好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E19
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 11:59 a.m.
Okay,how about this? if you let me have jake this easter,
这样吧 如果杰克和我过复活节的话
You can have him the fourth of july and labor day.
国♥庆♥节和劳动节他就归你
No. that doesn't work for me at all.
这样肯定不行
How about I give you all the jewish holidays?
所有的犹太节日他都和你过怎么样
When did we become jewish,alan?
我们什么时候变成犹太人了 艾伦
It's still holidays.
那些也算是节日啊
Your brother's a schmuck.
你哥哥是个混球
What are they arguing about now?
他们又在吵什么呢
It's actually kind of ironic.
实际上这有点讽刺意味
They're arguing about who gets you on what days.
他们在争吵谁和你过什么节日
That is ironic.
是很讽刺
You know what "ironic" means?
你知道什么叫讽刺吗
No,but I trust you.
不知道 不过我相信你说的话
What's ironic is while they're arguing about who gets you,I get you.
讽刺就是当他们争吵谁该和你在一起的时候 我和你在一起
And you know what? it's not such a big deal.
不过 和你在一起也没啥了不起的
No offense,but let's face it,you're 10.
不是我说你 想想吧 你才10岁
I can't take you to vegas,we can't double-date.
我不能带你去拉斯维加斯 不能带你去双约会
And when was the last time you picked up a check,you mooch?
你上次付账是什么时候呢 你这个乞丐
I'm almost 11.
我快11岁了
Okay,I think we've got it.
好吧 就这样解决
I get him thanksgiving,you get him halloween.
感恩节归我 万圣节归你
You get him christmas eve,I get him christmas day.
圣诞夜归你 圣诞日归我
i get him yom kippur. and I get hanukkah.
赎罪日归我 光明节归我(都是犹太节日)
Hey,guys,I just found out.
我刚发现
Jake's birthday is,like,in a week.
杰克这星期要过生日了
Shouldn't we make plans?
我们作点计划吧
You're right,he's a schmuck.
你说的对 他是傻蛋
What?
什么
We know when his birthday is,charlie. we were there.
我们知道他的生日是什么时候 查理 我们在场
But only one of us got a needle shoved in their spine.
不过我们中间只有一个人的脊椎里刺针了(止疼药)
You begged for that.
那是你要求的
Anyway,you,me,and mom are taking jake to a show at the magic castle.
你 我 和妈妈带他去魔术城♥堡♥
You invited mom?
你邀请妈妈了?
You want to tell her she can't come to her grandchild's birthday?
你能阻止她来给唯一的孙子过生日吗
Cause believe me,I tried.
相信我 我试过了
Look at the bright side.
看看好的一面吧
Maybe we can bribe one of the magicians to get her sawed in half.
也许我们可以贿赂一个魔术师把她据成两半
Or better still,thrown in a wood chipper.
或者更好 丢到碎木机里去
Judith and her sister are going to join us as well.
朱蒂丝和她的妹妹也要来
Which sister,the brunette or the blonde?
哪个 黑头发的还是金头发的
The brunette. why?
黑头发的 干吗
Just curious. I never slept with the blonde.
好奇 我从来没和那个金发的睡过
And you're not gonna sleep with the brunette again,either.
但是你这次也不能再和这个黑发的睡了
Relax,that was 12 years ago.
那都是12年前的事情了
Well,thank you.
谢谢
Let's just wait till we get a look at her now.
我得先要看看她现在变什么样了再说
Happy birthday!
生日快乐
A magic set? awesome.
魔术道具 太好了
How lovely. perhaps he'll grow up to be a carny.
太好了 他长大要去巡回演出了
It includes 14 different illusions that will amaze and astound your friends.
里面包含了14个魔术 能让你的朋友们非常吃惊
But,of course,your friends may be smarter than mine.
当然了 你的朋友可能比我的聪明
cool! have fun at the magic castle.
帅 去魔术城♥堡♥玩得高兴点
Aren't you coming with us?
你不和我们一起去吗
I wish I could,but I gotta go to some clown's wedding.
我想去 但是我得参加一个小丑的婚礼
I'll try and come back for cake,okay?
我尽量在你们切蛋糕的时候回来吧
thanks a lot,rose. you're welcome. bye,evelyn.
太谢谢你了 罗斯 别客气 再见 伊夫林
Bye-bye. thank you so much.
再见 非常感谢
Poor soul.
可怜的人
I'm sure she meant well.
她肯定是好心
Now.
现在
Open grandmommy's present.
打开奶奶的礼物吧
clothes? happy birthday.
衣服 生日快乐
Thanks a lot,but clothes?
谢谢你 不过 衣服?
Not clothes,darling.
不止是衣服 亲爱的
It's calvin klein.
是卡尔文·克莱恩
No,it's clothes.
不 就是衣服
Believe me,sweetheart,the girls are gonna love you in this.
相信我 亲爱的 女孩子都喜欢看你穿这个
What girls?
什么女孩子
All right,the other boys will be envious.
好吧 其他男孩会羡慕死你的
The other boys will beat me up.
其他男孩会揍死我的
Well,there's just no pleasing you,is there?
你可真是难讨好
Almost ready? judith and liz will be here soon.
准备好了没 朱蒂丝和莉斯马上就要来了
Liz. thank you.
莉斯 谢谢
Boy,that would have been embarrassing.
否则那就尴尬了
Charlie,please don't make a bad situation worse.
查理 你别把情况弄得更糟了
Judith and liz have been at each other's throats for years.
朱蒂丝和莉斯吵了好几年的架
why's that? i don't know.
为什么 我不知道
Maybe it's because liz was always more popular.
也许是因为莉斯更受欢迎
Maybe because judith was smarter.
也许是因为朱蒂丝更聪明
Maybe,and this is just a theory on my part,
也许 那只是我的猜测
It had something to do with the fact that
和莉斯跟我的哥哥在我们的婚宴上
Liz did my brother in the coatroom at our wedding reception.
躲到衣帽间去做♥爱♥这件事有关
Well,no secret why she was popular.
怪不得她更受欢迎
At our wedding reception,charlie.
在我们的婚宴上 查理
In the coatroom.
在衣帽间里
You were louder than the band.
你们的声音比乐队还响
Hey,you make it sound so sleazy.
你把我们讲得太龌龊了
I'm sorry. class it up for me.
不好意思 那你来讲讲你们是多优雅
Okay,to begin with,we were on a mink coat.
首先 我们是在一件貂皮大衣上做的
Goodbye.
再见
And I was wearing a tuxedo.
我穿的可是燕尾服
It's an 11-year-old's birthday party.
这是给一个11岁的孩子过生日
You could've at least put on a bra.
你至少要戴上胸罩吧
Some of us don't need bras.
有的人不需要戴胸罩
Some of us have had husbands and children.
有的人是有丈夫和孩子的
I've had husbands.
我有不少丈夫
And please,would you behave yourself with charlie?
请你在查理面前自重一点好不好
what do you mean? i mean,
你什么意思 我的意思是
I don't want a repeat of what happened in the coatroom at my wedding reception.
我不想让在我婚宴上衣帽间那一幕再发生一次
That was charlie?
那个是查理吗
Hey,soul sisters. come on in.
女士们 进来吧
Hello,alan.
你好 艾伦
Alan,you look fantastic.
艾伦 你看上去太棒了
I guess single life really agrees with you.
你单身日子过得肯定不错
You know,
就这样
Doing okay.
一般
Starting over,landed on my feet.
重新开始 安全着陆
Like a cat.
像猫一样
Hey,mom.
妈妈
Hey,sweetie. hi.
宝贝
hey,aunt liz. there's my favorite nephew.
莉斯阿姨 我最喜欢的外甥
Happy birthday,sweetie.
生日快乐 亲爱的
It isn't clothes,is it?
这不是衣服对吧
This is a surprise.
真是没想到啊
Hello,evelyn.
你好 伊夫林
It's not a surprise. I told her.
她有准备的 我告诉过她了
You're looking very well. slimming down nicely.
你看上去很漂亮 减肥很成功
Thanks. I recently dropped 160 pounds.
谢谢 最近我减掉了160磅(艾伦的体重)
152.
152磅
I take pilates.
我用普拉提训练法
Hey,everybody.
大家好
Uncle charlie,look what aunt liz got me.
查理叔叔 看莉斯阿姨给我买♥♥了什么
Awesome.
太棒了
I don't suppose you thought to buy him a safety helmet.
你该不会给她买♥♥了个安全帽吧
You ride with aunt liz,you take your chances. right,liz?
想和莉斯阿姨玩就得冒点险 对吗 莉斯
This guy? are you sure?
就这家伙? 你确定吗
alan? yeah,mom.
艾伦 什么 妈妈
Now that we've seen the dove disappear up the greasy man's sleeve,
我们看过鸽子消失在那个恶心男人的袖子里了
How about we stop for a little drinkie-poo?
现在我们去喝点酒吧
Mom,it's still jake's birthday. we're going home for cake.
妈妈 这是杰克的生日 我们要回去吃蛋糕
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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