杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl S06E18
Part 1
Nov. 20, 2020, 3:29 p.m.
I need it. I have a big day at work today.
我很需要它 今天的工作很重要
I need it more.
我更需要
I have to bake muffins before work.
在去学校前我还得烤玛芬蛋糕
What? Why?
什么 为什么
'Cause it's for my "Lunch With Your Princi-Pal" campaign.
为了我的"与你校长伙伴共进午餐"活动
See, being principal's great, but unlike being vice principal,
当校长确实很棒 但不像当副校长
now the buck stops with me.
担子都落到我身上了
I'm "The Man" now, and all the kids
我现在是"掌舵人"了 而所有孩子们
can just smell "The Man" all over me.
都能感受到我散发的"掌舵人"气息
That sounded really weird.
听着还真是诡异
All I'm saying is
我想说的是
suddenly I have no relationship with the kids.
突然一下我就跟孩子们不亲近了
I'm really counting on these muffins to humanize me.
我真心希望这些玛芬蛋糕能让我看起来更有人情味
I deserve that coffee.
这壶咖啡理应归我
I'm finally director of marketing at Ass Strat.
我终于当上了联合策略的营销总监
Today I get to hire an assistant.
今天我得招一个助理
I'm gonna be tough, but I won't be a screamer.
我会很严苛 但我不会大喊大闹
It's not constructive, it's rude.
那样一点用都没有 反而很粗鲁
Ooh, coffee. Your pour that coffee down,
咖啡 你要是倒了那杯咖啡
you throw it or I'll pour your blood on the ground!
我会让你血溅一地
You'll pour my blood on the ground?
你要让我血溅一地
I'll knife you! Look, I got a full day
我会砍你的 我还得
of writing ahead of me,
写一整天书
and that requires a fourth cup of joe.
我需要我的第四杯咖啡
What else is my whiskey gonna swim in?
不然我还能往哪儿倒我的威士忌
You're taking this too far. You treat that heart of yours
你太过了 你的心简直就跟
like a baseball-man's mitt.
棒球手套一样黑
Uh, hello, I am the one packing for our move today,
今天搬家是我来打包东西
so I will be having, uh, the coffee.
所以 那杯咖啡归我
I get the coffee! Enough is enough with this!
咖啡归我 够了够了
What are you doing here, Winston?!
你在这干什么 温斯顿
I get the coffee! Enough!
咖啡归我 够了
You guys are tearing each other apart.
你们在这吵得鸡飞狗跳
For what? Coffee?
为了什么 咖啡
Come on, man,
拜托 伙计
you already got that energy inside of you.
你已经有那份能量了
And that is the light of the Lord.
那就是上帝之光
Man, this?
这个
This ain't nothing but the devil's water.
这只是恶魔之水
Nah, I'm just playing. Hey, Winston!
我闹着玩的 温斯顿
Winston, that wasn't fair!
温斯顿 这不公平
I'll knife you by the urinal, Winston!
我要在便池边上砍你 温斯顿
Enough with the knifing.
别再砍人了
Today's the day it all turns around.
今天就是华丽转身的那一天
Hey. Sorr... I'm sorry I hit you, Jess.
对不起我打到你了 杰茜
I didn't mean to. I'm using magnetic words
我不是故意的 我在用单词磁铁
to break through my writer's block, and it's not working.
打破我写作的瓶颈 并没有起作用
I've already folded all my shirts
我已经把我所有衬衫都叠好了
and masturbated six times,
还打了六次飞机
and I'm running out of things to do.
我实在是无事可干了
I'm just in a real bind. You see, The Pepperwood Chronicles
我遇到真正的困境了 《加州桂传》
sold over 30 copies, Jess.
卖♥♥了三十多本 杰茜
So, what, we're complaining about good things now?
所以呢 现在连好事也得抱怨了吗
It's just, my audience is gonna be clamoring for a sequel,
只是我的读者们会吵着要看续作
and I can't leave those stevedores,
我却无法抛弃那些装卸工人
those-those tugboat workers,
那些拖船工人
those lighthouse keepers empty-handed.
那些一无所有的守塔人
You think that your audience is entirely made of, like...
你觉得你的读者全都是
blue-collar nautical workers on the coastline of Maine.
缅因州海岸线上的蓝领海员
I don't think that, Jess, I know that.
不是觉得 杰茜 我知道就是他们
Okay, Nick, you're incredibly talented.
好吧 尼克 你那么有才华
You can do this. And you have the key,
你可以做到的 而且你有了通向成功的钥匙
and the key is simply...
就是简单地...
Oh. I have to go.
我得走了
Simply what?
简单地干什么
Jess, simply what?!
杰茜 简单地干什么
All right. What do we have here?
好吧 是什么词
"Sentient feces."
"有感觉的粪"
Why is there a magnet that says "Feces"?
为什么会有"粪"的单词磁铁
All right. Trust the process.
好吧 要对这方法有信心
Ugh. Thanks for helping me pack.
谢谢你帮我打包
No problem. This might be our last chance for a mess-around.
不客气 这可能是我们最后一次胡闹了
Don't you start with that last mess-around stuff.
不许说最后一次胡闹之类的话
Don't you start. Don't start,
你不许说 不许说
'cause then I'll start. Look, I'm already starting.
因为我也会开始 你看 我已经忍♥不住了
Don't start. I didn't start this whole thing.
不许说 这都不是我开始的
I can't do it, okay? Okay.
我做不到 好吗 好吧
Okay, we agreed,
我们说好了
let's just pack, okay? Great.
我们只管打包 好吗 很好
Furguson? Where have you been? What? Hi!
弗格森 你去哪了 什么 你好
Huh? When you leave the house,
出去的时候
you take your cell phone with you.
带上你的手♥机♥
Thank you so much for grabbing my cat.
太谢谢你帮我抓住我的猫了
Come on, Sweatshirt, there's still some sashimi left
来 运动衫 我脚趾头缝里
between my toes.
还有生鱼片呢
Uh, this here is, uh, Winston's cat, Furguson.
这是温斯顿的猫 弗格森
Sweatshirt walked through my door a year ago,
运动衫一年前走进我家门
and while he may come and go as he pleases,
尽管他会随心所欲地来来去去
he loves Mommy and her little milkies.
他爱妈咪和她的牛奶
Yes, he does.
是的
I'm his home. Oh, really?
我就是他的港湾 是吗
So why do I have a photo of Furguson
那为什么我手♥机♥上
on my phone?
有弗格森的照片
Oh, yeah?
是吗
Then why do I have a picture of Sweatshirt
那为什么我的运动衫上
on my sweatshirt? Oh, damn.
有运动衫的照片 该死
Furguson, you got...
弗格森 你...
you got two families, you dirty dog.
你有两个家 你个卑鄙的家伙
Look, I'm sorry about that. I'm Winston. This is Cece.
十分抱歉 我叫温斯顿 这是希希
Name's Gil-- like the man's name, but for me.
我叫吉尔 男人名 但我就叫这个
Cornell.
科内尔
Magna cum laude.
极优等拉丁文学位荣誉
Two years of executive assistant experience.
两年行政助理经验
Very nice. Is this 24-pound linen stock?
非常好 这是24磅的亚麻纸吗
Uh, yeah, it is. Impressive. Ken, do me a favor.
是的 非常棒 肯 帮我个忙
Will you, uh, untie your tie?
你能 解开你的领带吗
Uh, I can't, actually. It's, um... it's a clip-on.
事实上并不能 它是夹式的
I know.
我就知道
Thanks so much, son. See yourself out.
非常感谢 孩子 请出去吧
Next.
下一个
Hello, sir.
你好 先生
Hello. My name is Jeremy.
你好 我叫杰瑞米
Thank you.
谢谢你
Let me give you a scenario.
我给你一个场景
We land the Bronco Blue Jeans account
我们接了野马牌蓝色牛仔裤的单子
and install Brett Favre as its face.
并请布雷特·法佛尔当代言人
You receive a call from a nosy maître d'.
一个八卦的服务生打电♥话♥给你
It appears that Brett has been spotted
原来有人看到布雷特
at the Ritz-Carlton eating a salad,
正在丽思卡尔顿吃沙拉
dressed in a tuxedo.
还穿着燕尾服
The paparazzi are on their way.
狗仔队快要赶到现场了
You rush in to alert me. You find me dead.
你冲进办公室想通知我 结果发现我死了
What do you do?
你会怎么做
I find a honky-tonk bar near the Ritz Carlton.
我会在丽思卡尔顿附近找一家廉价酒馆
I leave a pair of perfectly broken-in Bronco Blue Jeans
在洗手间地上放一条有穿过痕迹的
in Mr. Favre's size, as well as a grass-stained T-shirt
并符合法佛尔先生尺寸的野马牌牛仔裤
on the floor of the bathroom.
以及一件沾了草的T恤
I get on the phone, rent a tractor, drive it directly
我再打电♥话♥租一辆拖拉机
into the swimming pool of the Ritz-Carlton.
直接开进丽思卡尔顿的游泳池
When the staff is distracted, I physically subdue Mr. Favre
趁酒店员工懵逼之际 我再用全身力气
杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl
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