早间新闻

The Morning Show S04E08

Part 3 Nov. 13, 2025, 7:26 p.m.

如果我是你我会离开销声匿迹
I would go away. I would disappear.
等风头过去再说
Wait till everybody moves on.
风头过去
Move on where?
学术界正迅速崩塌
Academia is in free fall.
大学校长被传到参议院小委员会接受询问
University presidents are being hauled before Senate sub-committees.
学生在校园草坪上搭帐篷过夜
Students sleeping in tents in the quad.
而严谨的辩论与真正的批判性思考已成绝迹
While rigorous debate, actual critical thinking, has gone the way of the dodo.
我本可以帮忙解决这些荒唐事
I could've helped fix all this nonsense.
现在依然可以给我一个为自己申辩的机会
I still can, just give me a chance to make my case.
不行我不能让你上节目
Mmm, I can't. I cannot put you on my show.
查理罗斯总是很欢迎我
Charlie Rose was always happy to have me.
那是1990年代
In the '90s.
我觉得如今查理罗斯作为人物证人已无说服力
And I don't think Charlie Rose is a very compelling character witness these days.
你的知名度加剧了事态
You have exacerbated this situation because of your profile,
因此你有义务帮忙解决
therefore it is incumbent on you to help fix it.
我正在促成一场与美国总统的专访
I am securing an interview with the president of the United States.
现在没法解决此事
I cannot do this right now.
"有个忘恩负义的孩子比蛇牙更刺痛"
"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child."
爸对不起
Dad, I'm sorry.
妈
Mom!
妈
Mom!
噢
Oh.
吃了一张交通罚单我来了
One traffic ticket later, here I am.
那个没人性的警♥察♥说我停车标那里没停稳
The Hitler Youth cop said I did a California roll,
这我当然会
which, you know, of course I'm gonna...
算了反正我来了
Forget it. I'm here.
我的私人律师莱昂欧文会把所有文件准备好交给你
So, Leon Erwin, my personal attorney, will have all the paperwork ready for you.
天啊律师莱昂情景剧啊
Oh, wow. Leon the lawyer. Oh, that's a sitcom.
我已经尽量把事情简化了
I've made it as simple as I could.
你只需签字即可
You just have to sign.
我把需要你打电♥话♥的所有人列了清单
I left a list of all the people you need to call
包括他们的电♥话♥号♥码放厨房♥桌上了
with their numbers on the kitchen table.
真简单你去世我做文书工作懂了
Simple. Your death. Paperwork. Got it.
你午餐想点什么吃
Um... What do you wanna order for lunch?
我只要求你在验尸官今晚9点到来前离开
All I ask is that you're gone when the coroner arrives tonight at 9:00.
这毕竟是违法的
This is still illegal.
我最不希望你被卷入犯罪
And the last thing I would want is for you to get implicated in a crime.
好没问题听起来很好
Okay, sure, well, this sounds great.
你要违法自杀
Uh, you're gonna illegally kill yourself.
妈我们现在能好好谈谈这件事吗
Mom, can we actually talk about this now?
什么意思你不能这么干
What do you mean? You're not gonna do this.
你是知道的
You know this.
我也知道我明白你不开心
I know this. You're upset. I get it.
但我们好好谈谈行吗
But let's just talk about it, okay?
我们一起想办法
We'll figure it out together.
这种事不能说做就做啊
This isn't the kind of thing you just do.
还有你真讨厌竟然今天把这事强加在我头上
And damn you for dumping this shit on me today.
你要是跟我说这不过是个把你那独子兼宠儿
You tell me that this is just a ploy to get your only and favorite son
哄回家的诡计我就原谅你
back into the house and I will forgive you.
跟我说你心里难受
Tell me that you're sad.
跟我说你需要什么
Tell me that you need something.
我很高兴你来了
I'm glad you came.
嘿你想去莱茵贝克见个影星吗
Hey. You wanna meet a movie star in Rhinebeck?
我们来一次公路旅行吧
We'll make a road trip out of it.
或者我们可以去哈德逊河对
Or we can head down the Hudson. Yes.
我们去曼哈顿看表演
We'll hit Manhattan, see a show.
我们来找一场评价最烂的戏
Let's find a play with the worst possible reviews.
我已经趁自己还有能力时做出了决定
I have made my decision, while I can still make one.
你可以待在这里或者你可以晚些再来拿文件我
Now, you can be here, or you can get the paperwork later, I...
无论如何
Either way,
这件事非办不可
this is what's going to happen.
就在今天
Today.
以前你会在校园里
Used to be you'd try out new material
试新段子
on campuses. Mm-hmm.
现在他们都有手♥机♥了砰一句反觉醒的笑话你就完蛋了
Now they all got cell phones and boom, one anti-woke joke, you're done.
对你会被抵♥制♥ 这情况正在杀死喜剧
Yeah. You're canceled. It's killing comedy.
我想是这样
I mean, yeah, I guess.
天啊你还在跑喜剧巡演吗
Oh, my God. You still do the comic circuit though, don't you?
是的没错我是说你必须
I do, yeah. No, I mean, you have...
你必须接受人们的笑点会改变
you have to accept that what's funny is gonna change, you know.
你要与时俱进
You just evolve with the times.
如今的孩子不知道笑话和现实的区别
These kids, they don't know the difference between a joke and reality.
是但好吧你记不记得
Mmm, yeah, but okay, well, do you remember
比尔考斯比有一整套关于下药并侵犯女性的段子吗
that Bill Cosby had that whole set about drugging and assaulting women?
结果并不是玩笑我确实想聊聊考斯比
Turns out it wasn't such a joke. I do wanna talk about some Cosby.
我不太想聊但首先我们得赚钱啊
I don't know if I do. But first, we gotta pay the bills.
你能让我给巡演打广♥告♥ 当然休息回来就可以
You gonna let me plug my tour dates? You sure will, right after the break.
不要走开之后我们聊塞纳河争议
Uh, and stay tuned for the shitstorm in the Seine.
你听说了吗没有
You hear about this? No.
他们为奥♥运♥会花这么多钱
They spent all this money on cleaning the caca
清理巴黎河里的粪便
out of the river in Paris for the Olympics.
我就喜欢听精彩的粪便故事
Mmm, well, I love a good poop story.
我们马上回来一起聊聊屎的故事
We'll be right back with the scat.
（直播中）
嗨
Hey.
有何贵干
Can I, uh, help you?
碰巧我是一位颇有声望的宪法学者
You know, it so happens that I'm a constitutional scholar of some renown,
专门研究第一修正案
specializing in the First Amendment.
我可以参加你们的讨论
I could contribute to your discussion.
我们不接受未经邀请的来宾不做突袭式客串
We don't do unsolicited guests. No drive-bys.
不是那些你说的学生正想毁掉我
No, these same students you speak of are trying to destroy me
指控我犯了我并未犯的罪
for a crime I did not commit.
现在为了进一步嘲弄并羞辱我他们公开了
And now, to further ridicule and-and shame me, they've publicized a...
一段我在一位国民英雄身旁小便的短视频
a little video of me relieving myself in close proximity to a national hero.
你是艾丽克丝利维的父亲
You're Alex Levy's father?
是的
Yes, I am.
嘿 60秒后开播
Hey, we're back in 60.
好
Yeah.
你进来坐坐吧
Why don't you come have a seat?
焦点将放在2020年后女性权利的现状
The focus will be on the state of women's rights post-2020.
生殖保健身体自主同工同酬
Reproductive health care, bodily autonomy, pay equity.
我的
Uh, my, uh...
我与卡玛拉就枪♥支♥暴♥力♥的访谈收视表现非常好
my interview with Kamala on gun violence scored huge numbers.
尤其是在核心观众群体中
Especially in the... the core demo.
你们跟我说好时机
And you just talk to me about timing
我们会在任何重要演讲或活动前后推出
and we will roll this out around any important speeches or events.
听着不错
That sounds good. Mm-hmm.
如今的年轻人似乎意识不到自己所享有的特权
These days young people don't seem to realize the privileges they have.
他们把这些当成理所当然
They take them for granted.
他们不明白现在的一切
They don't recognize that they stand on the shoulders
都是靠前人打下的基础
of the generations that came before.
也许他们不该抵♥制♥我们而是感谢我们
Maybe instead of canceling us, they should thank us.
老天保佑我喜欢这样敢于直言的人
Hallelujah. I love a man who's not afraid to speak his mind... Mm-hmm.
无不考虑后果
...irregardless of the consequences.
不对没有"无不考虑"这个词
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. "Irregardless" is not a real word.
前缀"无"表示否定
The prefix "ir-" denotes a negation...
所以坦白地讲在任何情况下
...so in this, and, well, frankly in any other context,
"不考虑"就够了学到了
"regardless" will suffice. Schooled.
不会全是轻松的问题但会公正
And it won't all be softballs, but it will be fair.
不提亨特不谈特朗普审判
No Hunter, no Trump trial.
显然堕胎和最高法♥院♥的问题都会涉及
Abortion and the Supreme Court, obviously, are all on the table.
访谈大概30分钟
And I would like 30 minutes.
10分钟 20分
Ten. Twenty.
12分 15分
Twelve. Fifteen.
12分钟 12分钟再加一段边走边聊
Twelve. Twelve and a walk-and-talk.
可以接受
We can do that.
太好了
That's great.
我们拟定几个日期就给你答复好
We'll get back to you with some dates. Yes.
不如你把7月前两周空出来吧
Uh, why don't you keep open the first two weeks of July?
我们会准备妥当的
We will make it all work.
绝对没问题