好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E21
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, noon
These divorce lawyers have a good business,don't they?
这些负责离婚事物的律师生意不错啊
Yeah,in the same way locusts have a good business.
是啊 同样道理 蝗虫的生意也不错
Smells good. so does the coffee.
闻起来真香 咖啡也是
Charlie,stop sniffing the paralegals.
查理 别去闻这个律师助手了
Look,I am paying my attorney by the hour,
我的律师是以小时收费的
So just speak when spoken to
她问你话的时候再回答
And otherwise,you know,just shut up.
其他时候 最好闭嘴
If you'd listened to me in the first place,you wouldn't be in this mess.
如果你当初听我的话 你就不需要来处理这些事情了
I'm the one who told you not to marry her.
我告诉过你别和她结婚的
You're also the one who told me that if I jumped off the garage roof
你也告诉过我 如果我把浴巾围在脖子上从车♥库♥顶上
With a bath towel tied around my neck,I could fly to school.
往下跳的话 我可以飞去学校
The one time you listened to me.
你怎么只听我这一次话啊
Let me tell you another thing. if I hadn't married judith,
我来告诉你 如果我没有和朱蒂丝结婚的话
There'd be no jake.
那么也不会有杰克
I didn't say you couldn't knock her up.
我又没说你不能搞大她肚皮
Okay,let's get started.
我们开始吧
wow! no.
哇 别
No wowing. no sniffing,no wowing.
不许哇 不许闻 不许哇
laura lang. charlie harper.
劳拉·朗 查理·哈勃
didn't you used to date superman? that's lana lang.
你以前不是超人的女朋友吗 那是兰纳·朗
She was superboy's girlfriend.
她是超男的女朋友
And guys have been using that tired old line on me since the fifth grade.
男人们从我5年级开始就这样对我说了
Did it ever work?
这招奏效过吗
let's just get down to business,okay? okay.
我们来谈正事吧 好的
Didn't the titanic bang into her?
泰坦尼克号♥撞到的是她吗(冰山美人)
Okay,mr. harper,the reason I wanted to see you is
哈勃先生 我叫你来的原因是
Because your brother is involved in a divorce action
你的弟弟最近在处理离婚的事情
Where the custody of his son might become an issue.
他儿子的监护权可能要出问题
Really? why?
是吗 为什么
Because jake stays with his father part-time,
因为杰克有一部分时间和他爸爸在一起
His father lives with you,and in the words of his mother,
而他爸爸和你住一起 用杰克妈妈的话来说
You are,hang on,I want to get this right.
你是 等等 我要用原话
Here it is,"a sleaze ball."
找到了 王八蛋
Yeah. so?
然后呢
So she might try to take jake out of your home.
也许她不会再让杰克到你家来了
Why? it's a beautiful home.
为什么 我家很漂亮啊
You should really come see it some evening.
你某天晚上应该亲自去看看
It's in malibu. right on the beach.
在马里布 海滩旁边
My point is,if mrs. harper decides to make an issue out of your lifestyle
我的意思是 如果哈勃夫人用你的生活方式作为理由的话
We need to be prepared.
我们应该有所准备
What's wrong with my lifestyle?
我的生活方式怎么了
No,we are not going down that road at $300 an hour.
300块一小时 这个问题还是别谈了
Relax,alan.
放松点 艾伦
I'm going to need to know every possible thing they can use against us.
我需要他们可能用作理由的每一个细节
every skeleton in your closet. oh,boy.
你所有的秘密 天那
So what,you want to know about my sex life?
那么 你想了解我的性生活吗
Your sex life,your drinking,your gambling,partying.
性生活 酗酒 赌博 派对
On the beach.
在海滩边
Mr. harper.
哈勃先生
I'm sorry. but isn't that kind of an invasion of my privacy?
对不起 不过那不是侵犯了我的隐私吗
It is,and I apologize for that.
是的 我很抱歉
But I handle a lot of divorces,and believe me,they can get nasty.
我接手过很多离婚案子 相信我 大部分都会撕破脸皮
Look,I've got to be in court. so why don't you give this some thought,
现在我要上法庭了 你好好想想这个问题
And when you gather the information we need,give me a call.
信息搜集完整之后 给我打电♥话♥
Okay. starting from now and working backward,
好 从现在开始往前数
I've slept with my brother's attorney...
我和我哥哥的律师上♥床♥了
So,laura,let me ask you something.
劳拉 我来问你个问题
The other day in your office,you didn't seem to like me much.
那天在办公室里 你好像不喜欢我
I was just wondering what caused you to drive over here,you know,
我不明白你为什么会开车来这儿
mostly naked?
几乎是全♥裸♥的
Charlie,I don't have to like you to want you.
查理 我想要你的话不需要喜欢你的
Right on.
太对了
For the record,I don't like you much either.
告诉你 我也不喜欢你
Right on.
没问题
Another question.
再来一个问题
Seeing as how you're my brother's lawyer and all,
既然你是我弟弟的律师
Is what we're doing here,what's the word,unethical?
你和我在这儿干的事情 不是很缺乏职业道德吗
Oh,god,yes.
当然了
Right on.
好极了
Listen,charlie.
查理
I totally get who you are. you date lots of women,you're a player.
我完全知道你是什么人 和很多女人约会 是花♥花♥公♥子♥
that's fine. I don't care. you are very special.
没问题 我不介意 你真是很特别
I just have one little request.
我只有一个小要求
You can pretty much have anything you want right now.
你现在想要什么都行
If your brother found out about us,he could sue me for malpractice.
如果你哥哥发现我们的话 他可以告我行为不检的
I'm taking a big risk here.
我这是在冒险
man,this just keeps getting hotter.
越来越刺♥激♥了
but I need you to do something for me.
我需要你为我做点事
When I call you,when I want you,you've got to be there.
我给你打电♥话♥ 告诉你我要你的时候 你必须过来
Okay. let's practice. hello?
好 我们练习一下 喂
hey,laura. what's up? now.
你好 劳拉 怎么了 现在
Right on.
没问题
hello? charlie? no.
查理 坏了
Sorry,but I'm gonna have to speed this up.
对不起 我动作得快点了
Charlie,relax.
查理 别紧张
Just go downstairs and distract him while I sneak out.
你下楼和他说说话 我溜出去就行
you're going to leave? i'm done.
你要走了 我享受完了
No cuddling,no sharing feelings?
没有爱抚和谈话吗
i think I'm starting to like you. save the sweet talk.
我想我开始喜欢你了 省省你的甜言蜜语吧
Just remember our deal.
记住我们的协议
You know,it suddenly occurs to me,
我突然想起来
I'm usually the one sneaking out when the man gets home.
一般家里有男人回来的时候 通常是我溜出去的
Charlie,go.
查理 去吧
I thought it was a fun fact.
我觉得这很有意思
hi,uncle charlie. hey,buddy.
查理叔叔 兄弟
you're here early. teacher's conference,half day.
你回家早了 老师要开会 就上半天课
where you going? looking for my gameboy.
你去哪 找游戏机
Forget your gameboy. it's a beautiful day. go watch tv.
别找游戏机了 今天天气不错 还是看电视吧
I don't want to watch tv. I want to play my gameboy,
我不想看电视 我要玩游戏
and it's in your room.
而且游戏机在你房♥间里
The parental code that unlocks the pay channels is one-two-three-four.
付费频道的密♥码♥是1234
One-two-three-four. I should have known.
1234 我怎么以前没猜到
I'm sorry. did I interrupt your late-morning nap,
对不起 我打断你的早睡了吗
Or your early-afternoon nap?
还是说午睡
I don't nap. I recharge.
我那叫充电
can I get you a beer? sure,thanks.
想要啤酒吗 好啊 谢谢
Come on.
来吧
Hang on. alan harper for laura lang,please.
等等 艾伦·哈勃找劳拉·朗
what are you doing? i'm calling my lawyer.
你干吗 给我的律师打电♥话♥
Why? I thought we were going to have a beer.
为什么 我们不是喝啤酒吗
Judith is demanding half of my book collection.
朱蒂丝要拿走我一半的藏书
sounds like you need a beer. they are rare first editions,charlie.
听上去你需要喝酒了 那些都是稀有的初版 查理
Very valuable.
很有价值的
Okay,you don't need to get your lawyer involved.
你这事不需要你的律师来解决啊
You still got your old garage door clicker,right?
你不是还有你旧车♥库♥门的钥匙吗
yeah. so let judith have the books.
是啊 那书就给朱蒂丝拿去好了
Then one night,maybe someone goes and gets them back.
某个晚上 可能某人会去把它们拿回来
Wonderful. breaking and entering.
太好了 私闯民宅
it's not breaking if you have the clicker. more good advice.
有钥匙就不叫私闯了 再来点好建议吧
And it's free.
这都是免费的
so hang up,and let's get that beer. sure,I'll hold.
挂断电♥话♥ 我们去喝啤酒 当然 我不挂
Yeah,they're patching me through to her cell phone.
他们在帮我接通她的手♥机♥
What's that?
那是什么声音
That is coincidentally my cell phone.
碰巧我的电♥话♥响了
excuse me. hi,alan.
离开一下 艾伦
don't answer. what's up?
别接 怎么了
what are you doing? hang on,alan.
你在干吗 别挂 艾伦
I'm making a living,charlie.
我也得吃饭啊 查理
I thought you were worried about malpractice.
我还以为你在担心失职了呢
I'm more worried about billable hours.
我更关心账单上的工作时
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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