好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E22
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, noon
Alan?
艾伦
Alan,what are you doing?
艾伦 你在干吗
There are dust bunnies everywhere!
到处都是灰尘绒球
So you're vacuuming dust bunnies?
你在吸灰尘绒球吗
No. their poop. it's all over the place.
不是 我在吸它们的便便 到处都是
Are you sleepwalking?
你在梦游吗
You're stepping in it! don't step in it!
你踩到了 别踩
Alan,why don't we leave the dust bunny poop until morning?
艾伦 把灰尘绒球便便留到早上再清理吧
click. hey!
咔嗒 喂
Come on. let's get you tucked in,you crazy son of a bitch.
来吧 我把你塞被子里去 你这个疯子
what? you know.
干吗 你知道的
Okay,that's it,into bed. nighty-night.
就这样了 上♥床♥ 晚安
If you feel the need to get up and clean something,
如果你还想起来做些清洁工作的话
Maybe you can wax my car.
那就去给我的车上蜡吧
For god's sake,rose!
我的天呐 罗斯
Isn't there enough poop on the carpet tonight?
地毯上的便便还不够多吗
What are you doing here?
你在这儿干吗
I'm sorry. I saw your lights come on and I was worried.
对不起 我看见你们这儿的灯亮了 有点担心
Why were you looking at my house at 3:00 in the morning?
你凌晨3点对着我家看什么
Haven't you heard of the neighborhood watch?
你没听说过邻里监督组织吗
we don't have a neighborhood watch. well,not yet.
我们这里没有邻里监督组织 目前为止还没有
If we did,I surely couldn't stroll in here like I just did.
如果我们有的话 那么我就不能像刚才那样轻松走进来了
Yeah.
是啊
so,what's going on? nothing. alan was sleepwalking.
刚才怎么回事呢 没什么 艾伦在梦游
at least,I hope that was sleepwalking. sure.
至少我希望他是在梦游 当然
My parents used to put a football helmet on me
我爸妈以前要给我戴橄榄球头盔
and strap me in bed. you were a sleepwalker?
而且把我捆在床上 你也梦游吗
No.
不
good night,rose. good night,charlie.
晚安 罗斯 晚安 查理
Thank you,I had a wonderful time.
谢谢你 我过得很开心
If crazy ever becomes an olympic event,
如果比谁疯狂也是奥♥运♥会项目的话
i get the first two legs of the relay.
我要跑接力的头两棒
what? nothing.
咋了? 没什么
Man,I'm living in a loony bin.
老天 我简直是住在疯人院里
Judith,I don't care what all the other divorced parents are doing.
朱蒂丝 我不知道其他离婚的家长是怎么做的
I don't think jake needs to keep seeing the psychologist.
我觉得杰克不需要一直去看心理医生
No,I am not in denial.
不 我不是在否认
Judith,denying you're in denial is not denial.
朱蒂丝 否认我不是在否认不算是否认
Okay,this is how it's going to be.
那就这样好了
I will have jake at the psychologist office at 11.
我11点的时候带杰克去心理医生办公室
You're welcome.
别客气
Damn it!
该死
what's wrong? nothing.
怎么了 没什么
Were you talking to mom?
你刚在和妈妈说话吗
Yes,but I hung up before I said the bad stuff.
是的 不过在我要骂她之前我挂断了
Yeah,she does the same thing with you.
对啊 她也是这么做的
morning. why is the vacuum cleaner out?
早上好 吸尘器怎么在外面
Because we were ankle deep in bunny poop.
因为我们的脚踝陷到绒毛便便里去了
were you drinking last night? yes,but that's not the point.
你昨晚喝酒了吗 喝了 不过和这没关系
you were sleepwalking. really? I have no memory of being up.
你在梦游 真的吗 我好像根本没起来过
Good for you,because I have no memory of being asleep.
不错 我好像根本没睡着过
I'm sorry,I haven't done that since I was a kid.
对不起 我长大之后就再也没有梦游过了
Yeah,well,if you're gonna regress,
如果你年龄要倒♥退♥的话
Iet me know,so I can stock up on rubber sheets.
通知我一声 我去存一点橡皮垫子
Okay,that was uncalled for!
没必要
You want to go to the bowling alley and play some air hockey today?
你想去保龄球馆玩玩 然后去打空中曲棍球吗
Sure,but you still owe me like $12,000 from last time.
当然 不过上次你还欠我1万2千块钱呢
What are you gonna do,break my thumbs?
怎么 你要斩掉我的大拇指吗
Wouldn't hurt your game.
又不会影响你玩
Remember,we have jake's session first.
记住 杰克先要去治疗
Man! I thought you didn't want him to go back to that quack.
我还以为你不想让他再去那个江湖医生那里了呢
I didn't,but judith and I talked,
我是不想 不过朱蒂丝和我作了一些讨论
And we decided that what I want makes no difference whatsoever.
讨论的结果是 我的想法都可以无视
Man,you are so whipped.
你被她骑在头上了
I am not whipped! I'm just trying to keep everybody happy.
我没有 我只是想让每个人高兴
meow. fitchoo! i am not "meowfitchooed."
喵 哗嗒 我没有被"喵哗嗒"
You're right. it's been a long time since you got any meow.
没错 很长时间没人对你说喵了
Are we getting a cat?
我们要养猫吗
You know,this is a waste of time. jake's a normal kid.
这是浪费时间 杰克只是一个普通的小孩
But it's not gonna hurt to have someone outside the family he can talk to.
在家庭范围之外再找一个能谈话的人又没什么不好
Please. he's just sitting in there making stuff up.
算了吧 他只是坐在里面瞎编故事
what? well,not really making it up.
什么 也不算是编的
He and I work out his schtick beforehand.
他在里面说的话我们先前就准备好了
Today he's telling her he sees dead people.
今天他要说他可以看见死人(电影"第六感"内的剧情)
Charlie,I am paying this woman a lot of money.
查理 我要付给这个女人很多钱
Bet you feel pretty stupid,huh?
你肯定觉得自己很傻吧
What do you want me to do?
你说我怎么办
Judith is insisting he comes here once a week.
朱蒂丝坚持要他每星期来一次
Okay,look,nobody likes divorce,but there are certain advantages.
没人喜欢离婚 但是离婚也有一点好处的
One of the more popular ones
比较大众化的一点是
Is you get to tell your ex-wife to bite the big one!
你可以告诉你的前妻 叫她来舔你蛋蛋
or whatever you got left.
或者随便什么你还剩下的
That'll help. look,it's just an hour out of our day.
这样的话就好了 听着 这只是一天当中的一小时
Which could've been spent on air hockey and bowling alley martinis.
这小时我可以玩空中曲棍球也可以在保龄球馆喝马丁尼酒
It's a small price to pay to avoid aggravating judith.
付这些钱可以不让朱蒂丝生气
okay. I understand. thank you.
好的 我理解 谢谢
You're a big girl.
你是个女孩子
Okay. are there any out here?
外面有吗
no. good.
没有 很好
We'll see you next saturday.
下周六见
Doctor,you should know,he doesn't really see dead people.
医生 他其实不是真的能看见幽灵
Of course not. he's just trying to resolve
当然不能 他只是在用自己的幻想
Emotional issues through visualized fantasy.
来解决情感上的问题
Do you have my check?
支票准备好了吗
Dad,how come we never got spare ribs when we were at mom's house?
爸爸 为什么我们在妈妈家时总是没有排骨吃
Because your mom thinks they're too fatty.
因为你妈妈觉得吃那个要发胖
Fit-choo!
哗嗒
ls that really necessary? hey,if the fitchoo fits.
你一定要这样吗 哗嗒得有理啊
Fit-choo!
哗嗒
Are you happy?
你高兴了吗
come on,he doesn't know what it means. fine.
他不知道这是什么意思 好吧
Anybody see the pancakes for the moo-shu chicken?
谁看见包木须鸡的煎饼了吗
No,looks like they forgot them. just eat it with a fork.
没有 好像他们忘记给了 就用叉子吃吧
You don't eat moo-shu with a fork.
木须鸡不应该用叉子吃的
You eat moo-shu with a pancake,like a little chinese taco.
要用煎饼包着吃 就像中式的墨西哥玉米卷
okay,all right. you want a taco shell? no,I don't want a taco shell!
好吧 你想拿玉米卷皮吗 我不想要
I want a pancake for my moo-shu. I ordered pancakes. I paid for pancakes.
我要用煎饼包木须鸡 我点名要煎饼的 我付钱了
Where the hell are my pancakes?
我的煎饼去哪了
alan,chill. i will not chill. I want what I ordered.
艾伦 冷静 我不冷静 我要我点的东西
And for once in my life,I will get what was promised me!
这一次 我要得到我要求得到的
Fit-choo.
哗嗒
See? not a clue.
看见吗 他一点都不明白
I am gonna call that restaurant and give them a piece of my mind.
我要给这家饭店打电♥话♥ 来发泄一下
That's smart. scream at the people who handle your food.
太聪明了 朝为你准备食物的人尖叫吧
ls he okay? yeah.
他没事吧 没事
Maybe a little tired. just been working pretty hard.
也许只是有点累了 最近他工作挺忙
You know,my second grade teacher,miss spulvaney?
我二年级的老师 斯布维尼小姐
One time she got mad cause there was no chalk,
又一次她因为没有粉笔而生气
And they found her in the cafeteria hiding under a lunch table.
随后她在自助餐厅里的餐桌下找到了
no kidding. yeah,she went berserk.
是吗 是啊 然后她就"暴走"了
That's how we got miss mckinnon.
然后我们的老师换成麦凯农小姐了
rose?
罗斯
How do you keep getting in the house?
你怎么老是能进我房♥子的
Charlie,aren't we past that?
查理 这还重要吗
I thought you'd like to know that your brother is sleepwalking again.
我要告诉你 你哥哥又在梦游了
And you had to get in bed with me to tell me that?
你需要上♥床♥来告诉我吗
No,silly. I was already in bed with you.
不 傻瓜 我已经和你在床上了
I just heard him walking around downstairs.
我刚听见他在下面走动
Alan?
艾伦
what are you doing? making a birthday cake.
你在干吗 做生日蛋糕
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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