好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E13
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 11:59 a.m.
I haven't been on a date since coIIege.
是我从上大学以后就没约会过
There's nothing to worry about.
没什么的
Just be yourseIf.
做你自己就好
The one woman who knows me better
比世界上任何人
than anyone in the worId threw me out.
都了解我的女人都抛弃我了
So "be yourseIf"
因此"做你自己"
is not exactIy comforting advice.
真是个让不人痛快的提议
Good point.
有道理
Okay,Iook at it this way.
好 这么想吧
It took your wife 12 years to get sick of you.
你老婆和你一起了12年才厌倦你
AII we gotta do here is
我们要做的是
snow some broad for one night.
和女人一♥夜♥情♥
A priest,a minister,and a rabbi
一个牧师 一个大臣 一个拉比
walk into a barn.
走进谷仓
It's a bar,Jake. Not a barn. A bar.
杰克 是酒吧 不是谷仓 是酒吧
It is?
是吗?
Now I get it. That's funny.
我明白了 真有意思
Okay,I dropped Jake off at his mom's
好 我已经把杰克送到他妈妈那里了
and the girIs shouId be here
那些妞儿
in a IittIe whiIe for drinks.
一会就来喝酒
Is this the sister?
这是那个妹妹吗?
Desiree Barrington from The Young and the Restless?
演"年轻和不知休止"的黛丝丽·巴林顿?
Yeah.
对
You want me to go on a date
你要我约会的人是
Desiree Barrington?
黛丝丽·巴林顿?
Yeah.
对
I'll heaIed. It's a miracIe.
我全好了 真是奇迹啊
Attaboy.
好小子
Are you okay?
你还好吗?
Yeah. Why?
好啊 怎么了?
WeII,you've coughing,you've sweating.
你又咳嗽又出汗的
CharIie,you've burning up.
查理 你头好烫
No,your hand is freezing.
不 是你手太凉了
I think you've coming down with
我觉得你和我一样
what I've got.
都生病了
Don't be ridicuIous. I never get sick.
别胡说了 我从没生过病
Now,Iisten,I made reservations at the Ivy.
听着 我在常春藤订了位子
I figure we'll take them out
我想带她们出去
for an earIy dinner and then
早点去吃饭 然后
And then what?
然后做什么?
Hang on a second.
等下
Anyway,we'll take them to the Ivy....
总之 我们带他们去常春藤...
Here. This'll make you feeI better.
给你 这会让你感绝舒服点
Thanks.
谢谢
Okay.
好
Why don't you go upstairs and change
你干吗不上楼换衣服
because we reaIIy want to
因为我真的很想约会的时候
Iook our best for our dates.
看上去特帅
What are you taIking about?
你说什么呢?
I'll not going on a date.
我不去约会了
Yeah,you are.
你要去
Come on,CharIie. Desiree Barrington.
来吧 查理 那可是黛丝丽·巴林顿
Nominated for two Daytime Emmys.
获得2次日间剧的艾美奖提名
Named "Most Promising Ingenue"
"最有前途的玉女明星"
by Soap Opera Digest.
肥皂剧文摘这么说的
She totaIIy revitaIized
她完全给
Young and the Restless.
"年轻和不知休止"注入了新的活力
OccasionaIIy I have Iunch at my desk
我偶尔在办公桌吃午饭的时候
and watch a IittIe TV.
也看点电视
TeII Jake I Ioved him.
告诉杰克 我爱他
PIease,CharIie.
拜托了 查理
I was gonna suck it up for you.
我为你而忍♥耐一下的
No,you weren't.
你才不是呢
Okay,you got me.
被你说中了
Look,you heIped me feeI better...
好 你让我感觉舒服点...
and now I'll heIp you.
现在换我帮你了
You want to heIp me,AIan?
艾伦 你要帮我?
Find a gun and shoot me in the eye.
还是找支枪对着我脑门一枪吧
No,I was thinking I couId give you
不 我觉得我给你
a chiropractic adjustment.
你做个指压按♥摩♥
You couId aIso do my hair,
你还可以给我做头发呢
but what wouId be the point?
可那有什么用?
Chiropractics is not just about back ailments.
指压按♥摩♥不仅针对背部疾病
It's a holistic approach to wellness
它可以让全身都得到改善
that includes unblocking pathways in the nervous system
包括疏通神经系统的通路
so that the body can heaI itseIf.
让身体自己好起来
Excuse me? What is....
对不起 什么是…
AIan. I never toId you this before
艾伦 我以前从未说过
but I guess now is as good a time as any.
但我想现在是个难得的机会
I think what you do for a Iiving
我觉得你谋生的职业
is a totaI crock.
完全是个骗局
What?
什么?
Don't take it personaIIy.
我不是针对你
But you chiropractor guys are just
你们那些指压按♥摩♥师
masseuses without the happy endings,right?
就是没好下场的按♥摩♥女郎 对吗?
You think I'll some kind of phony?
你说我是某种骗子?
That my profession is some kind of con?
我的职业是某种陷阱?
WeII,Iet's be honest.
算了 老实说
You onIy became a chiropractor because
你去做指压按♥摩♥师是因为
you couIdn't get into medicaI schooI.
你考不上医学院
I got into medicaI schooI!
我考上了医学院
I just didn't want to
我只是不想在
spend four years in Guadalajara.
瓜达拉哈待上四年
So instead you spent,
所以 你就到
what,two weeks at Back Snapper U?
那个背部折腾大学待了2个星期?
It was two years.
是2年
And since we've being honest...
既然我们都说开了...
Iet me teII you about what I think about
那我告诉你我是怎么看
what you do,Mr. JingIe Writer.
你这个专业写顺口溜的
You've not a musician,you've a saIesman.
你不是音乐家 你是个推销员
You know what you seII?
你知道你卖♥♥什么吗?
Crap!
垃圾!
Granny's Big Fudge Nuggets?MapIe Loops?
奶奶的大块奶油软糖? 枫树圈?
Hey,MapIe Loops is
嘿 枫树圈可是
part of a nutritious,baIanced breakfast.
营养均衡的早餐的一部分
Yeah,
对
if you eat it with a steak and some broccoli.
如果混着牛排和花椰菜一起吃
And Iet me teII you another thing.
我告诉你另一件事
You had a shot at a reaI career.
你本有机会有真正的音乐生涯
You couIdn't pIayed in great bands.
你可以在很棒的乐队弹奏
You couldn't been a respected studio musician.
你可以做个受人尊敬的音乐制♥作♥人
Don't you think I wanted that?
你以为我不想吗?
I tried,AIan,and I faiIed.
我试过了 艾伦 我失败了
The truth is,if I hadn't started writing jingles,
事实是 如果我不写顺口溜
I've be playing faculty mixers at the Guadalajara Medical School.
我就会去瓜达拉哈医学院玩混音器了
Since you've being honest,
既然你说了实话
I guess I can admit
那我也坦白点
I didn't reaIIy get into GuadaIajara.
我其实没有真正考上瓜达拉哈
I guess neither of us is doing exactIy
我想我们都没有
what we dreamed about when we were kids.
实现童年的理想
I guess not.
是这样
But you know,
可你知道
we couId be doing a lot worse.
我们可能做得更糟
Yes,we couId.
对 是这样
Excuse me.
等会
You know what's nice,though?
你知道什么让我感觉好点吗?
This. Right now.
这个 现在
Taking care of each other,
互相照顾
Iike we did when we were kids.
就像我们小时候那么做的
WeII,no one eIse was gonna take care of us.
也是 没别人会照顾我们了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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