好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E20
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, noon
This show is stupid.
这节目傻得可以
You're right. here. you pick something.
没错 来 你自己选
Thanks.
好的
Cool uncle.
酷大叔
Stupid.
傻
Stupid.
傻
Boring.
无聊
Stupid.
傻
Seen it.
看过
Stupid.
傻
Stupid.
傻
Stupid.
傻
Really stupid.
傻到家了
Stupid.
傻
Dumb.
烂
Stupid.
傻
All right!
够了！
Pick a stupid show and live with it.
挑个傻节目凑合着看吧
forget it,I'll just go to my room. jake,wait.
不看了 我回房♥间去 杰克 等等
Nice going,cool uncle.
干得好 酷大叔
Now it's my fault?
你现在怪我?
Let me tell you something,between you and your whacko wife,
我跟你说清楚了 在你跟你那个怪媳妇构建的家庭荒原里
I'm an oasis of normality around here.
我就是中间那片宜人的绿洲
Are you ever gonna come back upstairs?
你还要上楼来吗?
I'm still an oasis.
我还是那片绿洲
Morning.
早上好
Morning. did your guest leave?
好 你的客人走没?
No,she's sleeping in. please do not let me forget again.
没 她还在睡呢 别又让我给忘了
Perhaps you should put a post-it note on your penis.
或许下次你该在你的小♥弟♥弟♥上贴个便签
Yeah,but then I'd have to take down the sign for the yard sale.
对啊 但接下来我就该撕下来拿到清理积货场去了
Buddy,I made silver dollar pancakes.
伙计 我做了些银角煎饼
I'm not hungry.
我不饿
come on,they're your favorite. i said no.
别逗了 这可是你最喜欢吃的 我说了我不饿
You know what I was thinking?
你知道我在想什么吗?
Maybe later,we could have a jam session. you on guitar,me on piano.
待会我们可以来个摇滚合奏 你弹吉他 我弹钢琴
I'd rather watch cartoons.
我宁愿看会儿动画片
what is your problem? charlie,calm down.
你这是怎么了? 查理 冷静
I'm sorry,but when I was his age,I had to walk five blocks
抱歉 可我在他那么大时 我得顶着雨走五个街区
In the rain to have a jam session.
就为去听摇滚合奏会
Yeah,well,yelling at him isn't gonna help.
好吧 可冲他大吼大叫一点作用都不起
I was thinking that maybe the three of us could go out and do something fun today.
我在想或许我们三个能一起出去找点乐子
You want fun?
找乐子?
Let's take him to the rose bowl swap meet and see what we can get for him.
那我们就到玫瑰碗跳蚤市场那边去看看能给他换些什么不
Or,we could be patient
或者 我们耐心点儿
And maybe eventually he'll tell us what's bothering him.
说不定一会他就会告诉我们他在烦什么了
Where's my grandson?
我的孙子呢?
Or,we could scare it out of him.
又或者 可以吓得他说出来
Granted,I don't know what it's like to be an 1 1-year-old boy,
乖孙子 我不知道11岁的男孩子能有什么感觉
But I do know one thing,sweetheart.
但我知道一件事 心肝宝贝
You have no idea what real unhappiness is.
你根本连什么叫苦闷都不清楚
Real unhappiness is being totally ignored
真正的苦闷是被无视
By the very people you gave birth to.
被自己生出来的那几个人无视
Real unhappiness is when you're recovering from liposuction
真正的苦闷是当你做完抽脂手术还没痊愈时
And your only grandson doesn't even send you a get-well card.
你唯一的孙子连张慰问卡片都不给送一张
And fyl,I only had that surgery so you wouldn't have a grandmommy
顺便说一下 我就是为你能有个苗条的奶奶
With matronly upper arms.
才去做那个手术的
Well,if he didn't need a shrink before,he needs one now.
呃 要是他以前不需要心理医生的话 那他现在需要了
I'm telling you,you're spoiling the kid.
我给你说 你纯粹是在宠坏这孩子
I didn't have a shrink when I was jake's age,
我像杰克那么大时可没看过什么心理医生
And my childhood was twice as screwed up as his.
我的童年比起他的来糟糕上两倍还不止
I mean,you're a little cuckoo,judith.
我的意思是 你有点人来疯 朱蒂丝
But compared to our mother,you're like a fart in a hurricane.
但你对于我们的那个妈来说 简直就是龙♥卷♥风♥里的一个屁
Mom never took you to see dr. demerest?
妈没带你去看过狄米瑞斯特医生?
you got to see a shrink? just a couple of times.
你看过心理医生? 有那么几次
For the night terrors,agoraphobia,and bed-wetting.
因为我那时夜惊 恐旷症 还尿床
Did it work?
有用?
I can pee outside in the dark. you be the judge.
我后来都敢摸黑在野外尿尿了 你说有没用?
You know,charlie,if you think I'm cuckoo,
查理 如果你仅仅因为我想让我的儿子敞开心扉
Simply because I want to help my child express his feelings,
就认为我是人来疯
Well,then I think you have a big problem.
那我认为你才是问题最大的人
So,jake. how you liking that bean bag chair,huh?
好 杰克 你喜欢这个团团椅吗?
you comfy? it's okay.
舒"壶"吗? 还好
Cause we could sit in the little chairs.
因为我们都坐在小椅子里
You know,sometimes I like to sit in a little chair.
有时我喜欢坐小椅子
Makes me feel like a giant.
那样我就觉得我是巨人
Hello,jake.
你好啊 杰克
Well,I can barely see you from up here.
你那么小我都快看不见你了
Do you sometimes feel like a small,insignificant person
有时你是不是觉得在这个巨人国里
In a world full of giants?
你只是个无足轻重的小人呢?
Not really.
不大会
Well,maybe that's just me.
好吧 可能只是我这么想
So anyhow,I was hoping we could talk for a little bit.
不过 我还是希望我们能谈谈
Draw some pictures,maybe play some games.
画点画啦 一起做点小游戏啦
Do you like puppets?
你喜欢布偶吗?
Not really.
不大喜欢
Neither do l.
我也不喜欢哟
But sometimes they help
但心情不好的时候
When I'm in a bad mood!
偶们可是很口耐的哟!
I hope she gets him to talk about the divorce.
希望她能让他就我们离婚的事说点什么出来
Yeah,it's a traumatic thing to see his father kicked out of his house.
是啊 看到老爸被硬生生扫地出门确实是件伤心事
It wasn't exactly healthy for him to see the life being sucked out of his
让他看到老妈被活生生地空耗心血也不是什么健康
mother.
的事吧
Excuse me. but that was going on for years,
停停 照你说的那也持续了好几年了
and he was still a happy little boy.
但他还不是照样是个快乐的小孩
"he stuck in his thumb and pulled out a blank."
"他把拇指伸进去结果后来拿出个..."
Plum,right?
该填李子 对吗?
It would be nice if you took a little responsibility for jake's problems.
你就不能为杰克的事情上点心吗
She's right,charlie.
她说得没错 查理
me? what did I do? you taught him how to gamble.
我? 我怎么了? 你教他赌博
You brought strange women into the house.
你总带陌生女人回家
You taught him how to curse in ltalian.
你教他用意大利语骂人
Your drinking sets a bad example.
你灌酒那套也不是什么好榜样
Let's get one thing straight.
这有件事得搞清楚
I taught him how to curse in spanish.
我是教他用西班牙语骂人
Okay. well,jake and l had a wonderful talk.
很好 杰克跟我的谈话进行得相当顺利
And now I'd like to speak with the grownups.
现在该跟大人们谈谈了
Aren't you coming in,charlie?
你不一起进来吗 查理?
No,I'm still trying to find the toothbrush in the tree here.
不 我还得继续找藏在树里的那把牙刷
Is this uncle charlie?
这就是那个查理叔叔?
Well,I definitely want to talk with uncle charlie.
好吧 我要跟这个查理叔叔好好聊聊
Thanks a lot!
拜你所赐!
No,please,make yourselves comfortable.
别拘束 随便坐
Okay,well,jake and l had a very nice little talk.
好吧 刚杰克跟我谈了一小会儿
I invited him to share his feelings with me in a confidential,
在私密并亲切的环境下我让他分享了
Non-threatening context.
他自己的心事
And after hearing everything he had to say,
听完他所说的以后
I must tell you very frankly...
我必须郑重地告诉你们...
Who am I kidding,I got nothing.
我在瞎说些什么呢 我一无所获
That's it? $150 an hour for "l got nothing"?
一无所获就没了? 一小时150块就换来个"一无所获"?
It's $175. but that's not really the point now,is it?
是一小时175块 但那不是重点不是吗?
what did he tell you? he claims nothing's bothering him.
他告诉你了些什么? 他声称他没有什么烦心事
He claims there's nothing wrong,but when I probed just a little bit,
他说他没什么问题 但后来我想进一步问他时
He told me to besa mi culo.
他叫我besa mi culo(西班牙语:亲我屁♥股♥)
You see? spanish.
看到了没? 西班牙语
I hope you're proud of yourself,charlie.
你倒还沾沾自喜起来了 查理
He's not a sulky little jerk-wad cause he learned a second language.
他不是个古怪的孤僻小孩 他不是在学外语吗
see what my son's been living with? only because she threw me out.
你看看我儿子这都跟什么人住在一起? 都怪她把我赶出来
What? I have a right to be happy.
什么? 我也有权利幸福好不好
Speaking of which,did I leave that girl at the house?
说到幸福 我是不是把女的留在家了?
Shut up,charlie.
闭嘴 查理
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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