some video games. we'll have a great day.
打打电动 会是多么快乐的一天啊
I want to go home.
我想回家
You are home.
这就是啊
I know,but the real one,with mom.
我知道 但我想回有妈妈的那个真家
Okay,I understand that. you know,when a guy's feeling sick,
我懂 每个孩子感觉不舒服时
He needs his mom. right,charlie?
都想他的妈妈 是不 查理?
Well,
嗯...
I may not be the one to ask.
你没问对人
Okay,I'll,call your mom and,tell her we're on our way.
好吧 我给你妈打电♥话♥ 说我们这就过去
All right,it's just you and me now. are you really sick,or are you just
好吧 只有你和我了 你真病了? 还是...只是想
Fakin' it to get out of another fun-filled afternoon?
装病来摆脱又一个充满"欢乐"的下午?
I'm really sick.
我真不舒服
Just checking. because I was gonna fake it.
问问而已 因为我打算这么干来着
If your home is bug infested filled with spiders,flies or gnats
苍蝇蚊子 蜘蛛虫子 横行你家 不停息
All our sprays are safety tested we kill vermin,not your cats
我们喷♥剂♥ 只灭害虫 不会有伤 你猫咪
Hey. how's the jingle coming?
广♥告♥歌♥弄得怎么样了?
The lyrics are fine,the music needs a little work.
歌♥词差不多了 曲子还得琢磨琢磨
How's jake?
杰克咋样了?
He'll be okay. I stayed over at the house a little while.
他很好 我在那待了会儿
We watched some movies,I made us some soup and a couple of
我们一起看了会电影 我做了一些汤和三明治
Sandwiches,and judith suggested I take mine to go.
但朱蒂丝建议我让我带回来吃
Suggested?
建议?
She started my car and threw my sandwich in the back seat.
她发动了我车子 然后把我的那份扔在了后座上
That's rough.
真不友好
Listen,I'm afraid I got some more bad news for you.
听着 我这还有坏消息...
No,gosh,I forgot to bring Porky back.
糟了! 我把波奇 忘了
See,that's the thing. nothing's bringing Porky back.
额...就是这事 波奇 没救了
What? Porky's dead?
啥? 波奇 死了?
"buh-dee,buh-dee,buh-dee,that's all folks! "
"叭滴 叭滴 叭滴 尽是些废话"
Oh,god.
天...
It's okay. we can get jake another guinea pig.
没关系 可以再买♥♥只给杰克
Jake will be fine. this is his fourth porky in three years.
杰克没事 这是他三年里的第四只了
He goes through them faster than shoes.
换得比他的鞋子还勤
No,this is about my life.
不 这关系到我自己
Everything is going to hell.
每件事都不顺利
Okay,well,don't cry. we can still be friends.
额...额... 别哭 我们还可以做朋友嘛
What?
啥?
I'm sorry.
抱歉
it's the only thing I know to say when someone cries around here.
当我身边有人哭时 我只说得来这个
I am so sorry,Porky.
我对不起你 波奇
You just kept running around in your little cage,
你就只在你的小笼子里活动
Trying to make everybody happy. and what do you get?
带给每个人欢乐 但你又得到了啥?
You get dead.
是死啊...
You do know the pig can't hear you,right?
它听不见你说话的 不是吗?
Don't you get it? I am the pig!
还不明白? 我就是它
Okay. I'm just asking,
我也就问问...
because your reaction doesn't seem very healthy to me.
你的反应让我觉得不是那么正常
And what do you think would be healthy,charlie?
那你觉得怎么就正常了? 查理
I don't know. why don't we toss Porky in the ocean and go get bombed?
这我不清楚 但干嘛不把波奇丢海里 然后去喝几杯?
How could you?
你怎么能这样? 你怎么能...
Okay.
那好吧
Toss him in the ocean. very clever.
丢到海里去 真聪明
Who knew pelicans eat guinea pigs?
谁晓得鹈鹕喜欢吃豚鼠?
What's happening?
咋了?
Sunday's tequila night at pavlov's.
帕洛夫的龙舌兰之夜
Every time the bell rings,you gotta take a shot.
铃响一次 就得干一杯
Why?
凭什么?
Cause the bell rings.
因为铃响了
Okay.
好吧...
You gotta bark first.
你先汪一声
Charlie,
查理
When my son looked at me and told me that he wanted to go "home",
当我儿子看着我说他想回"家"时
That broke my heart.
我心都碎了
I saw.
我明白...
You know,my kid is sick,and I can't even be with him.
是吧?! 我孩子病了 我却不能待在他身边
You know,I'm a failure,charlie. I'm a failure as a father,
是吧?! 我太失败了 查理 我是个失败的父亲
I'm a failure as a husband.
我是个失败的丈夫
You didn't fail. first of all,that little boy loves you.
不是那样 首先 那孩子喜欢你
Second of all,just because your wife decides she doesn't like
第二 就算你老婆不打算和男人过了
Sleeping with men,doesn't mean you've failed as a husband.
这并不意味着 你这老公就当地很失败
Although,I wouldn't brag about it.
尽管我也不会吹嘘这一点
You're right. this is judith's fault.
不错 是朱蒂丝的错
She's the one who breached our marriage contract asunder.
她才是那个把我们的婚姻搞的支离破碎的人
And I let her make decisions that should have been in my dominion.
让她做什么决定也应该是我的权力
Alan,people are gonna do whatever they're gonna do in this world.
艾伦 人应该去做任何他想做的事情
The only thing a man can control is his own actions.
作为一个人唯一可以控制的 就是他自己的行为
I don't remember where we left our car.
我忘了车停哪了
This isn't our car?
这不是我们的车?
Where to?
去哪儿?
Home.
家
and that would be? sherman oaks.
在哪? 雪曼橡树区
We don't live in sherman oaks.
我们可没住在雪曼橡树区
I do. I am a sherman oaksian and I am
我是 我就是雪曼橡树区人
Going home for as to reclaim my home.
我现在就要去要回我家
That's a very bad idea. I'll tell you what's a good idea.
这可不是个好主意 听我告诉你什么才是好主意
Chili cheese fries and a large root beer. with chili cheese fries.
烤上一块辣奶酪 倒上一大杯沙士汽水 搭上辣奶酪
And girls.
再来些女孩下酒
No. I am going home to my wife
不 我要回家陪我老婆
To impose my dominion over her.
这次我要向她宣泄我的统治欲
Yeah. the lesbians love that.
对啊 拉拉都喜欢那样
Driver! sherman oaks!
司机 到雪曼橡树区!
1 167,bonnie meadow drive.
邦尼梅道路1167号♥
Goodbye,charlie. I'll be back for my things tomorrow.
拜拜了 查理 明天我回来拿我的东西
Thank you,driver. you've been most kind.
谢了 司机 你最好了
So,back to malibu?
那现在回马里布?
No. let's give it a second.
不 等会儿
Did you know they put chocolate pudding in tubes now?
你知不知道现在巧克力布丁都做成管子状了?
No,I did not.
没听过呢
They do. my nephew eats them.
真的 我侄子经常吃的
They're surprisingly good.
好吃毙了
You know,that's an interesting sibling dynamic
你看 刚刚我也在留心看
You've got goin' with your brother there.
你跟你兄弟关系貌似有点意思
You get that I'm loaded,right?
那你看出来我喝高了 对吧?
Drive!
走! 走! 走!
So? how'd it go?
那么? 如何?
She chased me out of the house with a golf club.
她拿着高尔夫球棒追我把我撵出来了
Taking up golf already.
都已经会打高尔夫了哦?
What was it like,a six iron?
拿的什么? 6号♥钢的?
What difference does it make?
还不都一样撵出来了!
I just want to be able to tell the story accurately.
我只是想回头拿去给别人说的时候能够说得尽量详细些
It's not funny.
不要拿这来开玩笑
Then why are you laughing?
那你刚刚笑什么?
Because I don't know what else to do.
除了笑我不知道该做些什么
I wish I could ask dad for advice.
能找老爹问问老爹的意见多好
You'd go to dad for marriage counseling?
你想找老爹让他给你做婚姻咨♥询♥?
Alan,our father committed suicide to get away from our mother.
艾伦 老爹是为了逃脱老妈的魔掌选择自杀死的
What're you talking about? dad didn't commit suicide.
你在胡说些什么? 爸他才不是自杀的呢
he died of food poisoning.
他是食物中毒死的
I maintain that he knew the fish was bad,but he kept eating it anyway.
我打包票他当时知道那鱼是坏的 但他还是硬着头皮吃下去了
Your mother sounds like a real piece of work.
听上去你妈还真是号♥人物
You have no idea,my friend.
你才不知道呢 老兄
My mother took my baby brother and dipped him in sissy sauce
在我兄弟还是小孩子的时候 我妈把他泡在娘娘腔酱里来着
And turned him into the people-pleasing control freak you see today.
把他变成了现在你看到的这样一个控制狂
That's right! and she made him so scared of intimacy
就是! 就是她让他变得这么害怕亲近
That he has just this endless stream of gorgeous girls
让他变成现在万花丛中过 片叶不沾身
Running in and out of his life.
不停有女的从他那进进出出
Damn her.
她真该死
You know,many psychologists agree,
知道吗 许多心理学家认为
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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