美式主妇

American Housewife S02E24

Part 1 Dec. 10, 2019, 2:25 p.m.

没到8点脑袋就冻到发痛
Ohh! A brain freeze before 8:00 a.M.
这才是生活
This is living.
早餐就吃冰淇淋吗
So, we're just having ice cream for breakfast?
真的吗
Really? ‭
你说过在晚会前一周
You said in the week leading up to the Gala,
你会很忙
you were gonna have your hands full.
你的指令是...奥利弗
So your instructions were to oliver?
妈妈说的原话
As Mom said -- and I quote --
假装我和一个叫恩里克的男人私奔到了墨西哥
"Pretend I ran off to Mexico with a guy named Enrique.
你现在是带着三个孩子的单身父亲
You're now a single father with three kids.
随你怎么当爹
Parent as you will."
你们这是断章取义
That was taken out of context.
你说得对上下文是这样的
You're right. The context was,
随你怎么当爹
"Parent as you will.
奥利弗如果你还继续写
And, Oliver, if you don't stop writing this down,
我会拿笔捅你的眼睛
I will stab that pen in your eye."
瞧现在有了大局观了但我要说
See? Now we see the full picture. But can I just say --
还有不予置评的条款
There also was a no-comment clause.
好
Fine.
我不对以下事做出置评
I won't comment on things --
安娜凯特没有铺床
things like Anna-Kat not making her bed,
泰勒超过了宵禁时间才回来
Taylor coming in past curfew,
奥利弗去上芭蕾课
and Oliver heading to ballet practice
穿的是最好的汇报课紧身裤
in his good recital leotard.
男生就是男生
Boys will be boys.
知道吗随便你们
You know what? Be fun all you want.
我不会让你们的快乐毁了我的心情
I'm not gonna let your happiness get me down.
明天就是晚会了你看上去很放松
You know, for the Gala being tomorrow, you seem relaxed.
因为一切都井然有序
That's because everything is in order.
我要做的是去学校发传♥单♥
All I have to do is drop off the fliers at school
提醒大家穿印度装扮
to remind people to dress in Indian garb
参加盛大宝莱坞派对
for the big Bollywood party.
我出发了要我送孩子们吗
I'm heading out. Do you want me to take the kids?
不用谢谢我等下送他们
No, thanks. I'm bringing them in late
给有趣爸爸周五增加一点乐趣
just to add a little fun to Fun Dad Friday.
摇头也是置评
Head shakes are also commenting!
爸我们逃学
Dad, let's blow off school
去农场看汉斯·格鲁伯
and go visit Hans Gruber at the farm!
那将是经典的有趣爸爸
That would be classic Fun Dad.
各位这可能有点过了
Guys, that may be taking this too far.
还记得三秒前爸爸好酷吗
Remember three seconds ago when Dad was awesome?
无趣爸爸你的和尚领毛衣呢
Hey, Boring Dad, where's your shawl-collared sweater?
格兰物取消我的办公♥安♥排
Grant, cancel my office hours.
我们要去农场
We're going to a farm.
肯尼G上台时肯定是这种感觉
This must be how Kenny G feels when he steps out onstage.
美式主妇第二季第二十四集
阿布林校长
Hi, Principal Ablin.
希望你为明晚的晚会
I hope you've got your sari ready
准备好了纱丽
for the Gala tomorrow night.
传统的印度男士盛装不是纱丽
Actually, traditional Indian attire for men isn't a sari.
而是库尔塔
It's called a kurta.
我有一件非常漂亮的丝绸洋红色库尔塔
I have one in beautiful magenta silk
我住在瓦拉纳西外一处修行处时买♥♥的
that I picked up when I lived in an ashram outside of Varanasi.
我当时饱受痢疾的痛苦
I was wracked with dysentery the entire time.
好的一面瘦到可以穿三角泳裤
Bright side -- got down to my Speedo weight.
这是佩妮的教室
So, there's Penny's classroom.
快进去和孩子们做手工品
Now, get in there and make some crafts with the kids.
我还是不明白
I still don't understand this.
你是班级妈妈佩妮是你的孩子
You're room mother. Penny is your kid.
为什么我要做这个
Why am I doing this?
因为你为我工作你手巧
Because you work for me, you're crafty,
你不必担心毁了这身衣服
and you don't have to worry about ruining your clothes
因为太难看了
'cause they're so terrible.
快进去拜拜
So, get in there. Bye!
我给商会打了电♥话♥
I called the Chamber of Commerce,
他们说你给我的工资不到最低标准
and they said you're paying me below minimum wage.
我打了电♥话♥给苍白协会
And I called the Chamber of Doughy, Pale Bodies,
他们说你是他们的主席
and they said you're their president.
快进去让我女儿的班级开心
Now get in there and delight my daughter's class!
让他们开心快进去
Delight them! Get in there!
管理佣人累死了
God, managing the help is so exhausting.
那可不是
Uhh, tell me about it.
我下周要度假我的打包工的阑尾爆了
I'm going on vacation next week, and my packer's appendix burst.
"在自己的时间里爆去"
It's like, "Do it on your own time."
凯蒂
So, Katie,
明晚就是重要的一晚了
tomorrow's the big night!
-你准备好了吗 -好了
- Are you ready? - Yep.
一切都准备好了
I've got it all handled --
食物音乐鲜花
the food, the music, the flowers,
魔力神秘舞蹈
the magic, the mystery, the dance.
你知道还有谁以为她把一切准备好了
Do you know who else thought she had everything handled?
去年的晚会主席史黛西·克劳泽
Last year's Gala chairperson -- Stacy Clouser.
我的虾呢
Where are all my shrimp?!
我订了6千只虾
I ordered 6,000 shrimp!
史黛西你还好吗
Stacy, are you okay?
我很好非常好
I'm fine. So fine.
它们可能被埋在冰下了
They're probably just buried under the ice.
冰不...
Ice. No, no, no!
我的天这不可能
Oh, my God! This can't be happening!
你们哪个偷虾的偷了我的虾
Which one of you shrimp-stealers stole my shrimp?!
把包打开
‭Open your purses!
我说了打开
I said open them!
你不必担心我
Well, you don't need to worry about me.
我的晚会会超级棒
My Gala is gonna be amazing.
我甚至安排了电视明星内森·菲利安
I even got television's Nathan Fillion
骑着大象身边全是宝莱坞舞者
riding in on an elephant, surrounded by Bollywood dancers.
但你们知道最棒的部分会是什么吗
But do you want to know what the best part is going to be?
一切搞砸大家都避开你
Uh, it all falling apart and you being shunned?
避开我的确喜欢刻薄的避开
Ooh! A shunning! I do love a good shunning.
我更喜欢公开羞辱
You know, public shamings are more my thing,
但避开也不错
but shunnings are nice.
不
No.
最棒的部分就是我贫民窟的百万富翁时
The best part is going to be the look on your sad,
你们脸上可悲恶心的表情
gross faces when I Slumdog this millionaire!
这话根本说不通
That actually didn't make sense.
我真为你骄傲凯蒂
Oh, I am so proud of you, Katie!
说实话我有点担心
I mean, honestly, I was a little worried
你承受了太多
that maybe you took on too much,
但你会成为全城焦点
but, ohh, you're gonna be the toast of the town!
或只是被烤焦
Or just toast.
你的晚会肯定很烂
Your Gala's gonna suck.
记住就是因为这样你们老公
Just so you know, this is why your husbands
才不和你们上♥床♥
don't have sex with you.
明早一切都会准备好
Everything will be set up tomorrow morning --
桌子舞台在那边
the tables, the stage goes over there,
香槟泉在这里
the champagne fountain goes there,
而我站在这里
and this is where I stand,
接受所有家庭主妇的赞美
receiving praise from all the other housewives.
我计划说很多遍"去死"
I plan on saying "Suck it!" A lot.
我不会留情
I will not be gracious.
你确定内森·菲利安会出现吗
Well, are you sure Nathan Fillion is gonna show?
因为没有他骑着大象进场
Because those "Suck its" Aren't gonna land
你的"去死"没法说出口
unless you have him riding in on an elephant.
是他保证了
Yes. He gave me his word.
更重要的是有征兆
And, more importantly, there was a sign.
他打开了一盒动物饼干
He opened a box of animal crackers,
里面全是大象
and it was all elephants.
这可不常见
That doesn't just happen.
这很常见
Yes, it does, because it did.
他和你一样疯狂
And he's as bonkers as you are.
喂