好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E04
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 11:57 a.m.
Charlie? Honey? Wake up.
查理? 亲爱的? 快醒醒
Good morning.
早上好
You lied to me,Charlie.
你居然骗我 查理
You said it was just gonna be the two of us.
你说过只会有我们俩
I didn't lie,Berta,things change.
我没撒谎 波塔 事情起变化了
Goodbye Charlie.
再见了 查理
Don't leave me,Berta.
别抛弃我 波塔
I love you!
我爱你!
Can we talk about this?
我们可以谈谈吗
Sorry,I do single men only.
抱歉 我只为单身汉服务
I'm in,I'm out,there are no complications.
我来也好我去也罢 没得商量
But I am single.
可我是单身汉
Er,Berta? I hate to bring this up again
波塔? 我真的不想再提这事
but you just... you cannot put the peanut butter in the refrigerator
可是你...你不能把花生酱放在冰箱里
It gets hard.
这样它会变硬的
And on a related subject,
顺便说一句
the peanut butter stains on Jake's shirts
杰克衬衫上的花生酱渍在洗之前
really require an enzyme pre-soak.
需要用酶好好浸一下
I hope you two will be very happy together.
愿你们俩在一起能幸福快乐
But who's gonna take care of me?
那谁来照顾我呢
Who's gonna do the laundry,
谁来帮我洗衣服
the shopping and the cleaning and all the other stuff?
谁来帮我购物 打扫还有其他什么的呢
Ask the Scrubbing Bubble there.
让那个嘴角冒泡的帮你啊
Uncle Charlie,why is Berta leaving?
查理叔叔 波塔为什么走了
Why? It doesn't matter Jake.
为什么并不重要 杰克
What matters is she's gone.
重要的是她已经走了
And we're all gonna die.
而我们都会死的
She left before she made the coffee.
她连咖啡都没煮就走了
So? We'll make our own coffee.
那我们自己煮好了
How?
怎么煮
So,now we just wait?
那我们就在旁边干等着?
Yes.
没错
It takes a couple of minutes.
这得花上几分钟
Alan,this goes beyond coffee.
艾伦 这不是咖啡的事
Berta's been with me forever,she does everything.
波塔一直跟我在一起 她什么都干
She's like a wife that leaves before you wake up
她就像一个完美的妻子 在你醒来之前就走
and doesn't mind if you sleep around.
还不介意你到处乱搞
Is that the coffee?
咖啡好了?
It's my peanut butter. I made it soft.
是我的花生酱 我要软点的
Charlie,I've been trying to figure out a way
查理 我是在试着去报答
to repay you for letting me and Jake stay here.
你让我和杰克呆在这儿的恩情
Why don't I take over the housework?
不如让我接管家里所有家务吧
Berta did the shopping too.
波塔还负责购物呢
I can do that.
我也可以
She did my laundry.
她还洗衣服
In her way,yes.
用她的方式也算是吧
But I can handle that too,
不过我也能搞定
and look…
瞧瞧
I even made your coffee.
我还帮你煮咖啡
Thank you.
谢谢
No,uh-uh.
不对
Not as good as Berta's.
没波塔的好
It's her coffee! I just pressed the button.
这就是她的咖啡 我不过是按了按钮
Berta's tasted,I don't know,
波塔的喝起来...我也不知道
Christmassy.
有圣诞味儿
What does that mean "Christmassy"? What…?
"圣诞味儿"是什么意思 什么...
It means “like Christmas”.
意思就是"像圣诞节一样"
Now,you got to work with me Charlie,
查理 你得配合我才行啊
I mean,nutmeg,cinnamon,powdered reindeer?
是肉豆蔻? 肉桂? 还是鹿茸?
I don't know,it's just that when you drank it,
我也不知道 就是喝的时候
it felt like Christmas morning and anything was possible.
感觉好像是圣诞节的早上 一切皆有可能
Sweet N Low? Half and Half? Mocha milk?
低糖? 对半? 咖啡奶?
Oh,forget it,I'll just read my paper.
算了吧 我就看我的报纸吧
Uh-oh,where's my paper?
我的报纸呢
I don't know. You might try looking by the front door.
我不知道 你该去看看门口
No,no,it's usually right here,on the table.
不不 通常就放在这儿 在桌上
Okay,so before you got up,
好吧 你起床之前
Berta started the coffee and got you your paper?
波塔帮你煮好咖啡拿好报纸?
Well,I don't know the mechanics of it,but yea.
我不懂具体的中间环节 不过是啊
I'll go get it.
我去取吧
He's not off to a very good start.
这可不算什么良好的开端啊
Want a glass of peanut butter?
想来杯花生酱吗
Alan?
艾伦?
yea?
怎么
I can see you.
我能看见你
And I can see you too.
我也能看见你哟
No,I mean,Berta never cleaned when I was in the room.
不 我是说 我在房♥间里的时候波塔从来不打扫
She was like,invisible.
她就像是隐身的一样
I'm sorry. I'll try to be more transparent.
很抱歉 我会尽量透明化的
Appreciate it.
非常感谢
Oh,no. I see you.
天那 我看见你了
Oh,give me a break!
饶了我吧
Not you,
不是你
that girl that's been stalking me.
是那个老跟踪我的女人
Rose?
罗斯?
Oh,there you are.
你原来在这儿啊
What are you doing sneaking up on me like that?
干嘛那么鬼鬼祟祟地跟着我
Rose,honey.
罗斯 宝贝
We spent one night together
我们是过了一夜
and it was very nice but…
也的确非常美妙 可...
What was your favourite part?
你最喜欢哪一部分
Gee,
天啊
I'd have to say finding out you live just two doors down.
我要说的是 我发现你就住在我家隔壁
Sometimes it's all I can do is
有时候我真想
not to chew through that house in the middle.
把隔在我们两家房♥子中间的房♥子吃掉
but see,I'm not looking for a relationship right now.
可你瞧 我现在没想认真开始一段恋情
So,maybe you should find someone
所以你最好去找个
who can give you the attention you want...
会拜倒在你石榴裙下的...
need… deserve… require.
男人...女人...火星人
Are you saying we should see other people?
你是说我们该去各奔东西吗
Yes,that's exactly what I'm saying.
没错 我说的就是这么回事
You have so much love to give
你有着如此之多的爱能给予
and somewhere out there is a guy who…
而某个地方有个人...
can take it.
能承受得了
Well,there is this one guy…
倒的确有那么个人...
He sounds perfect.
听起来很完美
His name is Andy. He works at Jamba Juice.
他叫做安迪 他在贾巴果汁店工作
He always gives me a free wheatgrass shooter
他老是送我免费的麦芽饮料
and chuckles when I gag.
当我一打嗝 他就偷笑
Then ask him out.
那约他出去啊
That seems kinda forward,don't you think?
这样未免也太主动了点 你不觉得吗
No,come on,women ask guys out all the time.
哪的话 很多女的都主动约男人的
What they don't do is handcuff themselves to the refrigerator
女的不常干的是 当男人说你该回家时
when he says it's time to go home.
就把自己铐在冰箱上 死活不愿走
That's where you and I went off the track,isn't it?
就是这导致你我分道扬镳的 是吧
Hey,I'm the past.
嘿 本人已成过去
Andy's the future.
安迪才是未来
Bye-bye now. Good luck…
拜拜了 祝你好运...
Andy.
安迪
Alan? What did you do to my piano?
艾伦 你对我钢琴干了什么
Nothing. I just dusted.
没干什么 我就是擦了一下
Yea,well,I'm sitting here
是吗 我坐在这儿
trying to write a jingle about a chocolate bar
想写首巧克力棒的广♥告♥歌♥
and my piano smells like lemons.
可我的钢琴闻起来像柠檬
Gee,I'm sorry,Charlie,
很抱歉 查理
but they don't make chocolate Pledge.
可我买♥♥不到巧克力味的碧丽珠
Maybe I’m not making myself clear.
可能是我没跟你讲清楚
The rest of the house can smell like any fruit you want
家里的其他家具闻起来什么味随便你
but my piano needs to smell…
可我的钢琴就得闻起来...
Pianoy? There you go.
钢琴味儿? 理解正确
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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